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« Squealing Fangirl Alert | Main | Days of Our Lives Week in Review »

February 22, 2008

This Effing Show

There was a time in my life when I thought that the ridiculous decision to reveal that James Craig is actually a short, blonde, face transplanted Jerry Jacks was the dumbest thing that General Hospital had done in years and that they'd need to exert considerable effort in order to top that.

And we all know that the GH powers-that-be exert effort as often as they give screentime to Jacklyn Zeman. After all, WHY write for a dozen characters when you can just have the same four people have the same conversation every day? And WHY write stories about women being strong and independent when you can just use scripts from the 1950s and have women on your show solely to be victims or incubators? And WHY dress your cast in clothes that seem like they could be sold in actual stores when you can instead borrow hats from kindly grandmothers?

But that was foolish. Because the GH powers-that-be DO sometimes work hard to do something and when they do it, they are unfailingly committed to it. Unfortunately, that "something" is not "creating an entertaining, engaging soap opera" but is, rather "rewrite history with a blatant disregard for medical science, an overriding lack of originality and a massive amount of disrespect for the audience watching at home".

This is a lengthy way of saying that I despised today's big reveal of the Text Message Killer. That's the best they could do? In the words of Cam, "Bitch, please".


I had been convinced that the TMK was going to be Coop, which I thought was stupid.

Then it seemed like the TMK was going to be that creepy guy at Kelly's, which I also thought was stupid and really, really lazy.

And then for three minutes it seemed like it was going to be Logan, which, surprisingly, I also thought was stupid, because, seriously, why waste the ingenious casting of Josh Duhon as Kin Shriner's son just to make him a serial killer? I realize that I'm expecting a lot of the evil Guza/Phelps/Frons union by asking them to use that sort of earth logic, but even for them, it would be stupid.


I just...I thought GH was better than that. Which isn't saying much, but still, even for them, it's just...pitiful.

For starters--and I say this as a longtime soap fan who knows that dead rarely means dead and instead usually means "hiding somewhere and getting a new personality and/or face"--we saw him get shot. We saw his shooting lead to the single most embarrassing onscreen moment of Ted King's career. I had tried to repress it. Some things are best left unremembered and that is one of them.

Secondly...this insane instance of history rewriting is not only RIDICULOUS but UNORIGINAL as they have already ONCE thrown Diego under the bus and declared him the perpetrator of a crime that they obviously didn't intent on him being responsible for at the outset of that story. Remember when he was a stalker who drugged college girls and took pictures of them in a bizarre and terribly written way to get revenge on them for what they did to Sage? What did Ignacio Serricchio do to these people?  He's so very pretty, is it possible that they are jealous of him because of it? Their hatred of Kelly Monaco, Greg Vaughan and Jason Thompson does indicate an anti-hot people bias. I will have to research this theory of mine more, with lots of time spent looking at screencaps.

I really feel like the only way I could hate this storyline more is if the TMK was actually not Diego Alcazar but instead Diego of Go, Diego, Go fame.

It's like the writers said, "We probably shouldn't have the serial killer be a vet, because it might send the message that we really hate vets, what with all of the instances of vets on our show being crazy and violent and evil, so Coop and Logan are out. But who would be really shocking? Hmm...oooh, I know! Someone who is DEAD! That would COMPLETELY shock people. Maybe...hmm. This is tough. We could have it be AJ, but I'm sort of uncomfortable having that many Quartermaines on the show. We just whittled it down to Monica and Edward, you know? Bringing AJ back would be Quartermaine overload. Too bad Stephen Nichols is on Days, or else we could just have it be Stefan. And damn, why did we have to make it clear that it was a man? We could have explained it away as another wacky Helena scheme. Oh! We can just use whatshisface. That guy. We always use to blame stuff on him. Awesome. Daytime Emmy, here I come!"

On the one hand, this is typical GH and I really shouldn't even be irritated about it, much less angry, and yet here I am, completely pissed off at the writers and producers of this show, because, seriously? The only way it could be more apparent that they had no idea who the TMK was at the start of the story would be to have the words "We totally pulled this one out of our ass, guys, thanks for watching! Buy Campbell's Soup and drink V-8! XOXO, GH Writers" written on a scroll at the bottom of the screen.

It's insulting, really. They killed off Emily Quartermaine and Georgie Jones, two legacy characters who could drive story for decades to come, as part of a murder mystery and they couldn't even be bothered to do justice to these longtime characters and decide at the outset who was going to kill them. Nice. Instead of keeping this show on the air, why not just send everyone in the audience an autographed photo of Bob Guza giving us all the finger? It would be much more cost effective.


