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« No More Nookie, Please | Main | Brought To You By C-SPAN »

December 06, 2007

The Scene So Terrible It Doesn't Deserve a Clever Title

Every time I get to a place where I think General Hospital maybe isn't that awful, that I could learn to tolerate Jason and Sonny, or Carly might have moments of humanity that -- bonus! -- involve her wearing a bra and a non-ugly top, the writers come along and punch me in the stomach.  Or, on special occasions, punch me in the stomach, call me fat, insult my shoes, and steal my favorite eyeshadow.  Yesterday was such an occasion.

Elizabeth:  Do you know that there are wonderful men, brave and kind, endlessly patient men who would give anything to be a father?
Patrick:  That's great.  Then I think those wonderful specimens should go for it.  What do you want from me?
Elizabeth:  You don't get it, do you?  He doesn't get it.  No.  The man – the men I'm talking about desperately want a family but they can't have one because of choices they made when they were too young to know any better.  And all you have to do is take your head out of your self-invested butt, reach up, and accept the gracious gift that's been given to you.
Leo:  You're on your own, brother.
Patrick:  You know what I don't get?  What any of this has to do with you.  What do you care if I have kids or not? 
Elizabeth:  Because Robin's my friend, and she's an amazing woman who deserves to have all of her dreams come true.  You have the ability to make that happen.  You have an incredible job, with an unlimited future, you're in good health, nobody's trying to kill you, and yet you won't even try to be a father because you're a big, fat, selfish coward.  Whatever, it's your loss, buddy.  You have to live with it.
[Elizabeth leaves]
Patrick [to Robin]:  Nice.
Robin:  I agree with every word she said.

THIS SHOW FILLS ME WITH SOAP OPERA RAGE.  If only I had a lowly assistant to bellow at, or a hitman I could dispatch to eliminate those who offend me.

I don't even know where to begin.  As is my way, I find it easiest to break down my reaction into questions, including:

  • Was I supposed to be rooting for Elizabeth in this scene? Seriously?!  "Woohoo, Lizzie!  Great judgmental stone-throwing aim in that big-ass glass house of yours!" [I will note, however, that Becky Herbst was great, even if what she was saying was absolute garbage.  What the hell are they doing to Elizabeth?  I blame the writers, of course, but also maybe Becky's unfortunate highlights.]
  • Do any of these writers have healthy relationships with the women they encounter, and if so, how do they keep said women from watching the show and then pummeling them to within an inch of their lives?
  • A woman wanting to have a man's baby, whether or not he wants one, is "a gracious gift" that cannot be rejected?!  Should we also be discussing that promising fall premiere of a little show called I Love Lucy?
  • Why did these idiot writers ruin what had been a really enjoyable girls' night out sequence?  Is it a fear of success?  Can't let an episode get too good!
  • Has this show really reached the point at which "nobody's trying to kill you" is considered a positive character trait?
  • Not wanting to have a child is selfish, but wanting to have one with someone who doesn't, just so that you get a baby, isn't?
  • What can we do to end the holiday scourge of colored tinsel?  (Okay, that might have been off-topic.)
  • If the roles were reversed, would there be any question but that this rant was TOTALLY outrageous?
  • The people who run this show really have no idea who its audience is, do they?
  • Is Jason still considered too young to be held accountable for his choices?  Will 40 be the year that responsibility finally kicks in?
  • Did the world learn nothing about children being a relationship dealbreaker from the epic heartbreak Monica Gellar suffered at the hands of Richard Burke?
  • If they finally put Robin and Patrick back together, will there be any viewers left that enjoy either of the characters enough anymore to care?
  • Is there anyone watching this show who thinks Bob Guza will do an HIV+ pregnancy storyline justice?  Is that the same person who appreciates Billy Baldwin's performance on Dirty Sexy Money?
  • Why was I more upset by this scene than by anything I've read in The New York Times since like 2005?

But hey, at least one character on this show has been able to express never wanting children, without everyone saying what an awful, selfish person she is, right?  WRONG!  Are you new?  First, the writers turned Kelly into a sex addict -- no healthy sex life for you, baby-hater!  Then, they have her say this today:

Kelly:  If I was madly in love with a guy and children were a dealbreaker?  Believe me, I'd give it a hard look.

