General Hospital Week in Review

I really resent it when the only two soaps I watch have incredibly slow weeks simultaneously.  So last week with Days and GH, I have to say, I was a bit miffed.  Where is my yin and yang?  Why is nobody thinking of me? 

My resentment-fueled grumpiness cannot be taken out directly on the GH writing team (though I'm still in the market for some good voodoo dolls), so I will take the round-about way and just refuse to discuss the stories that the "writers" inexplicably find fascinating and worthy of consuming the entire show.

Therefore I will not discuss the stupid trial that everyone who has ever watched this show before knows full well isn't going to end with Jason convicted of the crime he actually committed.  (Although the whole “hypothetically” conversation between Jason and Diane on Friday was oddly amusing, for a conversation about murder for hire.)  And I won't discuss Carly and Jerry's adventures in a hotel room we're supposed to believe is in South America.  (Confession:  I probably would have addressed the latter, but this week Carly was remarkably free of heinous tops, appeared to be wearing a bra, and didn't unjustifiably yell at anyone.  So I had nothing to work with, because I don't like to stretch.)

The winner of best hair makeover goes to . . .

Amelia Joffe.  I know, I can't believe it either!  She looks spectacular.  I think this is my dream cut and style.  And it's absolutely ideal for Annie Wersching.  Not that she wasn't pretty before, but she looks gorgeous now.  I would totally print this screencap out and take it into my stylist, but that would really put me firmly on the wrong side of the Soap Crazy line.  And clearly I don't want to be there.

(I will probably still do it.)

Logan continued to be brutally hot for most of the week.  He was super charming on his and Lulu's first date.  He made s'mores!  Hot guy + s'mores over a campfire = dreamy.

He did the adorable boyfriend-ish stuff for Lulu's birthday . . .

. . . including giving her a charm bracelet.  (Note to men everywhere:  I know you think these are the perfect jewelry gift, and we say we think they're adorable, but we mean in the "on a three-year-old with Disney character charms" or "on my grandmother with a charm for each of her kids and grandkids.")  Still, thoughtful gift.

But I must balance all that out with the fact that his tattoos profoundly disturbed the hotness.  And he perplexingly tried to get permission from Tracy to date Lulu. 

Lulu the adult.  Tracy the only-recent stepmother.  Bizarre.  But it meant we got to see Tracy, so I'll let it go.

And, gosh, I'm sure there was something else that was less than brutally hot this week.

What was it?

Oh, right, he almost had sex with Lulu's worst enemy.

These things happen! 

And truth be told, even this was a little hot.

I'm conflicted about this.  Well, first, I'm confused.  Did I completely imagine an earlier scene between Logan and Maxie in which they called off The Deal?  Regardless, I thought the pacing of Logan and Lulu's relationship was way too warp speed, and I think they need to overcome some soapy hurdles since the writers stupidly revealed Logan's paternity in .5 seconds thereby depriving the audience of a great spawn-of-mortal-enemies-unknowingly-fall-in-love story. And I think Maxie and Coop needed to do something interesting, because the only time I've thought anything other than "goddamn, he's gorgeous" or "goddamn, she's skinny" during their scenes over the last few months was during their entertaining handcuff-sex-related scenes on Night Shift, but we all know that that alternate universe doesn't exist here so DO NOT DISCUSS IT.

Anyway, we'll see where this goes.  It seems completely out of character for Logan, who really seemed to develop genuine feelings for Lulu over the last few weeks in particular, but maybe the writers will handle all that well and whip up a really vintage-y great soap quadrangle out of this.  I know, I know.  I'll stop now.

Rick Springfield and Finola Hughes have great chemistry.

At some point maybe this whole rock-star-as-sex-symbol thing might catch on.  It has potential.  And Patrick hotly summed up Anna's appeal:

Patrick:  . . . [Noah] gets to reinvent himself, rediscover his adolescence . . . if you will.  And you mom is a perfect companion for this.  She’s intelligent, she’s adventurous, and you know, let’s face it, she’s ridiculously hot.

But said summing up was to Anna's daughter, so . . . ick.

