General Hospital Week in Review

Oh show, why do you suck so?

How boring is General Hospital right now?  Why, with this cast and history, isn't this the best soap on daytime?  Oh, right, the writing.  I bet you wouldn't think that if you could watch the show on your Blackberry, though!

Let's start off with the dumbest thing that happened this week, the clunky attempt to integrate Night Shift storylines back into OG GH.  I thought Night Shift was supposed to have stand-alone episodes?  I thought it was supposed to be an "alternate universe" that wouldn't cross over to regular GH?  I thought the showrunners had decided it wasn't possible to integrate the two shows?  And most importantly, I thought we were rid of this horribly crappy spin-off?!

Friday's episode would have made no sense to someone who didn't watch Night Shift, right?  And the majority of General Hospital viewers actually didn't watch Night Shift, right?  How would someone who only subjects themselves to regular GH have known (or cared):

• why Cody was in jail?
• why Dr. Julian is limping?
• what Epiphany is talking about re: exploding ambulances, pulling plugs, switching meds, and shoot-outs?
• why Kelly was freaking out about a couple of teenagers being schmoopy, or why she's in sex addition therapy
• that Andy has a drug addiction?
• why Jolene is the "angel of death" or how she got shot?

And on Night Shift, Leyla and Patrick have been sleeping together for weeks and Robin knows it, but on GH it's big news that they're going on a date, and Robin is upset about it?  Plus:

Leyla to Robin:  [Y]ou don’t get to belittle me just because your boyfriend broke up with you.

What?  Didn't I see GH Robin break up with GH Patrick, not the other way around? 

Liz: How happy are you to be done with night shift duty?
Robin:  Let me count the ways.  Unfortunately, the after effects still linger.

How deliciously meta.

I would have preferred a Dirty-Dancing-esque, "This is my dance space, this is your dance space" approach to the two shows.  I call foul on the spaghetti arms!  And I am totally okay with putting Night Shift in a corner.  Uh, this comparison is getting away from me, so let me just sum up by saying that say what you will about GH, it is perfectly capable of not living up to its potential without an assist from another, even more disappointing, soap.

This week, a DNA test confirmed that Scott is Logan's father.

Well knock me over with a feather.

Despite fantastic casting, the writers managed to drain this reveal of any drama whatsoever by speeding through the paternity issue at the same breakneck speed they did Logan and Lulu's "relationship."  So...meh.  It was good to see Kin Shriner, and nice to hear Scott finally mention Serena, but there had better be a new and interesting twist to this storyline, soon.

So, since the only way most of this show's writers know how to deal with a strong, independent woman is to have her yell at people a lot, and because grown-ups maturely deciding to end their marriage has no place in soapdom, we have the manufactured acrimony of Liz and Lucky's divorce.

Siiiigh.  And once again, I have seen TV shows about lawyers before, so I know that it's ridiculous that Lucky was objecting to who Liz chose for a lawyer as if it was anything he could control, and vice versa.  I mean, really.  So, so stupid.

Alexis and Diane's shared disdain for Sonny, however, is amusing.

Why can't they be friends?  Alexis only gets to be friends with her ex-husbands, is that the rule?  God.

Oh, and if they want to convince me that Diane is this worked up over not getting a couture gown,

they are going to have to at least occasionally put her in an outfit that approaches fashionable.

I do still enjoy Diane (though I think they could cut back her scenes a bit), especially that she takes Sonny and Spinelli to task.

Spinelli:  Begging your pardon, I come bearing news of a disturbing nature regarding the Valkyrie.
Diane:  You see, just one sentence, and I have a headache.

You and me both, sister.

Could the Carly Texting Caper have been lamer?

Please let Tony Geary's vacation end soon, so that someone else can play Lulu's familial savior.  Please.  Or better yet, how about they write Lulu like an actual adult, and as a bonus one who doesn't want to be just like her cousin Carly?  I know it's asking a lot, but I put up with a lot!  One of my requests should occasionally be granted!

As for Jax and Carly, is this what their storyline is going to be now, Jax running around chasing after Carly as she does one increasingly boneheaded thing after another?  Great, can't wait.

Although I do like how Jax is the latest addition to the growing list of other characters who think Spinelli is a pain in the ass.  I hope this means the writers have realized both that Spinelli is a ridiculous caricature and that the show was dooming poor Bradford Anderson to a lifetime of typecasting, and will start writing him like a more normal human being.