The only way for this show to get better is to get rid of Frons, Guza, an Phelps, and started over fresh the person that posted about SB.MB, TG have a sweet deal why change I agree, stong women wouldn't help Phleps dosen't like stong women or ones the fans love example Genie Francis why isn't she back
no they have turned Luck into a boring, drunk, who lives of Tracy who once was a stong charater and forced that relationship on us they kill off vets, trash there own history love in the afternoon is now a throw down on a desk please I am all for watching the old G.H. on Soap net this one just bites.

This column is exactly why I love Serial Drama so much!

I was looking all over the Internet for people to address that stupid story and the stupid moronic decision they made about it! Guza even had the lack of integrity to say that the viewer could guess who the killer was! Really, did I say stupid before!

Diego wants to avenge, again, his family! And we lost two great young characters for that one! Why is the word stupid coming to mind again!

For TIIC to keep this horrendous Head writer, who cost them 1 million viewers, in the last year only show hoe little they care about soap! Seriously!

I completely agree with Celine, the only way for this show to get better, is to get rid of Frons, Guza, an Phelps!

I want someone to beat Guza to death w/a bottle of V8Fusion, then I want Nancy Grahn to break a jar of Prego and cut Phelps w/the shards, then I want Kimberly McCullough to take one of the family-size cans of Healthy Request soup and shove it so far up Frons' ass......

Lame-ass, motherfucking, disjointed, ridiculous SHIT! And furthermore, damnit, the one thing on the show that could still be salvaged-the relationship of Robin and Patrick, and Patrick as a character instead of a one-note manwhore that we trot out to prop the "hotness" of various useless female characters (and, btw, Sarah? WHY did you come back for THIS?! Did you develop a huffing problem while you were gone?!)-they IGNORE to write BULLSHIT LIKE THIS! SONS-OF-BITCHES!

LOL, NOOOOO, I'm not bitter....

Thank you for reacting with as much disgust and horror as I did upon learning the dead Diego had just killed two of GH's strongest female characters. I am done. People wonder why soaps are dying and GH is exactly the reason why. How unbelievably lazy and insulting this reveal was. If you're going to make a dead character a killer, at least let it be Alan so one more Quartermaine can get some screen time!!!!

Look on the bright side. Given the unlikely identity of the TMK, at least this time they can't fault Mac and the PCPD for ineptitude in not solving the case, right?

Brett I beg to differ. Of course they can blame the PCPD. Were't they the ones to collect the body and declare him dead in the first place. Well maybe Port Charles needs a new coroner also. Maybe it was Monica who did the final death call on one of her drunken binges.

Well I deliberately am not DVR'ing another soap(DOOL) and started watching it just so GH won't get my DVR rating points. I won't be returning to GH period. Frons and his band of thieves can go steal someone elses time. Mine is more valuable than watching the same pathetic show and characters day in and day out. What a waste of decent acting talent this show is, and I am not talking about the newbies because they all SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good riddence GH. I can't wait for the cancellation notices to come out.

You go sista! This chicken sh*t way out with Diego is SOOOO lame! It's worse than reading a 400 page mystery novel looking for clues, and the killer is someone they introduce in the last few pages! Jeez, I didn't even watch when Diego was on -- so this has no meaning for me. Can't these idiots find another way to get rid of characters like sending them to Paris or something. WHY do they have to kill everyone, and then have them come back from the dead years later? Yeah, that happens IRL all the time.

Could some nice person tell me what "word" means and how it came about??


I really feel like the only way I could hate this storyline more is if the TMK was actually not Diego Alcazar but instead Diego of Go, Diego, Go fame.

That is the funniest sentence I have read in some time. Thank you.

Serial Drama chicks you ROCK. And I mean ROCK. By the way, the are going to fully re-enact the death of Emily Quartermaine on screen so that we can all see in complete detail, how Diego strangled and killed Emily. I hope Serial Drama writes about this total disregard of viewers and sickness that obviously is resident in the 3 biggest psychotics ever to ruin a soap opera, Frons, Phelps, and Guza.

Ok, I missed something...
What is this about "training" the audience?

