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« This Was Not Exactly What I Had In Mind | Main | If You Don't Hear From Me »

March 25, 2008

General Hospital Week in Review

I've become completely unable to come up with introductions to Week in Reviews.  This show has fried my brain.  Imagine you're reading this and it's a witty and concise synopsis of the week that makes you want to read on.  Or just know that if you keep reading, you will see 1) Sonny getting beat up, 2) a poll in which you can express your wish that Carly was dead, and 3) incontrovertible proof that evil forces are plotting against Kelly Monaco.


Aw, Sonny, why the long face?


Cat got your tongue?



Okay, no...

Maybe you're just a little bummed, remembering how you got your ass handed to you, in public, by a kid who a scant few months ago thought he could fly? *




Or maybe you're still steaming over Jax giving you a verbal asskicking to match Johnny's literal one?

Man alive, it was a great week to be a Jax fan.

My favorite part of that conversation was that Sonny the intimidating mobster is approximately seven feet shorter than Jax.


(And is well prepared to defend his Duh Face of the Year title.)  Sonny's still a weeble, is what I'm saying.

I also loved how Sonny walked around for like a day and a half bleeding from the head, and nobody said boo about it.  Is it possible everyone in town is finally starting to hate him as much as they should?

* In case you're wondering, I don't feel the least bit hypocritical about enjoying that beat-down, despite having endlessly whined about the excessive violence on this show.  That's what's nice about being an anonymous online commentator without a soul.


Oh, Ric Lansing.  I adore your portrayer (although Rick Hearst, for serious, cut that hair), but you are really testing my patience.  You keep doing such horrible things!  And I know I always come back.  I tell you to walk away, then I let you weasel your way back into my good graces.  I think it's on account of you being so good-looking and wearing a suit so well.  But these last couple of things you've done, they might have gone too far across the line.

Let's decide.

I think I know what most of you will choose.


But I have to say, for me there is no worse crime against soapiness than bringing that snooze-fest Marianna to town.  She is more useless than Samantha Harris is on Dancing With the Stars.   


Carly:  Michael's always wanted a little sister.

Uh, Michael does have a little sister.  (Unless this is the one case in which we are going to get all genetically accurate and acknowledge that Sonny is not Michael's father?)  Are the replacement writers still writing this crap, or are people who should actually know better to blame for this kind of laziness?


Oh fucking hell, Emily's back. 


I seriously cannot come up with anything more to say about this asinine story

And to add insult to injury (um, I mean, the most injuriously romantic story ever told),


a Cassadine in a tracksuit?  Helena is hanging out in a parapet or dungeon somewhere going "oh no he di'int!"

Also, because I am a regular viewer, I know the ghosts are supposed to wear the tracksuits, not the still-alive people who can see the ghosts.  Duh.  How stupid can you be?


I'm kind of over the Zacchara siblings.

Initially, I thought Claudia could be great.  She was bitchy, she seemed smart, she told Spinelli he needed to get out more.  And she's played by Sarah Brown.  What's not to like?  But man, is this the quickest the GH writers have made a character irritatingly one-dimensional, or what?  I GET IT.  She's strong and "powerful" and a little bit crazy and also recovering from a childhood trauma.  She's all of those things in every single scene, at a volume of about 11.  Good lord.

Then there's her love of guns and her having the hots for Sonny and being all ignorant about Robin's HIV, and really, I'm done.


Though her prejudice against Robin did lead to Patrick being hotly defensive.


So there's that.  But otherwise, she bugs me.

Also, I don't think I can put this delicately, so I'll just say it:  She appears to have the hots for her brother.


Sarah Brown, I get that Brandon Barash is smokin', but take it down a notch, girl.

While we're on the topic of Johnny, I'm pretty much done with him too.  He was promising (by which I mean gorgeous), but now it turns out he's just the next generation of mobster in Port Charles.  Did we need another one of those?

