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« [Yester]Day's Dumbest Dialogue | Main | Days of Our Lives Couple of Weeks in Review. Sort Of. Not Really. I'm Too Bored, Y'all! »

March 14, 2008

Donna Martin Hallucinates

So you may have heard that the CW is considering a 90210 spin-off that would revolve around the next generation (or, considering the ages of the actors on the original show, the next next generation) of rich Beverly Hills teens.  (BTW, please note the plethora of Mom Jeans in the photo in that link.  I've been staring at it in horror/awe for at least 15 minutes.  Oh, and while we're on this subject?  Gap has some serious explaining to do.)

I am intrigued by the involvement in this supposedly real project of the dude who was in charge of Veronica Mars, because I heard that was a good show.  And I can rarely resist a cheesy teen drama.  However, this also promises to be yet another in a line of said shows that feature guys I used to lust over when I was a teenager as the father of one of the main characters, and this time it might drive me right over the edge.  I am only barely hanging on after Paul Johansson on One Tree Hill.  Not that I watch One Tree Hill.  (OMG, bringing us right back on topic, 90210 originated my crush on Paul Johansson.  Even though his character was an asshole.  And maybe a date-rapist?  I don't remember.  Whatever, don't judge.)

But more importantly, and a concern that should be slightly more widespread than the latest threat to my vanity:  90210 kind of sucked.  You know it's true.  We loved it, but objectively speaking it's a terrible show!  And without the kids being my same age, and pining away after Kelly Taylor's wardrobe (I told you not to judge, bitches), I don't know that I'll be able to overlook the flaws this time.  So for those of you who emailed us your similar concerns, I must agree that this is a truly WTF?! proposition that is still, somehow, oddly promising.

However, I haven't even gotten to the most WTF aspect of it yet!  You won't believe it!  When asked about her opinion on the possible spin-off, Tori Spelling opined:

Tori: They should give me a call.  Every teen drama needs a MILF, right?

TORI SPELLING CALLED HERSELF A MILF.  I need to go to a happy place.  I need to go to a happy place.  I need to go to a happy place.  The "F" in  that acronym stands for something else.  Fight?  Forget?  Fingerprint?  Flee?  Flog?  Fumigate?


Please God, no. Not a 90210 spin-off that makes me feel even older than I already do. And please, please not one that features Donna Martin. If they must do it at least bring back Steve and his receding hairline or Luke Perry's sideburns. Not Donna.

And some more options for the "F" -- File? Filibuster? Flatline? Fabricate? Floss?

Feed? Forget?

Veronica Mars was known for it's really really smart, snappy, meta dialogue. It was probably closer to the realm of Buffy type dialogue (but in a more cool, noir style) than the after school special type "Mom, Dad...it's been real" awesomely 90's teen drama dialogue of 90210.

So, that should help things tremendously.

But, does the world need another teen drama? Isn't anyone else a little tired of vaguely defined, soulless teenagers having sex with each other and having parental angst?

I'm still waiting for the Melrose reunion that will obvs never happen.

Sorry, I'll process the rest of your post at some point, but I'm still stuck on those absolutely horrifying Gap jeans. I'm...just....

If there's any way that a 90210 spin-off means that Soapnet will replace its endless Spelling reruns with ACTUAL SOAPS (Another World, Port Charles, Ryan's Hope, Santa Barbara, or classic eps of any of the current soaps) then I'm all for it.

Otherwise, heaven help us.

Well, I'll reserve total dismissal, because Veronica Mars was a great show. So I have to either consider it a blessing that Rob Thomas is considering doing it, or wonder what the hell happened to Rob Thomas's career after VM.

On a sort of completely different note, did you know that Bradford Anderson, our own Spinelli (not that I really claim him), had a small part on VM? Maybe we'll find the GH's next annoying computer geek on the NEW 90210!

Gasp! Oh my God, those jeans!!! Especially the first pair, I feel like my eyes need a scrubbing.

Veronica Mars was a fantastic show.

But please, dear Lord, not Steve. Or Gabrielle. UGH!

I hate to sound like a dummy but what does MLF mean? Normally I'm pretty good at figuring out abbreviations but this one has me stumped. BTW(that one I know ;0), I love this blog. I have more fun here than I do actually watching the shows. Which, according to other comments, seems to be a popular opinion.

Mary, unfortunately, MILF stands for "Mom I'd Like to Fuck." It's from American Pie.

Despite the fact that I now may have ruined your afternoon, I sincerely thank you for reading and for the kind words.

Ick. the whole ugly idea...just ick.

She is clearly insane. So. Whatever.
Besides, The BAG is off being awesome on Terminator so I wouldn't be watching anyway.

Donna, Donna, pure and chaste
You make me want to gag
Your stage persona is a waste
You truly are a hag!

I honestly wish that the character Donna Martin had been successfully raped in the 94/95 season. Not the real Tori Spelling, just the character Donna Martin, because I hate that character so much! At any rate, it would have certainly added depth to such a shallow character who's only purpose in the show was to be a shining example of purity to young teenage girls! The attempt was misguided; I know a number of them who said they willingly gave themselves to the first guy they thought worthy so they wouldn't end up like sweet, dippy little Donna!

At any rate, if the character had been raped, it would have had one or two affects: it could have added a bit of depth to this shallow character, or (more likely) we could have all laughed at her as she dabbed her little eyes and bemoaned the loss of her precious delicate little hymen! I know this sounds mean, but I HATE THE CHARACTER THAT MUCH!!!

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