Dear Robin: Girl, Please Chill...and Also Fix Your Hair

Dear Robin,

You know I adore you, but I have some questions that I need you to seriously consider.

• As a physician, why are you not able to diagnose your severe case of baby rabies and realize that you're crazily overreacting to breaking up with the hotness that is Patrick?
• When did your biological clock start "tickin' like THIS" a la Mona Lisa Vito in My Cousin Vinny?  Do you not realize that you are young and only decided like seven minutes ago that you wanted a baby?
• Why will you not look into a semi-permanent rinse?
• As a woman with a busy career who is also HIV positive, with little immediate family support (in what hemisphere are your invisible parents currently dangling from helicopters and/or carrying out an assassination plot?), does being a single parent by choice really seem like the best plan at this juncture in your life?
• Will you please lose the number of the stylist who cut your bangs?
• Did you seriously make a list of all the guys in town whose sperm you might request?  And did that list of men who are "smart, funny, and kind" not include, momentarily, Sonny (!), and, permanently, Jason (!!) and Spinelli (!!!)?!?!  I can't even get into this any further right now, so let me just sum up my overall reaction as being a tangy mix of "bitch, please"

                                                                         and OMG, WTF?!

  

• And finally, most importantly . . . For the love of all that is good and holy, WHY WOULD YOU CONSIDER PASSING ALONG THIS HAIR TO AN INNOCENT CHILD?

  

  

  (Is Steve Burton trying to give me a stroke?  Please tell me if you know.  I'd rather be prepared.)

Please get back to me as soon as possible.  I want to continue to root for you but you are really making that difficult.  Responses to these pressing questions might help.  Also, if you could enclose assorted photos of Patrick with your answers, that would be great.

Sincerely,
Becca

P.S.  I am not crazy and understand you are fictional.  Therefore, would you please pass along all these questions to the GH writing staff?  Except the ones about hair -- those go to Kimberly McCullough.  You're a gem, thanks!

Comments

[smirks]

I have decided that that is not Jason's hair, but rather a really sick tribble who has taken up residence on his head.

I didn't even knew Robin knew about Spinelli.

[Sandra]

I am 30 ish, and thanks to Robin I am now inspired to create my own baby daddy list. It does not have a prince and any married guys or mobsters on it, instead on my list:

1) one of those dudes with the hairy backs I dated (yes there was more than one)
2) that homeless guy i smoked with on New Years Eve a few years back
3) that 23-year-old kid who insisted on getting my number this weekend and then didn't call.

[Anon]

Do you read spoilers? Because um, it gets better. Only not. I hate this show.

[Beth R.]

I thought Steve's hair had reached the nadir of suckitude during the not at all suspenseful murder trial...but phew buddy he topped himself. And personally smirks...i think that is an insult to sick tribbles everywhere. Bloated dustbunnies is a better description.

Sonny and Jason didn't surprise me. Nik didn't shock me. Lucky surprsied me since the last time she even talked to him was to yell at him about doing his job but SPINELLI? SPINELLI? My eyes twitched, my head convulsed, seizures began. Bitch please indeed Cameron. Bitch please! Who the feck will be next on the list? Noah? WHy not Mike? Max and Milo? oh I know since we are skewing to guys in her cousin's age range! Cooper! Logan!

Someone please stop the baby rabies! Start a teleathon! Book Jerry Lewis but PLEASE SAVE US FROM THE BABY RABIES!

[kitzie]

I'm telling you guys, Jason cuts his hair and he goes back to being a serial killer -umm, I mean coffee importer - and we go back to loathing him. I believe in the power that is his bad hair. I believe that it makes him an enjoyable character and might reverse his brain damage so he will go back to med school.

[V]

Hah, so funny! Please Becca, don't give up on poor Robin yet. I actually liked her hair today a bit more than other days. But yeah, she is not a "bangs" person. She already looks like a little girl, and the bangs are not helping me think she is... what age is she? I didn't realize women pre-30 had wild baby rabies.

I wanted to share something funny about that last Steve Burton pic:

I was watching GH and my soon-to-be 16-year-old walks by and sees the screen at the moment of that screen cap, and she says, "WHAT THE HECK IS WITH JASON'S HAIR?!"

LOL, I thought it was funny.

I don't understand why he doesn't simply grow the hair out and stop using gels. Or, at the least do the shorter buzz like Lucky used to wear. I mean, it could not be that difficult.

[Sarah]

What has happened to SB's hair is a tragedy. I read it was grown out for a western movie he was supposed to be done with by now. Unfortunately the shooting was pushed back to Jan/Feb so we will all be subjected to the hideous coif for many more months.

Kim McCullough's hair has been really hit or miss. The roots I can't handle. I blame the horror of Carrie Bradshaw for trying to pass that look off as stylish. It's crap ugly!

As for the baby rabies, she's been wanting one for a long time now. Even pre admission on the docks to Patty after Alexis's first cancer surgery. With her HIV and limited time to achieve her dreams she's right to move on with out him.

