General Hospital Week in Review

Maybe it's because I spent most of the week pondering my scathing speaking ways, but GH continued to occupy "meh" territory for me.  Nothing outwardly offensive, nothing soapily fabulous.  I think the powers-that-be are relying on the apparently upcoming mob war to make things interesting, which will at least give me something to write about (hint:  not positively).  Until then, some random observations for you. . .

I'm sure I was supposed to feel for Elizabeth and admire Jason for coming clean, but I could only sit and laugh myself into an unattractive snort-fest as the usually uncommunicative hitman revealed to Liz the list of people who thanks to him know the "secret" of Jake's paternity:

• Sam
• Amelia
• Sonny
• Spinelli
• Lulu
• Diane
• probably Emily

Hee!  It was like the "secret" that the two of them had slept together in the first place, but better, because one of the characters actually stood there and rattled off the list of secret-knowers.  Awesome. Well, "awesome," in that it was unintentional comedy, but I'll take awesomeness where I can get it with this mess of a soap.

Their scenes together in the barn (is there a more fabulous cliché in all of daytime than the romantic barn?) were pretty good.  Becky Herbst and Steve Burton have great chemistry, and Liz and Jason as a couple is a long time coming, I suppose.  But I swear, if they don't write Jason out of the mob before pairing them up I will . . . well, there's nothing I can do, but I'll be even more critical than usual. My friends and family have therefore started a Jason Leaves the Mob letter-writing campaign.

In order to make way for attempt #24 at Liason though, of course Lucky and Elizabeth have to divorce.

I thought the break-up was actually pretty well done, with the obvious and predictable exception of the pacing, which was a complete mess.  I think Liz packing and moving -- which took place at an appropriately soapy pace -- took longer than their entire "try to make it work" phase.  And the divorce?  If those can happen so quickly in faux New York state, then why was Carly teleporting back and forth to the Dominican Republic the last time she wanted to get rid of Sonny? 

Lucky:  I think it's time that we face what we've known was going to happen for a while.

That was possibly the first smart thing Lucky has said since 2005.

I thought the actors were very good together (back when the writers actually made an effort to write Liz and Lucky as a non-doomed couple), and I will mourn the loss of such a high concentration of prettiness in their scenes together

But there's always YouTube.

I loved that they panned to Liz and Lucky's wedding photo

so we could remember the halcyon, long-ago days of . . . March 2007. Seriously, will they be fixing the pacing on this show anytime soon? 

The highlight of the separation scenes for me was, of course, Cameron.

That kid is brill.

Oh, and I lied, there was one more thing that really bugged me about the break-up.  Remember a year or two ago, when Elizabeth and Lucky were always inexplicably broke, and they lived in that hole of an apartment and Liz had to borrow money from Jason?  Now they split up and Elizabeth can afford a ridiculously nice house on her own, without alimony? 

What the hell?  The writers really don't even watch their own show, do they?

Jason finally yelling at Carly about how she talks about Liz was delightful.  Thank god we have Awesome Writer to take the bold stance that there are at least a couple of things that happen in Port Charles that aren't Carly's business.  I think Carly totally understands that she stepped over the line and will from here on out not try to control Jason's life -- why, just look at her reaction to his justified reprimand!

I should probably mention that I also believe that  Ashlee Simpson is a natural beauty and that OJ will one day find the real killers.

I guess it was the week for Carly to get told off.  For once I won't complain about the writers' lack of fresh ideas, because people could yell at Carly every day from now until 2009 and Carly would still be ahead by thousands of yell-fests.  Scotty's response to Carly telling off Logan for what he did to Lulu was classic soap.

Scott:  Oh, hey, pot, meet kettle.  Carly, when you blew into town, within months you were sleeping with your own mother's husband.  What has this kid really done that's so bad compared to the wake of destruction you've left in your path?  So where do you get off being so self-righteous?

Marry me, Scott Baldwin.  I'll totally be okay with the fact that your daughter is invisible and that you're obsessively in love with a wig on a stick.

