Oh, Mama

So, a while back in one of my Week in Review posts, I closed with a quick recap of some seriously disturbing scenes involving Marlena and John making out on a beach.  (Yes, I know that last prepositional phrase is all that differentiates that sentence from a dozen others I could have written.)  To sum up:  "Oooh, mama!" 

Well, this horrible snippet is now on YouTube, so for those who missed it, or those whose PTSD doesn't prevent them from re-watching it, here you go.  I can't help it, every time I watch it I simultaneously guffaw and shudder.  It's almost exactly equal parts of each.  A guffudder, if you will.  "Oooh mama!"  Guffudder.  Shoulder molesting.  Guffudder.  Moaning!  Guffudder.  Weird diaper-changing "sexy" positioning by John.  Guffudder.

It's like everything that's wrong with modern-day John and Marlena condensed into two and half minutes.  And lest I be accused of just hating a popular couple, I must say that I used to like these two.  Really.  I liked them together as Marlena and Roman (which was when I first started watching Days), I liked him with Diana and Isabella, I liked her with OriginalRoman, and I liked them together as Marlena and John: Adulterers But Not Really Because Dude, They Used to Think He WAS Her Husband That She's Now "Cheating" On.  They were interesting, and not guffudder-inducing.  Sure, they produced Belle, who is arguably the most boring character in Salem, but her half-sister once tried to sell her on the black market and she was conceived on a private jet, so there are at least interesting aspects to her backstory.

But as rumors swirl about Drake Hogestyn leaving the show, the last few years of John and Marlena weirdness means my reaction is one of shoulder-shrugging and "why only him?" rather than bemoaning (no pun intended!) the possible loss of a longtime veteran.  I really resent whatever it is -- crappy scripts, poor performances, or some combination thereof -- that is depriving me of an opportunity to be righteously indignant and judgmental of soap execs.  I live for that stuff.

Comments

[Melissa]

Drake isn't a great actor, but John Black has been a great character. And Drake commits to most every scene he's in (even those horrific John/Marlena) love scenes. I happened to like John's pairings with Diana, Isabella and Kate better - so I've found all this true love with Marlena stuff ho hum. But lately, John's been a hoot when he's in scenes with Bo and they are investigating things. His reactions to Tony on a Horse! were priceless.

I'll miss the character if and when he's gone. But I won't miss the Marlena and John snogging, that's for sure.

[Dr. Sparky]

THANK YOU!

I feel the exact same way. What are we really losing if John/Drake leaves the show? It's not like the character has done anything remotely interesting in the last few years. Have we even seen him outside of the Pub in the last six months?

[smirks]

Guffuder is right!

At the same time, I can only imagine how much my stepmother enjoyed that scene. As corny and vaguely disturbing as John and Marlena are, they do have their fans, and a lot of them.

[Stephanie]

Guffuder = Best. Word. Ever.

[Chad]

John Black was a great character, but I think if just one character was rendered unsalvageable over the Reilly years it was John Black. His origin got changed so many times (I don't even know if he's still supposed to be Daphne DiMera's love child or if he's gone back to being the lost Alamain heir) and his backstory made so convoluted (he's the kidnapped scion of a billionare family/ex-priest/trained mercenary/ex-jewel thief/father of a European princess/fashion company CEO) that he's become a bad satire of a soap opera hero and there's simply nowhere else to go with him.

[Elisabeth]

So... Wow. I watched the YouTube video, and I really wish I hadn't. But at least now I can use "guffudder" on my own terms. Thanks?

[Here I am]

ICAM! John and Marlena are so pathetically cartoonish. I'm glad that I won't be subjected to their inappropriate make out sessions anymore. Good riddance. Too bad the driver of the car didn't hit Marlena too.

[Dallas]

Even BELLE looked like she was on the verge of a major guffudder! OOOOOOH MAMA! W. T. F.!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

[Rockin'_Robin]

Brilliant! "Guffudder" is right.

Note: Not to split hairs, but I believe Belle was conceived on the conference room table of Titan (during one of those primetime specials), not an airplane -- which is even *better*. LOL

[Becca]

Oops, I always confuse the Jet Incident with the Conference Table Incident. The latter is when Sami walked in on them, right? Regardless, her pre-embryonic state was probably the last time Belle was truly interesting.