The Week's Most "Ooooh, I Get It Now" Dialogue

So, most of you know that I have a healthy affection for Jason Thompson.  Let's pretend it's healthy, okay?  He's gorgeous and seems down-to-earth, and has fantastically natural and engaging chemistry with Kimberly McCullough, and Rick Springfield, and Finola Hughes, and Becky Herbst, and . . . well, with pretty much everyone but Nazanin Boniadi.  (Seriously, Patrick with Leyla was like when Pacey got together with that waitress on Dawson's Creek and suddenly the chemistry cloak was lifted.  I questioned the meaning of life, and even -- gasp! -- the hotness of Josh Jackson for a while after that.) 

Anyway, because of Jason Thompson, I find Patrick to be a great character; a nice departure from the typical daytime hero but just unrealistically adorable enough to fit in on a soap canvas.  Or should I say, as of this week I know that's all because of Jason Thompson.  I don't know why I would have even considered giving any credit to the writers, but apparently at least subconsciously I was, but FauxPatrick has shown me the error of my ways.

I'm not even sure why there is a temporary recast.  There were seemingly weeks on end last year that went by without Patrick onscreen, but now Patrick can't head off to a medical conference for a couple of days so Jason Thompson can take a vacation (if you can even call it that, since he's undoubtedly helping orphans in third-world countries obtain safe drinking water or learn sustainable farming methods)?  I don't get it.  But this Ethan Whoeverperson is good looking, so I can deal.  However.  Ethan Whoeverperson is no Jason Thompson.  And this fact has revealed that Patrick . . . well, Patrick is kind of a dick.

I know there are people all over the country -- or at least, all over the internet -- who claim that Patrick is an ass and he doesn't deserve Robin and blahdittyblahdittyblah.  But my reaction to those misguided souls has always been something along the lines of:  "Um, yes, he can be a little ass-y, but, hello?  HOT.  Charming.  Yum."  I sort of got it during that horrible episode of Night Shift -- hang on, I know I need to be more specific -- when Patrick implied Robin should get a boob job and felt up a patient.  But I didn't really get it.  I've been able to pretend that Night Shift Patrick didn't happen, and justify some of his frat boy moments on the OG GH as being due to his fear of commitment.  But hearing Ethan Whoeverperson spout Patrick's lines, without that patented Thompson charm?  Oh sisterfriends, I GET IT. 

The dealbreaker for me:

FauxPatrick to Coleman:  Don't be messin' with my babymama!

Please don't read any humor or irony into that line, because there wasn't any.  "Don't be messin' with my babymama!"?!  I feel like that line is only appropriate if you're guest-starring on a very special teen-pregnancy-slash-domestic-violence episode of Saved by the Bell, and of course even then I would mock it mercilessly.   Nobody talks like this.  Certainly not a hot doctor.  And that charming line capped off Patrick's lamentably long tribute to his girlfriend's mother's hotness, which I'm convinced Jason Thompson would have somehow made charming but as it was it seemed really creepy and a little gross.

Jason Thompson made me overlook a lot.  A LOT.  It took me months of him being a total tool to revoke the hotly modifier that Mallory had so brilliantly coined.  But I'm not sure I'll ever forgive him for going on vacation and making me see what countless blog comments and forum posts had allowed me to turn a blind eye to:  Patrick's doucheitude.  For shame, Jason Thompson.  I hope helping those orphans, reversing global warming, saving seals, curing cancer, or whatever it was you were doing was worth it.

Oh, while I have you all here, faithful readers?  You should know that this show is killing me softly.  I couldn't come up with anything to include in a Week in Review last week.  The "good" news is, it's sweeps, so Guza and his band of terrormakers will undoubtedly kill off a legacy kid or blow up the Quartermaine mansion, so I should find some motivation again soon.

