Our Long National Follicular Nightmare

So this really, really disturbing thing started happening over the summer.  Thanks to 13 hours of television viewing I'll never get back and am therefore trying to forget, and his hilarious reactions to and frustration with Damian Spinelli on both that craptastic show and its daytime originator, I . . . deep, cleansing breath . . . started to sporadically like Jason Morgan again. 

I know, I know.  Please don't shun me. 

Since clearly I cannot become a fangirl of a character who kills people for money yet is held up as the moral center of a once-great soap, I set about trying to turn around this developing affection.  And I had to look no further than my hard drive.  My rage and disgust were restored after a brief perusal of a folder I call "IbegofyouSteveBurtonCUTYOURGODDAMNEDHAIR."  A few of the images stored in that terrifying electronic locale:

Perhaps only Jude Law's hairline has provided a more confusing and terrifying scalp-related progression over the last several years. 

I understand from readers here that Steve Burton is growing his hair out for a movie role as a cowboy.  I have several questions about this alleged film: 

1)  When will he have time to shoot it, since the writers are incapable of writing more than a day's worth of GH episodes without Jason? 

2)  Does the cowboy supplement his cowboy-ing income with a Farrah Fawcett drag act in the evenings? 

3)  Does feathered hair significantly increase one's cow-roping or horse-riding abilities?  Because if so I should have been entering lots of rodeos and equestrian competitions in the third grade. 

4)  Does the world really need another western movie?

5)  What do the producers have against wigs?

6)  Is it going to win him an Oscar?  Because anything short of that will totally not have been worth the damage done to the viewing public by a year and half of these visual assaults.

7)  When it's over and Steve Burton finally cuts his hair, what if there is like a reverse-Samson effect and I lose my strength, namely my ability to make fun of General Hospital and all things associated with it? 

Oh my god, worse yet, what if he cuts his hair and then I go back to thinking he's hot and it happens in the same week that Jason has a reaction like this again to something stupid that Spinelli does, and I am forced to consider overlooking the fact that he's a murderer for hire because he's cute and makes me laugh occasionally?!  You will line up to shun me!

STAY STRONG, STEVE.  Just say no to scissors.

Screencaps courtesy of Clarissa.

Comments

[Aydee]

Remember, Becca: The devil will appear disguised as an angel. You must learn to recognize the devil in all his many guises. Even the cute ones.

[smirks]

*sigh* I'm so going to have to shun you. Please, just remember to focus on the part where he's the hitman who's the moral center of the show, and well, the hair.

Keep Jason hate alive.

[Chad]

Don't feel bad; I've been getting more of an appreciation for Jason too. Besides his barely concealed contempt for Spinelli (which is just so palpable I can't help but wonder if in real life Steve Burton resents having his character saddled with such an annoying sidekick), I loved that today Jason was written (most likely by Awesome Writer!) to blurt out, "I don't care", when Spinelli tried to drag him into the Lulu/Logan storyline.

Honestly, I really don't get Spinelli. He's not written like a human being and he hasn't grown as a character at all. I don't know if we're supposed to find him endearing or comic relief or what, but if that's the case, then why is every character on the show (except Robin, apparently) written to hate him or at least find him irredeemably obnoxious? Doesn't it defeat the purpose of having a comic relief/sidekick character when 90 percent of the ENTIRE CAST comments on how irritating he is?

[Sarah]

How about a lice outbreak at Morgan's school?

Thus making it mandatory for Jason and Spinannoyenelli to get major haircuts!!!!

It wouldn't affect Carly or Sonny since they rarely even see their own kids. And Leticia is already dead.

Shave Lulu's head too for some continuity. There should be some negative fallout from living with a mob hitman right? And maybe every man in town won't inexplicably fall in love with her if she's bald :-)

[Michaela]

Wow. Those last three pics are terrifying. And, now that I think on it, very much in keeping with how Blackie Parish and Dr. Noah Drake styled their coiffs back in the day. Jason/SB is a pair of pegged jeans, scrunched-sleeve blazer and skinny tie away from bringing the 80s back.

Which could work well for us, as GH was actually awesome then. Cops were good guys and mobsters were bad guys and everything (I know, it sounds like crazy talk, but it's TRUE!)

[Titian]

steven burton is hot. his hotness, sean kanan's hotness, and jonathan jackson's overall yum are what started me watching gh in the first place. SB gets the girls to tune in. that's why guza's in love with him and large percent of what's left of gh's fanbase believes that jason can do no wrong. there's no way to get around the hotness, even with the bad haircut, he's still drool-worthy.

add to that the fact that lately he's had decent conversations with robin, has verbally smacked down carly, and has actually shown some expression while doing it all, and i understand the weakening of resolve. you're watching him, reacting to him and you find yourself saying, "but no, he's an enforcer for sonny the slime," all the while your heartrate is betraying you. sad, i know. i'm there.

but, as for his hair. the phenomenon is not unique to him. may i draw your attention to the mopheads know as JR on AMC, JT on Y&R, and, somebody please tell me, WTF is going on with Jax's hair? are they trying to grow it out so that he can carly can be twins? nasty!

