GH Couple of Weeks in Review

So the big sweeps events have brought me at least temporarily out of my GH Week in Review boycott.  It's not that I've started enjoying the show, exactly, it's just that since the writers only ever bother to move storylines along during sweeps months, I'm at least guaranteed a greater array of things to mock.  I've gotten over my reaction to the Black and White Ball hairstyles (which could be summed up as:

except I don't want to give you the idea I'd ever wear my hair that way), and I actually thought a few of the gowns were pretty fabulous, so they will get their own post.  I'm really passionate about pretty clothes, and I don't think it's fair for them to share more space with GH writing than they already have to.

I think anyone who has watched this show in the last ten years knows that Jason is always going to end up being the hero of the [insert sweeps crisis here], but did anyone see the boat twist, complete with entertainingly horrendous special effects, coming?

I was worried about the hideous Night Shift CGI skyline, but good news, it's found work as a Jason prop!  It's in good company with the rest of the cast. 

Look how poor, soaked Jason and his hair are streaking through the oddly wave-free water to rescue the people he loves!

(Or at least, one of the people he "loves," who is doing something colossally stupid.)

Sidenote 1:  I much preferred his snotty, dismissive attitude the week before:

Jason:  Why can't you just stay out of it?  Oh, you can't because you're Carly.

Sidenote 2:  If they ignored Cooper all these months just to either make him a killer or kill him off, I will be...well, about as pissed as I am on a daily basis at this show, but I will also be mourning the absence of Jason Gerhardt's gorgeousness.  Boy is fine.

Anyway, I'm embarrassed to admit that I have any actual questions about this stupid plot point, but WTF is up with this?

There's a bomb on the boat?  What?  How?  Jason doesn't have a boat, right, so it's just random boat he swiped and it happened to have a bomb on it?  This makes no sense.  (Speaking of which, at some point can we chat about why the Cassadines insist on calling the boats that bring people to Spoon Island "launches"?  Because that confuses me too.  I just thought I'd put all the embarrassing stuff on the table at once.)

It was a week of awful set effects, because before I was mesmerized by Jason the ArgoNot, I was wrapped up in the paper-maché castle balcony

and I was totally absorbed by the terrible CGI of Wyndemere

...doesn't it look like it's in a She-Ra cartoon?  And I probably would have rewound a couple of times just to see that for the tenth time last week because it's so gloriously awful, but then I had to rewind for another reason

We've been hoping for interesting storytelling, character development, and multi-week arcs, and they can't even do second-grade math.

Bruce Weitz is delightfully hammy as Anthony Zacchara.  I worry a bit about the amount of scenery-chewing he's doing, what with a large portion of it appearing to be made out of styrofoam (imagine the toxins!), but he seems to be enjoying it so good for him.  (I mean, it's not good acting, but it's better than the writing.  Not that there are many things that aren't.)

I'm virtually certain I'll find a use for these in future recaps:

As for Anthony's son Johnny, I know he's crazy, and a mobster, and creepy, and routinely attempts to fly off buildings, but let's not kid ourselves

the boy is The Hotness.  I just wish he would chase after someone other than Lulu, because did she really need a 72nd suitor?  What about Maxie?  Or Sam?  She's mostly crazy too, and she's a Cassadine. Imagine the possibilities.

For now, though, I'm happy with Lucky and Sam, if it means more episodes can start off with this

Yummy!  And if it means these two can just keep on being unfairly good-looking and super-hot together.

I know we thought she was irredeemable, but I am willing to get past a lot in the name of good chemistry. Imagine the hate/make-up sex when he finds out about Jake's paternity and her knowing about it, or her standing by and letting his not-son get kidnapped! 

Of all the things GH has ruined lately, isn't Becky Herbst's hair the saddest?

Remember when it was dark and healthy and glorious?

Remember when it didn't look like the side-banana-clip look that swept the mid-80s suburbs?

Liz's ball gown reminded me that I'm also kind of curious as to whether, depressingly, the gorgeous Becky Herbst has had Them done, but for now I'm too upset about her hair to consider further missteps. 

Oh, substantively?  I really like that Liz and Lucky finally grew the hell up about their divorce and custody agreement, and I loved the conversation and dance that they had on the balcony at the start of the Ball.  I worry that was actually the high point of this whole sweeps story, though.  The catfight with Sam was certainly a huge step down. GH dipped into the catfight cliché bag just a few months ago, but recycling is the new talent, I guess.

