Soap I Don't Watch #2: The Bold and the Beautiful

So it turns out at least a few of our readers watch the first Soap I Don't Watch, Guiding Light.  And shockingly, since just days before I had thought it was imaginary, I liked the show.  Apparently it is seconds away from cancellation, which is a bummer, but it may free up several really good actors to be picked up by shows I actually do watch, so that's good news.  For me.  Which is really how all things must be viewed; by their impact on my life. 

Anyway, next up in the SoapNet Daytime Emmy Dramarama marathon is little show about people, some of whom are bold, and others of whom are beautiful.  I actually remember this show debuting in the 80s, and I was rather pleasantly surprised to see that a bunch of the original actors, whom I watched back in the day at the Soap Opera Digest awards and other high-brow events, are still on the show.  I think this soap might actually respect its veterans instead of casting them aside for 19-year-olds.  I will need some time to adjust to such a phenomenon.  Here are some other things I noticed about this show (two episodes of it, because of that wacky half-hour format it has), continuing with the scientifically proven "pro and con" format.

The Bold and the Beautiful Pros:

• Betty White!!! Well, that's it.  This is already better than every soap I've ever watched, combined.  And her character is a heinous bitch, apparently.  Awesome.

  

• The mom from The Wonder Years!  Norma!  Forty-five seconds in and I am overdosing on 80s sitcom nostalgia.  Can Charlotte Rae and Meredith Baxter-Birney be far behind?
• The opening credits include the actors' names.  I always thought that was so stupid that soaps don't do that -- it just fuels the crazies who think the actors are their characters.  Plus it means I have to do actual research in order to write about actors here on the blog, and that's just unnecessary.
• They weren't on these episode, but Jack Wagner and Antonio Sabato Jr. are both on this show!  Frisco/Dr. Peter Burns!  Jagger!  Right there, B&B is an improvement over Guiding Light in the hot men department.
• There are several married couples, who appear to have been together for at least a little while.  Bob Guza would watch and have this reaction to such relationships.
• The interior of the Forrester's private plane is PINK!  And is furnished in a way utterly incompatible with air travel!  And features a glass dividing wall with their name etched into it.    That is some serious nouveau-riche fabulosity.

  

  

• Is set in Los Angeles, an actual place.  Unlike, say, Days of Our Lives, which is set in Salem, which is on a major river which easily connects to an ocean yet is in the midwest, is just hours away from the South Pacific, is a major metropolitan city with an international airport yet is a small town in which everyone knows each other, and is moments away from both Canada and tropical islands.  Or General Hospital, set in Port Charles, which is both helicopter-distance from Manhattan and an hour or so away from the Caribbean.
• Is there a better collection of true soap opera names anywhere in daytime?  Brooke, Ridge, Thorne, Massimo, Ambrosia, Deacon, Darla?  Hilarious.
• It's only half an hour.  Do you know how much I would pay for most episodes of General Hospital to last only 30 minutes?  Or 30 seconds, for that matter?

The Bold and the Beautiful Cons:

• Hunter Tylo.  I'm sorry, but it's traumatizing just to look at her.
• Ron Moss was noticeably scarf-less.
• Ron Moss' pinky ring is arguably scarier than Hunter Tylo's face.
• Are Ross Moss' and Lesli Kay's characters siblings?  Because the way he was holding her face and looking at her was not very brotherly. (It was a bit Walsh-twins-esque.) 

  

  Stephanie and Eric (?), however, they have some real sibling-ish chemistry.  They're married?  Really?
• Because it's only half an hour, it seems like not a whole lot happens each episode.  I bet James E. Reilly wishes he had that kind of time-based excuse for the same offense.

Comments

[ElementaryDays]

Yes, but my fav soap opera name which happens to come from B&B? Storm. Oh, and Cricket. (Didn't she migrate from Y&R?) They're all very porn-ish names.

Everytime I happen upon B&B I always squeel, "Friscoooo" whenever Jack Wagner pops up. Unfortunately, he's often in scenes with Tylo. If Antonio Sabato Jr. was ever on at the same time I happen to stop and watch, I'd squeel over him too. He was, after all, the catalyst for my renaissanced early 90's GH obsession.

[LooseLips]

"I bet James E. Reilly wishes he had that kind of time-based excuse for the same offense."

LMAO! So true!

[Jess]

I knew about Betty White ... or kind of gleaned it from The Emmy's but freakin' Norma is on this show?! I have no real desire to watch the B verson of Y&R but damn the best TV mom from my childhood for making it harder to resist.

[psychomachia]

Ridge and Felicia are half-siblings (by Stephanie). They used to be full siblings, but then there was a whole big thing with Massimo and Eric and Stephanie freaking out and people cutting their arms and Brooke scheming yet again so it ended up that Ridge wasn't Eric's son, but Massimo's. This meant, of course, he could date Bridget, who was Eric and Brooke's daughter and was considered to be his baby sister; at one point, he thought he might have been her father, because Brooke had slept with both Eric and Ridge at the time. To sum it up, family is kind of "special" on B&B.

Don't forget Port Charles is so close to Montreal that you can fly a plane there and back again in about as long for Kate and Sonny to have yet another flirtatious conversation and mention Bensonhurst half a dozen times again.

[jase]

I keep hearing about how good B&B is and shit and Patrick Mulcahey and blah blah blah, but every time I tune in it makes me laugh so hard. That damn Brooke/Ridge/Taylor thing has gone on for centuries and it's always the same, and Brooke has slept with everything sentient in the state of California and still acts like she's a decent person! And they're all horrible actors.

You kill me with that John and Bo screencap everytime. It's the funniest thing I've ever seen.

I've watched B&B off and on for awhile now. Every time I tune back in after a hiatus, Brooke's married to someone else. Drives me crazy.

[Megan Q]

I never got into the show I mean it is ok to watch when I am bored but other then that no thanks. BTW I love this site it always makes me laugh

[Caitlin]

Massimo? Bwah. The fact that some character's name is just one letter off from the brand of clothing I've just spent all night picking up off the floor is absolutely cracking me up. Of course, it would also absolutely kill any possible enjoyment I might derive from the show. Who wants to think about work while watching soap operas?

Also, before this blog I'd had no idea who Hunter Tylo was, aside from the Spelling lawsuit thing way back when I was in grade school. I was better off kept in the dark. Ye gods, that woman's face is frightening. Seriously, Ms. Tylo? Ask Jackie Zeman for her surgeon's number. It'd be a step up.

[Celine]

Do you realize, Miss Twinless and Miss Ingenue, it's been two days since the last post? My snark reservoirs are running a bit low, so I hope one of both of you will pop in to give it a refill soon. :)

[Tania]

I don't watch this show but just read 'Soap I Don't Watch' for humor! The first thing I saw however may *just* be the best thing ever! Betty White. On a soap. As a heinous bitch. This sure does equal awesome! Granted I still miss my girls, who were golden(That's 'Golden Girls' to the bunch who haven't seen the greatest show). I'm *this* close to watching B&B! *This* close.

[Soap opera spoilers Bold and the beautiful]

I have never been one to watch a soap opera, but today I think people watch them less than they used to a few decades ago. My grandmother's generation watched them all the time; I think they liked to escape from reality for an hour a day.