And he's involved with Lulu, which these days is the kiss of romantic death.  Yes, he's still gorgeous, but he's a mobster without an interesting storyline, and since we already have at least three of those on this show, I have my limits, even for hotness.  For example, I think Josh Jackson is among the five sexiest men on the planet, but even I am not going to see that assy movie he released last weekend. 


Robin and Patrick's conversation about their impending parenthood has pulled ahead in the vote for last week's best dialogue, and while I still am very torn between that and Jax's truth-telling, Awesome Writer undoubtedly produced several great Scrubs moments last week.

Patrick:  I'm glad to be the father of your baby.

Sniffle.  Hotly emotional.


Robin:  Can I just say you picked a perfect time to be wonderful?

Swoon!  I heart cheesy soapy moments.

Of course, now one or the other of them is going to do something horrible, or we won't hear from either of them again until May.  But for now, they are the only couple I enjoy watching so I'll hope for the best.  And prepare for the worst.  Because I am a well-trained GH viewer.


Trevor: John is like a son to me!

Oh god, please don't let this foreshadow a paternity storyline.  GH has fulfilled its quota of those until, I don't know, Molly tells Jake he's the father to avoid psychotic serial killer Michael finding out he actually is.  (Jake is secretly in love with Molly's sister Christina, and Molly eventually has an affair with her ob-gyn, Dr. Patrick Robert Scorpio Drake.  Police commissioner Maxie Jones exposes the whole sordid ordeal in retaliation for Christina exposing Maxie's May-December romance with Cameron Webber.)


As I knew she would, Laura Wright rocked the scenes following Carly's miscarriage.



However, might those scenes have been a wee bit more moving if she hadn't been sexin' Jason up in her coma-fantasy a few minutes earlier?


I say yes. 



So, Jason's injury that heartbreakingly threatened his lucrative career offing people, was it carpal tunnel?  WTF are those braces he's wearing?  I thought his hands were shredded?  Never mind, I refuse to try to make sense of this story. 

As an aside, thanks to reader Mika for creating this based on the last Week in Review:


And apparently the answer is yes you can, Jason.  Who could have seen this coming?!


Maybe the rumors about people on set not liking Josh Duhon are true, because man,


never has he looked less brutally hot.  I think it's possible nobody has ever looked less brutally hot.  Why did GH pick this instance to be somewhat medically accurate?  It's been at least a week since his traumatic brain injury; shouldn't he be out getting into some soapy predicament, preferably while shirtless?

Maybe Logan is actually fully recovered, but prefers to stay in the hospital heavily sedated rather than get out and have to deal with Lulu.  I can relate.


Somebody in wardrobe has a serious hate-on for the adorable Kelly Monaco.


First of all, nobody without a veil and bouquet should wear white head-to-toe.  Second of all, Kelly Monaco weighs about 95 pounds and on a near-daily basis provides us with inspiration to hit the gym, so how shitty a stylist do you have to be to make her look lumpy?



Maybe the wardrobe department is hanging out with the writers.  No good can come from that.

Screencaps courtesy of Clarissa.


Hey I have no soul as well......I enjoyed every last minute of the weeble's ass handing.

I totally feel that Carly's reaction would have been better if I wasn't still skeeved out from the pimping of Jason as Jesus during Holy Week. Or you know..if I wasn't so danged distracted trying to figure out the braces on Jaysus's hands.

And Ric...you picked a fine time to become all heroic...couldn't it have happened to say...a person who freakind desreved it?

The worst thing Ric ever did was lock Carly in a secret panic room with the intention of stealing her child! I still haven't forgiven GH for that one.

The only thing possibly more revolting than the Corinthos Wang is the Corinthos Tongue....EWWWW! It allows the Weeble to both talk and copulate, two crimes against humanity.

Hey Sonny, when nobody cares to mention you are bleeding from the head it's time to move. NOBODY REALLY LIKES YOU HERE. Even Carly prefers Jason and her version of heaven proved that.