I realize he totally had it coming on account of the "Someone shoot him in the leg!" from the last time we did this almost-exact-same sweeps story, and plus it meant we got to see a little bit of Rick Hearst shirtless,

but does anyone really deserve to be tended to by Leyla?  I hope there are no elevators at Wyndemere.  And good thing Dr. Scorpio and the serial killer's sister are there.

Speaking of Robin, they are writing her as totally schizophrenic.  She's not just baby-crazed, she's crazy, period. 

Robin to Patrick:  Jax has been my friend for many years.  If I want to ask him to be the father of my child, it's none of your business, or Carly's.

Robin to Liz: Go ahead, say it.  I mean, I asked the man who is technically still your husband to be the father of my child. You have every right to tell me how you feel about that.

Um?  Did she get whiplash from that turnaround?  And this?

Robin to Carly: Do you realize how selfish you sound right now?  You have two healthy children of your own.  If I want to have one, and Jax is willing to donate his genetic material, you really shouldn't have a problem with that.

Carly is one of the most selfish characters ever to selfishly prance around Port Charles, but not wanting your husband to have a kid with someone else hardly strikes me as self-centered.  I'm so sure that if Robin gets back together with Patrick and Leyla decides she wants Patrick's sperm, Robin will be all "Oh my god, totally!  Far be it from me to be selfish!  Can I pick out the 'inspiration' mags?"

Robin to Jason:  I just don't like the idea of my baby's father being someone from a sperm bank.  I would rather it be someone that I trust, someone that I respect and admire.

So that you can have him waive all rights to the child, thereby ensuring he won't have any opportunity to pass along those characteristics to your kid?  O...kay.  Girl done lost her mind.  She asked Nikolas to be her babydaddy at what was essentially his engagement party!  Dude!  That is impolite!  And don't even get me started on the Spinelli thing.  (Though Jason's hilarious reaction to hearing Robin ask Spinelli is firmly in Steve Burton's growing "pro" column, I have to say.)

I mean, I still adore the character.  I can't truly hate anyone played by Kimberly McCullough.  Plus Robin puts her crazypants on one leg at a time, and I dig that about her.  There's something oddly ordered about her insanity.  At least she's not  text-messaging possible serial killers, or holding up random hot cops at gunpoint because they happened to be in a particular room of a castle.

Anyway, Patrick took a step back towards hotly when he stepped out of Robin's personal life.

But with these two it's one step forward, fourteen formal-clothed steps back, because at the Black and White Ball they had to argue some more about their break-up.

Spare me.

Robin passing out doesn't mean she's pregnant, does it?  Because I hope to god if they're finally doing the HIV pregnancy storyline, they're not going to have it be an unplanned pregnancy with a couple who's already split.  That would be stupid and borderline offensive.

. . .

Shit, they're totally doing that, aren't they?

Some other random lingering questions about this [not] big sweeps story that will [not] change everything:

• What the hell was Alexis thinking, bringing Jerry to the Ball? 
• Was I really supposed to believe Sonny had been blown up?  What kind of Friday cliffhanger was that?  And why did I find his balcony reunion with Kate romantic and charming?  Won't somebody stop me before I stop being a hater?
• What happened to the Jax and Carly video phone sex scandal?
• How awesome was Maxie confronting Leyla at the Ball?  How awesome is Maxie in general, and why can't they actually write for her now that she's so watchable?
• What creative drinking game can we come up with so that we can get some extra enjoyment out of this show every time we see these shots?





If we'd thought of this back in February during the "there's Sam escaping the Metro Court in a jumpsuit, AGAIN" stuff, we could have been drunk and dulled the pain of Alan's death, Robin getting shot, and James Craig being Jerry Jax.  In fact, now that I'm thinking about what we're likely in for this month, who needs a game?  Bring on the open bar!  Or a writers' strike.  I'm good with either.

Screencaps courtesy of Clarissa.

Comments

[zarathelawyer]

I agree with pretty much all your comments, and as for the drinking game, I think it should extend to the whole show and begin with: drink every time there's an ominous close up on a white mask.

[Kat]

How about a drinking game centered around every time someone calls Patrick "brilliant"? I mean, I love Jason Thompson and his valiant efforts to make something meaningful out of the craptastic writing he has been given lately, but enough is enough already.