My bad!  When I said I'd really thought about it but children just aren't for me, what I meant was PLEASE GOD JUST BRING ME THE RIGHT MAN and I'll say "uterus, open sesame!"


I sat through that horror yesterday and I made a note that I was going to restore Patrick's "hotly" modifier, at least temporarily, just out of spite.  But then I said, um, that's kind of weird because he's been a TOTAL dick for months, especially in his Night Shift incarnation, and as recently as Monday had proposed the self-centered "let's shack up for a year and then break up" solution to his romantic woes, so I should really chill. (And also, I should really stop talking to myself.)  But then reader Kat commented in another post that "I think we need to restore 'hotly' to Patrick just for sitting through that display without throwing Liz through a window."  And I realized that I am not crazy, at least because of this, and...it must be done:

Yesterday, Patrick was hotly baffled


then hotly irritated


then hotly offended


and finally, hotly disappointed.


Take that, harpies!

And to top it all off, they brought back Robin's hideous plaid winter coat.  WHY DOES THIS SHOW HATE ME?!

Screencaps courtesy of Clarissa.


Well, Becca, you and I might be crazy, but if so, we have been driven to it by the psycho writers of this show. Bring on the hotly!

And thank you for this post, in which you put in to words the thoughts I have only been able to incoherently sputter. I mean, I did NOT like Robin during that scene and I ALWAYS like Robin. When she was chasing down sperm all over town? I was still full of like.

I think the inevitable monumental screwing up of the Robin pregnancy storyline which we know is all coming at the hands of Guza will be what finally gets me to stop watching (or, more accurately, taping and fast forwarding) for good. I mean some of the potential spoilers I have read.... the horror.

Thank you Becca. *APPLAUSE*

You pretty much summed up everything for me. And, it's nice having "hotly" back.

What, no love for Liz's "Whatever!" bitchface? It was a thing of beauty!

And no mention of the "Mars, Venus" thing? Or Leyla's speech? Or Alexis' "Hear me roar!"? Hope you're saving it for the week-in-review, because that's some mind-blowing shit right there!

What they are doing to Elizabeth is turning her into Sam and Courtney before her so that the pairing with Jason would make sense....All females in Jason's orbit loose their damn mind. (when did Lulu become the Shrieking Harpie we all know and loathe now? Jason involvement. I'm telling you its NOT a concidence)

Although when you realize she was really talking about Jason and yelling at Patrick because yelling at Jason is wrong like yelling at Jesus.....the fact that she just said Jason had his head up his self-involved ass is pretty damn funny. And true.

and Jason will never be held responsible for his choices because it will always be someone else's fault.

I have no idea what the whole point of that scene was supposed to be at all...except maybe to inspire Liz bashing to hieghts it has not reached yet....then again I'm pretty sure they expect us to see Lucky as this awful mean evil person by wanting to protect the child he's loved for six months so maybe it was to make us go "Damn..Liz is so right."

Patrick does deserve "hotly" back for that....and for not breaking the fourth wall and going "Are you effing kidding me? do you see what they are having me do people? SAVE ME!" when it was going on.

and personally i have hated GNO since the first one....it's always random and the scenes always leave me going "huh? what the hell was the point of that?"

In the GH scenes that play only in my head, Patrick replied with something along the lines of, "Don't judge me for my life choices just because your boyfriend loves his career in killing people more than he loves you or your son."

Between this and how they've handled Lulu's abortion, it's downright surreal getting this conservative, family-values message from a show that treats being a hitman as a valid career choice.

Brilliant work once again. And - lest we forget - what Jason and his side=kick Sonny do for fun and profit is KILL PEOPLE - including INNOCENT bystanders!

As the following APRIL 2005 video clip verifies:


The following film clip comes from the movie DONNIE BRASCO - which was based on the biography of undercover FBI agent Joe Pistone. This is a dramatization of REAL events involving REAL mobsters. In the REAL world - the mobsters conducting THIS 'hit' were eventually all caught, suffered the consequences of their actions and Agent Pistone's undercover work put a serious crimp in the operations of East Coast mobsters for quite a while. Pistone is STILL alive and was recently featured in a series of documentaries about REAL mobsters - which were aired by National Geographic Channel.


