The First Rule of Bad Sex Is You Do Not Talk About Bad Sex

So Chelsea and Nick apparently had really bad sex (by the way, TMI there, writers), and now Chelsea is running all over town (aka telling Stephanie) announcing that she and Nick had really bad sex.  Is this supposed to make me hate Nick, for some reason?  (Since there does seem to be a campaign underway to totally torch that once-charming character.)  Because instead it's making me hate Chelsea, who has only recently been rehabilitated after her tenure as the second-Worst Character in Daytime.  Plus, teenagers having bad sex?  Stop the presses!  What's next, Chelsea's trailblazing battles with oversleeping and moodiness?

Also, ew.  This whole storyline is making me uncomfortable.  I mean, is it just me?  I guess it's realistic, but so are colonoscopies and accounting spreadsheets, and I don't want to see them on a soap, either.  I also hate Sami and Lucas constantly talking about hooking up, and their unnecessarily graphic sex scenes.  There's a whole internet full of porn out there!  Are there really people depending upon NBC Daytime to provide this particular service?

And with this post, I have officially become the Church Lady.  So I guess I'll just say it.  Who is responsible for Jeremy, the Bad Sex Follies, and the Roberts' Porn in the Afternoon?  Could it be . . . SATAN?

Comments

[Tripp]

Yes, I wrote a whole thing on this actually myself. Who wants to see bad sex on TV?

Actually this could be a really decent storyline with RM and BB if the writers would stop throwing other, pointless obstacles. Too people who really are in love overcoming the awkwardness of the first time (another other variables) and learning to be with each other. But Nick being blackmailed by Kate? Seriously? Does he not learn? Chelsea flip-flopping between acting like she is all crazy for the beloved geek and then embarrassed by him the next. And the weird comparison by all characters in regards to Nick not being as hunky as Jett?

And don't get me started on how everyone keeps saying Jett and Chelsea are so "hot for each other". I don't see it. They have zero chemistry (so far). Do the writers think if if they keep telling us this we will eventually buy it?

And I still can't believe a couple I have been rooting got to have sex (which is actually getting to be rare on this show) and it was dissatisfying. UGH!!

[ElementaryDays]

No, it's not just you. Soaps are for melodramatic, built-up 'till you explode, over-glorified, mind-blowing first-time "luuuv making". When did after-school specials bleed into soapdom? If I had to grow up expecting my first time to be wonderous and earth-shattering only to be disapointed, then so does this generation. If I wanted realism, I WOULDN"T BE WATCHING A SOAP...and Days, no less.

I hate this show. Yes, hate. Because I do expect Daytime to show me some nookie in da 'noon. That's what got me hooked back in the mid/late 80's and it's why I've ever stopped and settled into a soap. It's called Sexual Tension and it's a main staple of soaps, yet it just does.not.exist. anymore. It's sad, really, when you've got four actors on the show who are really good at it, and two of which who perfected the art. It was implied yet sexy and sensual and it left you wanting more, not "Ah, my eyes! Make it stop!". Soaps built their reputation on "love in the afternoon" and I still expect to see that. I'm not talking about dry-humping, Porkey's-like dirty talk and unhinged-jaw "kissing" 'cause that shit aint sexy, it's repulsive.

[ande mcbeal]

Psst... I think there's an error in the post. You said, "I also hate Sami and Lucas constantly talking about hooking up..." I think you mean Stephanie and Jeremy. I hate Lucas and Sami as well, so I could be wrong and overcompensating for that fact.

[Kazou]

I didn't mind "the talk" initially. In fact, thought it was a refreshing twist to show that the first time isn't all rose petals and moonbeams for the girl. I felt the same pleasant sense of surprise when TPTB avoided the soap cliche of another wedding-interruptus for Sammi and instead had Lucas stand by his woman. (That was a shocker.) Sometimes soap cliches are best when turned on their head -- just so long as TPTB don't beat us over the head with it.

Sadly, they ruined it by having the characters decide lack of fireworks must mean Nick and Chelsea aren't "meant to be." It would have been better not to veer so much into TMI territory, have a *brief* chat about it, then have experienced (slutty) Stephanie clue Chelsea in that although the first time isn't always that great, that's okay and they just need to get comfortable with one another. Then they could set up soapy romance for the NEXT time and really solidify these two as a neat couple. Instead it's discussed ad nauseum and Nick and Chelsea are being sacrified at the altar of a guy who has all the appeal of congealed oatmeal.

