General Hospital Week in Review

The General Hospital powers-that-be may not feel the need to shake things up and do something different (you know, like not suck), but that doesn't mean we have to fall into the same trap.  So I'm trying something new with this week's Week in Review.  (Preview:  There's even audience participation!)  Please be supportive, dear readers.  I have to sit through every episode of GH without fast-forwarding because of this blog and our SOD column, and I don't get hazard pay or anything.

Most annoying thing on GH last week?

♦  The ridiculous, stereotypical, caricature-ridden version of Kate's Manhattan that the writers keep forcing on the viewing audience, an audience that presumably contains people who live in or who have visited New York City and therefore know this show is complete crap.  (In fairness, practically everyone knows this show is complete crap, but those with actual New York experiences have extra reason to think so lately.)

♦  Robin and Patrick ringing in the new year by having a patient die on their operating table and then "toasting" with champagne in plastic glasses on the floor of the hospital.

♦  Jason bailing on Liz on New Year's Eve to do work (reminder: which involves killing people for money), leaving her alone in that stupid safe house with her painter's block.

♦  Sonny getting arrested, as if anyone who has watched this show since the mid-90s actually thinks Sonny is going to go to jail at all, much less for being a dickhead in an art gallery in Cartoon Manhattan.

♦  Kristina Wagner's trying to figure out how to do this thing that she used to know was called "acting," or "being in character."

♦  Diane and Alexis squealing like school girls over being nominated for "Litigator of the Year."  Setting aside the teensie weensie problem that really, neither of these characters are litigators (they seem to spend most of their time doing contracts and family law),  why the hell would some women lawyer's group in Philadelphia be giving an award to lawyers from New York?  And why is "dueling shallow bitches" the only way these writers can write for middle-aged career women?

♦  More of giddy Dead Emily.

♦  Spinelli not taking the occasion of Georgie's death to realize he is a freak who needs to learn to talk like a human being. 

Spinelli: Actually what drives me is the desire to fill the vaccum that is my idol mind.  Lest the winds of rememberence blow thoughts of Georgie into my mind.

♦  The return of Luke's Hot Flashes, this time in the form of that stupid-ass trial.

♦  Alexis and Jerry/James/French mobster guy headed down the romance path.

♦  The skirt of Carly's NYE dress

♦  Lulu getting kidnapped.  Again.

more at twiigs.com...

Most awesome thing on GH last week?

♦  The reaction of Carly, an allegedly loving wife, to Jax being sick

♦  Kirsten Storms' portrayal of Maxie's grief over Georgie's death.  (If I thought the Daytime Emmy nominations even remotely made sense, I would insist she get one.)

♦  Kate's dress, hair, and makeup on New Year's Eve

♦  That there were only four episodes.

more at twiigs.com...

Most screencaps courtesy of Clarissa.

Comments

[Junkfood Genius]

What on earth is wrong with Carly's leg? Is that the power of the skirt? Her leg looks...concaved.

[Junkfood Genius]

Oh. That's the couch. Which answers my question of what on earth is Jax doing to her leg. This show is a mind freak.

[Kat]

Yeah, loved Patrick and Robin's "romantic" New Years which involved death and sitting on the floor of the hospital. All most as much as I appreciated their semi-reunion being completely off screen after months of being apart. Blech.

[Dawn]

ah what about Jason blushing

[Kade]

Becca, you are a braver, tougher soul than I because GH has officially ceased to exist for me, and will continue not to exist as long as Guza, Phelps and Frons are anywhere near it. I toast to you and the good work you do, since I just don't have the stomach for it anymore. Cheers to you and Mallory!

[StephanieHatesGH]

You and Mallory deserve more than hazard pay - you deserve a freakin' medal for having to sit through this crap on a daily basis. I hate this show and I only watch maybe a few minutes a day (I fast forward through the majority of it). To have to watch this whole thing daily... Well, in the immortal words of Jim Halpert: "Lord, Beer me strength."

[dianora]

I thought one of the good things was Rick Hearst looking adorable in a sweater. Can't we redeem Ric (perhaps by giving him a job killing people for money) so that he and Alexis can get back together?

[Ivy]

It was a toughy between Kate's hair and Maxie's general awesomeness, but I decided to go the less traveled not so shallow road that's always eluded me. Yes this blog's doing wonders for my perspective on life. Kristina Wagner's nail-down-a-chalk-board rendition of quasi-emotion-ish grieving (Seriously was she always this bad? Part of me wants to say yes but the other part may or may not remember liking her character at one point in time) was really my only option being as I either fast-forwarded or decided not to watch that day.

[Michelle]

i must admit i haven't been watching GH lately. and honestly i don't plan to so...

