I'm a Creep, I'm a Weirdo

That's enough, General Hospital.

Just...enough. We know that you are capable of writing male characters who aren't disturbing, stalkerish or otherwise weird, because Patrick and Jax are totally normal, and aside from that whole "hostage taker/working for the mob" thing, Coop is normal and Sassy Ghost Alan is normal (if dead). But for the most part, all of the men in Port Charles veer from slightly creepy to outright insane.

It does explain a lot, though. Skye's horrific wardrobe is obviously a cry for help, for she was driven mad dealing with the weird men in Port Charles. Laura is in a catatonic state because her stepfather was [rewritten to be] a creepy serial adulterer and her first husband was [rewritten to be] a murderer. We never see Georgie because she locked herself in a closet to keep the weird guys away from her. Suddenly things are all making sense!

Is it just me? Like, is anybody else COMPLETELY creeped out by the way Spinelli is stalking Elizabeth and her baby? Because I'm TOTALLY creeped out by him.

I realize that he's going overboard in baby surveillance because he idolizes Jason and because I think he had a bad home life (? I may be making that up, but I vaguely remember him mentioning his parents lying to each other/him when he was giving Jason a lecture about the paternity secret), so he wants Jason's family life to be awesome because Jason is awesome. Or something. But this is just weird and creepy. Hacking into the GH server to keep tabs on Elizabeth's doctors appointments? That is so not okay!

(As ludicrous as I found all of this, I did LOL out loud at the look on Jason's face when he asked Spinelli if it was a boy or a girl and Spinelli didn't answer right away.

It was like, "But it has to be a boy or a girl, right? It can't be both...")

Seriously, I am not a Jason fan, but I am starting to really feel bad for him, because he's obviously struggling with the decision to stay out of this baby's life and as he struggles, he has Spinelli giving him the play-by-play of the pregnancy and he has Liz all up in his business sending him sonograms and asking if he wants to feel the baby kick. It's like they keep bombarding him with baby porn. Give the man some space! I know his face rarely, if ever, shows emotion, but if you look at his eyes, you could see that he's blinking the morse code for "How in the hell am I supposed to give up a kid when the kid's in my face all the time".

He kills people for a living and thus always has a gun on him, but he has amazingly refrained from shooting Spinelli. I would not be able to exert that sort of self-control.

And we totally need to stop with "the Innocent One". Stop. Just stop. The Spinelli-isms are cute in small doses, but this is just crap. For starters, all babies are innocent. Because they're babies, innocent is what they do. And the idea that this innocent child is going to have this tragic life being kept away from a world where children are routinely kidnapped and in close proximity to guns? I know Jason is the Christ figure of this show, but come on...

I think the REAL innocent one in this situation is a little boy who (a)may lose the only dad he knows if his mother decides to get together with a strange, dead-eyed man who always has to cut family time short to go kill some people (granted, this little boy has already exceeded his father's intelligence level, but whatever) AND (b)is TOTALLY going to get the shaft when the baby is born because the baby is going to be the HOLY SPAWN. He's going to be spotted walking around Port Charles barefoot and eating out of garbage cans and people are going to come up to him all, "But how is JASON'S BABY??!!??!!" So, Spinelli?

Cameron says..."Bitch, please".

And then there's Scott. Scott ruled. I loved him. He was sarcastic and he was funny and he had moments of being sweet. He was that strange thing called "three dimensional" that I've heard so much about; obviously, that trend has not yet made it to the GH writing room.

But now, Scott is a murderer who has been in love and obsessed with a woman for 30 years; he also let this woman take the rap for a murder he committed. In other words, Scott is a perp on an episode of Law and Order: Special Victims Unit.

And if he loves Laura so much that he apparently spent the last three decades mooning over her (I guess he never married Dominique, who was often called the love of his life?), why would he disrespect her wish to have Nikolas as her guardian? I mean, let's ignore the fact that Nikolas is being poisoned and is apparently at death's door and therefore sort of indisposed at the moment, because Scott, Luke, Lucky and Lulu aren't aware of it because this show is dumb. If he loves Laura, why is he blatantly going against what she wants, just to stick it to Luke? And why on earth would he threaten to tell Lulu about the rape? Why would he want to hurt Laura's daughter like that? What ever happened to the kid he and Lucy adopted? I know that has nothing to do with my current complaint, but I still wonder.

I guess the more pressing concern is why Kin Shriner signed back on for this hellhole of a storyline. I know he and John Stamos are friends (fun fact: Kin Shriner plays a sheriff in the episode of Full House where Uncle Jesse gets married to Becky!). Surely Stamos could have gotten him an ER gig. Anything would be better than character assassination and not being onscreen for weeks at a time.

Comments

[Bourgeois Nerd]

If this was a British soap, the baby could very well be "both." I think Jason's head would explode. *LOL*

I love Spinelli, but I agree that his baby-fixation is kinda creepy (as is Lucky's, BTW), and "The Innocent One" is gag-inducing.

[BJ]

Spinelli's biggest offense is that he worships Jason. Yes, I know, EVERYONE is supposed to worship Jason, but giving Spinelli the voice of TPTB with the constant bowing and scraping to a friggin HITMAN offends me to my core, regardless of the specifics.

Nor can I determine why Kin Shriner would return for this mess. Surely he knew that vets return to this show for the sole purpose of character assassination. There were so many examples before him.

Assassination. That's what GH is all about.

Yippee.

[Madelyn]

Just wanted to say how much I've been enjoying your GH and Days reviews - they totally crack me up. :D

[Sally]

May I just say that 'Cameron says, "Bitch, Please."' has become my sister's and my phrase of choice to express incredulity at any given situation. It was most hand during Grey's Anatomy last night.

The Jason thing? And by thing I mean the weird feeling of sympathy? I have diagnosed this problem. It's that he's just inevetible. So you just give up the fight. That combined with the more pressing need to throw the Death Glare of Hate at so many other characters--Sonny, Michael, Sonny, Carly, Sonny, superfluous third string characters given scads of screen time on a show that claims there's no story for Robert Scorpio, Sonny--and I don't have the energy to loathe Jason anymore.

By the way...I have no face. You guys have rocked it off.

[Cimorene]

Spinelli would make more sense if he were Jason's puppet. You know, like when little kids witness a traumatic experience and are sent to therapy but don't want to speak themselves so they speak through a puppet. GH should just give Jason a real puppet. That would be more entertaining, watching Jason argue with his hand. Then I would actually understand why "Spinelli" was spewing all this "best father" crap.

Scott would make more sense ... if he wasn't Scott.

[zarathelawyer]

Yeah, the Spinelli thing does really begin to annoy. Small doses people, small doses.

As for the baby porn in Jason's face, I almost fell over a couple of weeks back after the bonding session that produced the Cameron says "Bitch, please" expression when Jason left Liz's house saying he was just going to have to stay away because him being involved was making it difficult for her. 'Cause I'm pretty damn sure it was the other way around, and again I was having pangs of Jason sympathy. (Sally, I'm with you on the cause of that, though.)

[zarathelawyer]

Oh, and, GH may be sporting some creepy guys, but they have nothing, nothing! on Days in that regard. Half the guys on Days are outright certifiable (and some of them even have been. Certified, that is).

Thought it would be fun to reread your original post on the baby situation. u nailed it! http://serialdrama.typepad.com/serial_drama/2006/10/are_you_my_fath.html