I'm delaying judgment on the Nikolas-as-rageaholic storyline.  It could get pretty interesting.  The tie-in to the poison from Jerry is proof that at least one writer (Awesome Writer, perhaps?) remembers what happened a few months ago, and is not trying to sell Jerry as a redeemed good guy with romantic lead prospects, so for those reasons alone I'll be generous for a while.  Plus Tyler Christopher had gotten back-burnered for so long that he was due for something meaty to do.  This new plot has already given him the opportunity to launch unsuspecting glassware at someone (and use the phrase "throwing barware"!), so clearly he's on track to be the show's next major leading man. 

I can't remember having this many hair-related opinions at once since a few years ago when that "bed hair" trend hit red carpets everywhere.

I like Kirsten Storms' new color, and what is either a new cut or an old cut that the new color improved

I can't find a screencap, but it looked super cute on Friday, flipped out and with a bit more lift at the roots.  And Kirsten is looking healthier, which is great.  (Oh, speaking of Maxie, Cooper was on-screen for about five minutes total this week.  Why are they depriving us of Jason Gerhardt's gorgeousness?  Particularly in a week that was also almost entirely Jason Thompson-less?  It's so unfair.)

And that's all I've got on the positive side.  I don't know whether the in-house hair stylists are cutting and coloring most of the younger actresses' hair, or whether they're all friends and share a salon, but I have several bones to pick about the choices.

I adore Kimberly McCullough, but I might have to adjust that sentiment if it turns out she has some kind of moral objection to semi-permanent color.

We've all done the grow-out thing, but the idea is not to make it look like that's what you're doing.  This is inching towards sixth-season-Dawson's-Creek-Katie-Holmes-ian territory, and that is truly worrisome.  I think she can pull off either the dark brown or the more reddish color, but she needs to pick one.  I guess we should be happy that they're not doing to her on OG GH whatever it was they were doing to her hair on Night Shift, but I think we can all agree that "at least it's not as bad as Night Shift" is, in any context, damning with faint praise.

Natalia Livingston is so pretty, but her hair is doing her no favors. 

Overall, it's too long -- it overpowers her thin frame and face, and the length pulls all the volume out of it. And the front layers, if that's what those are, fall in the wrong places.  Plus the color washes her out, and her highlights look like they're out of a DIY box.  Attention needed stat, Dr. Quartermaine.  You completed med school in 47 minutes, you can totally fix this.

Our opinion that Becky Herbst is spectacularly gorgeous with glorious hair is well-established around here.  But lately her hair seems much lighter, and I do not approve.

She has such flawless porcelain skin, she can pull off the deep, dark brunette that I think (based on her early years on the show) is her natural color.  I think it's more flattering than this highlighted version.

And yes, before you send the hate emails, I am perfect, with hair that is beyond reproach.  I'm really lucky like that.

God help me, I kind of liked Kate and Sonny’s conversation early in the week.  The actors really do work well together.  And now in addition to her hair, I also envy the fictional but fabulous Kate Howard's ginormous silver ring

But then we got more proof that Kate is just the latest sacrifice at the Altar of Sonny's Awesomeness.  This time, set to a Robin Thicke soundtrack.  This show can afford a hit song that's still on the charts but not a decent suit for Diane?

There was this one especially weird moment where I swear it looked like Sonny was going to go all Lethal Weapon on Kate and snap her neck in half.

Um?

Carly:  You’re wasting my time.  I have some place to be, and I don’t tell Jason what to do. 
Tracy:  You tell everybody what to do!

I love Tracy Quartermaine, truly I do.  Some of her best moments come from schooling Carly, something more Port Charles residents should do far more often.

Where's a good strong gust of wind when you need it?

Screencaps courtesy of Clarissa.

Comments

[Miranda]

Ah. You make my week so much better. I really do adore GH. I can't help it. And your posts make me feel better about that little addiction.

[Chad]

Ah, if only in true soap opera fashion Rageaholic Nick or Tracy would throw a party for everyone in town just to tell them all off.

[Becca]

Oooh, like Alexis at Christina's funeral, except without the mourning. That sounds awesome.

[Aydee]

Oh, Becca. You are so great. This post is absolutely full of quote-worthy, uh, quotes. I can tell you one thing: as someone who never saw Night Shift, I can say that, in answer to the question, "How would someone who only subjects themselves to regular GH have known," the answer is: only via your hilarious recaps!

