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« GH Couple of Weeks in Review: The I Don't Care Edition | Main | Oh, They're "Special" Alright »

March 03, 2008

Restless Bile

I have been completely awful about writing about The Young and the Restless, but it's just, like...how many different ways can you say "This show is boring and also, Judith Chapman needs to dial it down a notch or twelve"? I suppose if I were more ambitious, I could switch it up by saying it in a different language every day or use illustrations, which could prove to be problematic because I can barely draw a stick figure without it being distressingly crooked, but the point is that Y&R is boring and also, Judith Chapman needs to dial it down a notch or twelve.

I guess it could be worse, since it could be horrible on the level of All My Children, but sometimes I wonder which is the greater sin, being terrible or being boring. I think that being boring might be worse. Sure, watching a terrible show would inspire me to stab myself in the eye with a spork, but at least that's a reaction. Y&R just inspires me to change the channel and watch, like, the local access station instead.

It's just so...blah. And...uninspired. And...meh.


(1) I know that the original Jack/Sharon/Phyllis/Nick quadrangle had a great reception. And, in theory, I understand why writers would want to go back to a popular story, especially since 84% of the stories that followed that triangle were terrible. But come on, is there anything in the world more contrived than this new Jack/Sharon/Phyllis/Nick One Big Happy? I can't see myself willingly starting a magazine and working in close quarters with my ex-husband and the woman that he cheated on me with. Granted, I hold grudges and probably couldn't be persuaded to work alongside the woman who cut in front of me on line at the bakery the other day, but STILL.

(2) You know what this show hasn't seen enough of? Numerous women throwing themselves at Victor. I get it, people. Victor is the most handsome, amazing, virile, god-like person to ever exist. If I just admit that, will you stop this icky flirtation between him and Victoria's never before mentioned friend with the phony accent?

Sabrina: Don't look back, I say.

Victor: Live in the present.

Sabrina: Indeed.

Victor: That's why you like contemporary art.

Sabrina: You're so insightful. Yes.

Victor: Mm. Might be a very good idea for me to start living in the present.

Make it stop. Please.

(3) If I wanted to watch someone struggling with the fallout of a debilitating gambling addiction, I'd watch the episode of The Golden Girls where Dorothy falls off the wagon and starts betting on horses again and nearly steals money from Rose. I'd also watch the arc on 90210 when Brandon became addicted to betting on basketball and got in trouble with a bookie. I would not watch anything having to do with David Freaking Chow, because David Chow sucks the fun out of everything in the world. You could put David Chow in an episode of Gossip Girl and he'd make it boring, a feat that not even Vanessa Abrams has achieved. He made Brad seem tolerable, for heaven's sake. Don Diamont even made a recognizable face of disdain during the scene, which makes me think that even he knows how much Chow sucks.

(4) Restless Style is a dumb name for a magazine. Even dumber than Twist.

(5) This has nothing to do with the show, but as reader Cece mentioned to me, Adrienne Frantz was at the Oscars last week. I have to tell you, nothing will make you feel worse about yourself than realizing that Ambular Moore was at the Academy Awards while you watched them in sweatpants at home, emailing bitchy comments to Becca all the while. She looked fab, though. Remember when she dated the guy from The Goo Goo Dolls who has the same haircut as Meg Ryan? For a second I thought that he was the same person who dated Vanessa Carlton and had also dated Charlize Theron, which would have been weird, because can you imagine dating the actress who played Aileen Wuornos and also the actress who plays Amber Moore? But that point is moot, because that guy is actually not from The Goo Goo Dolls, but from Third Eye Blind, who sang "Semi-Charmed Life", a song that, along with "My Heart Will Go On" were the only things played on the radio for all of 1997.

Um, sorry. Y&R is so boring that it inspires random tangents like that.

But! There are some interesting casting rumors floating around the internets. They might not make the show any better, but they have a chance at breaking up the monotony.

Rumor has it that:

  • Lauralee Bell is coming back for a short stint. You know, normally that combination of words would have me shrieking in horror, but a while back, I grudgingly admitted that I'd take her back if the show went back to its glory days. I stand by that.
  • Jerry Douglas is returning as a John Abbott lookalike who Jack and Sharon hire to torment Gloria. This could be incredibly awesome. But it could also be a story that starts out promising and winds up with yet another person falling for Gloria while she makes faces too over the top and campy for an episode of I Love Lucy.
  • Vail Bloom is out as Heather and being replaced by Lindsey McKeon, who people may know as Haley's slutty older sister on One Tree Hill who nearly broke up her little sister's sophomore year of high school marriage to Nathan, but didn't, even though they eventually broke up anyway after Nathan tried to kill himself via race car, in what I always took as an allusion to Ethan Frome, except, you know, shittier. I am not one of those people, as I do not watch One Tree Hill. Ahem. Look over there, it's a diversion!

