General Hospital Couple of Weeks in Review: As Usual, I Have Questions

At first there were scheduling issues, but now I'm just plain uninspired to write a Week in Review for GH, guys.  I'm not sure why.  The show hasn't been awful, and there have been some great moments.  Just nothing all that commentary-worthy, you know?  (Plus, truth be told, I was more interested in 90s episodes SoapNet showed today -- recaps coming to a blog near you.)  So instead, I bring you my latest list of questions.

• How entertainingly soapy is the ongoing Monica/Tracy catfight?  I heart it.  Tracy being all fierce and defiant, Monica calling Tracy a "litigious cow."  Glorious.
• Why is the Logan/Lulu/Johnny triangle so boring, when it involves such pretty people?
• Am I seriously supposed to care about Leyla and Dr. Devlin flirting?
  
• Is Patrick the dumbest neurosurgeon on earth?  Robin told him she's pregnant.  He knows they had sex a few weeks back and the condom broke.  And he doesn't suspect he might be a daddy-to-be?  This is a guy I'm supposed to believe fixes broken brains?  It's a good thing he's hot enough to distract me from this obvious story gap.
  
• Why hasn't Kimberly McCullough shanked the last three stylists who have come near her bangs?  I hate online petitions, but I am thisclose to starting one to implore her to grow those suckers out.
  

• How refreshingly nice and mature was it that Liz didn't tell Lucky the truth about Sam out of vengeance, and told him she was happy he was happy?
• How much hotness did Ingo's haircut restore? 
  
• Why did Sonny tell Kate to "get on a plane" and go back to Manhattan?  I thought it was a quick drive or helicopter ride?
  
• How much do I want a spin-off of Kate, Alexis, and Diane just hanging out together, being fabulous?
  
• How inhumanly gorgeous is Greg Vaughn?
• How delightful is it that the new writers remembered that Alexis and Sam are mother and daughter, and gave them scenes together?
• How much ass does tiny little Kelly Monaco kick?  Those scenes with her and the Text Message Killer were seriously impressive, not least because she appeared to be in five-inch heels.
• How the hell did Carly get pregnant so easily?  Is there anything she wants that she doesn't get?  Please tell me she's lying.
• How fun was Carly meeting Claudia?
  
• Why did Lucky have virtually no reaction to Lulu knowing about Jake's paternity?  It was a total betrayal!  Maybe he was busily pondering his gorgeousness and forgot to get enraged.
• Why did Carly stop wearing hideous outfits, thereby depriving me of some of my best GH mockery opportunities?
• How much do I love Jax?

Jax: What is wrong with you?  Why are you so angry?
Carly:  Because I don't like that woman!
Jax: You don't like any women.

Oh snap, Jasper.

• Did Patrick move yet another step closer to the permanent restoration of his hotly modifier when he defended Robin to Ian?
• How surprisingly easy has it been to accept Sarah Brown as a totally different character?
• Why am I so completely repelled by a story involving Rick Hearst, whom I love, as Ric Lansing, who I've recently learned to tolerate again?  And how uncreative is it to just send him off to a random location for an extended booty call?  Ugh.
  
• If you took a shot every time DeadEmily told Nikolas "You would never hurt me," would you already be dead from alcohol poisoning?
• Has this show really sunk to the level of pimping even non-ABC products?

Epiphany:  You are not a shrink.  You're an orderly.
Cassius:  And now you're soldiering on.
Epiphany:  That means you take your orders from me.
Cassius:  Which is why I have to drink my V8 Fusion so I can keep up with you.

For god's sake.  You'll excuse me if I have to drink my Grey Goose so I can get through this show.

And most importantly, did you feel a little disappointed when you heard that the writers' strike is over, knowing that some of the improvements we've seen on GH in recent weeks are likely to disappear faster than a nice scotch in the vicinity of Luke Spencer?

Comments

[Elana]

"did you feel a little disappointed when you heard that the writers' strike is over, knowing that some of the improvements we've seen on GH in recent weeks are likely to disappear faster than a nice scotch in the vicinity of Luke Spencer?"

Oh, yes. Once the "real" writers' work appears on screen, I expect that Kate, Alexis, and Diane will forget they know one another, Ric will do something appalling, Lucky will return to cluelessness, Liz will return to shrewishness, and Claudia will decide it really does make more sense to let Sonny be the big mob boss--the dimples, after all. And Logan/Lulu/Johnny will still be boring.

