[Tuesday]'s Dumbest Dialogue

I had been pleasantly surprised by the interim writers and their willingness to ignore the things that Bob Guza holds dear (like incoherent storytelling, insipid dialogue and a paralyzing hatred of Lucky Spencer). There are days when the show feels almost Awesome Writerish, though I am sure that Awesome Writer is not the type to cross a picket line, but there are other days when it's apparent that there is a Guza In Training (GIT) in the crop of interim writers.

Because, seriously, what the hell was this scene?

Carly: We're going to keep going over it until I convince Jason to go after custody of his son.
Elizabeth: I told you -- Jason, Lucky, and I all came to an agreement.
Carly: That's because you talked them into doing what you wanted them to do.
Elizabeth: To keep Jake safe from Jason's enemies.
Carly: I'm sorry, but how is he safe with you, given that he almost died in a fire? How did that happen on your watch?
Elizabeth: Does it really matter, Carly?
Carly: Yeah, it does. See, I've done some checking. Turns out that your first bastard son obviously likes to play with matches, and given you got yourself stuck outside, while Jason's son was stuck upstairs in the crib while the house was catching on fire.

(1) Can soap operas really throw the term "bastard son" around? Aren't three quarters of the kids born on soaps born out of wedlock?

(2) Did the writers just learn what the word bastard means? Was it one of the December entries in their "Racist, Misogynistic and Plain Old Offensive Word-A-Day" calendar? First Robin uses the word (which I still find shocking and completely un-Robin, especially since she loved Michael with her whole heart back in the day. Luckily, she got out before he evolved into the Michael that we know and fear to day) and now Carly, which is INCREDIBLY PERPLEXING, as Carly

...is the daughter of an unwed hooker and one of her johns

...is the mother of a child born out of wedlock

...is fighting for the rights of a brain-damaged mobster who is the son of a married man and his mistress

(3) Did that acid-tongued ho really just step to Cam? I hope he sets her entire polyester and sequined wardrobe on fire.

Comments

[DarylE]

Elizabeth should have simply said: Takes one to know one.

Jeez Carly, tacky tacky tacky.

[Beth R.]

Oh yes...yes she did step to Cam...and I know what Cam did..he went "bitch Please!" and then went and found another bigger than he can carry box o' matches and started strategically planting them around the house. none of this last minute rescue stuff this time around. If he brings the matches...I'll bring the gasoline.

[junie]

OMG Beth....I am still laughing at "bigger than he can carry box o' matches." Carly has some freaking nerve. I know people liked her when she was Sarah Brown but I have NEVER liked her and she only gets worse with every recast.

[Marianne]

HEE! Burn it, Cam baby, BURN IT! Also, Carly is a tacky bitch, no doubt-but I, too, was disappointed when they had myRobin use that phrase. O/c, that was probably GuzaInTraining's heavy-handed attempt at irony-"Look, she's calling Carly's son a bastard when she's having her own bastard! IRONY! We are so brilliant, Daddy Bob!" This, o/c, is to go along w/the Cottage Hell flashback irony-"Look, she's railed against Carly for years, and now she has her own paternity lie! Again, IRONY! We are just the bestest, smartest writers EVAH, Daddy Bob!"

[Beth R.]

Why thanks junie....i have the medianet pic of said event saved...it was totally bigger than even the wonderful marvoulous super coordinated Cameron could carry.

ACtually my theory is that some days Bob had "outlined" more closely than others and this was one of those days that he "outlined" pretty darn closely. Then again I am on Team Rationalization.

[Chad]

Well, I think Carly using "bastard son" is entirely in character, given that it's both a low blow, displays the right tone of self-rightenousness, and it's hypocritical. In fact, I would expect the sort of hypocrisy that's so blatant it threatens to rip a hole in space-time from Carly.

[Kristin]

And, of course, Liz doesn't do anything to point out her hypocrisy. Why Carly's allowed to steamroll anyone is beyond me. It's not like her arguments are stunning. They're the worst constructed, most transparent attempts at "putting someone in her place" ever. If they're going to let her roll over everyone, they should at least give her decent material to do so so it wouldn't look like everyone is actually dumber than she is (and intimidated by her).

I thought maybe they were trying to show everyone caring so little that they'd just let her go on her tirades, but the actors opposite her take on mannerisms and expressions demonstrating that they feel they've been taken down a notch.

Carly's nonsense makes for very boring TV, and I doubt that's the intention. I don't love to hate her - that only works for characters who aren't idiots.

[Kat]

While I have no problem with the word "bastard" being used to describe adults (as in, why do the writers, scab or otherwise, insist on writing Patrick as such a bastard?), when used to describe the children of unmarried women, the word is incredibly offensive. Stop, Usually Awesome Scab Writer! Stop!

And yes, I hope Cam goes pyro on Carly. Soon.

[Sarah]

This is so sick. But I too hope Cam goes pyro on SkankaCarly's Ass!!!! Burn down her closet and her damn ugly hotel too Cam. Show that viper tongued idiot what a kid can really do. Michael may be scary and demented, but just like his adopted Daddy Sonny he can only really hurt himself and his own family, alot. Where as Cam can already kick Michael's creepy ass. And Cam is cute too!! So suck on that MoronoMom and Chuckie/Michael.