Becca there is nothing hypocritical about loving Sonny's double delicious smackdowns via Johnny and Jax. I too am revolted by the constant twisted violence Guza inflicts on us all. But finally Sonny was the victim instead of the heroic mobster perp. He is always the abuser, never the abused. Weeble has more than earned his bitchslaps.

This weeks screencaps are pure genius. Kelly Monaco pudgy? Who did she piss off, Guza? I prefer her drunk, but if nothing else her body is amazing.

Tumily and the Tracksuit? Ahh, romance lives...NOT.

A Patrick I can giddily admit deserves the return of his moniker hotly...yippeee! He and Kimber rocked their scenes.

Logan looks like one of those tiny dudes with the big feet from that New Zealand movie, a hobit! Check the ears. I didn't read Tolkien and I missed the films, on purpose. Or a green suit and a pot of gold and we have PC's only leprechaun.

Jason's carpal tunnel WTF?!?! Oven mitts to braces in less than a week. And he had microsurgery on both hands in a day and six months worth of rehab too. Now he's all better? He really is a superhero isn't he? I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Claudia and Johnny. Do you watch The New Adventures of Old Christine? If you caught last night's episode you'll see the connection. Sibling lovin'.

Your version of PC's future was priceless. Long may you and your partner in soap commentary reign.

Let's talk about how lame it is that just because Carly and Robin hate each other, Claudia and Robin have to hate each other too. Yawn. It would have been so much more unexpectedly interesting if they hit it off in some fashion, wouldn't it? In face, it would have been so much more unexpectedly interesting if Claudia weren't just Sarah Brown's Carly with darker hair, wouldn't it? Oh, right, this is GH. Never mind.

Hey, at least Sam gets to WEAR white. Usually when she's in a scene with Elizabeth, the writers/stylist try to subtly let us know which one is supposed to be the good one. Sam: always in black, Liz: always in white. Sam: looking all hawt and fierce, Liz: ironing. Has she ever ironed before or since?

Carly just needs to leave. Period. Her dreaming about Jason just makes me want to smack her. Someone really needs to free Jax from this mob loving witch.

Why is Emily still around? WHY do i have to endure her smiling and whispering all the time? And she pants occasionally when she speaks! She's dead, what's she so out of breath about?

And can anyone please tell Nikolas that while he can see and touch Emily, him making out with the air is just really weird. Can you imagine if Alfred or Spencer walked in and saw him frenching the air? But, this is supposed to be the greatest love story ever told.

Yeah, it always appears to me that Claudia and Johnny are about to lock lips at any moment.

Maybe the wardrobe department is just trying to draw attention away from Kelly's immense lack of acting skills.

And please. No. More. Ghosts.

Sorry but I feel the need to clarify something. I am the second "Sarah" poster.

Ric chaining Carly in that panic room with hopes of keeping her unborn baby as his and Liz's was insane, evil and wacked out definitely. Beyond that, it was stupid. He had no plan as I recall. He wasn't going to kill her so what was he gonna do...keep her as a caged pet? And who was gonna deliver the kid? Then enter Lorenzo. A man who joined in the kidnapping and later he and Carly fell in love?!?!?!?! Talk about a crapfest.

Anyway, my point is Ric hated Carly because of her relationship to Sonny. And Ric was sure Sonny sent Liz flying down the stairs killing his unborn baby. Another miscarraige by stairs on GH, shocker. I think Faith pushed her, right? So Ric went all evil "an eye for an eye" on the Weeble. Which makes sense in Guzaland because all kids and parents are interchangble!

All of that and the fact I hate Carly makes me sure his most evil act was ALL the crap he pulled on Alexis. A woman he loved and loved him in return even though he was still obsessed with Wangboy and even still after he cheated on her with Sonny's ex who bit it during the train crash.