But of course Lulu doesn't ever tell Carly off, because apparently Lulu wants to be Carly.  Or at least the writing staff wants to turn Lulu into Carly, to my ongoing irritation.

Carly to Lulu: We have to have a talk about bad boys, and how you stay away from them.

Oh, goody.  I haven't had nearly enough irony-triggered eyerolls this week.

Even setting aside the ridiculousness of someone who married two different mob kingpins, one of them four times, and who remains best friends with a professional hitman advising another woman to stay away from "bad boys," can we agree that said someone's advice on anything should be dismissed out of hand for thinking this is a cute look?

I guess I'm happy to see a bra peeking through there, but the rest of that ensemble is a hot mess. We are heading into year three of the Tragic Wardrobing of the Otherwise Seemingly Awesome Laura Wright, and while part of me likes making fun of it (a really big part), I do start to feel seriously sorry for her.

I guess if Gopher can be a Congressman, Isaac can be a judge.

Was I the only one who was waiting for the finger guns?  They wouldn't have seemed out of place in those ridiculous scenes. 

Diane:  You are absolutely clueless about fashion, aren't you?

. . .

So we had at least two cases of pot-calling-kettle-black-itis this week, I guess.

Ric's "are you kidding me?" look, which I like to think was Rick Hearst's actual reaction to the scene, was hilarious, but the rest was insane.  This whole contrived bullshit story is just one more way to put Kate and Sonny together, and I can think of few things I'm less interested in seeing than that.

And ordering community service at General Hospital as punishment for a criminal offense?  How original!  It's been at least a couple of months since these writers have used that idea.  Does this mean that on Saturday nights, Kate will be killing people now?  Because if she selects victims based on fashion faux-pas, I might be able to get behind that.

Kate marching into the hospital and ordering Epiphany around was amusing, as was her reaction to the suggestion that she clean patient rooms:

Kate: Oh, I think there's been a mistake.  I don't clean.

To which Emily and Liz responded with hilarious dueling "the freaking hell?" looks

Ha!  Those may be Expression Hall of Fame worthy.

So sure, they're slowing stripping away everything that made Kate interesting, and we're clearly in for a full-scale Sonny "romance," but I'm still virtually certain Megan Ward's hair could cure cancer.

So for now, I guess that's enough for me.

Yeah, I'd be angry too, Diane

if they put me in another goddamned bow

and another effing tie.

But wait, she was legitimately pissed about something non-wardrobe related!

Sonny:  Do you ever hear yourself, Diane?  The whole world does not revolve around your impressive legal brilliance.
Diane: No, of course it doesn't.  It revolves around almighty you. Your business, your ex-wife, your children by multiple mothers, your devoted enforcer who eliminates people whenever, wherever –-

I am so glad to have Diane and Georgie as the anti-mob voices of reason that I don't even really care that they're punished for speaking out with heinous outfits. 

What a difference a day makes.  Have they ever done anything less flattering to Natalia Livingston's hair?

Well, sure, they have, but this was pretty bad.  The next day she looked fabulous, though:

Just say no to the pull-back, Natalia.

Oh, Skye.  What's the weather like in Irrelevantistan?

Poor Robin Christopher.  The writers seem to remember Skye is still on the canvas about once every other month, and somehow her scenes always involve her begging some guy or another to help her.

I realize the writers are really wrapped up with incorporating this cutting-edge technology they just discovered, known as "text messaging," into their mob storylines

but you'd think they could have remembered to resolve last week's cliffhanger in which Johnny Zacchara dropped off the roof of a very tall building?  Before having him just pop up and start vexatiously texting again?

This writing team seriously can't remember what happened THE DAY BEFORE. 

I suppose I should be grateful, given how they've been written lately, that Patrick and Robin weren't really on this week. 

I don't want to start a celebration, because there is still much more work to be done, but . . . it appears Steve Burton trimmed his hair!

