The People In the Little Box Aren't Real

So, remember a while back when Mallory nearly died of embarrassment after reading Dr. Robin Scorpio's blog?  That was the first time I'd ever visited that particular corner of internet hell.  Like Mal, I am firmly opposed to having to go online to figure out what I would be watching onscreen if the writers of the actual show gave a crap about a particular character.  But after Georgie's senseless death (BTW, Mallory's take on it was brilliant and hilarious, but I'm still in the expletive-laden-rant phase, so:  Those motherEFFERS effing killed another effing legacy kid for no effing purpose other than to satisfy that mothereffer Guza's effing misogynistic bloodlust and I swear this show is to soap operas what Lynne Spears is to parenting.), I was curious as to how Robin's blog might address this terrible loss.  Robin's screentime after the death seemed somewhat limited, and I was distracted by her hideously styled hair, so I needed some additional emotional bang for my soap opera dollar.

Well, what I discovered is truly, truly disturbing, my online friends:  People respond to "Robin"'s posts with advice about her life and reaction to what "she" has written!  !!!!!  As if she is a real person!  !!!!!  They give her heartfelt guidance and write things like that they are praying for her.  !!!!!  I...just...who does that?! 

(Examples abound, but here are a couple of recent post and replies.)

I now totally understand why soap fans have a reputation for being over-invested and having difficulty distinguishing between fiction and reality.  Holy crap.  There is a Soapdish sequel waiting to be written now that we're in the internet age. 

Aaaanyway, back to those mothereffers killing off Georgie like she was a dayplayer.  "Robin" jotted down her thoughts about that.  On a blog.  As you do.  When you're fictional.

After I sent Uncle Mac home, I went to the chapel and lit a candle for Georgie. I'm glad she's at peace now and in a place where no one can harm her. Georgie was the light of our family, and I don't know how we're going to make it through the holidays without her. Christmas was Georgie's favorite time of year. She loved decorating the tree, baking cookies, and giving gifts. Every year, Uncle Mac would remind her that we were his favorite gift, and there was nothing more valuable to him than our love. Uncle Mac is devastated, and I can't console him. We've lost a member of our family, and things will never be the same again.

Somewhere a Hallmark card-writer is reading that paragraph going, "Ew, OTT treacly sentimentality, anyone?"  And it's not even moving.  Like, really, losing a close family member to a vicious serial killer is sad?  Thanks so much for blogging about that, ABC!  Otherwise I might have been confused about the appropriate response.  I was sitting at my computer, wondering:  Is Robin upset?  Did she love her cousin?  Did Georgie rebel against the world by loving Christmas, cookies, and gifts?

Not that I want to suggest that whoever wrote that tripe be promoted in any way, but does ABC Daytime really have enough spare writing "talent" hanging around that they can dispatch out randoms to do fake blogs that provide absolutely no insight into this shitpile of a show? Particularly when these online entries are clearly leading some soap fans faaar over the sanity line?  I humbly suggest they re-purpose "Robin's Daily Dose."  For instance, to "Robin's Daily Dose of Photos of Patrick Shirtless," or "Robin's Daily Dose of Kate Howard's Haircare Tips."  I think Robin is a really nice real person and would like to provide a service like that to the people she deals with on a real level every day in real life. 

Alternately, "Kimberly McCullough and Castmates' Daily Dose of Expletives Describing the Incompetence of the Mothereffers Who Run GH and ABC Daytime" would be awesome, too.

Comments

[Beth R.]

I swear this show is to soap operas what Lynne Spears is to parenting.

you had me right there.....right there....

Even sadder thing...you know the mother effers actually SEE those responses since they are the ones who wrote that shite.....so if it gets a lot of responses....lord help us...

BTW..Lulu has one too.....or at least she did when she was pregnant...and still somewhat likeable....dont' ask me for the link...I deleted it the second she became a Jason groupie.

[Aydee]

Oh, my God. The blog itself (which I hadn't seen till now) is pretty freaky. But answers ????

[Sista Friend]

I can't believe it... you got me to click that friggin link to that blog! If I had an Internet reputation... it would be ruined lmao!

[Danny]

Those blog responses leave me both amused and terrified.

[Kat]

I have never read the blog, because I had read Mallory's take on it, and seriously, I watch GH. I think I suffer enough.

But I felt compelled, in a car crash on the side of the road kind of way, to check out the comments.

Oh. Dear. Lord.

I can only imagine what the actors must go through when they meet up with one of these frosted flakes.

As for Georgie's death...yep....still disgusted.

And last (very last) and least, what WAS that wierd backwards braid that they foisted on poor cute Kimberly?

(Ok, I lied about the last thing. On a different note, first we have Jason having sex with Liz, evidently with his clothes on, and today we have Jason having sex with Liz and then running out the door. Um, intimacy issues, anyone?)

