Battle for the Title of Week's Most Awesome Dialogue. Yes, on GH. I Can't Believe it Either.

I can't even believe that I am writing a post about how there are three ridiculously awesome contenders for the Week's (perhaps "Month's" or "Spring's," in fact) Most Awesome Dialogue, all on General Effing Hospital (that's the unabridged title), but there are.  Oh, there are.  So you must help us decide which will reign supreme.

Full quotes after the cut.  Warning:  They may make you start to feel optimistic about GH.  In the same week as violence-induced miscarriage number 83 and mob war number 243.  Intense confusion and brow-furrowing may ensue.

The scenes between Robin and Patrick this week were so awesome.  Kimberly McCullough and Jason Thompson are incredible together.  The only downside to their conversation was that it made me seethe with Soap Opera Rage all over again about how utterly shiteous Night Shift was.

So anyway, check out Robin being all historically accurate and non-shrewy, and Patrick making a case for permanent restoration of the hotly modifier:

Robin: Do you have a minute?
Patrick:  Not if it's going to be another no-win conversation where you get to tell me once again I'm nothing but a sperm donor.
Robin: If I said that, I was overcompensating.
Patrick:  If, Robin?  I thought we loved each other.  Which means we should be honest with each other.  Which is why I told you the truth. I didn't want to be a father.  But it happened.  By accident.  Kinda took the decision out of my hands.  Now the baby you're carrying is part of me, and I get to have a reaction, whether you like it or not.
Robin: Okay, I realized something tonight.  I'm the biggest hypocrite that ever drew breath.  And I'm sorry. [cut to Tuesday]  I should have told you it was your baby the moment I found out I was pregnant.
Patrick:  Do you expect me to argue?
Robin: You have every right to be angry with me.
Patrick:  Don't give me permission to feel, Robin.  Help me to try to understand.  You wanted this baby more than anything.  So why do you hate me so much for making it with you?
Robin:  In my heart I always wanted to have your baby, but you said you didn't want to be a father, so I thought it would be best if you just didn't know.
Patrick: You didn't lie to me to protect me.  You lied to shut me out.
Robin: I know that's how it seems, okay, but I realized that you can't lie about a child for your own convenience.  Not because you justify to yourself that the father would be better off not knowing or the child would be better off not knowing who the father is.
Patrick: Robin, I didn't want a baby in the abstract, when your pregnancy was still a hypothetical.  And you took that as a chance to never tell me it was my baby in the first place.
Robin:  Look, I know I made a mess of this.  And it's so ironic because out of all people, I should know the dangers that come from lying about a child.  I had a front row seat when Carly and Jason were lying about Michael, I mean to go even further back when my mom lied to my dad about me and didn't even know about me for the first six years of my life.  My mom was wrong.  Carly was wrong.  And now, you know, it's my child, it's a baby that's growing inside of me, a baby that you said you didn't want.  And so I lied.  And I was wrong.  And I'm sorry and I mean I'm trying to undo it, but I'm just obviously making a mess of that too.

Jasper Jacks is the best mothereffing truth-teller in the history of truthy truth-telling about truth.

Jax: Michael shot Kate?  You can't seriously be thinking about covering this up.  Your child bought an illegal handgun and shot an innocent woman.
Carly:  It was an accident.  He dropped the gun and it went off.  He didn't shoot her.
Jax:  It wasn't an accident he had the gun in the first place.  I can't believe that you're going to pretend like nothing happened.
Carly:  What do you want me to do?
Jax:  You could start by going to the police and telling them how Kate ended up with a bullet in her chest.
Carly:  I'm not going to go to the police so they can ship Michael away for 30 years.  I will never let that happen.
Jax:  He's 12 years old.  He's not going to go to prison, okay?  Besides, it was an accident.  Carly, you're not going to have a kid in three years, let alone 30, if you don't step in and do something now.
Carly: I don't see how turning him over to the cops is going to help my son.
Jax:  He needs to learn that there are consequences to his actions.
Carly:  You saw him, Jax.  He was devastated.  He's learned his lesson.  What we need to do is let it go.
Jax: See, this is exactly why Michael is messed up.  Because from a very young age, he's been taught that the rules don't apply if your last name is Corinthos or Morgan.
Carly:  That is not true.
Jax:  Carly, how many times have Sonny and Jason been arrested?  Actually, a better question would be how many times have Sonny and Jason been arrested, and have actually paid for the laundry list of crimes that they've committed?
Carly: This has nothing to do with Sonny and Jason, okay?
Jax:  They're the reason that his life is surrounded by violence.  I mean, he lives behind a bullet proof glass.  I mean, he's got bodyguards following him around wherever he goes.  You don't think that has some kind of effect on Michael?  Carly, most boys his age dream about become doctors and firemen.  Your child wants to be a mob boss.  This doesn't concern you at all?
Carly:  Of course it concerns me.
Jax: Then prove it.  Stop protecting him and get him the help he needs.
Carly:  What he needs is to forget this ever happened.  That's what he needs.
Jax: Of course.  And how many innocent people are supposed to get hurt, huh?  He's already shot one woman.  Almost killed you and the baby.
Carly: He didn't cause the explosion, Jax!
Jax: You wouldn't have been in the cannery if it wasn't for Michael.  If he hadn't bought that gun, he wouldn't have shot Kate, he wouldn't have felt the need to run away.
Carly:  All this is Michael's fault now, is that it?
Jax: No, I'm not blaming Michael.  I'm blaming his parents for not teaching him that the law is there to protect him.  That he doesn't need to buy a handgun to protect himself.
Carly: So now I'm a bad mother?  
Jax: No, I'm not saying you're a bad mother.  But you're misguided.  Your loyalty to Sonny and Jason has seriously clouded your judgment, Carly.
Carly:  Sonny is Michael and Morgan's father.  What would you have me do?
Jax:  I don't know.  Something better than you're doing now.  You might be okay with Michael and Morgan being surrounded by Sonny's crazy violent world, but I'm not going to let that happen to our child. 