Also icky was Noah yelling in the middle of the hospital, in front of his son and his son's girlfriend, that he was having "mind-blowing, headboard-banging sex!" with his son's girlfriend's mom.  Inappropriate!  Also inappropriate?  Patrick and Robin discussing their sex life in front of other people at work, and asking Epiphany for her input.  Where the hell else have these people ever worked that any of that would be okay?  And have they never had a conversation with Epiphany before?   

On a more serious note, Noah falling off the wagon was pretty heartbreaking.

And from this scene with Patrick, I gather (because I can decode the layered subtlety that the GH writers employ) that Noah is going to hurt or kill a patient while operating drunk, at some point. 

I feel like this could be a good storyline, given the character's history on the show and his ties to a popular couple, but it would have to be written really well to not seem Disease of the Week-y and boring.  And, well, you know where I'm going with this . . .

As for Patrick and Robin, sans parents, I really don't think it's asking so much for them to have more than three different conversations, ever.  The writers have just started repeating the same banter/bickering over and over again, spinning the Wheel o' Pissiness to determine the subject of the bantickering.  This whole lather, rinse, repeat thing is tiresome and becoming difficult to watch, and I say that as someone who really likes this pairing.

Side note #1:  Kimberly McCullough's bangs look 50 times better when they're straight.   

I am totally willing to suspend disbelief and accept that a busy doctor would have time to flat-iron her hair every morning, in the name of prettiness.

Side note #2:  This week, Patrick used the phrase "making love."  As I may have mentioned, this is my least favorite phrase in soaps, and one that normal human beings never use.  I'm going to need to collect my thoughts on this issue and possibly post separately to address the serious problem of otherwise cool, non-80-year-old characters using those words.  I may also reconsider the "hotly" qualifier, at least temporarily.  It's really that serious a problem.

Liz:  Ric reminded the jury that I slept with Jason and lied to my husband about it, which made me a biased if not hostile witness.  There, have you heard enough?
Lucky:  I wish.  It's getting around town.

Ha!  Yeah, because we wouldn't want that closely-held secret to get out.  Poor, dim, paternity-deprived Lucky.

Can you be arrested for having horrible taste in men?

Felony bad judgment, perhaps?

Kate continues to make Sonny tolerable, but for me the thing with both Sonny and Jason is that I don't want them to get into any more relationships with strong and interesting women whom they will ultimately ruin.  I don't want them to get what they want, basically. I want them to fall for the women of their dreams, who then reject them unless they stop, you know, KILLING PEOPLE FOR A LIVING.  This show cannot continue to have unrepentant mobsters as its romantic leads.  It just can't.  So I really hope Kate isn't the next offering at Sonny's alter, but I'm not holding out much hope.  I'm teetering on this soapbox in these heels, so I'll get down now.

Random aside; this was hilarious:

Clarice to Kate:  You poor thing!  You had unscripted children.  It must have been torture for you.

Hee!

This also made me laugh (inserted here because I refuse to give Sonny his own section):

Sonny to Spinelli: And none of that stuff about grasshoppers, or cyberspace, whatever you talk.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I totally agree with Sonny!  I probably wouldn't have used the rather fuggeddaboudit-esque "whatever you talk," but I'm with him on the concept.

I really know very little about how soaps are written.  With multiple writers, how do they assign out who writes which scenes?  Because whoever wrote the scene with Alexis walking in on Sonny, Kate, and Morgan this week doesn't know anything about Alexis.

When Alexis made the comment about how wonderful Kate is and how it's a shame she doesn't have children, I about died.  Are you kidding me?  Alexis would never say that.  Ever.  She would never basically define another woman's completeness by whether the woman had kids. Jeez.  Watch the show, idiots.

Clearly the comment was a setup for a "reveal."  Given Kate's obvious and disturbing reaction to the (out of line) comment, clearly she has a kid somewhere.  Since the kid can't be Sonny's (because they never had sex -- you wrote that, writers! I saw it! no take-backs!), I say it should be Jax's.  And we know this show always gives me what I want.

Oh, Sam.  What the hell is going on with this character?  She crows about how she dumped Jason and how glad she is about it, but then she goes to prison to yell at him about Elizabeth.  Again.