[Michaela]

Sweet mother of crap, that's some scary stuff. Scarier is that I went there and took the opportunity to post a comment reminding Robin that she's fictional and so rather than offer her advice, I would spend my time writing hate mail to the producers over this crap. It will never see the light of day on that "moderated blog" but damned if it didn't make me feel a little better. Which, as I said, is also scary.

Go ahead, judge me...

[kate]

whats with the georgies at peace shit? its not like she was in terrible pain when she was alive, she wasnt terminal/suicidal/terrified .. lame

[Becca]

Well, to be fair to "Robin," Georgie did have to hang out with Spinelli a lot.

Serenity now!

[Jes]

Wow. Comment-enabled blogs for fictional characters? Wow.

They really should let the actors write those. I'm sure after playing Robin her entire life, Kimberly has a good grasp of the character, and what she might actually say.

As for the comments, are we sure it isn't just TIIC trying to amp up the feature?

[Kat]

"whats with the georgies at peace shit? its not like she was in terrible pain when she was alive, she wasnt terminal/suicidal/terrified .. lame"

Totally agree Kate. I think TIIC are trying to make the poison pill go down easier. Its also why they gave Robin that "Georgie would want us to go on" speech like five minutes after Robin found out she was dead.

[lascuba]

Ugh, being a soap fan can be so embarrassing. I don't mind being judged on my tastes in shows, but being lumped with people who write sincere, heartfelt posts to FICTIONAL CHARACTERS!!! makes me want to give up on the genre all together. TWoP and blogs like this one are what keep me going.

[Jessica]

OMG, I read those once and had the exact same reaction!

Although I also kinda wondered if those were really fan comments and not just part of the whole blog "story"? Like maybe the writer also wrote those too as part of the package?

Am I grasping?

[KLD]

Alternately, "Kimberly McCullough and Castmates' Daily Dose of Expletives Describing the Incompetence of the Mothereffers Who Run GH and ABC Daytime" would be awesome, too.

This blog would be bloody fantastic. It would however have to be limited solely to stars that were pre-approved by Kimberly and met a certain quota of expletives.

I have given up reading Robin's blog because 99% of the time when I read it, I only get angry. My response in every single one of those instances is..."WHY THE HELL CAN'T YOU PUT THIS ON MY TV SCREEN?!?!" I'm pretty sure that would not be approved by those who approve the comments.

Yes, in case you missed that fact, the comments have to be approved.

[Beth R.]

ahh that explains the high number of Jason mentions in the comments on Robin's blog.....apparently all the comment leavers are Guza.....makes sense now...

THink if I left a post just listing the name of every character that the show ignores in favor of the mob it would be posted? Or would I get response going "Who are these people? I think you are posting on the wrong show's fake blog...."

"I think TIIC are trying to make the poison pill go down easier. Its also why they gave Robin that "Georgie would want us to go on" speech like five minutes after Robin found out she was dead."

That was seriously weird. I like KM as an actor, but even though she had tears running down her face she was so unemotional. "Well, hey, we need to move on, it's been five minutes." Who writes this crap? What was that about?

[Chad]

I'd be down with blogs like Robin's if they gave most of the characters on the show ones too and they all interacted with each other. Sonny would post and comment with Morrissey lyrics and Sylvia Plath poems. Tracy gets into flame wars with practically everybody. Lucky does nothing but post dozens of Internet quizzes.

You could even have little storylines in the General Hospital fictional blogosphere, like we find out that the person leaving threatening anonymous comments on Spineli's blog is Alexis, Kate, or maybe even Jason! I'd read that.

[Danny]

Personally, I'd love to read Michael's blog. He could call it Pre-Teenage Wasteland, and wax poetic about all the people he wants to whack.

[Jes]

Chad, that would be awesome! But the writers could never pull it off. The fans could do an awesome job of it though.

[Beth R.]

those blogs would be awesome Chad...but all would pale in comparision to the one blog I'd want to read...Cameron's "Bitch Please!".

[Beth]

All right, that's it. I'm not reading this blog anymore. You made me look! I'd avoided that thing forever, and you made me look! And I'm not sure what's sadder - the responses, or the blatant use of "You go girl!" liberally sprinkled throughout.

And I think the first post on Cameron's "Bitch Please!" blog should be, "Why does Mommy love that Bob the Builder kid more than me?"

[Alice]

That seriously is written like Georgie died after a long illness. "She was the light of our life, but now she's gone and it's better for her that way. She no longer is in pain. blah, blah, blah." What crap. And I thought the show was badly written!