I obviously don't think caging and chaining a woman or anyone is acceptable behavior. Duh. But if it has to happen, let it be Carly :-)

OMG great post! I couldnt agree more with everything u said. Loved the weeble beat down, love jax with his balls back, loved Patrick being hotly emotional. hated Sam's outfit, kemo's body is sick why not put her in the gym with that punching bag throw in a shirtless patrick logan and lucky and u have enough eye candy to last a month. anything is better than seeing carly play pool. they need to give up the jason and carly pool thing they show every 3 yrs its been along time since 96 and it shows on jason lattely hes starting to look really middle aged.

I have no problem at all with Claudia's reaction to Robin's HIV status.

I mean, really. Claudia is bleeding and needs stitches. And as Robin is loading up a syringe, she casually mentions "Oh, by the way, I'm HIV positive, in case that bothers you". Claudia freaked out and demanded another doctor. What's wrong with that? She didn't call Robin names, she wasn't ugly about it, she just freaked out and demanded another doctor, and I would have done the same!

Remember that WE know that Robin's "viral load is nearly undetectable", but Claudia does not. Of course, we also know that Robin is a research physician who probably hasn't done sutures since medical school or the last PC catastrophe -- and if Claudia knew that, she'd be even more pissed.

Robin has actually done quite a few surgeries with Patrick. Even one on Patrick where she stitched him back up. Also she was imprisoned in the ER for months so she does still know how to be a practicing physician. That being said I do agree that Claudia had every right to ask for another doctor but we all know the only reason they had Claudia come off so over the top is to give another "wink-wink" nod to Sarah Brown's history as Carly with the other characters on the show. Sarah's Brown's Carly use to constantly throw Robin's HIV in her face and call her less than a woman and this was TIIC way of making us rememeber that. Quite frankly that is getting old and tired. If they want me to see Sarah Brown as another person they need to stop trying to make me remember she was Carly.

Kelly Monaco in that ugly white sweatsuit. I was just waiting for her to pull out a fencing sword, although that would have made more sense and have been more entertaining than anything else on the show.

and seriously I love Natalia Livingston and Emily Quartermaine but can't the writers just accept that they majorly screwed up when they killed her off and let poor Natalia move on, far away from the shambles that are GH.

Great post, you must be reading my mind.

I'm actually loving Robin and Patrick again, still hating that Ric/Marianna thing, but thanks to those handy soap mags...mwahahahaha!

Claudia is annoying!

Also loving Jax standing up for himself with Sonny. It's about time! But I fear it will be short lived; has Jax ever really gotten what he wanted?

What is up with Elizabeth and Sam's hair? Why can't they keep it their natural luxurious dark brown instead of screwing it up with ugly orange highlights. Also agree about the actress who plays Marianna. She is painfully plain and dull - very out of place with all the pretty, pretty people on GH.

Perfect commentary, as usual. I had high hopes for Sarah Brown as Claudia but they are being squashed. Patrick and the restoration of his hotly modifier keeps me sane, and quite happy.

Side note: I saw Josh Jackson on the street in NYC once and almost pounced on him. He is even hotter in real life. Still won't see the new film though.

Okay, I'm glad that someone else had the same reaction to Carly's little sister comments, ie the boys already have a sister.

I'm also glad I'm not the only one getting the incestual vibes off Claudia and Johnny. I would be worrying about myself if that was the case...

Great post.

I just kind of figured Sam hadn't been able to change out of her modified Star Trek uniform she made for herself for the Trekkie convention... Didn't everyone?

I am just not impressed by GH's Claudia. GH has set the character up as supposedly worldly. Becca, have you counted the times she has mentioned Milan? I'm thinking now that she never left upstate NY. I think Anthony shipped her off to beyond the boonies and gave her some cheap fashion catalogs to pass the time. And no TV. Cause even though I get most of my medical info from tv shows (not GH, I'm not that silly) I think dr.s don't actually suture a patient skin to skin (unless you are in a train wreck and need a c-section). They use a like needle holder and the dr. does not touch the patient's flesh. But why wouldn't GH even let Robin explain this stuff to Claudia? They are all about the stunt. I would actually like to see Robin treating patients and going through what real HIV medical professionals do in their notification to patients. GH continues to miss or waste so many opportunities with the Robin character. It's a shame.

