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« Our Column in the 3/4 Issue of Soap Opera Digest | Main | Charm! Chapters 14-24 »

February 26, 2008

Maybe, Like Alanis, They Don't Understand What Irony Is?

For those holding out hope that last week's anti-violence public service announcement was the sign of the tides turning, of the GH showrunners demonstrating -- for the first time since gas was under $2 a gallon -- that they understand that violence has turned this once-great soap into a steaming pile of, well, corpses . . .  Good god, what the hell were you thinking?  Do you even watch this show?


The word of the day is:  Juxtaposition. 

The PSA last week:


"Violence is never the answer.  And violence in our communities committed by young people is a tragedy, and needs to stop.  It can be prevented if we set the right example.  To find proper resources to help prevent youth violence, please visit safeyouth.org."

Is GH living up to those big, self-righteous words?  Of course . . .

. . . not.  Let's look at yesterday's episode, shall we? 

Violence is [almost] never the answer.


[Unless you mix it with sex and revenge]


[...or you have breasts]


[...or you get paid for it.]


And violence in our communities committed by young people [but only really young people, like under 15] is a tragedy,


and needs to stop [or at least be delayed until the perpetrators are college-aged].


It can be prevented if we set the right example.



And that's just one episode!  Intrepid forum posters kept track of all the violence since the PSA.  Holy hypocrisy, hitman!

Screencaps courtesy of Clarissa.


Woo hoo for Internet fame! I love it! And that list may have been sent in to several people, magazines, etc under the title "The funniest thing message EVER!"

At this point GH preaching against violence is like Hugh Hefner preaching abstinence is the best policy...except I think Hugh has much better sense than to try that.

It's clear they really have no idea, isn't it? It shouldn't be funny, but I can't think of any other way to take it.

Has anyone else noticed that, whenever Soap Opera Weekly has one of their preview ads, the "General Hospital shocker" pretty much always involves, "Who will die?"

I am so let down by this show. I actually decided, after that ridiculous line by the supposedly-dead guy:"A funny thing happened on the way to the morgue..." that I have reached my bullshit limit. It is now insulting to be a viewer of this nonsense. From Lulu's snivelling, "hmm, maybe I shouldn't have hit Logan in the head with a near-fatal wrench smack?" to Sonny's generally phoned-in acting and ass-ish hypocrisy, to Nikolas's love affair with his tumor delusion, I'm done. But I'll continue to read your column for the delicious wit.

I've noticed it Chad....anyone else notice whenever they do that story..Lucky's picture is almost always included in it to make us all think it will be him?

Jason's so good at killing he can close his eyes and do it in his sleep! Wow - how awesome is Jason... NOT. I just love your screen caps! HAHA

Sonny is such an admirable father too. Bleh. He makes me feel sorry for poor Michael.

And when Jax told Carly he didn't want Jason around his child after it was born I was so excited and then Jax apologized? It just never ends.

Thanks for the list. I'd love to see a daily update to the list. It would be the running joke.

And THEN the saddest part of today's episode - and I don't know if you all caught it - but the "in memory of Shell Keplar" shown like an afterthought right after Diego had Sam in his warehouse and was threatening her life and the cutaway to the "in memory of..." It made me feel guilty for having to watch it. They couldn't end on a better note before placing the memoriam? I guess since every show has violence it wasn't doable.

GH is going down in flames. And the flames are from bombs exploding and poison tipped fire lit shooting arrows! oh, and adorable highly clever super dextrous match lighting toddlers!!!

So instead of dragging this nightmare out why doesn't Guza just have his final violence palooza and then end his reign of error. I see this including the following...

-Monica gets drunk, sets the mansion on fire, and fist fights w/ Tracy over Lila's jewelry until the blaze consumes them all. Edward tumbles down the staircase losing his pregnancy. Oops, that would have been Emily, but she was already murdered and raped etc....Now all Q's are gone.

-After years of never getting a mobster behind bars sheer frustration drives Mac insane. He plants a huge bomb in the PCPD and takes out all his inept cops, this ofcourse includes sexy adorable yet uber dim Lucky and Cruz. Mac steals the Q jet and flies to Australia never to be heard from again.

-Carly Sonny Jason Claudia Lulu Johnny Max Milo Trevor Ric Luke and the five families end it all in a firestorm of bullets. It is a whole episode long circle jerk of handguns blazing! No one survives. Kate, Alexis, Liz, and all their kids die in the crossfire. But Guza doesn't care, if he has to leave GH then he is taking his precious mobsters with him. All the other corpses are acceptable losses to him.

-When Robin tells Patrick the truth about their baby he acts assy again. BIG MISTAKE. She finally gets all Devane and kicks his ass. By the time he realizes she and the baby are all he really wants about two minutes later it's too late.

