General Hospital Week in Review

I would like to start off by saying that in addition to being part of Cam's awesome recap of the fake hold-up events, this screen capture is the perfect encapsulation of my General Hospital viewing experience:

Liz's angry WTF look, and Cameron's totally disturbing* yet incredibly hilarious reenactment of the gun-pointing that could easily be mistaken for "just put me out of my misery" are ridiculously awesome and taken together represent 87% of my reactions to this show.

* Because he's just a tiny kid! I really hope this was just acting, and they explained to the little boy that this was all make-believe.

So, this week, about a year after a one-night-stand that we've heard almost nothing about since it happened, Jason and Elizabeth finally said they loved each other.  After a decade of friendship and intermittent flirtation!  But they can't be together!  Despite their passion, and their son!  Because it's too dangerous!  Because he kills people for a living.  ::needle-scratching-off-a-record sound effect::  Yeah.  Until they change Jason's profession, I'm not getting invested in this story.  I don't care how pretty and sweet Rebecca Herbst is, or how likable Janitorial Jason is on Night Shift.  You can't manipulate me, writers!  Particularly not when Steve Burton's hair still looks like this:

Why will nobody intervene to end my ocular torment?!

(I love that second screencap.  I'd like to think Steve Burton is saying, "seriously, all the feathering, it's okay?")

In better news, however, Jason's neck has returned!  Pretty much.  I am calling off the APB.  Though if I were the neck I'd run back into hiding from that hair.

This week Lulu and Logan had sex, in the first non-Sonny-related love scene in as long as I can remember, so the show gets some soapy points for that.  I have become a bit of a fangirl for this couple.  The actors have a great chemistry, and I like all the baggage the characters have.  Plus they have scintillating foreplay talk:

Logan:  You deserve better than me.
Lulu:  Maybe I don’t want better.
::they kiss::

Hee. Listen, she's Lucky's sister; I guess we can't expect brilliance. There's also the possibility that she actually means that she knows Logan's not good enough for her.  After all, he has been kind of a dick, forcibly kissed her at one point, and did something of an undetermined but highly unscrupulous nature in Iraq.  She could easily be willfully blind to all by the fact that he is . . . how should I say?

BRUTALLY HOT.

I cannot be too critical, because at one point I ended up dating a guy who thought that Idaho shared a border with the District of Columbia and that the Civil War involved Canada.  Great abs and a nice butt make up for a lot!  Especially when you're young, and . . . young.

More seriously though, what is up with The Bet?  I'm so confused, and I've made clear that I hate it when a soap does that to me.  I thought initially Maxie proposed The Bet because she wanted Logan to distract Lulu from Cooper, because Maxie sensed a vibe between them?  But now 1) Coop is invisible, and 2) Lulu is clearly not interested in Coop, even if he weren't invisible, so what is Maxie's motivation?  She genuinely seems to want Coop to forgive her for kissing Logan, and she doesn't seem to actually want to be with Logan (is she losing her awareness of brutal hotness as she loses weight?), so is she just doing this to hurt Lulu?  As Mallory and I have both noted, Kirsten Storms has done a fabulous job of turning Maxie around over the last year or so, to the point where she is my new favorite daytime bitch.   But I kind of need a reason to understand why she's hell-bent on torpedoing both her and Lulu's relationships with hot guys.  Maybe she's confused too?

I thought so. 

Kate's fabulosity dimmed a bit for me this week.  First, her faux-testifying and obnoxiousness about the hit-and-run charges was annoying and not at all funny, no matter how hard the latter is what the writers were going for.

Random side note, but just what the hell is up with Sonny and his thousands of room-temperature bottled waters?  Who keeps a case of water out on a credenza in their office and living room?  The dude has problems that extend beyond being a professional criminal.

Anyway, secondly, Kate's relationship with Trevor is annoying me already and I've seen only about 90 seconds of it.  Even before you get to the age and looks mis-match, can someone help me understand how she never questioned the "Lansing" last name and the Ric/Richard thing?  I mean, come on, this is Kate, not Lucky. 

The good things about Trevor are that he has the potential to seriously mess with Sonny's mind, and the dysfunctional father-son dynamic will likely give Rick Hearst the opportunity to knock a scene or two out of the park and maybe finally get me over my Ric hate.