[Cara]

Haha, loved the questions. I was kind of repeating the mantra "suspend your disbelief, suspend your disbelief" as tiiiiiiiiiiiny Kelly Monaco was giving the TMK an ass-whooping. In the realm of potential screen caps, I think its worth mentioning that Scott's expression when he's told by Lucky that Sam kicked the TMK's ass, read perfectly as, "OH SNAP. Illegit son's a psycho!" as well as can be read on the face of a middle-aged man with really funny receding hair.

[Kat]

Oh PLEASE, do not let Bob Guza come back! The minor steps forward will be ruined... sob...sob....

And Patrick defending Robin to Ian was definitely hotly. I have a theory as to why the show chooses to write Patrick as such a jerk sometimes. I think they know that all they have to do is have Patrick do something remotely hotly, and I am back. Although, if they really wanted to get back in my good graces, they would have Patrick defending Robin to Ian while shirtless.

And Lulu and her merry men, ugh, I so don't care. They have now toppled Sonny and Jason on the top of my "scenes I fastforward" list.

[Laura]

Agreed about that product placement thing. How unnatural - no, awful - to hear that bit of dialogue. I now think less of the show and the drink. Are any other soaps doing it? I've only seen it done on network sitcoms.

[Chad]

It is a little depressing that a woman set up as one of the show's villains (arguably) is also the only one who can defend herself very well.

With the old writers coming back, I guess that destroys any hope I have of seeing Kate being in a storyline that doesn't involve hanging around Sonny.

[Holly]

Please start a grow the bangs out petition!!!!

I would definitely sign the petition! Kimberly's a beautiful woman, but she needs a bangs intervention.

Patrick was great this week. Let's hope it sticks. Not much seems to stick with him anymore, except for the one nasty newbie that seems stuck to him like Easy Glue (emphasis on the EASY) LOL

Please, writers, move Robin and Patrick's story along already and let's work on getting those crazy kids in love back together already. It's beyond time for something good for Scrubs.

[LauraBB]

They are doing the Campbell's/ V8 products on ALL THREE ABC soaps. Rex and Adrianna drank some V8 the other morning and both OLTL and AMC have big events going on for which they are specifically mentioning Campbell's and Cambell's products repeatedly. The Fusion girls even talked about how cool it would be to give away some of those great heart healthy Campbell's soups in gift type bags at an event...

[Becca]

That is tackier than even Carly's old wardrobe. It makes me want to give up my morning tomato juice, just in protest.

[Sarah]

That wasn't product placement. That would have been Cassius/young NS Toussaint drinking the damn beverage sans mentioning the brand name. What we got was a shitty painfully obvious showstopping commercial.

The next time Robin and Patrick have sex (a girl can dream) they will both stop to discuss the TROJAN she retrieves from his back pocket.

Or next time Sonny throws barware he will scream...."Damn Johnny Walker Black Label in Baccarat!"

Or next time Claudia and Carly go shopping together..."I love this Steve Madden's, try on that Betsy Johnson!" "I know right, we are so young and sexy!" VOMIT at the hideousness.

Patrick defending Robin to Ian would have been much better if (1) I didn't constantly see him diss her professionally and drag their personal stuff into the workplace all the damned time, like last week when he tried to somehow connect her ordering a second autopsy on Mrs. Quinn with her "obsession" with having a baby and then promptly announced her news to the entire hospital including Cassius the orderly; and (2)he wasn't the one that had just publicly called her "hormonal and pregnant" implying that her brain ceased to function upon conception in front of a colleague she barely knows, opening the door for Ian to start running her down in the first place.

Patrick only comes off as bipolar these days, not hot. And for every semi-decent moment I get, there's several assy ones he still needs to make up for. That's why I don't care if the scabs stay or not, because Scrubs haven't gotten a decent story under either regime...

[Michelle]

Carly and fertility issues, pfft. Did you miss when Carly told Jacks, whatever she wants, she gets it. I'm not surprised she is having a 2nd miracle baby. I just don't know what was the big hubbub about her having problems procreating. She started to try for a kid in December and by the end of January, she's knocked up.

Too bad women in real life take years to have their miracle child if ever. Only on GH is Carly's womb is a place where anything can grow.

She has the perfect husband, a 3rd child on the way and a great life. It proves that bad girls do come out on top.

Michelle

[Elizabeth K. Mahon]

My favorite moment of the week was Emily telling Nicolas she appears in whatever outfit he wants her to appear in. As if in between worrying about his tumor and whether or not he hit Sam with his car, he thought to himself "I'd like to see Emily in a little pirate number!"

[dianora]

I was not crazy about the Claudia/Carly scene, because it felt so self-indulgent, but then I had to remind myself that sometimes soaps are all about being consciously self-indulgent for the sake of their long-time fans, and moved on. Maybe it was the concept of GH actually being aware of their long-time fans at all that threw me off.