This one is short but sweet.  I only wish every female character would realize that sex with Sonny is a one-way ticket to wrong-ville.

Alexis: Not that I'm not the happiest mother in the world to have given birth to this beautiful child, but what the hell was I thinking having sex with her father?  Out of all the men in Port Charles, I had to zero in on the most dangerous one.

Okay, verdict time!

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Comments

As a Scrubs fan, I personally would vote for the Robin/Patrick dialogue. But, taking a step back from my own biases, I think that the Jax dialogue probably deserves the win on this one. As much as I LOVED Robin's dialogue and the fact that she got to use actual history and get back her character's integrity, I also feel like the whole issue(s) that Jax was addressing was pretty darn huge for GH. I mean they actually had a character condemning the annointed ones and made some VERY CRITICAL points about the influence of the life of violence on children.

Robin was always going to get her sanity back--b/c she is one of the few characters on this effing show that has integrity and self-awareness. So, while her dialogue was great, it wasn't that unexpected from her. And yes, while Jax has often criticized Sonny and Jason, this was a very pointed conversation about children and parenting that has not been explored on GH in this way before. So, I think they actually broke some new ground on GH with this one--as hard as it is to believe. I only wish that they would actually explore this further and not just let the whole Michael incident just slide after the one convo.

[Danny]

All great candidates, but come on! Someone actually calling Carly outon her bullshit? That never happens. Ever.

God bless the awesome writer, who I'm convinced also was responsible for the Johnny beat down on Sonny. I'll take anything that puts this show's "heroes" into their place.

[Dia]

My favorite part about Alexis' line was that she said it to Lucky of all people. Hilarious.

I liked when Kate started in on Sonny about Michael, too. Yes, Sonny sometimes people without kids have to tell you how to raise yours when you're being an asshat.

[marion]

SONNY IS NOT MICHAEL'S FATHER.

NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT.

Carly had no trouble cutting AJ out of Michael's life back in the day when she thought he was "dangerous" (i.e. didn't worship at her feet). Can't have any sympathy for her "but Sonny's their FATHER" blathering now.

(Sorry, I do love the dialogue. That part just really, really, really annoyed me, even after all these years.)

[Michelle]

Jax gets my vote every effin word was spot on. and Carly's answer to the things he said proves that she's completely delusional when it comes to Michael and Sonny and Jason. i can't even believe she said it wasn't about Sonny and Jason.

the Scrubs convo was pretty good, too. i really love hearing nods to history on this show, because it never ever happens. even if it's a very subtle inuendo or one line, it shows that the writers remember that the things that happened in the past shape the character's present. very nice moment...hopefully they'll move forward now.

[Sarah]

So much brilliant dialogue for a show that sucks so hard. I'm baffled.

But Danny was right, the fourth contender was Johnny beating up Sonny physically and verbally and nearly pistol whipping the fat old useless mobster!!!!

Oooh oohh and how about idiot biggotted ignorant slut Claudia and her retarded pamphlet comment to Patrick! But even better than that badly written awkward revisiting to the original Carly/Robin cruelty was Patrick's comeback to Robin in the locker room....

Patrick to Robin who was crying-"She (Claudia) is still here so I am going to order her a stomach pumping and a free colonoscopy.....ignorant hateful bitch!"