The heart-throb object of ELIZABETH'S affections most recently threatened to MURDER his LAST girlfriend! In the REAL world - boyfriends who threaten to murder ONE girlfriend usually go on to threaten to murder the NEXT girlfriend as well!


ABC, Disney, Soap Net, General Hospital, Frons and Guza all seem to truly believe that 'Dying Young is VERY romantic." The following GH promo, by the way, aired during the course of many OTHER shows broadcast by ABC, INCLUDING newscasts!


Honchos at ABC, Disney, Soap Net and General Hospital have REPEATEDLY stated that their PREFERRED soap viewer is TWELVE years old!

As, for example, the YOUNG people featured in the following video clip:


And, again, LEST WE FORGET - what Jason and Sonny do for fun and profit is kill people - and GET AWAY WITH IT!


Which makes me wonder - WHY is it so much WORSE that PATRICK is reluctant to become a father and would be deserving of a tongue-lashing from Elizabeth - but NEITHER Jason nor Sonny seem to rate a SIMILAR tongue -lashing from Elizabeth because what Jason and Sonny do for fun and profit is murder people?

I realize that Patrick and Robin fans had visions of a romantic story for their couple, which would include the establishment of their own little happy Scorpio-Drake family - but, surely, by now - everyone KNOWS that Guza and company are NOT capable of handling any such topic with any degree of intelligence. Since GUZA and company were the ones dealing with this topic, Robin and Patrick AND their fans would have been SO much better off if Robin had decided, instead, that Robin wanted to ADOPT a child being cared for in the STONE CATES PEDIATRIC AIDS WING of General Hospital, whose own parents had ALREADY been lost to this disease. And, of course, in the REAL world - NONE of the families of people who have lost loved ones to AIDS - or any OTHER disease for that matter - would be of the opinion that 'Dying young is VERY romantic!'

Watching Elizabeth getting all worked up while attempting to FORCE a supposed FRIEND to WANT to become a parent at the same time that Elizabeth apparently sees NOTHING wrong with the fact that Jason does NOT want to PUBLICLY acknowledge Jason's OWN family because Jason does NOT want to give up Jason's 'career choice' of helping Sonny to MURDER people for a living just makes it look like Elizabeth is too short-sighted and too personally prejudiced to be lecturing ANYBODY about ANY kind of personal issue!

Sincerely, Deborah

It amazes me the this effing show can actually make Robin and Patrick's break up and baby issues about Jason freakin' Morgan. The only reason I didn't hurl my remote at the screen, is because this is Liz telling off a man who went from Robin Scorpio to Layla Mir. I mean... come on. He deserves to get his balls busted over that for years.

Wow. I haven't seen this yet and now I can't decide if I'm looking forward to it for sheer rage possibilities or if I'll end up smashing my head into the nearest wall.

Hmm, perhaps several cocktails before sitting down to watch is the way to go.

i was so pissed off with that scene with liz and patrick...and all of this to further the p/r storyline. they've already written liz so badly for the past year or so...and now they make her look like a complete fool so that the rest of them can all berate patrick for not wanting to give robin a baby. and then liz has to go on about how an amazing woman robin is. so annoying...couldn't they have gotten one of the other women to do the yelling and patrick. how much more are they going to ruin liz..first i thought it was for jason..but now it is for robin too. why can't robin just open her damn mouth if she issues with patrick. its like the writers don't won't robin to look too bad, so they have liz do her dirty work. incredibly annoying.

The return of the plaid coat really was the poisoned cherry on the rancid sundae that was GH again today.

Liz's rant was funny to me for one reason. She made excuses for her hitman lover baby daddy because he can't be a father now becasue of "choices he made years ago when he was too young to know better."

He always knew better! ROBIN freaking explained it all to the brain damaged moron back in the day kiddies. Even comparing it to her life with spy parents, lied about paternity secrets, a childhood filled with guards and kidnappings catatonic events, Duke and the mob etc... She warned him about all of this like ten years ago, even before and during the Michael disaster. He decided he knew better with all two of his years of life experience.