[Alyssa]

Jason work's as hitman, why do all these kid's live in his house especially Lulu it's time for this little girl to grow up and go home before she get's hurt, hitman do not keep young kid's around them, Guza's get real.

[Nikki]

Is Jacob Young in the same cowboy movie? I actually liked SB's new do during the jail/trial weeks this summer, but now he needs a headband.

[Jes]

To answer #4, yes, the world really does need another western movie. But not with Steve Burton.

[Beth R]

I'll shun you if you become a Jason fangirl. Completely and totally. Well maybe only the Jason related parts. There are only so many places to vent freely about GH without fear of opposing fanbase attack.

I've too been wondering about the obvious moral stance against wigs of these movie producers. As for how can they survive without Jason? Personally I am hoping for a long ride to heal some deep personal, most likley highly secretive pain. I have several suggestions for that as well. The world can have another Western movie...I avoid them anyways. But if that hair causes damages to the horses...will PETA get all rightous on him?

[Mel]

Personally, I think Steve Burton has decided to reclaim his position as one-half of GH's 2nd most popular super-couple, that being, of course, Jason and Sonny. To aid him along, he has come to the realization that his only chance to make this happen is by growing out his hair and trying to style it in the same manner as that too-cute-for-words style that Kate Howard has. Perhaps, if he too wears it in that chin length mob, Sonny, in his crazy mobster haze, won't be able to tell the difference. Or something. I don't know.

[LauraBB]

Lately I have noticed this phenomenon myself... I think I have figured out the REAL reason for the aforementioned 13 hours of hell. TPTB though they could use the NS spin off to train viewers to always hit fast forward when they see any GHNS characters (except Robin and sadly, including Patrick) by making it the worst show ever with the dumbest characters doing the dumbest things ever. Fast forwarding is what I find myself doing on GH now that those characters have been tossed back in the mix. What does that leave me to watch/almost look forward to? Anyone who wasn't on that "night"mare. The trick is that "NS" Jason was nicer, funnier, more normal, and only killed people for free on NS so because he (along with Robin) was the better part of that crapfest I got less used to fast forwarding him. Put the pieces together... It was all a psychological manipulation to make us LIKE Jason (and hate Patrick).
Why is that Guza so wily??????????

[C]

my question is WILL HE BE NAKED AT SOME POINT IN THE FLICK, 'cause I can let the hair part go if so.

hawt.

[Dawn]

His hair looked better during the barn scenes and the trial.

But I love Jason/Steve. Can't help it.

And I think he's supposed to lose his shirt soon, hope it's true.

[Emily (julianscat)]

It's not the hair (ok, well, some of it's the hair.) But Steve Burton will never be hot to me again with the puffy face and no-neck. It's just weird and does nothing for me.

[Beth]

I can't help but notice a correlation between the length of Jason's hair and the length of his Secret Pain. Could it be that the burden of carrying his Secret Pain has caused him be unable to carry on routine things like hair maintenance or verbal ability (but that was already ingrained, so bad example). Since apparently this Secret Pain will not be eased until his kid is in college at this rate, I predict that Jason will begin to resemble either Noah (of The Ark fame), or the Yeti Guy from that episode of Friends.

[V]

I think Beth is onto something. It makes so much more sense when we see his hair gets more unbearable as he continues to carry the weight of the SECRET PAIN.

[KLD]

Liking Jason? Gulp.

If you need reminders of why to hate him, feel free to let us know. There is so much more than the hair. Or even that he kills people for a living and is the moral center. Add to that list the way he crushes the souls of every woman he comes within a hundred yards of while also stealing all their intelligence. Yet he is, of course, the romantic "hero" of GH.

The hair is just there as a reminder of the ugliness that lies within.

[Dawn]

But Jason was cute yesterday. Emily came over she mentioned Elizabeth and Jason got all giggly. He got tongue tied and shy.

I don't think I've ever saw him all giggly like that.

omg..talk about girly hair..jason actually had a flip thing going on the back of his hair today in his hospital scenes with robin..

[Stephanie]

I always liked Jason and then I started reading your blog and felt very very ashamed for liking him. So I'm glad you're at least taking sips of the kool-aid.

Steve Burton in chaps and spurs - the answer is yes, yes we do need to see that!

[Suki]

I like Jason/Steve Burton, even with the long hair, come to think of it, especially with the long hair. Sometimes the camera catches him at an unflattering angle, but that can happen to anyone.

I do like long hair on men, as long as they are not balding. But I do agree, the hair could be styled better, but keep the length.

Also, it is time for Jason to lay down his gum and retire from the mob.

[Suki]

I like Jason/Steve Burton, even with the long hair, come to think of it, especially with the long hair. Sometimes the camera catches him at an unflattering angle, but that can happen to anyone.

I do like long hair on men, as long as they are not balding. But I do agree, the hair could be styled better, but keep the length.

Also, it is time for Jason to lay down his gun and retire from the mob.

[sheyla]

I LOVE JASON WITH HIS HAIR LONG HE LOOKS SO HOTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!