So, Lucky and Sam.  Why are they so hot individually (especially Greg Vaughn -- goddamn), but not together?  Maybe it's just the fact that Lucky is still married and Sam's been broken up with Jason for only six minutes, or that Sam has already said she's just out for a revenge fuck, but this whole potential hook-up has no fire for me.

I posted a while back that they would be hot together, but that was before the writers destroyed the last of Sam's rootability. (Although in the interests of full disclosure of my split-personality-ness, nearly a year ago I thought they should get rid of Sam entirely.)  Why does this Sam-Lucky thing seem so rushed and forced?  How is it possible for even the worst writing to kill the chemistry between Greg Vaughn and Kelly Monaco?  Were the showrunners just really counting on Football Wives getting picked up, so they never thought things would get this far?  Or was there a collective "oh, shit!" and throwing up of hands in the writers' room when they realized that even after they separated Sam from Jason, they'd still have to write for Sam?  With that, have I done more critical thinking about this plotline than the writers collectively have?  

I am very puzzled by how damned likable I'm finding Nikolas and Emily lately.

The actors' good rapport has returned (that's not a euphemism -- at least not an intentional one -- because I don't think they're dating again, are they?).  And compared to pretty much every other couple in Port Charles, they are the picture of a healthy relationship.  It's amazing that not long ago, she was sleeping with Sonny (seriously, what WAS that whole thing?), and he was cheating on her with the irredeemably horrible Courtney.  This bodes very well for a Kate-Lucky hookup around this time next year.

I have to confess, I wasn't one of the "Rick Springfield is so sexy" types. Jessie's Girl is a great song, which I can appreciate now as an adult who owns lots of 80s compilation CDs, but I was six when it came out, so his sex symbol status was all pretty much before my time.  But between his great, flirty scenes with Finola Hughes (who's left again, sob!), and his musical performance on Friday, I totally get it now.

The guy is hot.  I swear, if this causes me to finally develop a thing for musicians, at this inappropriate age, there will be hell to pay. 

I am, however, totally puzzled by Rick Springfield's accent.  When he first started playing Eli, I thought his accent was totally sketchy so looked him up on IMDB and was shocked to find that he was actually born and raised in Australia.  But in the couple of interviews I've seen of him in real life (YouTube even has a bunch from the early 80s -- good times), he has an American accent.  Yet unless I'm imagining things, his Australian accent is sneaking into his portrayal of Noah now.  What is going on?  It's possible all of this exists only in my head. 

This week on General Hospital, Patrick flirted inappropriately with a woman who is not his girlfriend, in their workplace, in close proximity to that girlfriend.  Please try to contain your shock.

I would like for all of the alternate reality Night Shift idiots to stay in the alternate reality, please.  That includes, you, Leyla, and the asshole version of you, Patrick.

As an aside, the bigness of Leyla's hair concerns me.  I know she's very needy, but she knows that root lifter can't love you back, right?

Despite the fact that his alternate (dick-ish) personality briefly visited from Night Shift, I do continue to be amused when Patrick is hotly confused by Robin's reactions to his ridiculousness.

And really, if you can be hotly goofy while wearing a skinny tie, I can't write you off entirely:

Robin's lighthearted exasperation with Patrick was a refreshing change from the overreactions and outright bitchiness her Night Shift alternate personality has been displaying of late:

Also, I totally approve of Kimberly McCullough's hair this way.  I don't love the color job, but I'm sure that won't keep her up nights. She looks adorable! 

There is an epidemic of skinniness on this show.  More so than any other TV show I've seen, the increasing tininess of the young female stars of GH is disturbing.  Particularly when you consider that the camera "ads" 10-15 pounds, is this parade of clavicles and drinking-straw-sized upper arms not terribly worrisome?

That last one especially.

The super-skinny actresses make everyone around them look bigger, which I suppose is fine for the guys, but how thin are you when you can make itty-bitty, ridiculously fit women like Kelly Monaco look normal sized?

I also kind of want to bitch about the jacket Maxie's wearing and the fact that Kirsten Storms seems to stubbornly refuse to touch up her roots, but I'm too depressed after looking through screencaps of her wasting away.

Sonny to Jason: He's your son.  You have to raise him.