[Aydee]

Oh, my God, so many quotable quotes in this one, Becca. Funny!!!

I love the Alexis SCREAM-cap (though her horror-movie scream was so completely out of character). And, yes, we finally see Wyndemere and it's a cartoon -- a papier mache cartoon, at that! And yes, Liz's hair. WHAT IS THIS OBSESSION WITH HIGHLIGHTS! Please, spare us the highlights, which make Liz's lovely, healthy hair look ordinary and unhealthy, and make Sam look as if she is turning into Cruella DeVille. No more highlights! And talk about out of character: the entire Robin situation is pathetic, I tell you, pafreakinthetic.

[Aydee]

Oh, by the way, I don't think Johnny's turning out to be crazy or creepy; I think they started that way and, as they do, changed their minds. Sure, he's a little effed up, but wouldn't you be if your dad had tried to kill you when you were Little Ricky?

[Titian]

the black and white ball is absolutely hilarious. i've laughed so much my tummy hurts. the hideous hair, the ill-fitting gowns, mr. magoo running amuck in the spooky castle. all this sweeps story needs is a talking dog and we'd have another live-action scooby-doo film! jason barreling through the rain to wyndemere reminded me of flash gordon on a rocket cycle in his quest to save the earth. all it was missing was the cool queen soundtrack.

i haven't liked much about this week's episodes except for the following:

1) ric getting skewered.
2) nikolas' rage taking over at just the precise moment patrick needed a punch in the face.
3) the hotness that is johnny zacchara in a tux (can brandon barash stay? please?!! please?!! please?!!)
4) the return of coop, also in a tux.
5) maxie making leyla cry.

other than these little moments, this sorry excuse for a sweeps storyline stinks and the previews for next week look even smellier.

[Michaela]

Maxie breaking poorfragileLeila's pearl necklace heirloom, while the poorlittledarling cried softly in the corner, was supposed to make me feel all sorry for her, wasn't it? It was, wasn't it? It didn't work, GH. All it did was make me roll my eyes at how obvious you are at trying to make Leila some innocent little thing who you can't possibly hate. Except I totally CAN, GH. Because she came from Night Shift, which, in all honesty is reason enough. But also because I watched that show, and I saw what a bitchy, totally-after-Patrick-while-he-was-still-with-someone-else pisspoor excuse for a nurse she was. All it really does is make me think that Patrick is even stupider than I'd come to believe, for falling for such blatant fakeness.

although robin was out of line asking nik for his sperm, she looked fab doing it..its the best i've seen kmc look..hair and dress are perfect..love, love, love maxie..the most under-used actress on the show..probably because tptb know she will outshine jmb character, lulu..

[Tania]

I'm not even done yet so I'll be posting again but just for this I'll make an exception: LMAO!!! I didn't even notice wrong math! Also I enjoy sweeps, its the only time GH is actually watchable... live. And Johnny is HOT! The boy who plays him is fine and plays crazy well so double cool points. Kimberly is smokin'/pretty/crazy beautiful so I can forgive Robin's crazyness. And Jason is a cool character when he's snarky, Steve Burton is a funny guy whom is enjoyable and movable minus the hair! And I miss the real Patrick, not tis gross Patrick who hangs out with whore's with prom dresses and fake/cheap "pearl" necklaces and then feeds them- not to mention the painfully cheesy lines- which make me NOT enjoy the hotness that is/was Jason/Patrick which is a first(I'd like to point out that I haven't read Patrick's and Leyla's part in this review- if they have one which I hope not for both our sakes...).

[Rita]

Forget open bar, it's run to the store and buy some more liquor game when you hear the words "Mob" and "war" or even "mob war"!

[Charlie]

This is why I no longer see GH as an actual soap opera anymore. I see it as the best worst comedy on TV. I can only watch an episode for two minutes at a time when Nicky isn't on my screen (I have a weird thing with him...not disturbing weird just eccentric weird)without the changing the channel-it's also why I can't stand Emily. Either that or she's just as annoying as all of the circles of hell. I'm not sure.

Sorry, rambling again. No other show like GH these days can pull off unintentionally funny (except for maybe Heroes but I digress) and for that I thank them. I need a good laugh after a hard day's labor and it does the job every time without fail. Thank you, Bob Guza. Thank you for all the craptacular goodness you bring with you wherever you go and all the cheap ploys you write. Thank you.