GO PATTY DADDY!!!!!!!!

And that brilliant totally justified moment led Scubs to discuss the what if's with the baby's chances of being HIV+. More brilliant dialogue.

I think awesome writer found a way to break out of Guza's hand cuffs and sneak back to work!!!!!!!

[Lauren]

I'm glad awesome writer got a few moments to exist, but still, I can't watch the show. It's too fucked up and I'm indifferent. It's become background noise whenever it might be on.

[ckn]

I picked "I can't choose" because like you said "awesome writer deserves equal props for all three moments of brilliance".

However, in my heart of hearts there is no doubt that Jax's scene should be recognized as the dialog of the year. It's like someone wound me up like the energizer bunny, I couldn't stop cheering, "Go, Jax, Go"! Coming from this avid RFF & Scrubs fan, I think that says a lot.

[Donna Nicholson]

I was cheering Jax all the way. He said things to Carly that needed to be said a long time ago. It is time for the writing team to wise up!

[smirks]

You know, it's nice when the show can take time out of it's current sucking to acknowledge how much it has sucked in the past, so kudos to GH Awesome Writer for realizing how much all the other writers suck.

[jordanbaker]

Jax has seriously taken his balls out of storage this week. The Carly smackdown was my favorite, but I also LOVED when he took it to Sonny, especially the line about how Carly "still supports the MYTH that you're a good father."

I punched the air when he said that, and if he'd been there I would've mounted him immediately.

[Beth R.]

I am so glad to see the Awesome Writer obviously retained his job after the strike was over. I was convinced that he would be the first writer to go.

I couldn't choose....I just couldn't...

Now...who's with me to enact a bloody coup on Guza and enstall the Awesome Writer as headwriter?

[AA]

Another truthy truth:

Sonny: I need extra security on my children. Zacchara wants blood, and he's not -- going to hurt my family.
Jax: Your family's already hurt, Sonny. It's not because of Johnny Zacchara.
Sonny: Okay, you guys get going. Don't let Alexis see you anywhere near Kristina. And just make sure that all the kids are covered.
Max: You got it, boss.
Jax: You know, at what point do you admit to yourself that your security is completely useless?
Sonny: You know what? I called the hospital, Carly's doing better, and I spoke to Michael this morning, and he's happy to be home.
Jax: Carly and Michael barely made it out of the warehouse. Morgan almost lost his brother and his mother, and Carly could've lost the baby.
Sonny: I -- I'm sorry for that, but, you know, life is complicated, and none of us gets off easy.
Jax: Including Kate Howard, who Michael shot. You know, accident or not, he'll be wrestling with that ugly fact for many years to come. No matter how hard you try to cover it up, there comes a time when you need to deal with the fact that you've trashed your boy's life.
Sonny: I'll take care of Michael.
Jax: For God's sakes, Sonny, this isn't a contest between you and me, who's the better daddy, okay? This is a kid's life we're talking about. Don't cover up the truth. Allow Michael to admit to the authorities what he's done.
Sonny: You know what? You may be married to Carly. But you don't make decisions on my kids.
Jax: You knew that Michael was trying to get his hands on a gun and you did nothing.
Sonny: I warned him not to.
Jax: You -- you warned him, but you should've warned me or Carly -- that's what you should've done. Instead you tell a 12-year-old boy that if he defied you, that he should run, and keep on running, and that's exactly what he did -- after he shot your girlfriend.
Sonny: That was an accident and you know that.
Jax: I know it was an accident, but accident or not, there's still a bullet hole in Kate, isn't there? And we're all supposed to just pretend like nothing happened, is that right?
Sonny: Well, he's my son; it's not your call.
Jax: Yeah, look how well that's turning out. You know, his life has been exposed to violence since he was an infant. And maybe you should give him a shot at a life that isn't in your shadow. Wouldn't that be great?
Sonny: I'm betting -- I'm betting that Carly didn't sign off on this conversation, right?
Jax: No, she supports the myth that you're a good father. So prove it -- get Michael care and treatment for the trauma he's been through, and then get out of his life.
Sonny: What Michael needs is me time with his father. He needs to know that he's loved and he's supported, and I'm going to make sure that he knows what he did was wrong, and then he can move on.
Jax: Sounds like you're trying to show him the ropes.
[Sonny sighs]
Jax: You're already ruining Michael's life.
[Phone rings]
Jax: How long is it going to be before you ruin Morgan’s? Excuse me. This is Jax. When did that start? I'll be right there.
Sonny: We're not finished. Where are you going?
Jax: I have to take care of my family -- something you should consider.