This week:

Last week:

Why not a full cut though, Steve?  Just for me?  I could promise not to write so much stuff about how Jason kills people for a living and is therefore a terrible romantic lead for a soap opera.  I'm already warming up to you thanks to your ongoing "WTF?" reactions to the Spinelli character, and because Jason is about ten times more interesting now that he's not with Sam,  so something like a nice, serious haircut could possibly pull me into the "I can ignore the whole professional murderer thing and become a squeeing 'shipper" camp.  Possibly.  How about you cut all that hair off and then we can discuss things further?

Sonny trying to order Carly to move in with him, for her protection, is cracking me up.  Yes, she'd definitely be safer with Sonny, particularly if she's giving birth.  This show, man.  So fucked up.

Sonny did legitimately, intentionally crack me up this week too though.

Sonny: Okay, I need you to get out of here, cuz I need to speak to him without you ::chatting mouth hand motion:: doing what you do. 
Spinelli:  That was succinct and somewhat articulate but don't you think –-
Sonny:  Beat it!
Spinelli:  Beating it, Godfather
Sonny: And don’t call me Godfather.

I was as entertained as Jason was by the whole thing.  I know normally that would mean I was stone-faced and blinky, but Steve Burton really does seem to be on the verge of busting out laughing in some of these Spinelli scenes, and I am right there with him.  Anyone, even Sonny, pointing out how ridiculous Spinelli is is okay by me.

Poor Georgie Jones.

1.  Her mother is on the longest trip to Texas in the history of mankind.

2.  Her dad has been on some spy adventure since she was in utero.   

3.  She is mooning over this

who to add insult to injury is in love with the girl who slept with Georgie's husband after she ill-advisedly got married in the midst of a monkey virus epidemic.

4.  And finally, she is wearing this

Yes, that's a red t-shirt with a maroon bag.  No, that's not okay under any circumstances that don't involve being held at gunpoint.  Not that I'm ruling that out, since she was in Jason's home for wayward and non-wayward-yet- inexplicably-homeless youth penthouse.

Screencaps, as always, courtesy of the fabulous Clarissa.

Comments

[Chad]

Is it just me or is there something almost creepy with the whole "a professional woman like Kate has to be knocked down a couple of pegs!" story? They've been giving her a few good scenes, like when she explains to Sonny why the magazine is everything to her, but the whole "Please, God, don't make me do manual labor!" thing is ridiculous. Either she really does have a working class background or she doesn't, writers!

[Sarah]

Duh! Johnny Zacharra is a psycho mobster killer. Hence he's a superhero. So when he flies off a tall building or whatever....he literally flies! Like Superman. Jason can fly, right? He can do everything else.

Even with the heinous cruel wardrobes and absolute character asassinations I was ridiculously hot for Georgie, Diane, Scotty, and even Ric this week. So much great mob calling outs, WTF? looks, and snark!!!!

[Beltane]

Poor, poor Diane. CH is actually a beautiful woman but because she is playing a confident, high-powered, successful professional (who happens to be female), TIIC feel they have to dress her as a man so that we dumb viewers don't become too confused by what appears to be an awesome woman who doesn't need a man to validate her existence. Gotcha, showrunners, only damsels in distress get to be feminine. However, as long as Diane calls Sonny & Co. on their crap, I don't care if they dress her in burlap - she rocks.

How awesome was it to see Carly get TWO verbal smackdowns! When Scott was calling her out on the stunts she pulled when she blew into town, I was jumping for joy screaming, "word, Scotty, word!" I just wish he could have gone on with the litany of horrible things Carly has done to the people of this town (and to this show).

Also, I've been waiting a decade for Jason to finally tell her to STFU! Okay, it wasn't quite as forceful as that but still, it made my day. I can't wait for her head to explode when she finds out that Liz has done the one thing Carly couldn't - give Jason his very own precious spawn. Carly's been using her children to keep Jason in her orbit from damn near the time of Michael's conception so it will be gratifying to see the dawn of realization hit her when she learns that Elizabeth and Jake have usurped her (supposed) place in Jason's world.