[Evil But Twinless]

No, ande mcbeal, it's not an error. It's just that there's so much I hate, it's hard to keep it all straight. You can imagine how difficult it is to be me.

[Snacky]

I've started fast-forwarding through any scene involving Chelsea, Nick, Stephanie, Jett, Jeremy, and Max or any combination thereof. I am pleased to know I am not missing anything except rage-inducing storylines.

Thank you for providing this excellent public service.

Also, I could live with Sami and Lucas having sexytimes, if I could just stop seeing John and Marlena having yet another over-the-top snugglebunny love session ("You're schmoopy!" "No, *you're* schmoopy!") in the Brady Pub. Oh, my eyes will never recover.

[Miranda]

Speaking of the Second Most Hated Character in Daytime, I think that you need to make that an annual (or semi-annual) thing and have a new list now. Possible contestants: Jeremy (though that might be cheating since he obviously will win without a problem), Stephanie, and Lulu. But that's just sticking with the younger sets. You might also consider a best of the younger sets, but I have no idea who you'd include in that category unless you jump over to OLTL (which I only watched during the hillariously awesome prom musical, but am now on a ship of two kids whose names I don't know).

[Days koo koo]

Ah, I didn't mind the talk that much. Could have been a little shorter in duration, but at least it was something different than what I usually see on Days. Not saying that I want this all of time, mind you. It's a shame though that they are doing this to Nick and Chelsea. All I ask, please for God's sake, don't let Chelsea or anyone else on the show become pregnant because we all know that we won't know who the daddy is. That's all I ask. Stop the madness! For the love of God.

Church Lady needs to do her "superior dance" to save me. Hit it Pearl!

Love this site. :)

[Chandra]

I agree with ande mcbeal about sami and lucas. I can take their love scenes. On occasion they are even lighthearted and fun and sometimes dare I say "steamy"! I love the chemistry they have and that their relationship has been built over so many years not just thrown together and forced on us like Chelsea and Jett. I really don't see a lot of chemistry between Stephanie and Jeremy either. That could be because of how much of a jerk he acts like! I could do without hearing about their sex life or seeing it anymore!

[andemcbeal]

Just to be clear, Kazou is the one who can tolerate Lucas and Sami. I can't stand 'em.

Evil But Twinless, I understand how hard it is to keep all the hate straight. I trying to do better, but leads to me attempting to correct someone--even when I agree with them. So I say let the hate flow. They're fictional characters, so where's the harm.

[Jes]

I didn't mind the bad sex talk so much, except how they kept on talking about it, as though we didn't hear the first time just how unexciting it was for Chelsea. What bothered me was the way Nick was flitting about with that grin on his face, practically telling Chelsea's mother and grandmother what they had done. That was just gross.

[Kazou]

@AndeMcBeal: "Just to be clear, Kazou is the one who can tolerate Lucas and Sami. I can't stand 'em."

Just to be even more clear [vbg], I'm not a Lucas-Sami fan. I was pleasantly surprised Sami didn't get shafted at her wedding for the 10th time but find the day-to-day pairing of them pretty dull. Gotta agree about their almost-sex scenes as well. Hopefully AS isn't taking lessons from DH!

[Tripp]

Kazou: Instead it's discussed ad nauseum and Nick and Chelsea are being sacrified at the altar of a guy who has all the appeal of congealed oatmeal.

You are so my hero for saying that! Perfect description for Jett!!

[Skip's Girl]

I was so disappointed the way Chelsea acted with Nick in the morning. They looked like a couple I could root for, although it did move to fast to this point. She is really that naive to think the first time is supposed to "rock her world"?!!!! I don't know anyone who felt that way. So of course he's not the one. Any couple that lasts has to grow together and learn how to please each other. That takes time. Oh well.................

[LD]

First if all I adored the church lady.(she reminds me of my mom)

Anyway, the Sami and Lucas lines are really annoying, the ones that imply, you know. but what else are they going talk about other than the repetative disscusions about her involvement with a certain family.
I guess they just do that to take up our precious time.

[Abramovicl]

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