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« Poor Carly?! | Main | Our August Soap Opera Digest Column »

August 20, 2007

It's Getting to the Point Where I Miss Cricket

Cricket. Yeah, I said it. I'd take her back if it meant this show would get back to normal. I'd take her AND a whole harem of men who are devoted solely to loving her AND daily references to her awesomeness. I am that desperate.

Look: I already spend a good chunk of my day with talking to unpleasant people while they unpleasantly go about their days. It's called "my job". I don't want to watch my soap operas just to see more of the same unpleasantness! It's just SO BAD. There was a time when I didn't hate every single character populating Genoa City, but that ship sailed long ago. I mean, I still love Jack always and forever, but everyone else can pretty much suck it.


That's enough, Phyllis.

Oh, Phyllis. I expected more of you. I expected you to go down in a blaze of glory. What the hell kind of semi-sociopathic, kind of redeemed unhinged uberbitch gets caught nearly jumping bail because she's too dumb to properly hide the wig she's planning on using while she's on the run? Since when is Phyllis an idiot? I guess sexing up Nick isn't good for the old IQ, since his "duh" is contagious.


And how was she not struck dumb for having the audacity to speak to Paul like this?

Phyllis: Good job, detective. Are you here to watch my misery, or just see the free show?

Paul: Hello to you, too, Phyllis.

Phyllis: You're a bastard.

Paul: I've been called worse.

Phyllis: You think you're holier than thou, that people look up to you as some superhero?

Paul: Oh, yeah. Well, yet I am jealous of Superman. If only I could be that cool.

Phyllis: You're a son of a bitch.


First of all, leave Mary out of this, Red Menace. And secondly, just from a karmic standpoint, I try to make a habit of not getting self righteous with the man I once ran over and critically injured! That's just not wise.

And then her sickly sweet appeal to the judge! What the hell?!

Phyllis: This baby. And... you would do anything. You would--you would die for this little being. So I wanted to cradle my daughter in my arms, and I wanted to run away. I wanted to run away, judge. I would've done anything. Honestly... I... my heart is still with my daughter. It always will be. But... my husband... adores this little girl, and I couldn't take her away from him. I-I couldn't do that to him. I also have another child, and... I made some mistakes with him when he was little. But that's--I mean... an-anyway, running away with one child meant abandoning the other, and I-I couldn't do that. I... you know, even though they're grown, they're still your baby. Uh, when--when-- when my son was young, I was forced to abandon him... and I couldn't do that twice. I couldn't do that to him. So... um... almost doing something isn't like doing it. I came back, judge. I'm here. I'm responsible. I came back. That has to count for something.

It was like an impassioned speech Markie Post would make in a Lifetime movie. Michelle Stafford deserves to win next year's Emmy just for saying those lines without cackling like a lunatic.


That's enough, Brad.


You know what I do when things don't go my way?

  • Interfere with my grown daughter's love life because I disapprove
  • Run and tattle to the assistant district attorney when I learn that someone is planning to jump bail
  • Get a horribly unflattering haircut and another round of botox

I hate Brad Carlton so much. It rivals my hatred of Spencer Pratt and Dawson Leery. I hate the fact that he's a smug douchebag. I hate the fact that we are in for yet another round of rehashing what happened in Brad's past, which means that he'll be onscreen every day for the rest of my life. I hate the fact that Don Diamont simply can't be bothered to emote anything other than "Smug" and "Smugger", and occasionally "confused".

Over my years of soap watching, I've come to terms with the fact that producers have their favorites, and that said favorites will get a lot of airtime. I just wish I understood what it was about Brad that inspires Lynn Marie Latham to write so many stories for him and shoehorn him into stories that he's not part of. Because from where I'm sitting, I see a gold-digging former poolboy with bad hair and a monotone. That doesn't exactly scream leading man to me.


That's enough, Noah.


Far be it from me to wish ill on a child, but...can we see a groundbreaking story about fifth grade bullying where we find Noah on the wrong end of a tough kid's fist? Please? I found myself wishing for the basketball to "slip" from Daniel's hands and hit Noah square in the face. And then I realized that I am a horrible person for hoping that a child gets injured. But then he started squawking about how awesome Phyllis is and I stopped caring.

That's enough, Heather.


She's been on the show for, like, four minutes and I am already over her. She doesn't exactly scream "assistant district attorney" as much as she screams "college sophomore who just got her first internship and is trying really hard to look professional, but she still dots her i's with hearts".

And am I supposed to believe that the story of her learning that Paul is her father is going to be good? I've seen this show before: neither one of them are Brad; Paul's on twice a month; LML has probably already forgotten that they are related. Their reunion will happen during a commercial break and will be poorly acted.


That's enough, Tammin Sursok.