But that's different from Michael, right Sonny?  Right, writers? Because AJ and Jason are so different!  I mean, they were brothers and at one point looked almost exactly alike, but AJ had a drinking problem.  Jason just kills people for a living. Those are totally different vices and impact the ability/entitlement to raise children in entirely different ways.  Duh.

Kate: Newsflash, Sonny.  The world doesn’t revolve around you.

I would like a Very Special GH on which every character wears a t-shirt saying this.  It could even be a musical episode, or one done entirely through interpretive dance.

I can't even get into the details of the Jax/Carly/Jerry/Irina mess, because I hate it so much.   At least in spite of SoapNet/ABC's ridiculous marketing, on the show Carly actually referred to Irina as a rapist and didn't lapse into "you cheated on me!" psychosis.  Though it's Carly, so maybe we should add a "yet" to the end of that sentence.

There is one good thing to come out of those pointless scenes this week:

Carly to Irina: Why are you such a stupid bitch?

I had no idea it was okay to just come out and say that!  GH has enriched my life.  Do you know how useful that sentence is going to be to me, on a weekly if not daily basis?  Even just during GH-watching alone?

Screencaps courtesy of Clarissa.

Comments

[Liz]

Yet unless I'm imagining things, his Australian accent is sneaking into his portrayal of Noah now.

You're not imagining things. At least when I watched it Thursday (thanks, ABC, for telling me Rick Springfield was performing on Thursday. You lying bastards) I noticed that as Eli he had an accent. Which also prompted me to check IMDb. I feel as though I've been lied to for almost 20 years.

Needless to say I didn't catch his actual performance (really, thanks, ABC) so, please, don't tell me what he performed if it wasn't "Jessie's Girl." I prefer to live a lie.

[zarathelawyer]

You forgot to add Finola's upper rib cage to your parade of skinny. As much as I love her, and I do, it was distracting me during the otherwise generally great concert stuff.

I also don't get the Bet stuff. I think each writer is writing Maxie a different way and not consulting at all, it varies so much day to day.

I have to say I don't think they completely killed the Sam/Lucky chemistry, though they have definitely tried with killing off Sam's appeal.

[zarathelawyer]

Oh, and on Rick Springfield, yes, Australian - touring here at the moment in fact - I gather he adopted an American accent when he first starting his acting career, so I think it's actually his default accent now. Enough that even though I knew he was an Aussie, I was surprised at how strong the accent was for Eli, and am now less surprised that it was creeping back in Noah as well. Especially as because of the tour here at the moment he's been doing a lot of interviews down here the last couple of months, so I suspect that probably has an impact too.

[Aussie lover]

Rick Springfield on his aussie accent from interview on http://generalhospital.about.com/od/personalinterviews/a/noahdrake120105.htm: "Back in the studio, Springfield ran into some GH vets. He greeted Tony Geary, Stuart Damon, Leslie Charleson, and some of the crew still with the show. He mentioned seeing Rachel Ames, who plays Audrey Hardy, and commented that she’s as beautiful as ever. He also met fellow Australian Ingo Rademacher, and found that after a conversation with Rademacher, his Australian accent – removed with the help of a vocal coach in the 1970s – drifted back into his speech. This writer commented that Rademacher has lost a lot of his accent since appearing on “General Hospital.” “No, he hasn’t,” Springfield says, chuckling."

[Michaela]

Yet unless I'm imagining things, his Australian accent is sneaking into his portrayal of Noah now. What is going on? It's possible all of this exists only in my head.

Nope, not in your head. His Aussieness is slipping into his Noah portrayal, totally confusing me as to whether he is playing Noah as Eli or Noah as Noah or Eli as Noah (a configuration that is just a matter of time, I'm sure) or Noah as Eli as Noah as Eli...or something.

[Becky]

Just a techinicality, but didn't Maxie call off the bet with Logan at one point? Am I dreaming that up?

And, yes, the screencap of Liz with Cam reenacting the fake hold-up IS a perfect encapsulation of watching GH! One of those two expressions (usually Cam's for me) covers nearly the entire range necessary for the GH viewing experience.

[Jessica]

I think the reason Robin has such a lighthearted smile on her face in that screencap is because she's looking right up at goofy Patrick in his skinny tie.

And yes, Leyla and Asshole Patrick need to stay in their alternate realy hell because after this week, I'm contemplating hating GH Patrick as well. Good thing he was cute with her on Friday, he saved himself for another day.