[V]

I'm just so glad you came off your boycott for sweeps week. Again, you add so much to this show that I am hooked watching.

I agree with all your comments. Crazy Robin... poor, poor KMc. I will always love her though, despite them writing her character so schizoid.

Patrick, oy, what have they done to him?

Jason, is so hard for me to take these days (sanctimonious, all knowing, and a minor god). I know you are cozying up to him again - I know, he's still SB - but, why is he the only one who runs to the rescue? Why can't Lucky (my favorite hotty) come to the rescue? Or Sam? She is more than capable.

And you are so right - Lucky and Sam are hotness together.

You are also so right about Maxie (one of my faves), Coop (hotness), Johnny Z. (hotness to the second), and poor Georgie; man, I was envisioning "Mad Men," and the secretarial pool when I saw her hair and how they dressed her.

I look forward to your post on the gowns. That should be fun. ^^

[ande mcbeal]

Re: The Math

I think they're actually right. Stay with me. If the ball was supposed to be the is past Saturday, November 3--then 11 hours would elapse because of Daylight Savings Time. You'd gain an extra hour. I'm not watching, I can't bear it, but I've been keeping up with via TWoP and your recaps, did they say whether it was Saturday night or am I giving they WAY too much credit?

[KLe]

Thank God I'm not the only one wondering if Becky Herbst had "them done." I mean, I have a hard time believing she would (like I know her or anything, LOL), but then again I would never have thought that someone who was as pretty as Hunter Tylo used to be would do that to herself.

[Becca]

Nope, ande, per the invitation the ball was supposed to be on Halloween, which now that I look at a screencap of it they identified as Thursday the 31st when it was actually Wednesday the 31st, adding a new layer to their idiocy.
http://serialdrama.typepad.com/BWballinvitation.jpg

[ande mcbeal]

Wow. I thought there was a chance I was giving them too much credit. Sheesh. Nobody is paying attention to the simplest things...It's sad. Making sure the text in the chyron is correct is TV Production 101.

[Miry]

A friend of mine went to the Liason event this Oct. She has seen her in person before... and my friend tells me that girly TOTALLY had them done.
I am just glad that she didn't go overboard (ala Hunter Tylo who was just too beautiful for words before. I feel bad about her losing her kid though; just thought I'd throw that out there).

[Jules]

OMG--I was laughing out loud reading this--people in my office will think I am as crazy as Robin now...

Thing is as stupid as the whole sperm hunt s/l was, KMc can sell it. Because she is so watchable, it was only after the scenes were finished, I'd go, "wait, what just happened? She didn't just ask Nik for sperm at his own engagement ball, did she?" I tell you, KMc is one damn fine actress!

And, I'm with you on the "launch" thing. I never got that either...

[Alice]

Having not watched GH for years before Robin returned and Patrick came on the scene, I did not even know the extent to which Guza repeats stories. Then this weekend I saw the episodes of the Hotel Fire on SoapNet. It was all very familiar with everyone in one place in great danger, everyone on the edge of getting killed and almost everyone surviving, blah, blah, blah. But then Edward had a hear attack! Oh my God. Alan had a heat attack during the Metro Court hostage crisis and now the previews have Luke having a heart attack during the ball fiasco. Does Guza seriously have no shame?

[Jes]

Oh, why couldn't Craig just be Craig? Why does everyone new have to be tied in to someone already on the show?

Ok, I haven't really been watching, so when did Sam become a Cassadine?

[Sarah]

Gh has become the soap inside the movie Soap Dish with Whoopi Goldberg and Sally Field. It's that extemely cheesey and ridiculus now. They had the fake glittering rolling wave in the movie and we have CGI St. Jasus on the boat with the rain and papier mache spook castle. Oy, who knew it could suck so bad it became campy goodness.

[Rockin'_Robin]

Becca wrote: "How awesome was Maxie confronting Leyla at the Ball? How awesome is Maxie in general, and why can't they actually write for her now that she's so watchable?"