You could literally see the moment where she thought "You know, this American accent is way hard! Do you think anyone will notice if I just stop trying? I hope not!"

For all of the jokes I have made and will make about her accent, her incredible lack of acting ability and her ginormous noggin and fivehead, the worst part of firing Adrianne Leon and replacing her with Tammin is that I can no longer watch any Colleen/Adrian scenes without waiting for Chris Hansen to pop out of the woodwork and interrogate Adrian about why he's hanging out with an adolescent girl.


"Art history slides? That's what you call it?"


Can someone please explain why they recast Adrianne Leon with this (personal insult redacted)? She is truly terrible, though I must admit she does have the super-heroic ability to make me appreciate Christel Kahlil's acting chops.

Surely there's already another recast in the works. Remember the other actors who played teenage Daniel? Me either. They cut their losses, fired the first after less than two months and the other actor taped scenes they decided not to air. Both Adrianne and Davetta Sherwood were fired and replaced overnight. They should do the same thing they did when Heather Tom left and they replaced her with the horribly miscast Sarah Aldrich. Eat humble pie and beg Adrianne to come back.

You should be careful with this blog, though. I've heard that if you type Cricket's name three times she appears to bore you to death with everything about her, and not even your overwhelming amazement that every male she meets falls in love with her can save you.

You know, if they did bring Cricket back (Note to self: Do not type that name again), she would probably have the balls to tell Katherine and Jill that Nina has a right to know that her son was fathered by some kid a drunk Kay kidnapped. Knowing the way this show is going, it will never be brought up, as they would have to explain to Cane that Nina wasn't a statutory rapist, but he was um, ah, um... abducted like the kid in "Flight of the Navigator." That's it.

Okay, I just checked on Wikipedia. Turns out Daniel Goddard is only 5 or so years younger than Tricia Cast who played Nina, and even closer in age to Lauralee Bell who played Cr... Tricky, tricky She Who Must Not Be Named.

Anyway, I guess there's no excuse to not bring back Nina, other than a lazy writing staff that doesn't feel the need to pay attention to the history of the show. I also have a feeling the Colleen recast isn't going to happen. If they really cared about what fan's want we wouldn't have to put up with Amber, and they wouldn't have forced Cricket down our throats for years.

Aw, man. She's here. Honestly, I think I'm with you. I'd rather let Christine Blair bore me to death than deal with the crapfest Y&R is these days.

I just want to say that as an Australian I can tell you that Tammin sucked hard as Dani on Home and Away. Sucked so much that she earnt the nickname FOD; as in F**k Off Dani.

Thank you for taking her away from us.

Oh. And did I mention that she also sings?

There once was a time when this show had really good casting and really good story lines, but not lately. I still haven't recovered from that "Brad is George" business and "Adrian might find out" business. Who cares? None of it works for me. Both recent Colleens were awful, I'm sick of Janna, I'm totally sick of Phyllis's whining about going to jail. I'm really not even sure why I keep watching except that old habits are hard to break and I keep hoping they'll start doing something that's interesting and not totally off the wall. And Danny, keep your reject actresses in your own borders!

Oh, THANK you for calling out the total sophomore-internness that is Heather. Her enunciation alone would get her booted out of even the lowest-tier regional law school after the first question in class.

Do the casting people truly not know how badly their young "actors" need voice coaching?

I totally agree about the Y&R. The show is going downhill since LML have taken over. She is destroying the show that made it number one in the first place. The writing is terrible and the boring s/ls is driving me insane. I wish the show would cut its losses with Brad, Heather, Adrian, Jana, Amber, Colleen, Jeffrey and Gloria. Get rid of these deadweights and get rid of the headwriter and get somebody who knows the history and characters of the show. Brad is too arrogant and pompous for my taste. Change his behavior to make him more likable or get rid of him. Heather is so boring that she makes me want to change the channel when she's on. The actress isn't clicking with anyone and recast the actress or get rid of her. The actress who play Colleen is so bad that I just wish the rid of her and recast someone with chemistry with the cast. Amber is so annoying and not likable on the show that they need to just get rid of her, and take the other characters with her. I feel that Phyllis need to get out of jail and do what she do what she does best: make trouble. I love it when Phyllis is causing chaos and getting back at people who wrong her. She is a devil may care woman who does what she wants and takes no for an answer. I love Lily and Cane. They have good chemistry and speak well of each other. I wish the show would bring back Dru and make Lily be like her mother. Let's see the bitch that Dru was when she was on and take no prisoners. I think CK can do it if the material is right with and I wish she wipe the floor with Acamber. I use to love her on B&B. She was a schemer, but she did with heart and want to change her and be a better person. But now she is written so one-noted that it is no rooting value for her. I think the show needs to go back to basics that made the fans love it in the first and what William Bell wanted the show to be about: family, relationships, drama, love, conflict, and history.

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