These are unconfirmed so far, I believe, and may end up being trainwrecks, but, I don't know, they could shake things up a little.


"Jerry Douglas is returning as a John Abbott lookalike who Jack and Sharon hire to torment Gloria. This could be incredibly awesome. But it could also be a story that starts out promising and winds up with yet another person falling for Gloria while she makes faces too over the top and campy for an episode of I Love Lucy."

See, this sounds incredibly out-of-character for Jack, who loved his father and was devastated by his death and still has conversations with his "ghost" just because he needs that strength in his screwed-up life. And now he's just going to callously hire some slob to impersonate his beloved dead papa just so he can play "Gotcha!" with his crazy stepmother? It would make more sense for her crazy husband Rusty Shackleford to do something like this...which is probably why it will play out exactly as you described and we'll have to sit through weeks and weeks of everyone telling us what a lowlife scumbag sh*theel Jack supposedly is while Victor poisons puppies and kicks babies and nobody bats an eyelash. Or something.

I don't watch this show--I'm just occasionally in a room where it's on TV. I've always found YR boring, but my god, it's hit new lows.

I understand there was a strike on, but entire episodes taken up by mundane activities that are exactly the sort of thing we don't watch soaps for?

Neil double-dating with his daughter? *snore*

Sharon whining to Phyllis about coming to work at the magazine? *snore*

Gloria cooking? *snore*

JT decorating the house for Victoria? *snore*

Only the Vic Jr stuff held any interest, mostly because I was utterly fascinated by SC's frozen upper lip, making her appear like a slowly dying duck.

I fear I can't share the Judith Chapman hate, because she scared the shit out of me back in the '70's (!!!) on ATWT as the bitch Natalie. I say if you can make someone remember your buggy-eyed over-acting for 30 freakin' years, you've earned some respect.

And wouldn't the ultimate indictment of snooziness of YR be that only two people have bothered to comment on the show?

To me Gloria is a cross between Cruella Deville, Alexis Carrington Colby whatever..., and Carly...Jax. NOT GOOD OR ATTRACTIVE.

And Victor's appeal eludes me, it always has from the first time I saw him. Him and Sonny, unattractive and cruel and guilty of hubris. These are the leading men I am supposed to swoon over? How are shows based on these loosers?

And Jack. Always loved him, all the Abbotts really. But the last time I was into one of his relationships it was w/ that Asian woman he fathered a son with during his time in the army. And what a gorgeous man that long lost Son was, remember him? Yummy! WHat happened to him?

I don't know if I've just lost my mind, but I found that whole thing insanely funny...especially the tangents.

Also, my grandmother confirms that "Victor is the most handsome, amazing, virile, god-like person to ever exist" even though I've tried desperately over the years to break the brainwashing's hold on her.

The spoilers sound good though. Don't throw things at me but I miss Cricket. Actually, I miss Cricket and Danny. I miss marvelling at Lauralee Bell's complete lack of eyelids.

And a John Doppelganger is great, and is a good way to give non-Ghost material to a vet actor. *looks pointedly at certain other soaps*

I can't comment on Y&R, but having watched GH recently, I'd have to agree with you that boring is far worse than just bad. At least bad gives us something to work with.

I stopped watching this show when the quad that is Jack/Sharon/Nick/Phyllis became best buds. It actually made me sick to my stomach to have to swallow that line of bull&%$t. I only tune in for Gloria's shenanigans.

More about Days of Our Lives please!!

There are more Days posts in the works, don't worry. Becca and I both have full time jobs and try to do non soap-related things every so often, so we sometimes are pressed for time. Be patient, though, grasshopper!

TV's Tim, you're totally right about Jack and his relationship with his father, but the way that the writing has treated Jack in the past few years has been so all over the place that I'm not sure they know what "out of character" means anymore. I wouldn't be surprised to find out that Jack is actually adopted or an evil twin himself or Canadian.

Sarah, Keemo was gorgeous! I think the writers forgot about him. I don't think he was even mentioned in Jack's letter that he wrote whilst dying in the Clear Springs parking garage. It's tragic, really.

I miss marvelling at Lauralee Bell's complete lack of eyelids.

Ha! That is so, so true. It's mesmerizing.

People at work want to know why I am laughing at my computer. Jeez, this site rocks! As a forever-and-a-day AMC viewer who gave it up completely 6 months ago (for those of you hanging on, just DO IT cold turkey), I switched to Y&R. Believe me, if you long-time Y&R viewers think its bad, the best thing to do is to try another soap. See, after the train wreck that is AMC, Y&R seems, well, inspired. And I have come to the conclusion that the reason I can tolerate it, is cuz I don't have any history of the show, except for it's first few years when Kay tormented the hell out of Jill, and there was the Foster family. A soap break is what the doctor orders.