Kristen - you mean you have never heard the brilliant Brian Frons(moron) talk about training the viewers to what he thinks they should like and that this is how to attrack and keep viewers engaged in a soap. Yes he did say this believe it or not. Does he think GH is a damn "cult". Maybe he does. He also made the dumbass comment about soap viewers wanting to watch their soaps on a cell phone. The amount of ludicrous statements this man makes continues to make me scratch my head over why he, Phelps, and Guza are continues to be allowed to exercise their reign of terror and destruction over what used to be the best network for soaps and the best soap. GH has no redeeming factor period and deserves every drop in the ratings they get.

"Why should Georgie or Emily be killed off? We can only surmise that Bob Guza is a creatively bankrupt hack who is bloodthirsty for the chance to ruin General Hospital in a systematic fashion by decimating all of the core families who have made the show popular for decades, as they remind longtime viewers of eras gone by when the show wasn't a wretched pit with an uncomfortable focus on the mafia, murderers and misogyny." But to make Diego the killer puts the nail on the coffin. Oh no wait, reenacting Emily's murder in excruciating detail is the worst.

Remove the tumor, kill the TMK and let both stories die their justifiable deaths. Both stories stink and the beautiful Natalia Livingston has been turned into a gorgeous statue for this sad excuse for a show and storyline.

Umm, yeah, that about says it.

I wasn't around for the original Diego storyline (I would have been 100,000 kinds of confused if I hadn't already read all the spoilers and figured out who he was beforehand - they never take new [or recently returned] viewers into account for these back-from-the-dead storylines. On the other hand, it doesn't appear they took ANYthing into account for this storyline, but I digress), so I've never seen that scene with Ted King. All I can say about that is: Yikes!

Seriously, did we kick Frons's and Guza's puppies? Did they do some sort of research and conclude that GH viewers have the intellect of amoeba?? And lastly, is possible to be TOO insulted by this show? Diego served no purpose when he was on the show the first time, so naturally GH brings him back to be the killer of two important legacy characters that would have driven stories for years to come.

GAH, this show. THIS SHOW...

If there is a Soap God, She is already putting together the tar and feathers for Guza, Frons, and Phelps for crimes against humanity.

Can I say I have never really been a Natalia Livingston or Emily fan but I feel sorrier for her than I do Lindzee Letherman. She is stuck for another 2 months on this lame excuse for a show doing something I am sure she was not aware of. Now to add fuel to the fire GH is going to reshow emily's murder because of course killing off Georgie, tabling this story for 2 months, and making Diego the killer was not insultng enough.

Blow up dolls could do a better job of writing and producing than this sorry lot. Phelps and Guza and both cancers and have destroyed this once great great show to a pathetic hour of nothing.

I read the on-liner comments on the message boards and even a majority of those fans think the show sucks, although they don't represent the collective viewing audience. Suck Suck Suck - I use those words to collectively describe Frons, Phelps, and Guza.

Vivian, I agree. They treated Lindze Leatherman terribly, but at least she got a clean break and is now free to find something that will showcase her talents. I can't believe for one minute that Natalia was aware that her remaining days on this suckfest would be spent like this. And to top it off for fans of the actress, character, and coupling of Nikolas and Emily, the show's so blatant in pimping Nadine as his next girlfirend they're practically putting a neon arrow on her head. Or her wrist ducky is sending out sublmininal signals or something.

Wow, this show is slime.

When I read your GH writer thought process regarding the TMK not being a vet, it didn't even click in my head at first that you meant WAR VET. I was thinking that this was more hilarious commentary on GH's treatment of the veteran actors of the show. I truly thought that you were having the writers refer to Logan and Coop as veteran actors, which I thought was pretty funny.

I'd have rather it have been Helena. I mean, if you're going to go cop out -- go Cassadine, they're so deliciously insane that you would probably actually be able to sell it with little effort. "Little effort"! That's right up your alley, Guza.

Preach it! to all these posts. I can almost understand all the swearing. Basically I loved Craig/Moreau/Jerry but lack of screentime and forgetting my place in the story when I did see him and also finally he getting shot or stabbed in every scene...Yeah writers you did it. You turned me into a J-Lex hater. Its what you wanted. Now I am just PO'd to death. Heck even SR must be wondering what mess did he trap himself into. Heck, I wouldn't reup for another 2 yrs fella even if GH lasts that long. I can absolutely see why ABC soaps minus the improvement over at OLTL are bleeding. I'm ready to let it die a merciful death and be happy with my memories of Robert, Anna, Stone, Lucy, Alan, Lila...When the show actually was worth watching...Memories, stuck between the pages of my mind...See I'm going mad...

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