Becca i applaud you for sitting through each episode of this crap and still writing a brilliant blog. i guess i never really appreciated/realized that you HAVE to watch.

its so much easier for me to "enjoy" GH reading other people's comments on how bad the show is rather than watching the anti-soapy soap. now i kind of know what's happening without the frustration of actually experiencing the horrible writing.

[Sarah]

You forgot to add in the horror and hypocrysy of Carly's rant to St Jasus. It was such BS, but even worse so insanely twofaced.

Carly-"You have to keep Michael from becoming a minimobster. He can't become Sonny Jason, make it stop! He stole his baby brother's toy heroes like soldiers and super heroes and "actually" broke their little plastic knee caps with a hammer."

St Jasus responded with this calm accepting rationale/excuse.

Jason-"He has had a tough time lately and needs a way to let off steam." Shoulders then shrugged with indifference and minimal concern.

Carly-"Fine, he can terrorize his brother at home, but what if he does it at school or worse?"

Now she's cool with Morgan being targetted by psycho dweeb Mikey. But concerned he might harm others? HUH? WTF?

Jason-"The boys will both be fine. Sonny and I will always protect them. What else do you want Carly?"

Wait for it....here comes the WTF? two faced shocker.....

Carly-"I've always known it. That is why I gave Michael to you when he was born. Nobody was ever meant to be a father more than you Jason. You just have to be a Dad Jason. You're the best hitman/no name effbuddy/daddy ever!"

My second fav nomination for most insane thing on GH this week is the constant rewriting of history.

EX. Luke's Nightmare/Dream Trial

1. He loved Lucky and their relationship was unique and golden until the rape reveal when he was like 18 and then abducted by Faison and Helena.

2. He loved Lulu from conception. She LOVED ice fishing and all the dates with her Dad as a child. He doted on her with love. He went AWOL after Laura went wig on broomstick....didn't we all though really?

3. Carly destroyed his sister's life and family and was gunning to do even more damage to Bobbie and that is why he told Bobbie her baby died. Caroline Benson was a ruthless vicious cruel bitch bent on revenge....now she is Carly Jax, the rest remains the same in reality no matter how Guza props her. See the first example of her Mob Lust above!

Luke is great and complex as is his portrayer TG. Only Guza and the Gang of Morons don't know that.

[Susan]

I think I needed an all of the above option for the most annoying thing on GH this past week! I know I got annoyed enough during each of those moments to either hit the FF button or get up and get a snack to comfort me from the mess that GH has become, so that means they were all pretty bad!

How sad is it that the list of awesome things that happened is less then half of the annoying things - and one of the options is that the show was only for 4 days?!!! And to be honest, I am kind of surprised you even remembered anything good surrounded by all that bad!

[Beth R.]

I think I was supposed to feel sorry for Liz for being dumped when Lucky was more than happy to spend NYE with her and the boys but all i did was laugh my big fat midwestern butt off at her....especially since it was the SECOND time Jason has done that this time around and apparently fixing the espresso machine was more important to him than calling her up and saying "yo! I'm sorry I dumped you alone in an abandoned house on one of the biggest date nights of the year." Ahh the priorities of Jason Morgan in love! Gosh I hope some guy treats me EXACTLY like that.....cause I will so know its true love then.

When Carly talks...especially about how fabulous Jason is....my brain automatically assigns it a frequency that only dogs can hear. It saves my sanity so much!

[rcade]

"Spinelli not taking the occasion of Georgie's death to realize he is a freak who needs to learn to talk like a human being."

At Super Soap Weekend this past November, there was nobody with crazier, larger crowds than Bradford Anderson. At times they resembled the crowds that Maurice Bernard pulled the last time he attended. Fans love this guy.

I think the chances that Spinelli will become less weird are equal to the chance that Bob Guza will portray a cop as a heroic figure.

[Jes]

I think I said something awhile ago about wanting the Wagners back on the show. Can I take it back?

Luke's trial thing was the only part I actually watched, and I turned it off after Lucky's testimony because it was all lies.

[Priscilla]

I, too, refuse to watch the GH train wreck of twisted characters and rewritten history and instead find the comments on the boards better than the scripts acted on the show. I did make an exception last week and caught Luke on trial out of curiosity. Big Mistake. I was riveted at just how bad things were. The great Tony Geary reduced to this absolute crap fest. I was embarrassed for him and thought it was the worst scene he's done, ever. First we are led to believe Luke can have about 10 heart attacks within a week and live. Then we are subjected to a trial with Tony playing multiple roles. And, the love of his life, LAURA--his partner for, oh, 30 years, and oh, mother of his two children--is not only not there but mentioned in passing once as if she was never on screen. In the past 2 years Luke is unrecognizable as is Tracy. Luke wandering, drink in hand, aimlessly around the Q mansion with nothing to do and Tracy, a vibrant, independent, smart woman either chasing and mothering him or waiting for him to return. This is character assassination. They are better off as rivals or business partners than a couple. Someone please...
return the real Luke or do us and him a favor and let him expire from the 11th heart attack and put us out of our misery. Give Tracy something to do, like running ELQ and stop the mothering of Luke--something she didn't do with Ned or Dillon, and they are her children.

