Days of Our Lives Week in Review

You guys, it looks like they are really killing John Black!  Holy crap!  This is the ballsiest thing Days has done in forever that didn't make me roll my eyes or disavow all knowledge of its existence.  I try to steer clear of spoilers, but references to John's demise and Drake Hogestyn's departure have been pretty unavoidable of late.  Tivo helpfully called Friday's episode "A passing car hits John at full speed," so my hour of viewing wouldn't exactly have been suspense-filled in any event, but even having a general idea of what was going to happen I still got into the soapy drama of it all.

Dude!  That looks uncomfortable.

I admit I wouldn't be terribly broken up about John's death/Hogestyn's departure in any event, but if the show is really trying to milk this event for all its dramatic possibilities -- which it should -- wouldn't it have been a good idea to have John on screen for more than about 18 minutes this year?  Maybe give him a central role in the vendetta story?  Explore his relationship with Stefano, or maybe finally figure out just what the eff his backstory is after all?  It just all seems so rushed, and I really hope they have a way to make killing off such a longtime character worth it.  (By the way, who will hilariously pal around with Bo trying in vain to solve criminal mysteries now, if John really is dead?  First person who says Marlena gets punched in the throat!)

I thought the John/Marlena scenes leading up to the accident were horrible, yet also apropos: 

Uncreative and unnecessary sexual double-entendres?  Check.  Unfunny John "joke" with enormous Marlena over-laugh-and-embrace reaction? Check.  John the international spy and former police commissioner being unable to pick a car door lock?  Check.  Not much of a build-up.

I did really like the Sami/John scene before he went splat, though

Sami:  You're my dad too.

Sniff.

What?  I am not completely dead inside!

In case you were wondering, yes, the shut-off for a life support system does have an enormous "MAIN POWER" label-maker sticker right above a big red button, so that if you as a non-medical-professional are going to disconnect said life support, you'll know exactly what to do. 

It's one of the many advances in modern medicine.

I got so amped up when the cane of doom made its entrance (setting aside the fact that that door appears to open inward and therefore putting the cane through the pull-handle would appear to have no effect other than to have a cool place to hang your cane while you get your homicidal groove on)

But then Shawn Sr. wimped out and Andre offed himself.  Boo!  Maybe Andre just couldn't stand one more minute of the Adventures of the Miraculously Appearing and Disappearing Irish Brogue.

I thought the scenes between Stefano and Shawn were soapy goodness.  Nobody does OTT soap rage like Joseph Mascolo.

Though I think I might have enjoyed the Bo/Stefano scenes even more.  Peter Reckell was great

and it was about time someone laid into Stefano about how ridiculous it is to blame an 8-year-old kid for his sister's suicide and put the responsibility for a decades-long vendetta at his feet.  (Is there really no additional twist to this story?  It feels like it is ending in a completely different way than how it was conceived.)  Anyway, Bo was once again kickass and I would like more of that please.

The weirdest thing is happening.

I'm starting to like Max.  And no, it's not the shirtlessness, or the better hair.  I mean, they help, but I actually am starting to like the character.  Maybe it's just that he's the most tolerable thing within the orbit of the god-awful sorority storyline.

Speaking of which . . . "Ford Decker."  Good lord.  That would be the name of a soap character in an SNL skit about a bad soap opera.

Even if I liked him or his stupid name (which I so do not), I would still refuse to admit it because he's associated with this dumbass sorority crap which I think was specifically engineered to test the limits of my fast-forward button. 

Oooooh, a bar full of frat boys!  Thank goodness I have escapist soap operas, because I could never see something like this in real life!  And a guy auction, really?  Hasn't that been done on every bad TV show ever?  Does anyone really want to have to explain how their story is not a direct rip-off of Saved by the Bell and One Tree Hill but is more of an homage?

Okay, so he is working with his evil father to manipulate a woman who is pregnant by her husband into divorcing the husband to marry him instead, and he made a veiled threat against her son to facilitate the fake marriage, and he was well on his way to doing her sister bodily harm to ensure the wedding would take place, but

I'm not going to lie, he could still get it.

Was anyone else disturbed by Phillip harping on the dying Lauren for details about his son?  The woman falls down stairs and is clearly in terrible shape and Phil's like, um yeah, sorry you tripped, but where's my kid, bitch?   

P.S.  More of Phillip in the black tank top would be great, thanks.