Comments

[CHIgirl2112]

I tried watching the faux Patrick and two words out of his mouth I had to turn the channel. He wasn't awful - he was horrible. Thank GOD I missed that baby's mamma crap because I would have through my tv out the window. And even the "hotness" of the temp actor didn't move me. So I applaud you Serial Drama for writing what I too have learned - it isn't necessarily the character I fell in "love" with - it's Jason's amazing acting ability despite a terrible dialoge that helps me deal with GH.

[Vicki]

Once again I give thanks for the Fast Forward button.

Gawd. "Baby mama?" Holy K-Fed!

Is it me, or did Coleman look a whole lot better after all that?

[Mel]

Oh, good god. It took months of intense therapy to get over Night Shift. And now...I get hit with "Don't be messin' with my babymama!"?!?! Why, God, just...why?!?

[Marianne]

And you know what? That wasn't even the most dickish thing he's ever said-HELL, it wasn't the most dickish thing he said MONDAY. He put off his rather long, rapturous, ICKY rhapsodizing on the fact that his BABY'S GRANNY is his "fantasy woman" on ROBIN! BECAUSE SHE OVERTHINKS THINGS!! No, REALLY! So THAT'S how he ended up banging Leyla forty ways from Sunday-Robin OVERTHOUGHT his dick into her! NOW I understand! I just-didn't there used to be a time when the ideal of a soap hero was to have the average woman looking at her guy and going, "Why can't you be more like THAT?" Because NOW, apparently, if Patrick is modern soaps' idea of a romantic hero, the ideal is for the average woman to look at her guy and go, "I would cut your balls off and wear them as earrings if you EVER acted like THAT!" Frankly, I'm not even sure an apology would suffice at this point-I'm thinking more along the lines of an exorcism.

Furthermore, it is a sad, sad day-Guza has accomplished the impossible. He made me, at least temporarily, LOATHE AND DESPISE Anna Devane. I mean, HELLO, you self-involved heifer-your daughter, YOUR HIV+ DAUGHTER, who, at the time of her diagnosis, never thought she'd live beyond 5-7 years if she got lucky, much less that she would live over a decade and have the opportunity to become a mother, is going to have YOUR GRANDCHILD. Her DREAM is coming true-one that many would still tell her is unattainable and that she is selfish for wanting. And what is YOUR reaction, oh Mother of The Year? To flip out, refuse to allow her to use the words "pregnancy" or "grandma", and even to cover her tummy w/a pillow so you don't have to SEE the pregnancy! WHAT. THE. FUCK.?!

Everyone who has anything to do with producing, writing, or directing this show is smoking copious amounts of crack. That is the only the explanation.

[Anne]

JT has always managed to play Patrick with enough charm to overcome the craptastic writing. Which kinda sorta means that Patrick is charming enough that everything he says shouldn't be taken so seriously. As long as JT is playing Patrick, I don't think Patrick is a dick. Not because JT is hot, but because he works the facial expressions and the chemistry with KMc that allow a deeper look past his words.

I've known from the beginning that the character success was all due to JT and the fantastic way that JT and KMc work together. This temp recast proves it to me beyond any doubt. As a JT fan I am grateful that he didn't have to speak that crappier than crap dialogue, but I do know that he would have pulled it off better than Ethan Whoeverperson.

Everything I'm hearing about upcoming spoilers and sweeps lets me know that GH is heading further down into the crapper. It's time to abandon ship on this show.

[natty3]

omg when patrick federline er drake said the baby mama line to coleman i cringed and shut my tv off. i couldnt bare to watch ethan whatshisname mess up my patrick drake any longer. it is bizaree though, obviously the script was written before they knew JT would need his time off and the actors cant change dialogue so isnt it like i said bizarre that patrick had a total revamping while a temp was playing him? no way would harvard educated brain surgeon dr drake spout lines like that. One good thing has come from this i realize even more how talented and uber gorgeous Jason Thompson is. hurry back cutie!

[Lisa]

Gosh that was just so right-on, as always. You said everything I've felt and I loved reading this entry.

No one can play Patrick like Jason Thompson. His chemistry with everyone, mainly Kimberly, can never be duplicated. I love Patrick because of Jason's portrayal. He's an incredible actor and impresses me more each day.