[SallyV]

I loved Carly's dress and Kate's hair. Can't comment on the rest due to FFing thru everything else.

[Jane]

Not only do I live in New York City, but more precisely I live in Brooklyn where I moved after I married into a Bensonhurst family. I cannot even begin to explain the many, many ways that GH has disappointed me with their ridiculous portrayal of life in NYC. Argh.

[marian]

where was "all of the above"????

[Beth]

"I think I was supposed to feel sorry for Liz for being dumped when Lucky was more than happy to spend NYE with her and the boys but all i did was laugh my big fat midwestern butt off at her....especially since it was the SECOND time Jason has done that this time around and apparently fixing the espresso machine was more important to him than calling her up and saying 'yo! I'm sorry I dumped you alone in an abandoned house on one of the biggest date nights of the year.'"

Beth, you? Me? LIKETHIS. I giggled my ass off at Liz being all pouty and not being able to paint the wind because the love of her life (this year) put his job over her. Phase One of Jason's Love Machine. Next phase? Hail of bullets! Kidnapping! The mind boggles. At this rate, they should be over in... (checking watch) about four months, or whenever Sarah Brown starts again.

[Beth R.]

Beth...it must be the nam my dear....cause seriously NYE and the following day where Lucky is all "I wouldn't change anythign because then I wouldn't have Jake in my life" and Jason's all "the espresso machine broke!" and Sonny was lost in jail almost made up for the crap that happened this year for I almost peed myself laughing...notice the almost.....I personally have been counting down to Sarah's return for that exact reason since the second I heard she was coming back (see my response here regarding that one).

[Dandesun]

Sometimes I wish you guys would decide to watch One Life to Live for like a month just to compare and contrast against AMC and GH especially now that we've turned it around against the suckfest that it was for a significant portion of 07.

On the one hand, it's more fun to bitch about a crappy soap with a gajillion things wrong with it. And while OLTL isn't perfect (and I fear what will happen now that the scab stories are going to be filmed) it's a lot better than it's bookends.

[smirks]

I cannot possibly vote for the most annoying thing last week unless there are either a) multiple choices, b) an all of the above choice, or c) that GH was on four more times than it should have been last week choice.

[Becca]

smirks, I am embarrassed not to have thought of c. GH is draining me of my creativity. Soon I'll just be wandering the halls saying "Sonny is a good father!" and "Jason doesn't put anyone he loves in danger!"

And so it begins.

[Beth R.]

Becca...resist resist....don't drink the kool aid! Don't do it! Considering a symptom of having to watch this dreck! Just don't drink the kool aid!!!

[LOL!]

hey, 430 something votes???
DAMN!
a lot of people read this site!
or people keep voting... hehehehe...

hey, Becca... how do you know what words people type on Google to arrive at this site? are you just inventing those? teach me!!!!

[Becca]

Magic!

Or the software that tracks the # of site visitors also keeps track of what search engine searches lead people to us.

[Marianne]

I am officially so damn frustrated with this piece of shit masquerading as a show that I can't even rant anymore......

HOWEVER, I will say 2 positive things-I believe (and it may only be false hope-but let me have it, damnit) that Kimberly cut her g.d. hair b/c it looked MUCH better in the, like, 2 seconds of airtime she got. And, even BETTER, I actually kinda liked Patrick again for a few minutes....once I regained consciousness after fainting from the shock of hearing an apology pass his lips. Hell, I even thought he looked hotly distraught later.

Oh, and YAY! about the new message board forum. So great to have a place to come and bitch to my heart's content-a place that is not loyal to any particular couple or character but where the posters also appear to have an education level above that of a slow first grader.

Happy New Year, indeed, Becca and Mallory!

[Ginger]

Well this show has too many annoying things to single out only these few and I would have liked an 'All of the above' category. Seriously, I have never been so saddened by the destruction of a show in my life. GH has truly reached a new low and my former favorite, TG needs to retire soon rather than put up with this crap and humiliate himself further. There I said it.

[Jess]

I never thought GH could destroy Luke Spencer. Maybe TG just doesn't care anymore. But, let's just say for the first time - his vacation is a welcome reprieve.

[Lisa]

Wow, your biases are going a little too far for me these days. Maybe I'll just re-read your old columns for a while.