Sami is 72-months pregnant with twins she is apparently going to birth through her patellas (SERIOUSLY, that pregnancy pad is pathetic)

yet she is mopping floors at the Brady Pub.

Setting aside EJ and Lucas, both of whose claims of adoring her I am skeptical of, why the hell are the 173 Bradys in town letting her do hard labor at the pub?

Also, I can't believe I'm asking this because it would mean less James Scott to look at, but is it my imagination or could Sami and EJ do with a bit less screentime?  I feel like they're on every day, and this incarnation of screeching/sobbing Sami is a bit tough to take in such large doses.  I don't imagine after the elephant babies are born her screentime is going to decrease, since Ali Sweeney isn't actually pregnant and won't be on maternity leave.  And also because it appears the only characters under the age of 35 that this show can write decently for are Sami and EJ, and even that is sporadic at best.

This is the most watchable Shawn has been in probably six months.

And this improved hair styling is the most watchable Belle has been since at least the "You baby-stealing bitch!" high point.

What the hell is with Belle talking up Phillip (to the social worker and anyone else who will listen) as father of the year, when a few months back she was throwing Claire off a cruise ship into the shark-infested ocean to keep her daughter from living with him?  I don't understand this relationship at all.  Please don't mistake that for a desire to understand this relationship, or to ever see more of this relationship on my screen.  I could not care less about these two.  I could not care less that they kissed.  I could not care less who Belle or Shawn or Phillip end up with at this point.  No, that's not true, I'm sure I could care less, and the show is going to make me prove that.

Stephen Nichols and Mary Beth Evans are made of awesome.

Their scenes about Steve and Kayla losing Pocket, and then with Jay Kenneth Johnson (who was also great), are the kind of thing the show needs more of.  I hope the writers come up with something really interesting for Steve and Kayla to do now, something which has nothing to do with babies.

Marlena:  You’re not just marrying a man.  You’re giving him two tiny hostages.

I was the only person who burst out laughing at this overly-dramatic moment, right?  The only one who got a mental image of two Barbie-doll-sized babies being held captive by EJ in a little Dreamhouse-sized prison?  Something about Deidre Hall's delivery made it impossible for me to take any of her lines about Sami marrying EJ seriously.  They were almost Shatner-esque.

I still don't understand how Sami marrying EJ will end the vendetta.  I don't care that I don't understand it, but nonetheless it's worth noting that Days of Our Lives is confusing me.  Given what this obviously says about my intellect, any day now I expect to be found wandering through the streets, marveling at the wonder of traffic lights and pointing out that cars go "vroom-vroom!."

Screencaps courtesy of Days of Our Lives 2.

Comments

[Buttercup]

"Ford Decker." Good lord. That would be the name of a soap character in an SNL skit about a bad soap opera.

They obviously used the "Bad Soap Opera Skit on SNL" Name Generator:

1) Make of car your mother drives?
2) Brand of Baking Powder in your pantry?

Oooh. My bad soap opera snl skit name is Plymouth ClabberGirl. That is unfortunate.

[KellsBells]

According to that formula my soap name is Mazda Armnhammer... Can I throw a Von in there and by royalty of indiscriminate lineage? Mazda Von Armenhammer...

[ann]

Wow...I missed Days this week, so thanks for hte recap! I'd been hearing rumblings about what might happen to John, but wasn't sure that it was going to happen.

But more than just thanking you for the recap, can I just thank you for including that screencap of JS in that long-sleeved shirt...and jeans! Dear Lord...I mean, he's sex on a stick to begin with, but seeing him in something other than a suit jacket or shirt/tie (which, while dapper, hide that body!) is enough to make me pass out in a puddle of my own drool! Any way to get a close-up of that?!

[Tripp]

You are NOT the only person who burst out laughing at Marlena's inane line of two tiny hostages. But I didn't get two barbie doll sized babies. I got two cabbage patch kid sized babies who are trying to tunnel out of the Dimansion with silver plated spoons.

I won't miss John but I do think they could have come up with a better death than a lame hit and run (that car wasn't gunning for him IMO). And why does John and Marlena not have a spare set of keys? They are so ridiculously close I was half expecting John to have a key to every lockable door to his daughter's life.

Ford Decker is a cross between Tobey MacGuire and West from Heroes. Hardly this "extreme hunk" they are making him out to be.

[Chimène]

Another hearty HA-HA-HA, plus a tear or two for the stalwart John Black....