But St. Jasus loves his job MORE than anything or anyone, even his own son! He says he can't get out...BULLSHIT. He could, has, and does not want to again. He always has and always will choose the mob first. Just like Sonny does.

It's not honorable of him to give up and lie to his child. An honorable man would get out, build a new life away from the danger even just to be an absentee Dad from afar. Sending clean money for child support maybe. Sonny's BS orginization changes leaders all the damn time. If Jason wanted out, he could definitely make it happen. He could live free in an other country at the very least with Liz and the kids.

And Liz is blind to think anything else.

Yeah, and Robin was portrayed as an evil, controlling kill-joy for pointing out the truth to St. Jasus and not embracing the fact that being a killer is not only a valid lifestyle choice, but actually the only way to fully embrace life and fun and bravery and edginess. After all of Carly's sermons on the subject, I really want to know what the reasoning behind her not wanting Michael to take over Sonny's business is.

Jason Thompson is also hotly left-handed, which I think I knew before but forgot. Eee! We are MFEO!!!

I really think the GH powers-that-be will not rest until all of the once beloved characters are obnoxious, annoying shells of their former selves and Epiphany is the most awesome character on the show by default.

I'm so, so glad I missed that episode. And thanks for the transcript...now I can skip it during SoapNet's GH marathon.

To me, Elizabeth is GH's Belle Black. She says and does all kinds of stupid/horrible things but we're suppose to love and sympathize with her because she's good and sweet and poor thing is all confused because she can't be with the man she loves.

IA that this rant was Liz projecting her Jason issues onto Patrick, and it annoys me to no end that TIIC have the girls attacking Patrick for not wanting to have kids. But Liz did use the correct adjectives, just the wrong reason. Patrick is selfish, and does need to gt his head out of his self-invested butt. His compromise of 'lets table all talk of babies and be together for a year.' Thats crap. As Robin pointed out yesterday, all that will change is that she'll be even more in love with him and have to decide between being with him and being a mother. The fact that his reply was 'but it would be a great year,' How selfish is that? I don't think he even realizes that his quest to get her to not have a baby so that they can get back together and be happy is just as bad as her going around trying to convince him that he should have a baby (which I really didn't see until yesterday) Which is why, though most of me annoyed with Liz's rant, a teeny little part of me is happy to finally see Patrick get yelled at, by someone other than Robin, I just wish it had been for the right reasons.

Amen Sarah....Robin DID explain this to him....several times....I have worn myself horse pointing out that Jason hasn't even CONSIDERED leaving the mob but I'm supposed to feel sorry for that loser? Whatever.....

The really sad thing is the "men" that would do anything to be fathers but can't? Those men Liz was talking about are really Jax and Lucky.....and those choices that they apparently made when they were younger was to be law-abiding citizens and to not choose killing as an occupation.

Yay to the return of hotly!

We definitely need a screencap from yesterday- when Patrick joined the girls and said "You wanna talk babies?" He was hotly ticked off.

Well, I don't know what to comment on first, the fact that you've restored (and rightfully so) the hotly moniker based on the fact that Patrick withstood that god-awful verbal smack down from the ever hypocritical Elizabeth (or as I like to refer to her, Hypo-Liz) or the fact that the scene resulted in me taking a good long look at the show and saying, "do I really even give a crap anymore about these people?" The answer, in case, you were on the edge of your seat with baited breath, is a resounding HELL NO.
Still, I continue to watch. Possibly because the misogynistic imbecile more commonly known as Guza may have brainwashed me into thinking that this is a good way to spend my time. My hate for him really knows no bounds.
I don't know how they will address the HIV+ storyline and I'm scared to find out. Knowing the idiots that run this show, I can't even begin to imagine the kind of crap they will more than likely give us. The only thing I really look forward to is that you're witty blogs about it will make me laugh while the show just makes me hurt. And possibly makes my head explode.
Stupid 'effing show.

What's wonderful about your column is that I don't have to actually watch this dreck to be horrified and sickened by it. I thank you for that. Just when I think GH can't sink any lower, it does. My hate has now reached irrational levels.

So much wrong with this whole story line.