[natty3]

OH and how about this awesome quote that johnny said when he gave the greasy one the pistol whipping he so richly deserves
Johnny: "I'm gonna burn your life down, and when your crying in the ashes im going to squash you like the cockroach you are."

As much as i heart scrubs and was cheering Robin's nod to history and how it relates to her own baby that Jax dialogue was amazing. It was so good i cant beleive that it was allowd to be said on this totally one sided show.

also agree with what was said above in the comments about how carly has no answers for keeping the boys away from sonny b/c he is their father but had no problem cutting aj out and ruining his life. im sorry she lost the baby but im glad that jax doesnt have a tie to that kook any longer. we need to find jax a nice woman

[Brett]

In the interest of justice, you should give it to Jax. He has, after all, just lost his baby, thanks to the repercussions of the greasy scowling mobster's lifestyle.

Oh, and the Best Picture That Didn't Need Dialogue of the Week? Johnny beating the shite out of Sonny. Beautiful.

[Sarah]

Squash the cockroach Johnny! Please, I'm begging you. I hate the violence because it is so relentless and pointless. But someone going after Sonny, AMEN. Justice and a moment of balance.

And Jax was almost perfect smacking down his wife. But he lets her off the hook too. Arghhh. Carly is now and has always been a terrible mother. From conception onward. Besides the fact she is totally selfish and evil she worships Jason and Sonny and the mob. She cannot live w/out the money and power no matter how dirty it is.

If Jax wants a family, and not a mob one, he needs to stop going after Sonny's women and grow up. He had a chance with Skye but blew it for Brenda. And he never woke up and saw the real V., they could have been great. Chloe was BORING, and he let Alexis go into freind realm only and she ended up bedding the chubby wang and now her life is tied to that fugly mobster too.

[Pam]

I gotta give awesome writer props for the Jax/Carly diaglogue, but my vote goes to the Robin/Patrick scene. I've been yelling at Robin (via my TV) for her hypocritical stance on this. She not only outed AJ as Michael's father, but Nicholas as Spencer/John's father. I really hope awesome writer gives K.M. something other than "bitch at your baby's daddy" scenes now!

[PAT]

THE ONLY issue I have with patrick is WHY he didn't tell her the minute he knew it broke.
According to want I have been reading about HIV and pregnancy Robin's meds needed adjusting the minute she knew. HE should of told her just for the possiblity, she went a whole month of NOT knowing.

[Amy]

I had to go with the scene where the dialogue actually meant something to both characters. Robin had a turning point conversation with Patrick.

While I loved Jax calling out Carly (because that was SO needed!), it's obvious that Jax was talking to a brick wall. Carly will never acknowledge that Jax was point on.

[KLe]

As much as I have adored the Patrick/Robin interaction lately, nothing satisfied me more than Jax ripping into Carly's parenting "skills." He radiated awesome in that scene, so I had to go with him. He is my new BFF and all.

[M]

"...he (Jax) let Alexis go into freind realm only and she ended up bedding the chubby wang and now her life is tied to that fugly mobster too."

That may just be one of the funniest things I've read in awhile - well said!!

I agree, the dialogue that means something to everyone involved in the conversation gets my vote. Although I am a huge Scrubs fan, I do think this is the convo that will have the most lasting effect on future brillant dialogue!

Through all the other crap nonsense I had to sit through this week, Scrubs, Jax/Carly, Jax/Sonny, Alexis, and Johnny's beatdown all made it watchable.

Way to go Awesome Writer - here's hoping you manage to stay in the spotlight even though HE'S back.

[lynne]

Guys, guys, guys -- let's get real here. Awesome Writer is actually Guza's Secret Weapon writer. Guza uses him occasionally, when he wants to garner SYMPATHY for the fabulous mobster, hitman, ex-wife, and their spawn.

Think of all the Sonny, Carly and Michael lovers out there just having an extreme HATE ON for Jax right about now. HOW could he have said such awful, mean and untrue things about this holy trinity (Sonny, Carly, Michael)? Jeez, EVERYONE knows that Sonny is a great father, Carly's plan to forget Kate's shooting is pure genius, and Michael's an adorable, loving little kid, who only had a gun so he could protect his mommy.

Yes, Guza condones this writing, because of all the sympathy it drums up for his fave characters. I don't think it has ever occurred to him that there are viewers who hate the holy trinity, and that we LOVE the bashing they get on occassion.

[lynne]

One more thing, if Jax back peddles AGAIN, and comes back and tells Carly he's sorry, then I will forever give up on this character. I see NO chemistry between the two of them, and their marriage seems forced. But every time Jax tells Carly what-for, I think he goes into the closet, gets a metal box off the top shelf, which has padded velvet with two round indents in it, and removes his balls and put them in the box. Because how else can you justify him actually apologizing to Carly WHEN HE WAS RIGHT IN THE FIRST PLACE?