Also, why are they spending money to have Leyla, Dr. Devlin, and Nadine on this show? The mind, it boggles.

[Sarah]

That last comment Elizabeth K. Mahon was genius! I forgot about that on the show, how inane. One second he is blacking out, then deciding which one of his insane relatives should get custody of MIA Spencer when he dies, then bam! I wanna see silly Emily in that pirate ensemble. WTF?!?!?!

And a side note on this wackadoo story, why is he either smacking Robin to the ground or acting like he doesn't know her at GH? Since their dance at the ball he has abused her twice physically and ignored her the rest of the time. He now has "deeply emotional" conversations with Nurse Nadine? Again WTF?

[Michelle]

dang...i was really happy about the writer's strike being over until i remembered that means we get Guza back...

regarding the Lulu/Logan/Johnny thing...why is it so boring? they are a very good looking bunch, but it's going nowhere. actually, i feel like the writers clearly want Lulu/Johnny by the way they are completely villainizing Logan. he can do absolutely nothing right because everything he does seems to piss off princess LuLu.

so Carly is officially pregnant? what was the point of her whining to Jason about it then? this is so stupid. she should not be allowed more children. her first born doesn't have a driver's permit and is already on the road to mass murder-dom.

*sigh* i'm gonna miss hot, confident, logical, and smart Lucky. God forbid Lucky actually look like a decent human being (i mean, he is a cop) around Liz, who, btw, has been slightly less sanctimonious lately, but will probably fade as soon as she learns that she's not the Sam-hitter, then she'll be back to ditching her life all for the killer.

oh! your mention of Ric reminds me...why did they recast Marianna or whatever her name is? i don't like the new one...her acting is really really one dimensional, esp. against Rick Hearst. hope he gets a better storyline soon!

[B]

I learned a lesson this week when I watched all 5 episodes in a row from my DVR-- never doing that again. Even though the show has improved, 10 minutes of GH a day, thanks to FF, is plenty. I was left with a lot of the same questions as you were after i watched this week's GH. The only other question I had was why the hell didn't Sonny kill Anthony or Johnny or both? He had them both at point blank range and has been bitching and moaning for Jason to do it for what seems like an eternity.

I hate with a passion the whole Lulu/Johnny/Logan ordeal. It's beyond dumb. Also does anyone else feel uncomfortable watching Johnny kiss Lulu. They are both beautiful and so you would think that there would be sparks, but frankly I dread whenever I have to watch their awkward kissing. Yech!

[Kazou]

As Sarah noted, this wasn't product placement but rather full-on commercials incorporated within the show -- multiple times. (How annoying is it that V8 Fusion got more airtime than Robin this week?) What's worse, those vignettes may annoy the crap out of we viewers but they are actually creating job security for Brian Frons (double insult). He's generating revenue for the networks in the same way he did when he had those in-your-face Revlon (?? Revlon or was that the WalMart one?) tie-ins juxtaposed against Bianca's rape on AMC. It was so jarring and insensitive yet ultimately ABC made a profit on 'em. I firmly believe Frons keeps his job because of these intrusive, blatantly offensive maneuvers (it sure ain't because he understands soaps).

[MrsBigDubya]

I'm just really hoping that they'll stop referring to it as "the hostage crisis"

I mean seriously..... did they all have a meeting and decide that that's what they were going to call it?

Remember "the hostage crisis" -- she told me during "the hostage crisis"

[Patti]

Patrick defending Robin professionally to Ian would be hot if Patrick himself wasn't always mocking her professionally. I believe he called her hormonal for question Ian's treatment when he even confirmed he never did clinical trials and called her baby obsessed and unprofessionally when she suggested there was more to Quinn's death. Patrick can't be hot when defending Robin when he puts her down personally and professionally at every turn. It's the pot calling the kettle black.

[Paula]

I agree with Cara...Please don't let Guza back....he definitely was not missed by me. Yes Carly and Claudia....that was hmmmmmmm. Johnny, Lulu and Logan....I think it was here that you wrote Lulu has as much chemisty as your toaster....I agree...is that girl just dead or what...she can't shine with two hunks like that....maybe it is time to change the story line.....Lulu might be better off at that monestary she was locked in a few weeks ago.

[Marianne]

Patti, I agree-I'm sure everyone's completely shocked, lol. I just...had there been some segue between Patrick being a dick to Robin and then apologizing to her and defending her to Ian, I could deal. But it's like he changes on a dime these days. It truly IS like Patrick needs to get his alters under control or something-very weird. And it's kind of aggravating that he's all like, "Well, I can be as emotionally abusive and condescending and sexist and patronizing towards her as I like, but she's MY personal emotional punching bag and everyone else had better back off!" Keep it, Dr. Formerly-Hottie-Robin can take care of herself. And they are making it INCREASINGLY difficult for me to be mad at Robin for lying about the baby-I just keep thinking, "Um, you know, she might be doing this kid a favor..."