On a final note, why does Guza hate the Spencers? The deconstruction of Lucky from smart, savvy kid with a big heart to clueless unLucky has been unsettling but it has been going on for years. Lulu, initially started out with so much potential - she really was a cross between social misfit Luke and compassionate angel Laura - now she's mini-Carly. Really, GH, one Carly is more than enough for any show. Free Lulu and let her Spencer-ness shine through.

[smirks]

Because, Chad, Frons and Guza are single-handedly trying to undo the sexual revolution, and if GH's ratings were higher, they might be succeeding by now.

It's pretty well a given that any smart, successful, strong woman on this show will be inexplicably humiliated until you question whether the terms smart, successful, strong, and woman should be used in the same sentence. I started typing out examples, but it got pretty long, so I'll leave it at that.

[Aydee]

"you'd think they could have remembered to resolve last week's cliffhanger in which Johnny Zacchara dropped off the roof of a very tall building? "

You'd think. But, then, I'm still waiting for Scottie to tell Bobbie he hid all of Jake's letters (and I'm not talking about Jake "Spencer").

Speaking of unresolved issues. . . you want Jason out of the mob. . . and I want them to pick up the dangling thread of Jason remembering bits of his Quartermainia after Alan died. . . wasn't that supposed to lead him out of the mob?

Of course, smart, successful women will be humiliated. Remember Dobson, or the revisionist history that says Alexis has been mooning over Sonny all these years? Remember Mac ultimately rejecting any woman who gained the ability to stand on her own two feet? Oh, how I would LOVE to see Kate choose her career over Sonny. But now that her career has been taken away by the latest bad guy, no need. Sonny will dispatch said bad guy (with Jason's help), and save Kate's career for her. Yawn.

As for Diane and those God-awful ties 'n bows . . . has anyone seen that commercial she's on for, I don't know, yogurt or paint or something? She's lounging poolside, in a bathing suit. And she looks fantastic.

[Aydee]

By the way, do you think the little boy who plays Cameron signs? Some of his gestures looked he might've been signing during the "sometimes mommies and daddies don't live together" scene.

[Titian]

i'm really tired of georgie mooning over spinelli. he is so not moon-worthy and it has nothing to do with his unfortunate looks--it's his personality. he's "the fool" and she deserves much better. let's have georgie make a play for the maxie-free coop. or have logan turn to her for comfort now that carly jr. has rejected him.

i LOOOOOVED diane telling sonny off. she gave him the verbal smackdown he's been needing for years. i'm also looking forward to seeing her spar with alexis in the spencer divorce. the one scene they had together was excellent.

yeah, how can liz afford her own house? she's rarely at work. her husband's a cop. maybe st. jasus has been fluffing up her bank account for her...

[Becca]

Aydee, I noticed that too. It would explain his hilarious gunmen-in-the-park reactions also.

[Sarah]

ITA. Liz moving into a huge furnished house when she and Lucky could barely get by in a tiny windowless studio where Cam slept in a closet and they slept on a used sofa bed is insane. At least at the Spencer house it was understood it was bought and paid for years ago, they just had to pay taxes and upkeep if that. Now he's alone in a huge home and so is she? If that brownie pan scene didn't make you cringe I don't know what would! She can shove her magical love brownies!

And Sam's sofa and blankets in her home/apartment/hotel room w/ 1970's style jacuzzi is the one from Lainey Kelly and Robin's loft. That means the three female doctors are all now homeless!!!!

The staff in every department at GH sucks. Hair, wardrobe, writing, directing, set design and on and on and on.....Does the commissary serve salmonella?

[kitzie]

I know this is going to seem - unlikely - but, I think that Jason's new hair is the reason why we're liking him more. That's the only solid thing that's different about him. I used to detest him (post brain damage) and have really been enjoying him now. Like, this is the most I've liked him in ten years. I think it's the hair?