[Lisa]

Holy crap, you're absolutely right. I never got fully onboard the "Patrick is an Ass Express" (even when he was a raging asshole) because, well, look at him. But it's all so clear now. Now, when I'm not sure whose side to be on, I'll just imagine Faux-trick in the scene and I'll no longer be blinded by the hotness.

[Debbie]

OK... I chalk this up to craptastic writing. All I have to say is that throughout all his scenes; I imagined how JT would play them. Plus, Ethan whoever tried way too hard to be JT's Patrick especially in the beginning.

[Marianne]

And I swear this is my very last comment on this particular entry. I SWEAR-as regular visitors to this blog know, this is a subject I could wax poetic about for, like, DAYS, such are the depths of my soap opera rage on this subject. Anyway, the thing is, the reason they had to get a recast for Patrick is because these scenes were already written and had to be played while Finola was available-ergo, had Jason Thompson been present, Jason Thompson would have said these lines. And while he would have been cuter and more charming saying them-would it have made the lines themselves any less dickish? Search deep within yourselves, ladies-the lines weren't horrid and dickish because it wasn't Jason Thompson spouting them. They were just horrid and dickish, period. And I SWEAR I'm done now, lol.

[Kat]

I have not even taped the show while Jason has been gone, cause I had a feeling that the mere mortal playing faux Patrick was not going to be able to stand up under the weight of Guza's ineptitude.

The only blessing in his vacation building houses for Habitat for Humanity is that I didn't have to be subjected to the REAL Patrick saying those godawful things. So it didn't happen. Didn't happen. I cling to denial.

[CHIgirl2112]

Marianne - you are absolutely right about the dialogue - but Jason says them in a way that you want to smack him and hug him at the same time. Faux Patrick just made me want to slap him. again. and again.

It isn't the writing that is keeping us Scrubbies together to watch Patrick and Robin, it's KMc and JT that makes us watch this miserable show. Their on air chemistry is what makes the story line bearable. and I mean that in the slimmest sense.

[B]

I already had an inkling but the recast made it official... I'm not really a Scrubs fan at all, I am a Kimson fan. I was blinded by all the pretty.

[Mel]

I agree Marianne, I don't think even JT, in all his charming glory, could have salvaged those lines.

[Chad]

It kind of makes you wonder what Jason Thompson could bring to the character if only he had *good* writing to work with.

[Kelly]

Becca, as always: DITTO. Thank you for so eloquently expressing my rage for me.

Marianne, your posts are right-on, so don't apologize for the length. I'm 100% with you. I am SO angry at GH right now for putting me in the exact same position--annoyance with my beloved Anna Devane. No WAY would the Anna of the 80's act this way. She's been a ridiculous characiture of herself since she came back in the past couple of years. That Eli Love worship was just silly on so many levels. I actually feel pain for Finola and well, Kimberly for that matter, for having to play this god-awful script that is so far off from their actual characters. They must roll their eyes every time they get a script that it's become a Pavlovian response.

As much as I miss & love all the vets, I think it's better for all of our sanity if they never come back under the current writing regime. Not only will their stories be stupid (see Holly's return--ACTUALLY KILLING people by witholding an andecdote to a horrible virus and in the process putting her own step-daughter--who she always loved-- at risk? W!T!F!. See also Felicia and Ghost Alan) and their lines off-the-wall, but it will actually make us wonder why we loved these characters in the first place. As someone else once put it on another post, Guza has actually managed to go back in time and pollute the GH we loved in the past by the way he's writing presently. I will never ever ever EVER accept Felicia as a dead-beat Mom. Sad sad sad.

And thanks to Becca (or was it Mallory) who referenced the Godfather one time--it bears repeating: "look what they did to my show!"....

[Anne]

Marianne, I think the lines were horrible, but I think JT saying them would have been measurably better. JT knows how to say the lines with a certain charm but mostly with the right facial expression to give a hint that Patrick isn't a dick. Ethan Whoever doesn't have a clue.