[Timepass]

As always Becca, very entertaining column, and I agree with you on almost everything except the following:

Sam defending herself was laughable at best, its clear most people will buy it, because they don’t do kickboxing or have defence class. It was hilarious!

I don’t get the Greg Vaughn is gorgeous, his expression a deer cut in a car light does nothing for me, and it is the only one Greg has. Even when not needed!

As for Ric I am appalled at the stupidity on the story they wrote for him, even his great talent cannot cover how stupid and boring this story really is!

And my conclusion: this is sweep? Really, are you kidding me?!?

[Jess]

Product placement always makes me uncomfortable. I remember on AMC a few years back they did like an 8 second pause on some formula Kendall was using.

Johnny/Lulu/Logan is pretty poorly done, eh? It's like any Sonny or Elizabeth/Jason scene, or even Patrick/Robin (for different reasons) - they just say the same thing over and over and over. With Lulu, Sonny and Jason it's the sheer airtime, there's not enough time to write original dialogue, apparently. With scrubs, the writers just suck, but come on, we listened to them talk about a couch for like a month. Replace couch with "it's too dangerous" and we've both Johnny/Lulu.

Who, for the record, I actually do like. I think JMB F-I-N-A-L-L-Y has chemistry with someone (I love her, I do, but she's been "flat" in romances in the past) and I'm not letting that go. But the triangle needs to die a quick death.

[Jess]

Oh, and I forgot to mention.

1) I hate the writers for "giving" RH a story, and making it suck so damn badly. Whatever, he'll still probably get (and earn) an Emmy for it.

2) I am actually really enjoying Sarah Brown as Claudia. I did not expect to.

1 + 2 = How about Ric/Claudia? Now that'd be fun to watch.

[lynne]

Becca, you mind reader you! What you said! LOVE Tracy/Monica. Logan, the underdog, needs a break! That scene with him and Lulu where she was so mean to him I wanted to slug her. Dr. Devilin looks like a skeevy, slimy used car salesman (no disrespect to car salesmen) and he is SO unattractive that I wonder if Libidozone from AMC got in the water at the hospital. I like Liz. So sue me. Kate/Alexis/Diane are da bomb! I really want Diane to get a love life -- she would be hot with -- let's see -- Ric? Why not? Or how bout Mac? The new actress playing the extremely forgettable part of that waitress is terrible with Ric. I liked the first one better, but that's not saying much. Can that story be any more contrived?? I like Kate and Jax together. I hate the new incantation of Carly. She is way too one-note. I think they made her preggers so fast cuz they plan something between her and poor Robin since they will be preggy at the same time....(shudder uncontrollably). I used to like the Carly character -- now I just want her GONE. Lulu is just as bad. Why the H*LL do we have to see Lulu and Carly every day? What is the attraction? Show more Maxie. She at least is interesting. And if Carly tries to de-ball Jax one more time, I'm gonna slug her too! Jax, grow a pair, please! Obviously, there are lots of fans who are the opposite of me, who actually LIKE Carly, Lulu, Dr. Devilin, Sonny and bangs. Go figure.

[msjacrowe]

Is Doctor Devlin the guy that Jerry keeps talking to (Mr. M)? He sounds like it but I guess he's too scrawny. Lulu's character is boring. I don't think that they should have her dating. She hasn't clicked with anyone. I can't stop laughing/shuddering in disbelief about the boys that Psycho Michael bought the gun from. Is Michael going to shoot Carly? I can't stand Robin anymore. She's whiny. Am LOVING Maxie! Will miss her interaction with Georgie though. And how can they pair up Alexis with Jerry/Mr. Craig? Didn't he poison her only nephew? And my favorite today was Sonny with a duh looking complaining to Jason on the phone that he (Jason) was paying more attention to his personal business than "the business" Sonny is loosing that leading man appeal. Last complaint -really - are they ever going to change the montage in the beginning?

[Beth R.]

I have been loving me my Lucky lately but I know everyone is right..Guza's job one is so going to be find some way to make the Zaccara's finding out about Jake Lucky's fault and not say Jason's for leaving the kid's picture in known mobster haunts.....

[JL]

"If you took a shot every time DeadEmily told Nikolas "You would never hurt me," would you already be dead from alcohol poisoning? "

The bigger question is, would you be as happy to be dead as DeadEm is?