I seriously cannot get on the Rick Springfield bandwagon though. The guy is just....ewww.

[Elisabeth]

Word on the skinny epidemic. Especially Kirsten Storms. Someone feed her a cheeseburger and a Guinness!

Thanks for the "hotly goofy while wearing a skinny tie" screencap. It is a delight! (It was also nice to see Cruz make a random appearance in the park!)

I agree with Jessica. Rick Springfield? Ew. He has a weird overbite or something.

[Becca]

Thanks for the backup on the accent weirdness, everyone. It's at least good to know I'm not losing my mind.

Aussie Lover, thanks for that article. Ingo has indeed lost a ton of his. I don't know why he or Rick Springfield would want to, though -- most American women have such a thing for men with that accent.

Becky, you're not imagining things. Maxie did call off The Bet at some point, but then they reinstated it. I don't know. zara, do they really just pass around who writes a particular character, and do the writers not have to get together to discuss things? That would explain a lot.

Liz, it's not the whole thing, but here, being mocked by Best Week Ever, is part of the performance: http://www.bestweekever.tv/2007/08/24/unemployment-check-rick-springfields -doppleganger-is-also-a-washed-up-80s-rock-star/
(take out the space after "springfields" -- Typepad comments don't like long links). Jessica and Elisabeth, I'm sure I will go back to not thinking he's hot. He is, after all, around my mom's age and does look like he's lived every one of those years pretty hard. I blame Finola and a latent guitarist fetish for my momentary change of heart.

[Roxiebell]

As a Nikolas FAN FIRST (& only) on this show I'm finding the rehash of Nem excruciating painful. OUCH it's all this Nik fan can do to cope. Especially since the writing is slanted as Nikolas being the one who is grateful for the reunion because he supposedly cheated when its NOT SO. He had divorce papers shoved in his face after lie, after lie, after LIE from Emily who "refused" to distinguish Nikolas' face from Connor's before Nikolas turned to Courtney who turned out to give birth to his only child btw. Thats a BIG differnce from Emily cheating on Zander "just because" she PREFERRED Nikolas, so who is the bigger CHEATER in this equation? And WHY Emily is made to so sympathic is twisted GH-BS!! I don't buy it for a second so it makes the Nem redux FOUL imo. I hope its over soon.

[Andrea]

I was worrying about that poor child who plays Cam, too; I don't think he was acting, and I think Rebecca Herbst (not Liz) was trying to calm him down. Oy.

Becca, I love this whole recap -- just brilliant. But there's one thing you fail to understand: the problem is not that Jason kills people; no, it's that BAD people, from cops to robbers, want to hurt HIM. Clearly the evil forces in the world will always try to destroy what is good and true and pure and holy.

Ya think?

[NikEfanAlways!]

I too am loving the return of the chemistry between Tyler and Natalia. Nikolas and Emily are the way that Guza is going so this NikE fan is beyond happy. Nikolas' skanky affair with "shewhoshallremainnameless" and DEAD (YEA for fishfood) was so out of character for the character of Nikolas. Guza just loves to write AFFAIR storylines and seems to forget about love, romance, marriage and families. This show has NO BALANCE!! The return of Nikolas and Emily's fairytale relationship is a breath of fresh air to a show that is dedicated to the mob and Jiz.

[Sarah]

I finally get it! I know why the Borg's hair is so hideous. Except he forgot the blonde dye job. Oh well, he is brain damaged. It's a remorseful nod to his now dead father Alan who he rejected relntlessly for years and his dead brother AJ whose son he kidnappe., Blinky is wearing his hair like Jason Quartermaine!!!! That makes it all better. Throw on some khakis and a preppie sweater and it'll all be good you freakin' murderer!!!!!

And hotness aside, I think Jason Thompson attended the Joey Tribianni school of "smell the fart acting". How else would you describe those screencaps? Don't get me started on the skinny ties. If your not Ric Ocasek (sp?) or in Devo there is no excuse.

Could Trevor, or the actor playing him be any less attractive? Guza loves Sonny so much we are revisiting his childhood again? I'm with Cam, shoot me!!!!

Kate is bordering on a lost cause for me. Hair be damned, sorry that was harsh :-) Her whole made it on her own against the odds seems to be a joke now. She bumped uglies w/ Trevor back in the day to "help" her out? Ewww.