First of all, Jason, the hired killer, the guy who is sometimes scary in his anger, is "wonderful.., brave and kind, endlessly patient." Patrick, the law-abiding neurosurgeon, the healer who really cares about his patients, who until recently was perhaps the best boyfriend ever, is a selfish baby. GHland is a very weird place.

I have always liked Robin. I felt she had the same problem I had sometimes in life. She was too smart for her own good. But this story makes her the stupid selfish one. She wants a baby now! Her boyfriend doesn't have to be the father, anyone will do. Marriage? Why even talk about that. All that matters is that she will feel fulfilled. The fact that the baby could be a young orphan...who cares?

I'm not saying that she should not want a baby, but how about some rational discussion of the consequences and her own self-involvement. I actually think waiting a year would be a very good idea for both of them.

I hate this storyline, I'm losing my interest in Scrubs, but I will keep watching. And this is where I get stupid, too. I can't take my eyes off of Jason Thompson. I just think he is the most beautiful thing on TV, perhaps ever. I am endlessly fascinated by his expressions, his ability to get totally invested in a scene, his voice. Yes, I am obsessed. So my biggest concern is "Why isn't he on more?"

Thank you, Becca!!!

I clicked on the link to the plaid coat and the picture made me gasp. As did the one Liz is wearing just above. Enormous plaid on tiny people--big mistake. (By the way, what about that coat Patrick is wearing? To my own surprise, I like it.)

Anyway. . . for the person who was upset about the comments the other day: none of this is LIZ BASHING. It is GH WRITER BASHING. That speech was seriously offensive in all the ways Becca has enumerated so well. And to add insult to injury, yesterday we found out that having a baby is basically the most meaningful thing ANY woman can do with her life. Not some women. ANY WOMAN.

This is also about the writers because it seemed really out of character for Liz (even though I understand perfectly well that it was about her SECRET PAIN), and that is bad writing. Ditto re Robin (see "any woman," previous paragraph).

Whatever Patrick's faults, why can't he express how hurt and offended he is that Robin has decided she loves a not-yet-existent baby more than she loves him? If Robin wants a baby that much, her choice is a sensible one, since the reality is that even after losing a great love, one can fall in love again; but Patrick still has the right to be hurt.

But, then, GH's old fashioned view of women and love is nothing new. I'm still pissed at Mac for falling in love with two women who needed rescuing, only to dump them when they were able to stand on their own two feet. That's how long I can hold a grudge.


But doesn't Mac get brownie points for raising three children not his own, two of whom could be characterized as strong, smart women (if only the writers didn't keep putting them into asinine situations)?

And doesn't he deserve a little bit of sympathy for having been totally transformed from a sexy, funny, streetwise PI and restaurateur to the laughingstock of all police commissioners everywhere?

(Yep, I'm a Mac/John J. York apologist. And a Ned/Wally Kurth apologist. They were GH's "hotness" standard-bearers of the 90's, and still could be hot, even in middle age, if this show didn't have such execrable standards for male attractiveness. It's not all agism on the part of TIIC: MB and SB are middle-aged, too...)

Becca, you were not alone in your soap opera rage.

Liz deserves to be ripped for that self-indulgent, projecting, judgmental speech to Patrick. "...brave and kind, endlessly patient" and "too young to know better" have to be some of the worst lies this show has perpetuated and that's saying something. And Liz, mind your own damn business and grow a brain. A man is not selfish for not wanting children. Your desire and ability to get pregnant by every other man you meet makes you unfit to judge anyone else, OK?

And Robin's smirking, self-righteous expression during that whole speech and then agreeing with Liz promoted her to the ranks of characters that I once loved and now hate. Run, Patrick. Run hotly away from this disturbed, lying, controlling biotch and her BSC friends. I have a whole new respect for Patrick Drake for listening to that boat load of buffalo dung and not throwing every damn one of them through a window. He is worthy of “hotly” forever and always now.

In one scene I had to listen to Jason being held up as some sort of martyr, Kelly Lee retconning her own history, Patrick being ripped a new one for no reason other than he's mature enough to realize he doesn't want children, the one ripping him the new one is a hypocritical liar that has been pregnant several times but never by her husband, Robin displaying both self-righteous smugness and fugly hair. Why does this show hate the viewers so much? I was upset with the scene because it was the last vestige of hope of something decent emerging from this show being crushed. All hope is gone now.