[dianora]

The ickiness of having to see Kate in a love scene with Sonny was slightly mitigated by the fabulous camisole she was wearing. I covet.

I have Floved Robin since she first appeared on our screens as an adorable little moppet bouncing on "Robbie's" knee. Generally speaking, I am not a fan of child actors on soaps but I really enjoyed her performances. This enjoyment has continued to this day, that is, until this week as I literally cringed every time Robin was on - I could not bear to watch what fresh new hell they were going to subject this great character to. Somehow, KMc manages to convey some of Robin's humanity through the crap writing but still, how badly does Korte hate that character that she is gleefully trying to throw her under the bus? Did KMc poison her puppy or something?

Since I don't know where they're going with Rage!Nic (and they probably don't either), I'm somewhat liking this storyline, although if this leads to Prince Nic (a good guy) being Leticia's killer, I will be convinced once and for all that Frons' and Guza's mandate is to kill GH.

Kate by herself (or anyone else) = Awesome. Kate having greasy moobster sex = eewww.

Alexis and Diane would be so great together, comparing notes on how dispicable they find Sonny's business. Oh, but that would mean we would have two strong, smart, independent woman being friends, a definite no-no in Guza's world.

[Sam]

Actually I'm pretty sure you saw NS Robin break up with NS Patrick, rather than the other way around, too. At least that's how I saw it. But afterwards my retinas were permanently scarred by Patrick sexing up Leyla, so I could probably be convinced that I didn't see what I saw. Besides, Leyla is second only to Carley and Lulu in her perfection, so we should not dare to question what she says.

[Snarkgirl]

How long is Guza's contract?

[Miranda]

That party at the Casadine estate/island soudns like the best idea since Genie Francis coming back. A Dimera style elaborate invitations for a mysterious ball... I could get behind that. Big time.

[smirks]

Can I ask if your increasingly in depth look at the hairstyling of the cast is a defense mechanism to keep you from thinking about just how truly horrible the writing is?

Just something to think about...

[Aydee]

I have to say, I don't like Maxie's new hair (though I'm sure it'll start looking good again soon; sometimes it takes awhile to transition), but she is the one character who is consistently well-dressed (and has been since she started working in the boutique at the MetroCourt). I'm sure you're right about Rebecca Herbst's natural color (look at her eyebrows), and I agree that this lighter color and fluffier style is not the most flattering, yet it seems there's really nothing they can do to make her look less than gorgeous. She was a cute kid when she came on the show and she sure has blossomed. LOVE the last screencap of Diane & Alexis reacting to Sonny. Now, THEY should go on a Girls' Night Out--that would be something! Set' em up, Buck!

[Kelsey]

I like Becky's hair darker too. It doesn't look bad when it's light. I just like it better dark.

Now that Jason and Elizabeth finally love each other, why can't they both have good hair?

*sigh*

[Sarah]

Back to the Dirty Dancing comparison....

What else from NS can we link to DD...the abortion. The whole show should have died a grusome premature death in it's earliest stages!

I have no doubt TIIC hate KMcC with a white hot passion. I mean she is a vet with stunning acting skills, a large loyal intelligent fanbase, two emmy's, is well liked by all, and adds something to GH no other character ever could in a classy entertaining way. So sure, they hate her. If the mobster loving braless mob moll wearing hitman/janitor cheerleaders actually liked a female character who was complex intelligent independant and nonviolent GH wouldn't be GH.

[Beth R.]

Amen to the manufactured acrimony for the SOLE reason to make sure we ALL know that Jason is perfect. (What? I admit to being bitter..I make no bones about it.) And what I find hillarious is Liz's continued insistance that Jason has NOTHING to do with and the fact that she hired Jason's attorney to represent both her AND Lucky wasn't supposed to upset him. But I fully expect that just as all LL2 stories do...it will really be about other people..and somehow my favorite couple will become props in their own story...I don't get it but taht's what they do. And I agree Becky is gorgeous but she needs to lay off the highlights..... Love her and all but I want the real brunette Liz back.

[Mary Anne]

Thanks for your hilarious recaps of both GH and NS. I loved this week's references to "Dirty Dancing", my favorite movie. I still remember being 17 and seeing it in the theater, loving every minute of its cheesy lines, and lusting after Patrick Swayze. OK 20 years later, I'm not exactly lusting after Patrick Swayze anymore, but I still love those DD cheesy lines.