Carly and Irina should marry and live in a land far far away. Two evil women? What a supercouple!

The skinny is sad. Minae Noji has become a near skeleton. She started out super thin, so maybe this is her norm? I don't know. But NL, BH, KS, MN, etc... all look like they haven't eaten in months. If KMcC and KMon look normal in comparison to them than LW looks like a wrestler on cable. Carly acts like one. Whatever. GH needs to hire a nutritionist, new writers, and new wardrobe people fast.

[Beltane]

Little Cam really is the "MVP" of this show. He's so engaged in his surroundings and all the things happening around him that he reacts to everything in a wonderfully honest, child-like manner. It's so refreshing. My only concern is for the child playing Cam - I hope it's been made very clear to him that this is just make believe because I couldn't bear to watch him turn into another Michael.

From the moment Kate was introduced by barging into Sonny's office I knew she was doomed, therefore, I did not waste my energy by getting too invested in her. It's still sad, though, that a funny, beautiful, independent woman (with great hair) could be sacrificed at the altar of Sonny so quickly. The only thing keeping their scenes interesting is Diane - she still rules.

Trevor Lansing appears intriguing - he has the potential to mess with both Ric and Sonny's heads. That could be fun.

[Sheridanwill]

Hi Becca -

This is the first time I've read one of your recaps and I thank you, thank you, thank you for one of the best laughs I've had in a long time!!!!!
I've been a GH fan since before the dawn of time and love to mock it as well!

Cam is the funniest thing going.
Jason now needs to put an APB out on the rest of his forehead which is getting smaller and smaller - but oh those muscles....
And since Jason really hasn't been taking his shirt off much lately let's all send a message of thanks to Logan who is as you so eloquently put it BRUTALLY HOT!
More Logan please...

[monika]

Bless! Here you are! My GH-loving kinfolk!
Thank you for commenting on the incredibly sad and apparently contagious shrinking epidemic on this show. Maxie and Emily are alarmingly toothpickish. Sigh.
Thank heavens for Rick. He could be such a sexy beast if he wasn't so sexless. Could someone give him a lady to get with? Or at least share a meal with from time to time?
Logan.Love him. Love him. I don't care what you did in I-raq, your cheesy southern hotness redeems you.
Jason. Please, for the love of Vishnu, emote. You had a moment this week, when you asked Elizabeth to consider a life with you, and then it died, that little flicker of sentience. The hair is too upsetting to comment on. Really.
And Amen for Carly calling Irina a rapist. Would such a storyline exist if the genders were reversed? That's the stuff of Law and Order SVU, you know? I hate those double standards, that a female using sexual force is somehow less an offender than a dude. I hope this departure from the good bad taste I expect out of GH ends soon!

[Tina]

This is in response to Roxiebell's post. As a Nik fan myself, it disgusts me when some make excuses for his behaviour. He was DEAD WRONG & he did indeed cheat on Emily. The way Emily handled things was wrong as well, but there is no handbook for how to handle getting your body destroyed. Whenever she would open up he would tell her how much it hurt him so of course she started keeping things to herself, not to be mean, but to protect his little feelings. She got raped in the process of doing everything she could to get her husband out of something he could have avoided.

Even after she was raped, getting Nikolas released was her top priority. If you can remember Emily was the one that had to stop Nikolas from signing annulment papers. He told her he didn't want to see her anymore & kept pushing her away. Did she go cheat on him? No she actually stood by him & told him she wasn't going anywhere & you know what, she actually meant it. You talk about him being lied too, are you kidding me? The man refused to go to another therapy session with her, because it hurt "him" too much. Well I wonder how much it hurt her she actually went through the ordeal. She was trying & he was patroling the docks. I guess kissing on the dead___ behind Emily's back was honest. He was a cheating scumbag. Emily refused to distinguish Nikolas's face from Connor's? Wow! Talk to someone who has been raped before you make statements like that. Nikolas is indeed lucky to have another chance with his 1 true love, after the way he acted. What does "Who" giving birth to Nikolas's only child have to do with anything? People on this show have kids by Mistakes all the time. I'm glad Emily had it in her to forgive him.

I am enjoying Nem again. They are the only couple on the show I enjoy. Here's hoping Nikolas get's a legitimate heir.