I have a plot idea since it looks like Liason is a go... Unfortunately, it's going to involve another mob war - but, wouldn't it be cool if Liason's first hurdle was Zander coming back from the dead as a successful mob boss kinda like how they're doing Zacchara? And he wants Cam and Liz. Or, hell, maybe it'd be even better if he cleaned up and became a successful businessman or something.

So I was thinking about who Georgie could be with other than Spin, and came up with: Rick. I think she'd be good with an older guy and they might work together...

[Danny]

Why is there any question about Elizabeth and Emily being in the Expression Hall of Fame?

I must give Awesome Writer props. Finally this show has characters saying what the fans have been saying all along. Hearing people call out the Mob Squad on their crap is almost as exciting as coming home to find that Tivo decided to record a random reality show on Bravo... and any show randomly being recorded on Bravo is an amazing, amazing thing.

[Dawn]

I glad Jason finally told Carly off, and It was forceful to me. I jumped when he told her to shut up.

And I did love the Liason scenes in the barn, the kiss was wonderful.I melted when Jason said you know I love you.I'm a dork.

[Lisa]

I really, really needed the laugh this post gave me, although I do have that taste of blood in my mouth from its force.

Yet more reason not to watch, only read this blog: Bradford Anderson as heartthrob. Honey, shouldn't you be leaving to take over Steve Buscemi's roles on the big screen?

I almost missed the Carly smackdown because I was freaked out for the 100th time at how Logan and Scotty look exactly alike in your screencap.

Uh, why does GH need a self-reliant, sharp, woman lawyer? Don't they already have one? Or is NLG being punished for refusing to wear such costuming?

[Beth R]

I'll admire Jason for coming clean when he adds in there about Sam witnessing Jake's kidnapping, Sam being the one who hired the goons in the park AND the fact he knows Sam won't tell Lucky anything because he threatened to kill her. Until then..no go.

I was plumbed shocked that a marriage destruction for no reason other than my admittedly parannoyed suspicion that Greg got far too much fan attention over Steve for Guza's liking actually started off CIVIL. This is GH. When kids are involved with a divorce...the first thing fired off is that the C-battle....and you NEVER EVER see the "sit the kids down to talk about divorce" scene...not unless Guza wants us to blame one parent for breaking that poor kid's heart. Brady Walkes is the best kid casting coup ever. LOve him.

Hey question...why is it Lucky talking to Alexis, the laywer he's ALWAYS ALWAYS talked to about legal matters (including Liz's surrogacy contract) a bad thing yet Liz hiring JASON'S CRIMINAL attorney who she's had no prior relationship is not supposed to mean anything and Lucky's just a jerk for reading into it?

Bitter Lucky fan - party of me.

[Ginger]

I absolutely loved this commentary. Unfortunately, in order to watch GH these days, you need a huge, whopping sense of humor because the show has become a complete mess. Diane, Epiphany and Spinelli have made GH tolerable for me. There are no couples to root for, no families to care about, no love stories, no characters who make me really embrace them. But I can still get a laugh from Spinelli, Diane and Ephiphany. Sad, isn't it?

[smirks]

PS - Anyone think that screencap of Emily with the "good hair" looks frighteningly like Kristina Sr., Alexis' "sister"?

[Sherrell]

Ladies...I was hoping you'd have a snarky comment or two about Nikolas's new explosive temper... :-(

[Rose J.]

I am so sick of J\E\S\L. They all deserve to be alone! They all are too blame for whats going on. PLEASE enough already! I love Kate & Sonny.What's up with the prince? Get rid of Jerry Jax!!

[Cherie L.]

I also love the Kate & Sonny relationship. It's refreshing and plain fun to watch. I'm a med student and so, inherently, out-of-your-mind busy, but i try to catch their clips on YouTube when I can. This is big considering I haven't liked Sonny since Brenda...and even then, he was engaging but not likeable. Kate's bringing out a wonderful side to his personality and it makes for engaging storytelling. (I REALLY hope the writers and TPTB don't mess this story up.)

[mary]

johnny z is adorable, I hope he stays for a very long time.