BUT not having a guardian in place if something was to happen to her even more prematurely is NUTSO! It should be addressed. It should be Brenda. But Guza sucks and Frons is brain dead. So what could be an amazing powerful drama will be a shlocky hacked up ruined back burner joke of a innacurate storyline.

TIIC are destroying their two time emmy winner! Smart. And Patty's hotness is now limited to JT. The character is no longer hot. JMO

Could you also write a Dear Patrick letter too?! Because I do not recognize this character that they have parading around on screen right now. They took a 2 year build up of a relationship based on being real and special and turned it into another bad GH caricature of a storyline.

Robin's sudden obsession with babies is over the top--but hey, at least we see her acting irrational and unhinged after a break-up that shouldn't have happened. It's actually more understandable than the crap they are having Patrick do now. It's as if he was never in love with Robin. What kind of memory loss do these writers have? Is it all the funny weed they are smoking that's making them forget the character they created and the story that they wrote to date?!

Yeah, he definitely needs a Dear Patrick letter!

[Elizabeth K. Mahon]

I hate what the writers have done to Patrick and Robin. Seriously in what universe did Patrick think it was cool to date Leyla who has to work with Robin? Are there no other women in PC he could hit on? Why not Skye Quartermaine. And excuse me Robin, but what makes you think that Emily would be okay with you asking Nik's sperm for a baby? Why didn't she add Coleman to the list or Cooper Barrett, or any of the other cops in the PCPD?

[Brett]

Since we're asking, in what universe would any woman consider Sonny or Spinelli sperm over Jax? Oy.

Only in GH could this ever happen.

[Beth]

If the reason we're being subjected to the coiffed horror that is Jason's hair is that Steve Burton is making a western movie in the future, then I hope a horse kicks him in his hindquarters for crimes against hairstyling. There, I said it.

"And excuse me Robin, but what makes you think that Emily would be okay with you asking Nik's sperm for a baby? Why didn't she add Coleman to the list or Cooper Barrett, or any of the other cops in the PCPD?"

THANK YOU, Elizabeth! Emily's already raising a kid not her own from Nik's last sperm vacation, so let's not add another stepchild to the mix.

And Coleman would be a FABULOUS addition to the babydaddy list, but I think she should stay away from PCPD. Unless of course she's looking to have the first picture of her precious bundle involve the "duh" face. :)

[Aydee]

Too funny! Another home run, Becca. Love the screencaps!

In fairness, I believe Robin did cross Jason off the list because he would want to be involved in his child's life. I love it: she crossed Jason off for that reason, and Sonny for his relationship with Stone, but neither because they're violent criminals. Hey, if this is really what she want, she SHOULD choose Sonny--she'd be pregnant in a second.

List aside, you are 100% right: her sudden hysteria to be a mother is really stretching it. Although it does seem to happen in real life. . . but then when is this show anything like real life?

Did I hear her say she has strong family support? I thought she had terrible, neglectful parents.

[Beth R]

Wait so Jason gets crossed off because he would want to be in the child's life? (Now granted I did have fun visions of Jason making the exact same promises to Robin as he did to Liz and following them about as well as he did there.) So everyone else then WOULD be able to walk away from a child they helped create? Isn't Lucky in the middle of a custody battle and didn't Nik go hog wild to get his son back from Carjax?

Ahh logic...always the downfall of Guza.

And yup the Hair that won't die is for a movie that got pushed back....I wish someone would explain the concept of period age WIGS to him. Or at least quit pissing off the hair department at the show. Surely there has to be something better than THAT.

[Titian]

Robin had Jax on her list. Jax, who is married to Carly. Nicholas who is engaged to Emily. Lucky who is divorcing Elizabeth and doing Sam. Why are most of the men on her list involved? Her list is as unrealistic as her baby fever. Why not have her consider a sperm bank or adoption? These would be much more viable options than the men of Port Charles. And yeah, where is this strong family support coming from? Is she referring to the cables Anna uses to swing in from the roof? She can't possibly be talking at Mac, can she?

Even more annoying than Robin's advanced case of baby fever is the three times daily conversation about how Carly needs to stay away from Trevor Lansing and Johnny Zacchara because it's so dangerous. If I have to endure one more of Laura Wright's open-mouth cock-eyed expressions as it's explained to her for the bazillionth time that her character is a meddling, melodramatic harpy shrew of an idiot, I'm going to dig Sarah Brown out of hiding and beg her to bring the real Carly back.

[Becky]

Oh crap! Spewing water on the computer keyboard is a bad thing. Thanks for that Becca.

Those are the exact FAQs that come to mind when I see Robin these days. Freakin' Fabulous. Everything is wrong. Needing a baby NOW, NOW, right NOW. Considering mobsters and/or anyone who looks and/or acts the way Jason, Sonny & Spinelli do. UGH! And the hair? Really? Robin focus on this instead of the baby rabies. Love ya, really, but you've got issues that need to be taken care of before you procreate.

I think we should let Robin babysit Cam and when she talks of finding a sperm donor, he can give her his unparalleled "bitch, please" look. Since he is a child, and that is all she seems to think about right now, maybe she'll listen to him.