Hear, hear! Maxie's awesomeness knew no boundaries this week! She deserves a medal for these lines alone:

-- "There are tons of hot single guys here. Pick one - or, three - just stop being pathetic. It's embarrassing." (to Robin)

-- "You're a liar and a skank." (to Leyla)

-- "Whoops. That's for Robin." (to Leyla; bonus points for the go-f*ck-yourself glare she shot Patrick)

-- "We're going to show Miss 'I-Know-Everything' that she's way off base. You didn't kill Leticia, and you wouldn't kill Carly -- although I'm sure there are a lot of people who would like to." (to Coop & Carly)

The Robin/Maxie/Georgie scene was a complete joy! These three actresses are so marvelous together, we need more than two of these scenes per year, dammit! It was a perfect example of why I love Maxie. One moment she's giving Robin a (much needed) little kick-in-the-ass, but then turns around in the next moment, and makes self-depricating jokes about her own situation ("we losers have to stick together"; Coop coming to the ball with Georgie, etc). Maxie is nothing if not unwaveringly loyal to Robin & Georgie, so naturally she'd go right after Leyla -- even if Robin attributed the break-up to other issues. That's SO Maxie -- going off on people because her loved-ones are too polite/nice to. Brenda would have approved. :)

[Marianne Jackson]

Honestly, Robin's craziness affects me very little, simply because they've written Patrick as such an asshole lately that I've used up all my irritation and bile on him. Did he REALLY just blame the demise of their relationship on Robin's audacity in wanting a baby-and NOT the fact that he was all about Leyla for MONTHS before they broke up? And blamed Robin's noticing that on her own "insecurities"-while later admitting to Leyla that he'd been into her from the beginning? Did he REALLY?! Did he really call Robin immature and desperate-because, you know, humping a skanky nurse 10 seconds after you break up with the "love of your life" (which, bullshit to that now, but anyway)is the height of maturity and healthy behavior choices?! Did he TRULY tell Robin she needed to accept that their break up was, essentially, all her fault and that she needed to move on?! And we're supposed to still like Patrick WHY?! Yeah, Jason Thompson is cute as he can be-but even that, for me, has been tainted by the massive, nearly-incomprehensible assholishness of Patrick's recent behavior. Everything else is overshadowed by that for me.

My favorite part of last week was watching Maxie make Ye Olde Wooden Face cry, and watching Nik beat the crap out of Patrick. The only problem I had was when Robin tried to stop it-she should have popped popcorn and cheered Nik on.

Oh, and how nice that Patrick was more concerned about mean ol' Maxie breaking poorwiddleWeywa's necklace than he was about another guy violently pushing the woman he "loves" (which, obviously, with Patrick, is a term to be used very loosely)around.

But, on a more positive note, Robin finally said what I've been thinking for months-Patrick never loved her. Ever. And it was nice to see her finally realize that so she can move on. Here's hoping for a Robin who comes completely to her senses again very soon, and gets a new guy to go with her new outlook. Screw Patrick and his arm-jerking, finger-pointing, cruel-as-hell ass.

[DarylE]

Seriously the sound of foot steps on the CARDBOARD castle stone was truly laughable ..did the sound effect dept go on strike too?

[Joanne Milano]

I have a drinking game of my own...every time someone says, "Trevor Lansing" (whole name!!) It's never just Trevor. It's always "Trevor Lansing" this and "Trevor Lansing" that. One day I started counting, but lost track of how many times they said it. I never call anyone I know by their first and last name. Everyone knows who Trevor is, there's only one!
By the way, I really enjoy reading your entries! Thanks!

[June]

I briefly saw a headline that a team of TV writers was going on strike and I thought to myself "if only GH's would."

I bet the show would be better with first year creative writing majors on staff. At least it wouldn't be the same sweeps we saw in February.

[Beltane]

I have nothing to add to your brilliant, spot-on (as always) recap and the hilarious comments from everyone. WORD!

Just one favour to ask: with the writers now on strike, could you and Mallory please be "scab" writers for this show? Pretty please with sugar on top?

[di]

i love reading your stuff...you are hysterical and so on top of things...patrick and robin need to be together so that they stop being "baby crazy" and " w/Leyla", i am so all done with this story line for them i dont even know where to start...thank you for bringing up how awsome maxie is...she def needs a story line...i just want to thank you guys for being awsomely funny and truthful...maybe you should write for the show during the strike...oh the possiblities...

[Nana]

I'm just glad Sam is happy again after months of mopping and heartbreak from Jesus Jr. Lucky is more man than he could ever be so in my opinion Sam treaded UP!

[Sherrell]

I'm still waiting on Nik to turn into Count Chocolua...or The Count from Sesame Street.

patrick can kiss my ass is all i can say.butthead