I need help, clearly GH has melted my brain.

[junie]

I think one of my biggest problems with the way Guza writes every woman is that even when the women of yester-GH were snarky and bitchy, i.e. Lucy Coe, Bobbie Spencer, Monica, Tracy, Lois, etc. they were still rootable. Mostly because they were occasionally called on their crap. Carly rarely (except for recently) ever gets called on her b.s. and therefore I can't even beging to get on her side.

[Roxanne Provence]

True story: I learned the word bastard from watching As the World Turns as a child. I used to throw it around in conversation like it was any other regular word until my mother (who I watched the show with anyway) was like, "uh no."

[Paula]

I have always hated Carly...but calling Cam a bastard was low even for her. I agree Cam should go and burn down her house see if she can save her bastard son Michael before he (Micheal) shoots her in her ugly ass. Cam is too cute for words.

[Kiran]

Cam needs to bitchslap her. Now. For bismirching his mother and stepping to him. You know he would too. Cam is a pimp. In awesomeness....not misogeny.

[Michelle]

hate both carly and liz, so i don't give a rip if carly gives liz some crap...

BUT, calling Cam a bastard? wrong. way wrong.

and i totally expect Carly to be beyond hypocritical at this point, but seriously, Carly calling out Liz for having an illegitimate child is just so preposterous i can't put it into words. it's hypocritical even for Carly, the queen of hypocrites!

this show [email protected]#$%^&

[CHH]

I can't get on board with Cam burning down Carly's house. Cameron was and is a sweet child who didn't understand the consequences of his actions. Cam is not a psychotic killer in the making, unlike Carly's own bastard, Michael, who would have used those matches to deliberately burn down the house because the nanny wouldn't let him have extra cookies for dessert.

[Carl]

They have to have scenes like this because that's the only way to make Liz sympathetic. Liz treats Lucky like he is beneath her. She is a frequent liar and has nothing but contempt for most of those around her. How can she be likeable? Have Carly tell her off.

[Chad]

Kristin,

Great points, and you're absolutely right. A friend of mine who watches the show says that Carly is one of television's best examples on how *not* to write a strong woman (I'd say she's the best example on "General Hospital" at least, but Epiphany Johnson has been a tough competitor lately).

[Beth R.]

Does anyone think it crossed Carly's mind that Jake would fit that definition as well? Most likely not because it requires thought and rationalizatoin...but it was worth a shot.

And I agree Chad..that was totally to make everyone feel "oh poor Liz" since you know trying to make Lucky look like an evil ogre didn't work.....

I will state for the record that if Cameron won't burn her wardrobe....then I want Carly to go off on Lucky for daring to keep Jason away from Jake (we all knowt that scene is coming) and I want Lucky to be the one to point out her hypocracy.....

[Becky]

How I am supposed to choose between my hatred for Carly and my hatred for Liz? I won't do it, I tell ya. I will continue hate them both will equal fervor and intensity. Even Carly's hyprocritcal insensitivity cannot make me like Liz.

[Kristin]

Actually, the scene between Carly and Liz almost made me hate Liz. She didn't come off as sympathetic, she came off as pathetic. I mean, she has so much material with which to knock Carly's crappy strawmen down and, instead, she acts like she can't help but believe that Carly's making good points.

The only good part of the scene was when Jax came in and was being all sweet to Liz. That was pretty hilarious, especially since Carly expects him to take her side even when she's being irrational and hounding on someone in a hospital bed whose infant was recently caught in a house fire and a victim of smoke ihalation.

[Kelly]

Just in case you missed it which I am sure you didn't b/c we all know by now that the GIT gets nothing passed you, Layla had some surprisingly stupid dialouge as well. I can't remember from which day it was b/c...well...I watch this stupid show in secret at 3:00am b/c I am embarrassed. Anyway she rushes up to some exam room to meet Dr. Drake (whom I think has totally lost all hunkiness at the moment) took off her clothes and was waiting for him under a sheet. After some stupid joke betweeen the two of them (air time that could have been spent showing scenes of something I actually want to watch) points out what a professional she is and how she takes her career very seriously. Oh yeah, we can tell. I know I am rushing around my place of employment trying to mattress dance with all the male employees, but seriously, I am a professional.

[Alyssa]

I like Carly more than Liz's I just can't root for a chic that think's it's alright to pass a child off on another man,Carly is Spencer, she more like Luke daughter than his kids she needs to go back to therpy, and parenting class, she has to boy's mob in waiting, she needs to take care,

Ugh Marianne, I REALLY hope we don't see Robin start to fake paternity tests and whatever to make the stories parallel each other. I wouldn't blame someone in Robin's position for not telling the father, not only has Patrick made it clear he does not want kids, the way he's been acting lately she could reasonable fear he'd probably flip out and scream at her and accuse her of trying to trap him or something. Plus, um, they had unprotected sex, he got an HIV test but it doesn't cross his mind he might be the father, unlike AJ and Nik who desperately wanted to be parents and demanded DNA tests. But with this damn show, she'll be the villain and he'll probably end up suing for custody with carly testifying on his behalf.