ConFusion, Indeed

When I'm bored during AMC (so...3/4 of each episode, pretty much...if I'm being generous), I've passed the time by wondering what it would be like to work at Fusion. Because it seems like the girls who work there do hardly any work and get to come and go as they please, which is a job I could surely get behind.

+ Kendall would be my boss and would almost certainly give me haircare advice

- Psychotic Greenlee (As opposed to the beloved "normal, if way bitchy" Greenlee) would be the other boss

+ I'd almost certainly get paid a pretty penny for my work AND, as a bonus, I wouldn't need any sort of experience with cosmetics or business. I wouldn't even need my GED!

- Being targeted by a serial killer would probably suck

+ Mandatory company slumber parties complete with kicky Fusion Green t-shirts and matching green sweatpants

- I'd have to work with Babe

- The company seems to be on the verge of bankruptcy on a weekly basis

+ The company has its own bar

- Since there is no chemist working for the company, I'd have to take part in bizarre makeup and perfume concocting projects using only a pot and ordinary items found in my kitchen cabinet

Really, I know that I'm not going to see an everyday workplace environment on a soap, because I wouldn't want to watch someone on tv doing my job (glamorous though faxing and phone answering may be) but would it kill the writers of any soap to make the jobs they do show at least somewhat realistic? I mean, come on! Four dumbasses and a former sociopath operate a cosmetics company that is either a multi-million dollar moneymaker or in financial peril, depending on the day of the week? Really? Elizabeth Spencer became a nurse during a commercial break. Don't even get me started on Days of Our Lives and Max Brady being able to invest a ton of money into an airline that goes from Salem to Las Vegas only. I'm still not sure that Max Brady knows how to read.

So that's weird. As is the fact that I found myself agreeing with Greenlee, because, you know, she crazy. But, um, WORD, Greenlee:

This has failure written all over it...Dark and dingy -- that's an omen. This wrong. I feel it.

Granted, she was discussing the upcoming Fusion trip to New York, but if you didn't know that was the case, you could easily assume she was talking about the show she's on. Because I feel that same sense of dread whenever I watch AMC these days.

I really like how the show's writers are having her be Madam Foreshadowing for the week. It's incredibly subtle! Because I would have never guessed that something horrible was going to happen based upon

• The lingering shots of Kendall happily rubbing her pregnant belly
• The blithe way that Kendall has said "Don't worry", "It will be all be fine", and "Don't worry, it will all be fine" multiple times over the course of one hour
• Babe being onscreen (always a sure sign that wretchedness is to come)
• A pregnant woman driving a car
• Seeing the SOAPNet commercials for AMC that EXPLICITLY show the ENTIRE upcoming storyline, like, way to ruin ANY ELEMENT OF SURPRISE, SOAPNet, WHAT THE HELL?

There is more nuanced foreshadowing in the movies of Michael Bay, I swear.

(Speaking of, Josh Duhamel, who was in Michael Bay's Transformers continues to be super hot. Is it wrong that I find his success bittersweet because the more famous he becomes, the less likely it is that he will ever return to AMC and be the delightful, gorgeous and snarky Leo? It is wrong, isn't it? But it's also wrong that he continues to date Fergie, so I think we're even. Love to love you, Josh!)

However, if I can step on a soapbox for a second:

I'd like to be completely serious and ask--nay, beg all show runners and writers to please stop with the babies in peril. I feel really strongly about that. I know that those stories have been done well in the past and I know it gives the actors a chance to really shine, but I do not find anything entertaining about weeks of watching a baby or a small child fight for his/her life or get kidnapped or die. I think it's depressing and cruel and exploitative. So please, people in charge, stop putting babies in jeopardy. It's completely bad juju.

Comments

[Skip's Girl]

Great insights on a show that calls itself AMC, but bears no resemblance to the one I used to love. This Greenlee is not the character she used to be either. ITA about the baby stories. I sooooo do not want to see baby centered s/l for a loooong time. Enough already! No more talk about sperm,eggs, DNA tests, who's the daddy....stop the insanity.

And you are right about Fusion. A more boring and pointless soap workplace I have never seen. No one works there, no one is qualified to work there....and every freakin young woman in that town is employed there! What the hell.

[lizzbert]

THEY KILLED DIXIE!!!!!!

Sorry, not over that yet.

[Cole]

Not to be nitpicky at all, but I live in a small-ish town that has a small muncipal airport. Someone started a small airline that flies directly from there to Las Vegas and back only. I thought the airline would fold, but they are a total success. People love it, because they don't have to drive to the real aiport which is over an hour away, plus tickets are cheaper and customer service is supposedly much better.
Love your site!

[zarathelawyer]

I agree with most of your points, though it is impressive in this soap world that they actually show a workplace (if a pointless one) and that these people actuall have jobs (if stupid ones) that they go too. I got too used to watching Days where virtually no one has a job they actually attend.

Also, as we have discussed before, I'm surprised that baby Slater even made it this far without peril. Though I agree completetly about the need to 86 the babies in peril stories. Enough already.

[Dawn]

Lizzbert do you live in Arizona. Like around the Queen Creek/Chandler/Gilbert area? What you just described sounds like our little Williams Field airport.

[Dawn]

I'm sorry I think my post was meant for Cole.

[lurknomore]

I'm just glad they got a nuSpike. Don't get me wrong, nuSpike is cute, but no way could I have watched what's coming with those adorable little girls.

And I know SoapNet has given a lot of the setup away, but I'm still riveted. But I'm a soft sell: lots of Zach and Kendall, and I'm there.

Besides: Friday - running Zach!