[Kelly]

Its sooooo hard to pick just one. Patrick and Robin are so great together. But Jax, now he is the man of all men. Why anyone would want to revolve a show around Sonny and Jason is beyond me. Yeah, I get that Steve Burton is good looking but why can't he be good looking and good? The whole Sonny character? What were they thinking? Oh, yeah, I forgot. They weren't. Did this man actually win an Emmy for this? I want Sonny's indifference to see Michael get the help he needs be the thing that finally...finally...finally pushes Kate and Jax together. I can see wonderful scenes of them both in robes, stranded somewhere that may or may not blow up, dissing their exes and how stupid they really are and maybe how they should start a task force to get rid of all the mob families. (Hey this is how they really do plan plot on this show doncha know?) Well it was only a dream....

[Kelly]

I too couldn't choose. As a Scrubs fan myself, I was doing cartwheels over that convo. I don't ever watch anything containing Carly, Sonny or Mykill (now adding Lulu to that list too) so I wasn't aware of this most awesome Jax dialogue. Therefore, my overall vote goes to that which I had missed but still LOVED reading. It was like they were paraphrasing my brain. Gooooo Jax. A-effing-MEN.

As for Lynne's theory about garnering sympathy and generating Jax-hate: I definitely see where you're coming from there and understand what you mean. However, I think by this point the Scrubs, Liason, SpinMax (and even LuSam) and other fanbases outnumber Carjax, Skate, the Zaccharas and anyone enjoying this poor man's Soprano's crap we have to endure. That's why the ratings are so low. I think the only major Carly/Sonny/Jason fans are Guza, Frons & Phelps (and I meant Jason as part of that awful trifecta--Jason on his own or with Liz has a different set of fans, I feel). That's my theory and hope, anyway.

Anyway, Awesome Writer is the REAL super-wang because I totally want to mother his child after that. Assuming Awesome Writer's a man.

[Melina]

Robin and Patrick's dialog was pretty horrible IMO. Patrick's going on and on about how he was being honest with her and allowing her to APOLOGIZE to him when his lie was worse! This guy treat her like crap for the last 9 months and because she doesn't tell him RIGHT AWAY that he's the father of the child she is carrying, she has to go beg for his forgiveness because SHE'S the biggest hypocrite? CRAP. At least her lie didn't hurt anyone. Besides it's not so easy to tell a man he's the father of your child after he tells you that he is glad she didn't manipulate him into having a child with him.

On the other hand, Jax's dialog was kick-ass! I can't believe they let carly's little bitch have a sane opinion.

[JL]

If and when Jax and Carly do divorce, I want him to find a way to get custody of Morgan. It's too late for MyKill, but Morgan can still be saved. And Jax? Is about a million times the parent either one of Morgan's bio parents could ever hope to be. He actually cares about the safety and well-being of the kids. I'd been kind of meh on Jax in recent years, but the way he talks about "my family" and so clearly wants to just stomp Sonny like a bug for endangering them kind of makes me swoon a little. I kind of have a thing for guys who take so strongly to their wives' children from previous relationships like Jax has. The man even loves MyKil for crying out loud. That man deserves some kind of Stepfather Of The Year (Century?) award. I can't see how anyone can cozy up to MyKill, that little sociopath in training.

[Brett]

JL,

Agree with your post, except Jax is only eligible for Stepfather of the Year Award. Why? Because he's only been doing it 11 months. He's got a ways to go to catch up to the reigning champ and Stepfather of the Century: Mac, the guy who's logged nine or 10 (actual, not SORAS) years at this point of awesomely parenting children not his own.

Lynne,

I was hoping the various Sonny/Carly smackdowns were the signal of the beginning of character change, that maybe, finally, we'd see a glimmer of self-awareness leading to long-awaited, much-needed reformation.

What was I thinking?!! This is General Hospital.

Thanks for bringing me back to reality.

[bubbly1285]

As far as Patrick and Robin go, I've learned to take what I can get because, when I get mad, I rant and then the writers see that and think, "Oh they want more bad stuff to happen then? Here's another year of hell!" I thought the scene was wonderful and more than we've been able to hope for over the last twelve months what with hypocritical statement after hypocritical statement coming from both sides.

[tny28]

Saw the scences with Patrick and Robin and I loved it and the scence with Jax and Carly was one of the best but Jax should take his own words to heat when dealing with his brother Jerry to not just Micheal.