This show. They're in an effin hole and yet they keep digging. Guza is not suddenly going to acquire great talent and skill to tell an HIV pregnancy story worth watching. He has already destroyed the story before it has begun. I say this as a Scrubs fan who wanted them back together until this very scene: I don’t think they should be reunited. Robin should go to Sonny, the man with the magic sperm, and get pregnant, name the baby Pebbles and move to Paris. Patrick should do whatever the hell he wants and enjoy his life. Maybe he could hotly fall in love with Kate and help restore the brain functions she has lost since being with Sonny?

Well, Liz may have been wrong about the circumstances, but she was NOT wrong about the comments themselves. Patrick is a selfish, self-involved, stupid man-but not because he doesn't want a baby. Because he's acted like a giant dick for months and had everybody babying his immature ass, while Robin got her ass handed to her on a daily basis-it's just his turn, is all. And he CERTAINLY doesn't deserve hotly back-he won't deserve hotly back until he takes as many maybe undeserved tongue lashings from Liz as Robin has taken from Epiphany, and Leyla, and Carly, etc., etc., while Patrick stood there and smirked. But, it IS your modifier, so you may dispense it as you see fit, of course-I'm just logging in my protest, lol.

And I'm SORRY? Robin should have defended him. Pfftt. Yeah, cause he's always lightning-quick to jump to her defense, right? He lost the right to have her jump in and defend him when he let Leyla call her territorial and said nothing about it, other than to tell Robin how much he liked Leyla. And selfish and self-involved? Yep, pretty much describes him wanting Robin-who has, you know, A POTENTIALLY FATAL ILLNESS THAT COULD LIMIT HER LIFE SPAN WHICH MIGHT LESSEN THE TIME SHE HAS WITH ANY CHILD SHE GIVES BIRTH TO-to wait a year when he pretty much admitted he had NO INTENTION of changing his mind. Oh, and I was like YEEEEEEESSSSSS!! when Robin told him he wanted it to be about the two of them and "whatever he could pick up on the side"-yep, pretty much! EXACTLY where he was headed with Leyla. I say GO LIZ!! (and most here can attest to the fact that I AM NOT a Liz or a Liason fan) and GO ROBIN!! And as for Patrick being all pissy-well, this IS the man who accused Robin of "playing the victim to her family" (LIE!) and being "desperate and immature" (um, but you're the very IMAGE of maturity, right, Patdick?) and who told her to "own up to the fact that her actions caused the break up" (yeah, and your panting around after everything else w/boobs and a pulse had NOTHING to do with it, right?) and who told her to "accept it and move on" (um, she was trying, asshole, until you stuck your nose in every chance you got). In my humble opinion, Patrick had EVERY. SINGLE. THING. HE. GOT. coming to him the last two days, and I was cheering!

However, I hope to be able to agree with you in your Week In Review section, where I am sure you will blast the horrid, wretched, nonsensical messes that are Leyla and the actress who plays her. Still love you guys, and thanks for giving me a place to get this off my chest! Y'all rock!

Well, Anne, we agree on one thing, at least-I want Patrick FAR, FAR, FAR away from Robin. A man who would OUTRIGHT LIE to a woman who may become fatally ill and lose out on her chance to have a child at all just so HE can have his "perfect year of coupledom" is NOT a man who deserves a woman like Robin. Patrick deserves exactly what a man like him would end up with IRL-one day, when he was old and his looks were gone and the only reason pretty young nurses still flirted with him was because he had money or could help their careers, he would wake up and realize that he threw away his chance to be surrounded by people who loved him because he was so damned selfish his whole life. And that's not about him not wanting a baby-it's about who Patrick, as a character, IS now. Robin is well rid of him, and I am only hoping to see her get her baby and to see them move her away from him, so that I can fast-forward through his scenes. All the hotness in the world can't save this asshole of a character. RUN, ROBIN, RUN!!!

Marianne, he didn't lie. That's all. He didn't lie.

Her actions did cause the break up. She wants a baby. He doesn't. She walked out. That caused the break up.

You are right he doesn't deserve a woman like Robin. He deserves better.

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