[lascuba]

Soap gods help me, I'm starting to like Max, too. That was not supposed to happen. I still think we have too many of his "type" - decent looking guy destined to always be a supporting character. We desperately need young leading men.

I think it's great that Days is taking a chance a killing off such a major character, but you are so right that they're doing it the worst way possible. There's been no build up and considering Hogan's work so far there won't be mush of a resolution either.

[Jes]

My soap name is the worst. Pontiac Armand-Hammer(the hyphen helps, I think).

I will be shocked if John really dies, albeit in a good way. The last serial killer storyline had me excited until they revealed it was all a farce. I want to see gutsy writers for a change.

[Ivy]

I so agree about the bad buildup to John's death....it's like they kept him offscreen long enough so that people wouldn't make as bad a stink when he left. It's a shame....plus, was I the only one who wanted to smack Belle when she started horning in on Marlena's patented crying moves? Maybe it was just me...

I'm completely fine with EJ and Sami on screen as long as they make Sami into what she used to be - a bad girl with an attitude, instead of this weepy heroine...it doesn't suit her and it makes my head hurt.

Oh, and more James Scott in casual (or better yet, no) clothing would be spectacular. He pretties up my TV screen....

[Natalie]

I was cracking up about the "two tiny hostages" comment as well. So ridiculous.

One question... WHERE THE HELL IS NICK!? I miss him/ Blake Berris. He is about the only character in the younger set that I can stomach these days.

[Chad]

I agree about the vendetta storyline. I really thought they were building up to Colleen's dad killing her and Santo, which certainly would have made more sense. I wonder if someone did have it changed at the last minute to make the Bradys less culpable?

I'm just hoping John's death will mean someone, anyone, would mention the existence of the Alamain family again. I'm probably wishing in vain, though, just like when I was waiting for Tony to mention the tiny fact that Andre was responsible for the death of the love of his life, Rene.

[Carl]

James Scott has too much hair for the style he's currently sporting. In that photo of him in the contemplative/satisfied pose, he looks like Alice, the Brady maid. He's a very handsome man, but hair and wardrobe could go a long way towards not making him quite so foppish and laughable. I feel like he's turning into Ethan from AMC.

[minirth]

But... what about Moaning Marlena's phone call to Sami? I nearly choked to death when Sami answered the phone to hear Marlena's "OOOOOOOOOOOH". Was that just to painful to remember? :)

Seriously, who the hell moans in that situation?

[Ellie]

I completely agree about John's death. As a John and Marlena fan, I am pretty broken up about it, but it really adds insult to injury that "superspy John Black" dies crossing the street. Come on. AND it's not even during sweeps. AND he hasn't been involved in the vendetta storyline. If Days is trying to slap J&M fans in the face - good job, guys.

lol about Sami's screentime... um, yeah, she's been on a bit too much. And something is seriously wrong with that pregancy padding. Good thing she's already in her 44th week. I'm sure she'll deliver soon.

[Mia]

"Okay, so he is working with his evil father to manipulate a woman who is pregnant by her husband into divorcing the husband to marry him instead, and he made a veiled threat against her son to facilitate the fake marriage, and he was well on his way to doing her sister bodily harm to ensure the wedding would take place, but...I'm not going to lie, he could still get it."

You know - EJ is to my Days viewing what Jack Abbott (the man who took advantage of his father who was suffering dementia) is to my Y&R viewing. A character who, despite his sweevil acts, I can not resist. JS makes EJ's selfish acts palatable and completely forgivable in my book.

[L2]

John's death: I was hoping the car would circle back around and complete a trifecta by taking out Marlena and Belle.

Steve & Kayla: The only thing still watchable about this show.

OMB and Andre: "Maybe Andre just couldn't stand one more minute of the Adventures of the Miraculously Appearing and Disappearing Irish Brogue." I could have sworn Andre rolled his eyes and decided to just get on with it. And OMB, if you were really concerned that Andre was pressing his own "Main Power" button, then maybe you could have, you know, opened the door for the medical personnel.

Sami (It's All About Me) and the Vendetta: I don't see why her marrying EJ is going to be all the helpful. Stupid.

Do you think the winner of "I Wanna Be A Soapstar?" will show up as one of Sami's SORASed twins? They have been gestating in there now for 72 months and have lived through several hair-raising storylines already. They've kind of earned it, no?