As I said before, it's nothing to do with Jaston Thompson being hot, but it has everything to do with him being able to say one thing but being able to convey another at the same time. At that in my mind makes Patrick not the dick you think he is. Acting is about way more than saying the lines and JT has kept Patrick from being too much of a jerk because he knows the character and gives him a rootable quality even when he's being an idiot. Kinda like KMc gives Robin a rootable quality even when she's being a self-righteous know-it-all.

Only my opinion.

[Jennifer]

Something else entirely that bugged me about that scene was how Patrick was going on about Anna being a sexy superspy and then they had Robin talk about how the most adventurous thing she does is look at cells in a lab. However, I seem to remember Robin and Lulu taking off after Robert and Luke to the islands. I remember Robin offing the head of a snake with a machete that she threw like she was a professional knife thrower. We've seen her pick locks while Patrick stands by helpless. Robin f'ing Scorpio may not be a spy but she certainly isn't incapable of acting spy-like at times.

Stupid show that never give Robin any respect.

[Kimmy]

I realized a long time ago that I'm just way too addicted to the chemistry of Kimson than anything else. Because honestly, I've come to a realization a LONG time ago, that if I didn't love the two of them as actors as much as I do....I would have NO interest in Scrubs. Which I guess is a blessing and a curse at the same time. It's a blessing because it kinda keeps you loyal to the couple. But it's a curse because you can't even quit unless you tried, or unless one of them left or was recast.

[Alice]

As I have mentioned before, Jason Thompson exudes warmth and caring. So even when he was saying the most awful, mean-spirited dialog, you kind of knew he didn't mean it, and would soon see he was being an ass. And Robin could reasonably overlook his rottenness because, I mean, he was a sweet guy underneath.

The fake Patrick, whose personality we do not know, said those same words and I was thinking, you creep!

All of this confirms that JT is a great actor, able to make palatable the most horrendous lines. So he should get out while the getting is good and offer that talent in a venue that deserves him, like primetime or movies.

[Sue]

I would love to know who's brilliant idea it was to have Patrick spout the line "my baby's mama". That is one of the lamest pieces of dialogue I've ever heard on GH. Granted FakePatrick saying it probably made it 10 times worse. I'm sure JT would have made it sound cute and funny. JT's absence made two things clear: 1) the chemistry between Jason and Kimberly is what makes scrubs so great and 2)I could never accept a Patrick recast.

[Tania]

Honestly, even with Jason there I don't think he could have saved that crap dialogue because that's what it was. No matter who said it, actor-wise, it was BS. Patrick *is* an ass, I've never thought otherwise. But JT does bring a lot to the role, otherwise I'd not want to watch him.

I don't understand why TIIC feel like they have to knock Robin's (and thus *Kimberly's*) looks on not one but TWO shows. They're constantly having various character (from her father to her lover) say/imply that she's nothing to sneeze at. That boils me because it is not true. Robin (and thus, Kimberly) is beautiful.

The Patrick in lust with Anna thing was so OTT I could cry. Anna Devane is NOT all that. Anna Devane never walked Robin to school let alone stopped traffic. While I've always adored Robin's relationship with her parents (largely due to the fab chem amongst them), Robert and Anna were very selfish and not the best parents. But Anna's selfishness to date has gone beyond anything. I'm just glad that Robert's not on because I'm sure he'd wonder how his "frigid" daughter managed to get herself knocked up.

Where's Uncle Mac when Robin needs him?

*sighs*

[Charlene]

It wasn't just the babymama comment, but he called her....Honey.

He never EVER calls her anything but Robin. EVER.

Well, there was that Sunshine comment way back at the beginning fo their relationship, but that was to piss her off. Since they've actually hooked up, he's never used a term of endearment when talking to her.

So I do wonder if dialogue isn't so much changed as tweaked where necessary (by the actors) and that does make me wonder if JT wouldn't have taken one look at those lines and said "hello? Patrick doesn't talk like K-fed".