I still maintain that the only reason anyone should wear a white catsuit like Sam did last week is if they're being groomed to replace Emma Peel at the Ministry. And, lovely though Kelly Monaco is, Diana Rigg she ain't.

Unless Ric starts torturing animals, nothing will ever top the crime that is bringing Mariyawna to my screen. It's amazing how much hate can derive from utter boredom and tedium.

Thank you BarbE and Dawn.

GH post Stone and Claire Labine handles almost all of the HIV related situations wrong. Nearly always making Robin look like a huge risk taker both w/ patients and in life which is beyond out of character and also totally unrealisitic and possibly illegal.

IMO Guza and ABC are reckless not to handle this real life medical issue intelligently and accurately. If they have no money or time to hire an advisor they could at least do research on their own. Look how they screwed up Patrick's exposure storyline. Talk about anticlimactic and unrealistic. The PEP stuff was good, but a surgeon would have had the latest tests done no matter the cost. And on a side prop note any lubricant better be water based. Others render condoms fragile!

I found Claudia's reaction completely hateful and biggotted. She simply could have said "I'm not comfortable w/ you and wish not to discuss it. Get me another doctor." But Guza never misses a chance to be a biggot, especially when it attempts to insult and degrade Robin. I'm fine with showing ignorance and cruelty still surround this virus, that's real. Like when Patrick had a patient refuse him.

But saying Claudia acted just fine is not cool with me!

Guza sadly knows little to nothing about HIV/AIDS.

Like HIV testing for example. The most common tests are antibody ones. They are cheap, results come in days or even hours sometimes, and yes a follow up test at 6 and even 12 months is usually reccommended.

For newborns and babies and lucky people in wealthy countries new better testing is available. PCR tests and NAT testing come in two types mainly, DNA PCR and RNA PCR. Results are available in 2-4 weeks on average, it's much more expensive and only done in a smaller number of cases like where the need to know is crucial, preop patients for example. These tests are viral load tests as well and there is no need for waiting for the antibodies to show up. However the sensitivity is high and false positives occur. SO a follow up antibody test is necessary.

Also HIV+ pregnancies are more complicated than GH mentions. In Robin's case, she's already successful on an ARV cocktail so she would need to decide whether or not to go off the meds during the first trimester. That time being the most crucial to fetal development and no real studies prove the safety of ARV's on fetuses. However her resistance and over health must be taken into consideration. If Mom gets sick or becomes med resistant all hell could break loose so to speak. Most babies born while Mom's stayed on meds are healthy and negative for the virus. Her cocktail would likely change, like AZT being added if she is not on it already. And dosages would change as her viral load might increase due to pregnancy, common occurence in these cases. Huge decisions.

Generally positive mothers have a 20-45% chance of passing on HIV to their babies if they have NO medical intervention. If meds are taken even just AZT during delivery the risk is cut in half. If Mom stays on meds, takes AZT big dose during delivery and baby gets AZT syrup after delivery for a week or more depending, that risk is below 2%.

Another huge decison is c-section vs. vaginal delivery. If mother is healthy a c-section is no longer universally reccommended. It's major surgery, and infections could be super dangerous to an immunally challenged mom. However in a case like Robin's where the Mom is super petite and the baby could be large and an episiatomy will likely occur or worse a tear then a c-section may be wise to limit blood and fluid exposure to baby during delivery.

None of that data takes into consideration the stigma and prejudice.

Also HIV- medical professionals are at a tiny risk of infection from HIV+ patients, like 3 in 1000. These are old numbers and modern universal precautions are incredibly effective. Most of which we don't see on GH. Like nitrile gloves or gloves, frequent hand washing, hospital sterilization, haz mat bins for soiled materials, disposable needles and sharps, gowns and masks and goggles. Also important is being careful with high risk patients like drug users who may flail or get violent during exams/procedures.