Stop it, Sam.

Then she tells Lucky how she's known about the one night stand since it happened, and she's clearly on the verge of telling Lucky about Jake's paternity.

Stop it, Sam.

Then she berated Elizabeth.  Again.

Stop, it Sam.

Then she hung out with Liz's husband behind her back, and played with Liz's baby.

Dude.  Stop it, Sam.

She lurked outside Liz and Lucky's house like the paparazzi.

Stop it, Sam.

And she's totally going to throw herself at Lucky, five minutes after she broke up with Jason and Lucky found out about Liz's infidelity.

Stop it, Sam.   

These two could be hot together, but at some point could the writers please grasp even a corner of the page of the soap writers' manual called PACING?  This is ridiculous.

Also, I know that Lucky is, how should I say, not a big shareholder in intellect stock, but why the hell is he suddenly BFF with the woman who let his son be kidnapped?  It was just a few weeks ago!

And I like that Sam is saying it like it is, to myriad characters deserving of a bit of neck-swiveling, finger-pointing what for, but she is just not the one to do it.  I can't root for her after all she's done.  At least not yet.

Speaking of not rooting for people:  Liz.  Damn, girl.  This about killed me:

Liz to Jason: Look, I know you don’t do this very well, but for once, try to be selfish.

Yeah, when he murders people?  It's so altruistic!  Stop it, Liz.

This show is so messed up.

Comments

[Chad]

I can't remember if it was even last week or the week before, but I did like that bit where Sonny took Kate to the hospital. Sonny stopped himself from telling Epiphany about Kate's past, prompting her to ask, "Do I look like a gossip to you?" I have to admit, the look on Sonny's face was priceless.

[Aydee]

Great, Becca, as always!

Re Amelia: It’s the color, too. When I saw it I had the bizarre thought that I should no longer be a redhead, and should go brunette.

I guess we ALL imagined the scene where Maxie said the deal was off. Stupid show.

Noah falling off the wagon was indeed heartbreaking, but dare we hope it’ll lead to a story centered on an interesting character who is not connected in any way to SonnyJasonCarly?

“Spinning the Wheel o' Pissiness to determine the subject of the bantickering.” Haha! So true. . . I’m sick of them having the same conversation over & over.

Re Alexis: Oh, my God! That was the height of absurdity. Or would have been if they didn't his so many heights of absurdity. This stupid show treats all but the few lead characters as devices instead of actual people. They needed someone to say those words, so they put them in Alexis’ mouth. Just like last year they needed someone to speak the anti-abortion p.o.v., and that fell to Lucky, no matter how ridiculous it seemed. And just like they've needed someone to speak the Jason-should-claim-his-son p.o.v. and put those words in Spinelli's mouth, even though it made no sense whatsoever.

“Liz to Jason: Look, I know you don’t do this very well, but for once, try to be selfish.”

I know!!! Jason, the great humanitarian, the paragon of virtue! Unfreakingbelievable.

By the way: I love the Sam screen caps---too funny!!

[Aydee]

Oh, sorry, one more thing:

I'm with you all the way: no more "strong and interesting women whom they will ultimately ruin" for Sonny & Jason. These writers are brilliant, in a way, for so cleverly turning the world upside down. The trial is their piece de resistance because this time we know Jason really did commit murder (though I expect somewhere down the line Alky will turn up alive), yet he is successfully portrayed as the to-root-for innocent who's being prosecuted/persecuted of the mustache-twirling DA.

As for Sonny & Kate, I don't even care if Sonny leaves the mob -- if I had my way he'd leave the whole show. Till that day comes, I just want Kate to turn down his ass. I like her well enough, so give her another story, or put her on a helicopter back to NY; I don't care. Just keep her and every other woman away from that small-time, two-bit, strip club-owning, teenager-molesting, selfish, stuttering, dee-vorce-saying, manipulative, coffee importing, murdering, barware-smashing, dress-buying, cowardly, unforgiving, judgmental, controlling, soul-sucking lousy father, terrible husband, anti-antihero thug.