What about this as a blog entry. "That bastard took my cousin, who was the sweetest girl in the world. If there is a God, whoever did this will be hung from his testicles in the town square and all the women can spit on him. This world really sucks. Why was I even thinking of bringing a child into it? Until the murder rate goes down or the mob moves out of town, I refuse to even consider procreating." No that would be a blog we could applaud.

[Lorrie]

I just couldn't help myself. I took the time to ask "Robin" this:
I know this won't get posted, but is encouraging people to unironically respond to a fictional character's blog a good idea? It can't be healthy for people who don't seem to have a firm grasp on reality to have the opportunity to offer advice to someone who is not real. Although, I guess it is possible that watching the last few years of GH caused these viewers to go insane. It has become such a horrid show.

[Aydee]

"Well, to be fair to 'Robin,' Georgie did have to hang out with Spinelli a lot. Serenity now!"

Haha! Not only was this a great post, but the responses are priceless.

[Aydee]

Oh, my God, my eyes!! I l just looked at the "Grief" entry people were referencing. "Georgie. . . loved decorating the tree, baking cookies, and giving gifts."

Did she also love staring at a snow globe for hours on end?

[Sarah]

I vote for Alice to write Robin's Blog from now on!

I also vote for Guza to be the first one to be hung from his testicles outside Kelly's for the people of PC to spit on!

Ahhh....dreams.

[Beth R.]

Beth we may disagree on which couples we like but I whole heartedly agree with Cameron's first post.....I'd like to add to it with a "I'm way cuter than him."

And yes Alice...you write Robin's blog from now on.........

[Marianne]

Okay, to be fair, I have commented on the blog-yes, I'm quite ashamed, but it's because Kimberly McCullough and Jason Thompson have both commented at PA's that the number of responses to and hits on the effin' blog are one of the ways by which they judge the popularity of her character-I know, believe me, I know-but I keep hoping against hope that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE at ABC Daytime is not busy making meth in the bathrooms but is, actually, concerned about what viewers think about the show. So I have used my blog responses as an opportunity to express my Patrick-rage and my absolute disgust at the one-sided way their "romance" has been written of late. HOWEVER, I have never offered to pray for Robin, I have never told her (or anyone else) "You go, girl!", nor have I ever forgotten that Robin was fictional. I still love her though, lol.

I, too, vote for Alice to either take over writing this blog or for it to become the "Kimberly McCullough and Castmates Daily Expletives..." blog.

And I would also like to add that, despite the fact that they were given only 2.5 seconds each in order to express their characters' respective grief (otherwise, we might have had to miss out on Carly shrieking or Liz getting disturbingly horny-seriously, what's up with that?!-at the news of another death), Kimberly McCullough, John J. York, and Kirsten Storms were OUTSTANDING. If there is any justice in the world, you have your Supporting Actress, Supporting Actor, and Younger Actress nominees right there.

Oh, and kudos to Kate for the most realistic reaction to almost getting SHOT TO DEATH since Jason got blasted in Mac's living room and Robin was like, "Um, FUCK.THAT.!", and hightailed it to Paris. I shall ignore the fact that she will probably get cursed out, within the next two weeks, by Carly for leaving poor, misunderstood, bullet-magnet Sonny all by hims widdle self, or that Mumbles the Midget Mobster himself will probably call her a traitorous whore for deciding to remove herself from the line of fire.

[jordanbaker]

This is so silly, but I want to start posting spoilers as comments on Robin's blog.

Like when news of Georgie's death got leaked, I could have left a comment like "Hey, Robin--I know someone just tried to kill Maxie, but Georgie's next! You've got to look out for her! She's supposed to get strangled next week! You can save her!"

[Jenn]

I was the writer of LuLu's blog, and I have absolutely nothing to do with the show other than I've watched it for 15 years. I was chosen from a list of volunteer applications and after I spoke with Julie Berman on the phone to get some insight, I put the blog together. It is still open and active but no longer linked from ABC's web site. It was a team effort between teenpregnancy.org & opendiary.com (the site the blog was hosted on) in an effort to raise awareness. I was told how to write it, and the ABC HR people would read my entries and edit them as they saw fit. I used to get absolutely slammed with comments either pro or anti abortion. I couldn't believe these people! They were all either yelling at me or supporting me and I just wanted to say, you people are nuts!!! Lulu isn't real!!!

[Becky]

I quit reading the blog a long time ago, but I submit comments as often as possible. They usually go something like this:

Hello. Who is reading this? A writer? A real person? Could you talk to someone in charge and see about deleting this stupid blog and actually telling the story on screen? What sort of crap is this? Who thought it was a good idea? Fire that person. Now. Where is Awesome Writer?

In retrospect this, "...Robin's Daily Dose of Photos of Patrick Shirtless," or "Robin's Daily Dose of Kate Howard's Haircare Tips." would be a much better use of the internets. I will start suggesting these alternative uses.