[Aydee]

Beth, in truth I don't pay super close attention when I'm watching GH, but I'm pretty sure she crossed Jason off the list because he wouldn't want to be a sperm-donor only.

[Beth R]

Aydee - no you were correct. SZ had the same reaction I did. Isn't Lucky in the middle of a custody fight? He'd walk away? And I don't blame you for not paying attention. Lord knows the mute button is my best friend.

[Sarah]

I think Robin should throw caution to the wind and ask Noah to be the donor!!!

Patrick's head would explode and I'd love to see that. It would be even funnier than Carly's wig out when she jokingly asks for Jax's swimmers.

And I could get behind a baby wearing those hideous little shirts.

Baby Robman or Baby Colebin or Baby Scorman or Baby Colpio....I see the fansites already :-)

[Laura]

"I think Robin should throw caution to the wind and ask Noah to be the donor!!!

Patrick's head would explode and I'd love to see that."

lol
That would really be fun to see at this point.

[Titian]

to whoever it was that mentioned spoilers: WHY? WHY? WHY? OMG!!! will someone please tell me what grade of crack GUZAFRONS is smoking????!!!! will someone please destroy this sophomoric two-headed monster?!! Gameraaaaaa!!!! Gameraaaaaaa!!!!!

[Jessica]

I agree with the person requesting the Dear Patrick letter...all the crap he's done this week and ROBIN gets criticized? I get that this whole storyline is stupid but Patrick's actions take the cake. After all, poor him couldnt sleep with the student nurse cause his girlfriend was tying him down. Poor boy.

[Beltane]

I hear ya about Robin and the baby rabies; however, for about a year now, they have had her say on a few occasions that she dreams of being a mother. I liked the Robin and Kelly scenes because, as goofy as making the "list" was, it nice to see glimpses of original recipe Robin - you know, the one who laughs and jokes around.

While I can't see it ever happening, how awesome would a Scorpio/Spencer baby be? The thought of Luke and Robert being grandfathers to the same child has me giddy with glee. Throw in Devane and Webber DNA (I know - Laura's not biologically a Webber) and you've got the second coming. Forget about Jakeson, the golden seed, the entire town of Port Chuckles would be invested in a Scorpio/Spencer baby.

Unfortunately, Patrick Drake no longer exists on GH for me. I still heart JT but refuse to watch Patrick until he is freed from the hell that is this s/l. I'm convinced that Guza was so seriously freaked out about JT's popularity possibly usurping that of his BELOVED SBu that he spent countless sleepless hours coming up with ways to destroy Patrick - oh, and if Robin's character gets screwed in the process, so much the better. As usual, JFP is very proud of her writing staff. Ugh!

[V]

"Hey, if this is really what she wants, she SHOULD choose Sonny--she'd be pregnant in a second." - Aydee

I couldn't stop laughing when I read this. LOL!

I'd love to read a "Dear Patrick" letter. Please Becca, if you are taking requests for future bloggies. ^__^

I'd also love a letter to Jason and why he thinks bringing Z's son to his private residence to question is a good idea.... NOT

That scene reminded me of "The Office" and the kidnapping of the pizza boy last night. LOL

[Roah and Rocky Fan]

You know, I would totally be down for Robin and Noah. They're called Roah to the online community, lol. What?! It's a soap. And yes, the idea has been entertained by a couple of fans. Go Roooooah!!!!!

Either them or Lucky and Robin. A Scorpio and Spencer baby would kick all kinds of ass. I have always thought they missed the boat with them. At the very least they should have been friends. Oh the history.

[Sarah]

V is dead on righteroo! Jason's abduction of Johnny Zacharra and holding him at his teen halfway house of a penthouse is sooooo dumb. Even more ridiculous than Michael and the Dunder Mifflin kidnapping of the pizza delivery boy during a live web feed.

Jason, your brain damage is showing...AGAIN!

[Ginger]

They are on the road to ruin with this storyline. In a perverse way, that actually makes me happy. If those ratings continue to sink, maybe we will get some serious changes on this show. So, go ahead, Guza, continue chopping up your most popular current couple! Friday's ratings were a 2.2.

BOTH robin and patrick are acting crazy..yes, she is rushing to be a mother because of the breakup, but patrick, who hours before was boinking ms. rebound, leyDUH, shouldn't have been the one to point that out..and patrick telling ms rebound that he wanted her WHILE he was with robin was just a slap in the face to scrub fans..ouch..btw, robin's hair is fine..i'll take over liz's porn star look anyday..

[V]

Liz's porn star look? LOL!

I just keep envisioning a bobble head when I look at Liz now. She's wafer thin, with big hair like she's from Dallas, and those big eyes, and it's just weird. She's a living bobble head.

I'm sorry, it just strikes me that way.

[KLD]

Robin's baby rabies, Patrick's loss of hotness, and that hair have all made me tune out.

The HIV pregnancy storyline has always had tremendous potential. Just to prove what a loser he really is, Guza has beyond destroyed it. Why for the love of all that is holy and pure does this man still have a job?!

[Chimène]

HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA about sums it up!