[Brett]

Aydee,

Please, tell us what you really think of Sonny. ;-D

Adjectivally, you forgot my favorite Sonny descriptors: Tiny. Greasy. Scowling.

Other than that, accurate portrait. Well done.

[Aydee]

Thank you, Brett. Next time, I'll try not to hide my true feelings!!
;)

[V]

Great Stuff as always! ^__^/

I'm actually liking the new evil Sam over the Jason's doormat Sam, but that's just me. Maybe she will eventually take down the Sonny mob single-handedly. *hee* XD

Lucky finally becomes a cop, gets that brain he's been needing, and he and Sam join forces to topple the empire. *heehee* hmmmm... Ah, the possibilities if Lucky had a brain. I hope the writers will give him one, because he's too hot to be so dim; and he used to be one of the wise, worldly smart children of Luke Spencer.

Liz (the character not the actress portraying her) I will probably never like. Her comments this week made me want to throw things at the TV. I thought it was inappropriate she went to Sam's mom to tattle. o_0 How old is she?

Amelia's hair was the best hair of the week, I agree. You should definitely use the pic at the hair dressers. ^^

Thank you for the recap. Good stuff!

v(^__^)/

[kitzie]

I think we all saw the Maxie "the deal is off" scene, but apparently only I saw the Maxie and Logan "the deal is back on" scene. You know, post-Cooper-warning-Lulu-about-Logan and Lulu ratting him out.

This Lucky is too dull. As far as I'm concerned, Lucky died in a fire. As such, I don't hold Liz to any pre-fire-history-based loyalty to him. With that in mind, all their history involves Lucky cheating on her with her sister, becoming a drug addict, and cheating on her with slutty Maxie and maybe a little romance tossed in here and there. Liz is making some really stupid decisions, but at least she's got the "I've convinced myself I'm still in love with Lucky because of my low self-esteem" excuse.

[C]

nothing about Sam's high-waisted pants? I'm shocked!

[JenKat]

OMG, I thought I was the only one who gags at the phrase "making love". Puke. Altho Patrick *almost* makes it tolerable. lol Much preferable to his dancing, but we won't talk about AU GH here.

I love Anna and Noah together, and I'd love to see more of both of them. I'd love to see a alcoholism story for Noah, and the impact that would have on Patrick and Robin.

Oh, and btw, we DO always discuss our sex lives at work. So it does happen. lmao

Loved the review...dead on, as usual.

[MAZZ]

Hmmmmm.....I too liked Amelia's hair, but when I looked closely at it, I REALLY think it's a wig! Her part on the side has that 'wiggy' look. Plus, it looks much thicker than her normal hair...ya think?

[Snarkgirl]

Still. Not. Watching. This. Dreck.

This is such crap. They even managed to ruin Scrubs and over a year old dreams of ANNOAH! How is that possible?!

But then again the same jerks claim that Night Shit (not a misspelling) is supposed to give us more Scrubs and then they added Borg and his moronic sidekick and a bunch of totally uninteresting and annoying nurses and dumb storyline lines with _________ Barrett (which brings me around to did no one notice Cooper's last name? Did the writers?) and old women who needlepoint.

So it's not a surprise really.

Great summary of GH, very funny! I love Amelia's hair now too, the style suits her better. I agree about Lucky. I remember the smart, resourceful kid raised by Luke and Laura and now he seems so dumbed down. Why? Dont get it. Noah's fall off the wagon really hurt. I kept saying don't, don't as he raised that drink up to his lips. Sad.
And yes, the sex talk openly in the halls of a hospital was cringe-worthy. But I have to take exception to your hatred of the phrase "making love". I've used it and I'm not anywhere near 80! I watch soaps every week and the one I hear WAY too much is "Slept With". Over and over again, and I think that phrase is just stupid....we all know they're not talking about actual SLEEPING (maybe afterwards) but HAVING SEX. I just hate that. Lastly, I don't get the Logan lust......he does nothing for me looks-wise, and personality-wise.....boring. He's all ego and nothing to back it up with. JMHO.

