Tragikstan!

I'm having an internal struggle.

Most of me wants to mock the Y&R promo poster they've created to hype up the Clear Springs disaster storyline (AKA The Story That Will Change EVERYTHING) because, you know, I have a head and can see how patently ridiculous every single part of said poster is.

But another part of me finds it unbearably sad that, somewhere in Los Angeles, a poor graphic designer is on the phone with their mother, excitedly telling her, "And this poster? Is so totally awesome and it has all of the stars of the show on it, and get this, mom: the tagline? Is 'rivalries fall...heroes rise'. Is that not AWESOME? It's TOTALLY awesome. And my photoshopping skills have gotten way better ever since I took that fifteen minute online tutorial!"

Obviously, the mean, critical part of me wins out because OH MY HOLY HELL, have you seen this poster?

Let's count the layers of horror!

1. "Out of the ashes"? Rejected by the Law and Order: SVU promo department for being too overwrought

2. Victoria looks like she wandered off of the set of a community theater production of Oliver where she had been playing Guttersnipe #6. "A photo shoot? Well, all right. Do I need to change? No? My hideous firefighter boots look okay? Cool".

3. Lauren (?) and Paul (??) are relegated to tiny dots in the far background because, apparently, it's more important to focus on Peter Bergman's head being hastily photoshopped on to someone else's body.

4. Seriously, what the hell? Until I saw this, I thought the only time I'd ever use "laughable" and "Peter Bergman" in the same sentence was if I was saying "Isn't it laughable that there are people in the world who don't find Peter Bergman dreamy?", but laughable is the only way to describe the, um, amateurish photoshop job. In the words of internet people making fun of something I don't fully understand (it involved hobbits in some way, which pretty much guarantees I stopped paying attention to it): his hed iz pastede on yay

5. Jeanne Cooper looks like she's claymation

6. Cane's oblivious "Hello, there! Lovely day, isn't it?" face made me literally laugh out loud for, like, three full minutes. Everybody else has on these intense "Watch our pain and suffering, Monday-Friday from 12:30-1:30!" (except for Joshua Morrow, who's smoldering inappropriately), and Cane's all "Anyone want a sandwich?"

7. Why is Sharon Case's horrible hair bathed in an angelic light? As if! If ANTM's Bre taught us anything, it's that God don't like ugly.

8. Did 1994 just come to Genoa City? JT looks like he just found out Kurt Cobain died and he's listening to "Nevermind" on an endless loop, crying into his flannel shirt and damning the man

9. FALSE ADVERTISING: Phyllis and Amber are not displayed on the poster, thus lulling me into a false sense of security, happily telling myself that they won't be involved in the Clear Spring storyline, when we all know that they'll be front and center throughout, probably doing something so noble that it will get them out of jail and get them a record deal, respectively (hey, if sort of doing something heroic...ish could get GH's Sam a TV hostess job, it could happen!).

10. Really, look at the disconnect between Peter Bergman's head and his body and tell me, with a straight face, that you didn't guffudder at it.

Comments

[Beth R.]

I admit it...i completely guffuddered....

[ande mcbeal]

I didn't think that there was anything that was worse than this concept...this poster is worse. Damn!

[Jill]

Seriously, it takes WORK to make Bergman look that bad.

[Bill C.]

I can kind of let the poster itself go. It's the friggin' tagline that completely and utterly pisses me off. "Rivalries fall. Heroes rise." Who the hell was watching Deep Impact right before writing this crap?

[nOva]

The Young and the Restless: Order of the Phoenix.

[Chad]

As awful as that poster really is, it still reminds me just how much I want to chain Josh Morrow up in my basement.

[smirks]

Bad soap fan art makers of the world unite! You too can get a job at a major network!

I swear that if you stare at the poster for a full minute straight, Peter Bergman's head floats like a full two inches off the poster.

And there is nothing wrong with staring at Peter Bergman...or at least his head...for a full minute.

[KellsBells]

Seriously... That makes me want to watch just because it is going to be off the snark charts!!! I love it! Total cheez-whiz

[TJ]

DAMN that is cheesy. Will CHANGING EVERYTHING!!!11!! mean that the show will actually be watchable again?

And you reminded me that I used to really like Phyllis, but now she just grates on my last nerve. It doesn't help that Michelle Stafford has apparently started believing her own press releases and now gives practically every line the subtext, "LOOK AT ME I'M SO CUTE AND FUNNY!!!111!!!"

[Beth R.]

why does the phrase "Change everything" make me think one thing and one thing only....Guza was some how consulted on this......

[lska]

How sad is it that my first thought is, I wish they would do something like this for Days?

[mommadog1950]

Poor Peter...he's just so darn cute I hate that the only thought I have is..."What, no jacket and tie!! LOL!!

[zarathelawyer]

When I first saw the poster I assumed it was a joke. Then I discovered it wasn't. Ever since I've torn between the desire to roll around on the floor laughing and being quite pleased that at least they're having Peter Bergman and his fake body headlining something.

[LOL!]

This is honestly forreal?!?!?!
LOL!
I thought it's just the "Heroes" poster or "Final Destination" with the faces of the people pasted on top of other actors' bodies.

[Beth]

"why does the phrase "Change everything" make me think one thing and one thing only....Guza was some how consulted on this......"

You hit it on the head, Beth! I think we can all safely agree that when Y&R, once the grande dame of soaps, is starting to rip off Guza's plots, there is a bell ringing somewhere signalling the beginning of the end of soap operas as we know them.

Excuse me while I go cry in a corner...

[Snacky]

his hed iz pastede on yay!

My worlds are colliding! I can't stop guffudering!

[Sophie23]

Oh, man. That's the best laugh I've had in a week. Hee hee hee.

[Stephanie]

I love how Sharon's legs are chopped off in the photo. This is a bad photoshop if they can't even give the woman legs, heck even Victoria has the legs of a 10 year old in the picture. They could have given her something!

Or maybe it is foreshadowing! :P

[Alicia]

IA with whoever said this is a total Guza ripoff. It's got his "style" written all over it. I'm surprised they didn't use the phrase "cataclysmic!" on one of the ads. So ridiculous. You couldn't pay me to tune in for this cheesy crap. Especially with Saint Sharon and her tribe of men at the forefront. I'd rather gauge my eyes out with a spoon.

[Titian]

ahh...another gimmick disaster storyline. didn't we just go through an ice storm? lot of good that did! if the results of this CS explosion don't include 1) nick getting his memory back 2) brad dying a grisly death 3) victor losing the ability to speak 4) colleen needing plastic surgery and returning as adrianne leone 5) lily getting a personality 6) the return of the abbott family, then this is just a bullshit waste of time.

oh, and thanks mallory, i've been looking for an appropriate word to describe joshua morrow. smoldering fits the bill just fine.

[Heather]

his hed iz pastede on yay!

Yes! My two online worlds are now one! :D

[BOTR]

That poster is one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

I find it sad that they're doing this storyline because this was a show that never needed to use gimmicks like this to get people to watch the show. It's just too Passions for my liking; I think we can officially call LML the female James E. Reilly.