KS is extremely skinny. She has made a huge transformation & it's really sad. I saw both Becky & Natalia in person as well, they are both naturally skinny. Becky & Natalia were talking about drinking shakes & trying different things to gain weight, but they can't keep it on. I completely understand that, because I am in the same boat. I hope KS gets some help.

[Andrea]

Monika, thanks for mentioning "I-raq." Back during the Mary Bishop story, I wondered if there wasn't anyone on the GH production team to tell the actors the first syllable should be a short "i," not a long "i," and the second syllable should be "rock." Add it to the growing list:

Deevorce (of course!)
EyeRack (alternate I-raq)
Serragussy (and its partner, serragut)
Apparently there's an issue with "neurosurgeon"; since I haven't seen the show in a few weeks, I don't know what the GH spelling would be.

[bubbly1285]

Neurosurgeon? I think JT might have said brain doctor, but I could have imagined that. He most certainly did tell Alcazar that he had a brain bleed. Oh, this show is run by monkees.

[Susan]

I agree with you that the skinny epidemic on this show is frightning! Give these girls a sandwich!

I loved the Cam moment and Carly asking Irina why she was such a stupid bitch too!!! Both moments had me lauging so hard I cried!

I want to take a moment and complain about this Rick Springfield "concert" we were treated to on the show -wth?!!!! They build it up for over a month and we get 1 freaking song?!!!!!! To make matters worse, not a 'Jessie's Girl' in sight! I mean come on, even the fake Eddie Maine concerts back in the day used to give us more than that! It seems the only good thing that ended up coming out of this story was Finola Hughes was on!

[Sarah]

Much respect to bubbly 1285. GH is run by monkeys.

[Susan]

Am I the only nerd who went out and downloaded "Who Killed Rock and Roll?" by Rick Springfield? It's a really good song and might even be better than Jesse's Girl.

[bubbly1285]

I'm used to being in the minority so I don't mind admitting to the following: I love the skinny tie, the sweater vests, and I don't find Rick Springfield attractive in the least.

Becca, about alternate reality Patrick and Leyla, I agree completely! I was throwing things at the screen when she showed her face. My immediate reaction? Haven't I been forced to watch you enough? Get the fuck off my screen.

If only GH WAS run by THE MONKEES! Might be a lot more fun. Daydream Believer, and all.

[bubbly1285]

Looks like they kept with the "Carly has been betrayed by having Irina rape her husband" storyline after all. Anybody see the magazine "shocker?" Who's going to die? Let's see...Sonny? Nope. Someone must re-populate. Jason? But then who will abuse Sam? We all saw the glass, Jason. We know you've hit her. Carly? If ONLY. Sorry Kate. Your great hair will most likely not save you. I think you, A.J., Zander, Courtney, Alan, Justus, and every other character who was killed to make Jason look like a decent human being should band together and create your own show. Oh and let Greg Vaugh, Alexis, Cameron Senior (please come back), Rebecca Herbst, Cameron, Baby Jake, and Scrubs be on it only. I'd totally watch!

[jodi]

Likeable? Nikolas--loveable, actually, but Emily--hell no!

Roxie--I agree it's disgusting how they write Nikolas so "grateful" that Emily took him back. She is his second choice, and knows it, so I guess he's just trying to not rub it in because that's the type of guy he is.

It is brutally painful to watch Num together and I pray it will end soon so I can fully enjoy Nikolas again. Hopefully his next pairing will be with someone who has passion and sex appeal--I'm dying to see him in a love scene again!!

[Wanda]

I love Nikolas with all my heart, but I am on GH hiatus until Num expires (hopefully for good this time) again.

He is far too valuable to be wasted on Emily one second longer. Too much happened between them for them to be a believable couple anymore. Time to move on for good.

[Susie]

Nem likable???
Nem have a healthy relationship???
Seems to me like since their reunion in December they've done nothing but disagree about everything. From little things (such as whether or not Spencer should visit Santa at the mall) to huge things (such as how to handle "Mr. Craig"). I think it's leading up to their break up.

[SheWhoShallRemainNameless]

Nem, likeable? Please, please, please TPTB, give Nikolas a real love interest. Someone who is strong, sexy, and appreciates Nikolas for who he is. All the things Emily is not.