[BrandName]

When Sam moved out of Jason's, was she only allowed to take shell mementos from Hawaii and a pack of tank tops? What is the deal? Remember when Sam actually had shirts with sleeves?

[Bourgeois Nerd]

What is all this crazy-talk about Amelia's hair being fabulous now? No, no, no, no, no!!! It looks dirty and grimy! Go back to your beautiful red tresses, Amy Wierning!!!!!

[Brett]

Poster above commented, "I agree about Lucky. I remember the smart, resourceful kid raised by Luke and Laura and now he seems so dumbed down. Why?"

Simple. He's being sacrificed on the all-encompassing altar of Sonny and Jason. No male lead on GH is allowed to be hotter, smarter, more attractive to the opposite sex or more generally wonderful than either of them.

I mean, it's not like there aren't any precedents. Think of the characters who have so far escaped death and remain on the show, but either have had their air time reduced, been dumbed down, emasculated or made evil, or all the above: Mac, Ned, Nikolas, Ric. (Patrick so far seems to have escaped, and I'm reserving judgment on Jax for the time being).

Then think of the body count.

Zander
A.J.
Brian
Diego
Justus
Alcazar

So far, we've gone through the Dumb Lucky phase, but I'm pretty sure Evil Lucky is starting to manifest himself. Can Dead Lucky be far behind?

[Sherrell]

I'm shocked...nothing about the hilarity of Sonny giving ANYBODY speech lessons?!?!

[Kelly]

That "selfish" line of Liz's made my brain throb. There are no words. Thank you for noting the sheer absurdity of having unrepentant mobsters as romantic heroes. I absolutely feel the same way as you do about that and about Kate being paired with Sonny.

I too thought that Alexis line was ridiculously out of character. I just shook my head in dismay.

I like the new version of Sam so much better than the version who was with the unselfish one (snicker) that I can't even complain about her....yet.

Final note. I want my Scrubs back. Let's just take their story back to say...Robin getting out of the hospital after being shot and call a redo. Everything since then has been poorly, if not horrendously, written.

[Kazou]

I know that Lucky is, how should I say, not a big shareholder in intellect stock, but why the hell is he suddenly BFF with the woman who let his son be kidnapped?

In his defense, he doesn't know Sam witnessed the babynapping. Of course, he *does* know Sam hated his wife SOOOOO much that she wilfully prevented them from using her show to search for "his son" then threatened to quit if Amelia went over her head.

Brett, I keep hearing how Lucky is being sacrificed at Jason's altar but his dimness is nothing new. He's been dumb, insecure and jealous ever since the fire -- years ago. At this point we've had dumb Lucky longer than JJ was "smart, wily, charismatic adolescent Lucky." Sad, but maybe this is just the manifestation of Lucky as an adult after Helena brainwashed him ... apparently she literally washed his brains right out of his head. ;o)

Becca, how cool is it that Annie Wersching is dating Josh D in real life? Damn, she's a lucky woman!

Is it wrong that I don't like Patrick's new haircut? His old style was a bit longer and made him look much mo' cuter. You have my permission to remove the "hotly" qualifier until he lets his hair grow out.

[zara]

Am i the only one who finds maxie and logan totally extremely sexy together. i think they are awesome. logan really was sexy this entire week, and i am really rooting for him and maxie to get together. its not going to happen tho because for some reason the writers want all the guys to like lulu tho i have no idea why. she is just as bad as maxie. maxie slept with a married man, (lucky) and so did lulu (dillon). yet maxie is the evil skank while lulu is the pristine angel. blah.
i like the new Sam, she is much better than the old whiny and begging jason for love Sam. I hate to say it but i agree with sam on the elizabeth issue. why is it that elizabeth can do no wrong? she had decided to keep jake's paternity a secret, everyone was pissed at carly for doing that but no elizabeth is an angel. i dont think she cheated on her husband, since he slept with maxie and broke their wedding vows long ago. i do blame her for continuously lying to lucky, i know she did it to protect him blah blah blah, but its classic enabling behavior.

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will take the round-about way and just refuse to discuss the stories that the "writers" inexplicably find fascinating and worthy of consuming the entire show.