[Brett]

Becca, thanks for not including any screencaps of Sonny and Kate sitting up in bed, post greasy-mobster sex. The memory of the sight of MB's hairy, white leg, bared to the top of the thigh, has been enough to put me off my food for the past five days; I couldn't have stood to see it again.

Concur with your assessment of the Tracy/Carly scenes. Jane Elliott make me laugh out loud. I love that Laura Wright never overpowered her in their joint scenes. Jane reigns!

Take back Diane's scenes a little? Au contraire! But don't expand them, either. I don't want them to flesh her out any more than she already is; I don't want to see her soft side; I especially don't want her sucked into any vile mobster angst. She is perfect just as she is, though I agree with you that they could dress her more flatteringly.

Still liking Jax and Carly for all that united tall, blonde prettiness. And I must point out that in a couple of their scenes together last week, Laura Wright neither shouted, nor grimaced, nor made that scary teeth-baring face so habitual with her. Instead, her voice was well-modulated and her smile was bright and pretty. I still say that Ingo is a wonderful softening influence on her.

[Titian]

"But then we got more proof that Kate is just the latest sacrifice at the Altar of Sonny's Awesomeness. This time, set to a Robin Thicke soundtrack."

i cringed. i cried. i begged for mercy. i love that song and Skate ruined it for me. now every time i hear that gorgeous flamenco guitar, i think of MB pawing MW and i get sick. they've turned me against Robin Thicke and that's a horrible thing to do. damn you Guza! damn you!!!!

[Doreen]

ICAM...I would love to see Diane and Alexis as friends. GH doesn't know what to do with strong woman and I think it's way past time for that to change.

Oh and if we're going to talk about hair cuts I think we need to add Spin to that list...I hate how his hair always falls in his face.

[Beth]

Masterful as usual, Becca. Don't even get me started on the integration of NS into a show that already has about as much suck as one show can handle and not collapse upon itself. Or maybe it already HAS collapsed, and I wasn't paying attention because it was in the middle of one of Sonny's text messaging speeches.

Natalia Livingston did get her hair darkened considerably on Friday's show. Check it out, because it's a much-improved look!

[J S]

ITA- with the Lulu as Carly JR comment. One Carly is enough!

[Chimène]

I laughed aloud when I read Sam's post of 10/7: How long is Guza's contract?

No surprise here, Becca, that you've captured the gist of my recent reactions to GH.

"Night Shift" was SO awful I bailed on it straight away. I'm baffled by the inept attempts to integrate it into the daytime show.

Robin Scorpio indeed looks as bad as she's feeling. (This character and her family should be indispensible, but have been painfully wrecked.)

Liz'beth Webber, who's feeling better, should look the part and revert to Rebecca Herbst's natural dark hair color. (Ref. Annie Wersching makeover) While she's at it, she could resume wearing non-babydoll clothes in flattering, brighter tones. Can't help but comment that the dramatic tension involving her relationship with Jason, ratcheted up for a year, has inexplicably slackened, and the aftermath of Baby Jake's kidnapping, the Alcazar murder trial, and the Sam-staged threat in the park basically ignored. What happened to that pathetic mother and those guys from Amelia and Sam's TV show--wait a minute, where are Amelia and Sam?

Sebastian Roché's enormous talent is being squandered. I was starting to think Ingo Rademacher had come alive, as Jax used his brain to counter Mr. Zacchara, and asserted himself in scenes with Spinelli, Emily, Sonny, Trevor Lansing, even Jerry and Carly. Probably just a blip.

Carolyn Hennesy's Diane Miller is being turned from a laconic, acerbic, brilliant lawyer into a flipped-out witch. Her battle with Alexis could be fun but seems only nasty. Diane could be portrayed as a fashion-conscious supporter of Kate Howard's without the overreactive trivialization. For a character so discerning and well-compensated, her wardrobe is ridiculous. (GH's wardrobe department remains one of my biggest disappointments. ZERO sense of class, style, or color.)

I've enjoyed Spinelli, but the initially clever writing seems to have lost the refreshing aspect that engaged me: UNEXPECTED literary, historical, pop cultural references and nicknames. His constant conversational use of the third person not only sounds too mannered for an eccentric, but is difficult for even us competent grammarians to follow. Bradford Anderson's role on "Night Shift" may've contributed to over-exposure and under-development.

I've said more than enough, so I'll end with another "Thanks for what you do."

[Michelle]

Nothing to do with this post in particular, but I can't WAIT to hear what you two will say about Jason's hair today. Holy mother...