-Too late because Helena decides enough is enough and nukes PC! She is gonna scientifically create an heir, thus ending her need to keep Nikolas and Spencer alive. So why not wipe out the whole miserable town too?

THE END a la Guza.....

WAIT, in the rubble of all that once was PC two hands emerge from the debris searching for life.....one wears a gaudy showy gold watch and is dressed in a shirt w/ gaudy cuff links.....the other is unadorned except for a leather cuff and......a ...big once shiny handgun???

The two hands from hell clasp together and vow vengeance.

Mother fu*^#@$!%*#&ers!!!!!!!

Sonny and Jason are cockroaches and just won't die!

Um...what was with that woman...in Kelly's...with the soup?


Can I ask how this show is getting away with such violence in the middle of the day? Aren't the parent groups and such up in arms over violence and sex on TV before 9pm? How do soaps get a pass

Susan: I like your scenario. Except could you please let Liz/Jason be the only survivors? Please don't kill their hotness.

If you were to keep in true Guza fashion, though, Liz couldn't survive in that scenario. It has to be Sonny and Jason. If any woman were to survive, it would be Carly.

Don't you know all of Jason's women are expendable?! Get with the program!

Ugh. But I guess the real joke's on me. Why do I still watch this effing show?!

Oh yes, and don't forget GH's amazing tribute to women's rights made again by having Sonny call whatsherface (Sarah Brown's chick) a bitch. MAN, I wish I could be one of Sonny's POAs, or girlfriends, or wives. I NEVER get called a bitch.

Hope that Guza, Phelps, and Frons are having fun rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.

"Hope that Guza, Phelps, and Frons are having fun rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic."

Hilarious, Beth. And so sad at the same time.

THE END a la Guza.....

OMGs...Susan this is too funny....maybe you should sent this over to Guza...he might want to copy your idea for an end...since he has none of his own.....pathetic old creature...the shiot that is GH these days....as of this moment Maxi is the only saving grace for me. LOL. I need to give up this show.

I am so glad I gave up GH. Reading these comments and seeing the screencaps is way better than the show itself.

I just don't get how ABC allows this crap to continue....mind boggling!

Oh yeah, have I mentioned that Guza, Frons & Phelps are a bunch of sick twisted twits for sure? ARGH!!!

There was a whole freaking segment about Campbell's soup FLAVORS today! A whole segment!

The two second nod to Maxie's heart transplant and BJ's death was as much a slap in the face as remembering Shell Kepler after another unrecognizable hour of GH. And way to include Bobbie for a split second.

I used to long for GH to ackowledge it's history. Now when they slap it in for a millisecond and race back to the mob hysteria I feel even more dejected.

The evil trio of Guza Phelps and Frons should not be allowed to touch history. They only mock and ruin it. It's not worth paying the lackey to find the old clips or a still. Or paying the vet to do a return stint only to decimate the entire character of said vet.

Go with my friend Susan's idea Guza and just end it already. It hurts too much.

What I want to know is--had Claudia never had sex before her ride on the Moobster? Or had she been through an extremely long dry spell? Why is she so freaking desperate to get into his little size 16 husky pants again? She's running all over town like a desperate loon willing to do whatever it takes just to get some Sonny? It's just the Moobster, girl. It's not worth killing anything or anyone to get back on that. You can get better, I promise. Now, if you want to shoot him? Go for it, Godspeed. But killing anyone else to get a shot at Sonny in the sack again? Damn girl. That's just hard up right there.

and the band plays on as the ship is sinking my only hope is that Frons, Guza and Phelps are the first ones to hit the water.

OMG that GH scenario of everyone dying but sonny and jason literally made me laugh so hard my sides hurt. i only watch these days for dr hottie patrick and maxie

"Why is she so freaking desperate to get into his little size 16 husky pants again?"

*spitting out Diet Pepsi through nose*

Oh, THANK YOU for the laugh, JL! That one will get me through my day! :)

"The two hands from hell clasp together and vow vengeance.

Mother fu*^#@$!%*#&ers!!!!!!!

Sonny and Jason are cockroaches and just won't die!" - Susan

Oh my, that is so funny! I could not stop laughing through your a'la Guza ending.

And the comments that followed by KLe, Beth, and JL - hilarious.

Mallory and Becca, your blog is such a necessary enhancement to this show. I still don't know why I'm still watching GH. I seriously need to quit this addiction more than smoking.

This is just CYA stuff for the sponsors. I don't even think GH cooks the idea up for the PSA on their own. I think J&J and Proctor and Gamble recommends they do them. Yep, it is hypocritical, but I don't think TV can exist without hypocrisy.

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