In reverse HIV+ doctors are even more careful as not to transmit their blood or fluids to a patient or coworker! Most hospitals and clinics worldwide have rules about what is allowed to be practiced and what is not and under what circumstances. Disclosure is often included in these rules, especially if the patient has a deep invasive wound etc...Local laws vary as do hospital procedures. Doctor to patient transmission from the very beginning of HIV/AIDS has been closely watched and found to be vastly a nonissue.

Simple sutures in the ER could very safely be done by a doctor like Robin. If the injury required a cavity inspection by hand then Robin would refuse and get another doctor as not to put the patient at risk say if Robin were to puncture a glove against an unforseen sharp object, bone or debris internally. But cleaning, debreeding, suturing, and bandaging a laceration is simple and her hands would be away from the patient the whole time like any other doctor.

I know this was a technical rant and I should have posted it elsewhere. Sorry, but I sensed some prejudice and misinformation and it really bothered me. Hate and acceptance of hate out of fear is never the answer.

As usual, you are on point again Becca. Cassadine in a tracksuit! Carpal tunnel! Hee! And you forgot to mention the only good thing about Ric rescuing Carly was seeing Rick Hearst and his biceps in a tight wet shirt. Double hee!

Hey, my picture! Thanks for posting it!

"She appears to have the hots for her brother."
Thank God i'm not the only one who thought this. Horribly wrong. D=

Why, WHY writers? Johnny had such potential and you screwed it. It was almost Out of Character for him to suddenly be like "Well, screw you all, I want everyone deeeeaaaddd!!" *eye roll*

And what the hell was with those stupid Jason and Carly moments? Not only was it not needed and totally random, but just wrong. If your dying, I think you would think of your closest love ones, like.. Your Husband? Your Children? Not sexing up your "best friend".

And, Carpal tunnel indeed.

Claudia not wanting Robin to be her doc because of Robin's hiv was great. everyone on this acts like it is no big deal. Now i am not saying Robin shouldnt be a doc, because i wouldnt mind if my doc has HIV, however not everyone feels the same and it is nice to see GH play that up. esp with someone who didnt watch robin growup or growup with her.

Just a question: during Carly's "heaven" scenes, what music was playing? I mean, I watch on SoapNet, was there different music playing when it aired on ABC?

I ask because that music I heard on SN was annoying....like a cat being used for bagpipes.

GH does have access to free medical advice through an organization called "Hollywood, Health and Society". They were contacted to assist them with those HIV facts on the HIV website. Now will GH choose to use them to actually help tell this story? Time will tell, I guess.

Becca, thank you for the rant information. GH/ABC are so lax that it doesn't make sense. Excuse me if you have talked about this but what do you think about that Robin's HIV Questions Answered page provided by the abc.go.com daytime, General Hospital page. They say it's to answer viewer's questions but I say it's a cop out. All of that vital information on that page as well as things in your rant could be shown onscreen in a dramatic, dynamic story. Although I did learn alot from the page and the links, it would make sense to see it played out onscreen. I can only conclude since coming back to watch GH when Kimberly McCullough brought Robin back in 2005 that GH is run by a bunch of incompetent people that don't know when they are sitting on a proven goldmine or they just don't care. Add Jason Thompson's Patrick to the mix and it just shouts that GH/ABC are certifiable.

Sam looks like she's ready for her fencing match.

I hate Sonny as much as the next carbon-based life form, but height is not an accomplishment it's a glandular based genetic predisposition. Jax does not get brownie points for that from me.

Did you ever notice that when a character is a particularly hideous outfit they seem to be wearing the same clothes for days.. just a thought..

whoever doesn't like sonny is a fucking douche.
he's incredibly sexy, and has longevity.

I think she looked GREAT in all white from head to toe! Very sexy! Very inviting!

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