Now, even without the history, I KNOW that this forced quadrangle is such a set up -- way to be subtle writers! High five! I watched occasionally during Phyl's glory days as a b*tch, and this new, propped up version makes me ill. Why do writers think that sanitizing/redeeming characters makes them interesting? And I used to LIKE her! Next thing you know, she'll be nominated for sainthood. Come on, have an affair with Vic Jr. Spice it up! Be yourself, not this STEPFORD wife. (And what about Victoria asking Phyl to be her maid of honor -- WTF????? I thought she HATED Phyl!)

Okay, despite all this animosity, (Gloria reminds me of Gloria Swanson doing her "Max, I'm ready for my close-up" thing) it is still miles better than AMC. Now that I think of it, that's not saying a lot. Huh.

I'd have to disagree that boring is worse than bad. When I've seen countless GH characters slaughtered, turned into a-holes, or sacrificed at the altar of aging, pudgy mobsters, I'd much rather be bored (and that's not even getting into what has been done to ATWT or GL).

"See, this sounds incredibly out-of-character for Jack"

I think it sounds more in character than the years of Jack being guilt-ridden and cowering from his own shadow because of what happened to John. Jack has always had a hard edge, and this sounds like something he might try, although it also has the potential to be stupid.

Lindsey McKeon also played the slutty version of Marah Lewis on Guiding Light. Sometimes I still have nightmares of her with Bradley Cole's Jeffrey. It wasn't just the age difference, but the dude had THE SAME FACE AS HER DEAD UNCLE (minus the charm)! Gross. But then again I admit to almost squeeing like a fangirl at the cousin loving on that show. Almost. But I digress.

And she was in Saved by the Bell: The New Class. Uh, not that I watched it every once in a while on Saturday mornings or anything, of course.

It's sad that the only thing I find interesting about Y&R is its semi-connection to the cheesier sequel of an already cheese-tastic teenage sitcom.

I have always hated Jack....Think simply of this: no matter what your kids think of your spouse, would you want them to deliberately tell him or her the wrong time for your funeral?
And then, to have that person return home brokenhearted, and find all of their things in trash bags?
Victor, by the way, loves puppies and babies :)
I don't swoon over Victor, but he is way cool. He's rich and powerful, and probably the accent helps. Jack on the other hand is gross!! And don't forget how he stepped over Victor rather than calling for help!

I haven't been watching the show much at all, but I did catch a little of that Sabrina chick talking to Victor about art. I couldn't help but wonder if this wasn't going to re-open that hideously boring art storyline again. If anyone mentions the word "Reliquary" we'll know.

I also heard Victor informing Nick that his mag would fail, then went out of his way to make sure that it did. This is typical Victor and one of the many reasons I can't stand this character. He takes chances and does whatever he wants with advice from no one. Let one of his family members try to start their own business and he's there telling them why it will fail. From Nick's coffee house, to Nikki's spa business to her senate run and now the 'zine. Everything has a zero chance of making it big in Vic's brain. Why he doesn't support his family for ONCE--other than in the monetary sense--is beyond me.

From TV Guide 3/10-3/16: It has been confirmed by Michael Logan that Jerry Douglas IS coming back but not as John's ghost. He will be playing a look-alike named Alistair who Sharon and Jack find on a casting web site. They decide to use him to gaslight Gloria. This is scheduled to begin March 18th. I think this could be a fun story with great potential but it has been done before when Kay had a look-alike, Marge. They never should have killed John in the first place. That could have meant so much more drama involving Gloria and the Abbotts. I HATE Lynn Latham for what she did to this show. I sense new long-term stories being developed and I hope that Y&R can go from being boring to being good, not bad like GH (which is absolutely revolting but I watch). Also, please please let them fire Vail Bloom. She is boring and they did not write her introduction correctly at all. It was so nonchalant and not dramatic or emotional at all. Paul's freakin' daughter that he's had no contact with. Oh, Bill Bell or even Kay Alden would have rocked that, using the history and richness of character. I am not sure what bringing back Christine is going to do. I always found her so boring and so not sexy. But with Danny coming back, maybe they have something to explore. I cannot wait to see Danny react to the new, domesticated Phyllis. God, I wish she were out there running people over again. AND, major rumor alert: hopefully, they will work it out for Victoria Rowell to come back to play Dru. It would be so juicy if she showed up on Neil and Karen's wedding day. I hope she's been living in the woods with a family of bears in a cave or something. Y&R has always been my favorite show and I want it to be the brilliant, gothic, dramatic show it once was. Keep up the good work. This website is hilarious and you ladies sure know how to analyze these shows down to the shoelaces.

If you have not seen this interview with an anonymous YR actor, then it is very interesting. It is about the reign of terror of LML. http://boards.soapoperanetwork.com/index.php?showtopic=25110&st=0

does anyone know the name of the song that played at victors and sabrinas reception?
i cant find the info anywhere..

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