[Tania]

He also called Robin "Adventure Girl" a couple of times, which was cute but yeah, Patrick isn't the terms of endearment kind of guy (at least he hasn't been). The "honey" was all sorts of wrong, particularly out of Surfer Jock Dude Faketrick.

[Sarah]

Never underestimate the power of denial. We are getting another NS aren't we? And we keep watching GH don't we? And even though TIIC hate and disrespect the best actors and characters on the damn show we as women accept this dreadful shitty writing, story black hole where idiot mobsters reign as heroes as their kids die, and massive mysogyny. All because we are in denial that the show we once adored is long dead and what is in it's place sucks elephant balls.

JT's charm and warmth are his, not PD's. The character has become a one note ass. No fault of the actor. Doucheitude (my new fav word) is correct. It took Faketrick for you to see the truth. Sorry, the hotly is JT alone and not PD anymore. PD hasn't been truly hot doing anything for a long long time.

And a sidenote. The masses of GHers onair willing to dismiss, disrespect, and shamefully question not only Robin's heart, mind, character and work but also her looks is beyond offensive.

Robin isn't now or has she ever been a "know it all bore". They just keep writing that she is boring unattractive farty dumb unprofessional fat and clueless! And by repeating those cruel outrageous lies viewers now accept it. The same w/ Carly being a good mother and Jason being a hero. IT'S INSANE PEOPLE. STOP DRINKING THE DAMN KOOL AID!!!!

Is Kimber a supermodel? No, thank god. There are enough genetic freaks with no real job in life but to sell products and make young girls annorexics.

However she is a pretty if not beautiful young woman with a tiny yet healthy body. She isn't a victim of breast implants and beauty pageant capped teeth. And miracles of miracles she is a child star who is not starving herself or binging on meth.

So for this TIIC let Robin's family, freinds, and lovers insult her looks regularly now, a new GH storyline it seems. NOT FUNNY! Hell, she is even doing it herself and it makes me mental. RS would never say such shit.

I don't watch DOOL anymore. Not since original Jack and Jen just after Billy Warlock and Jen broke up. But a few years back they had a overweight middle aged redheaded character I saw in the mags. She had a sexy husband and a real storyline if I recall. Did they constantly call her fat and ugly? Just curious. Or is Guza and his terrorwriters the only ones to single out an actress and attack her physicality?

I write this after seeing todays episode where "Everyday Hero" Sam gets a job where she dazzles male high rollers with her breasts to earn her and Luke more money at the HS. She wore the micro mini strapless cocktail dress to GH as well. I dress like that to see my doctor too. EYEROLL!

Watch the dreadful Frick dialogue of Monday, then watch the scenes on Youtube of the scene that Frick was describing, pay attention to RealPatrick's WTF look, combined with absolute fucking annoyance at Anna's parachuting into their lives and slightly pissy attitude at her lameass "couldn't be there for my bleeding daughter" excuses and his mutual disgust with Robin at her teenage antics and EWWWW reaction at the idea of his father and her mother sleeping together. And then repeat to yourself "Coast of Bolivia. Coast of Bolivia." The most offensive part of that ridiculously hideous dialogue, it directly contradicted what played on my screen, even during the summer in which Patrick's doucheitude was beginning to be readily on display. Monkeys with typewriters could do better. This show makes OTH seem like high art.

[Marge]

Isn't it funny...no not really...it's sad, maddening... that the TPTB refuse to admit, acknowledge... that Patrick and Robin (JT and KMc) are the drawing card...without them GH stinks and they have the chemistry that NO ONE else can match...and these past few days have proven that...in my opinion..for what it's worth GH is nothing without Kimberly and Jason...and without them scrubs is nothing...Kimberly and Jason just have the Chemistry that makes them so good and also makes GH look good....too bad Guza is too dumb, stubborn, I'm not sure what words it takes to describe him...but without them he's got nothing worth watcing....

[CHIgirl2112]

Hey Everyone - try fitting this in your head - GH was nominated for best show/writing on the daytime Emmy's. Please pass the aspirin.

[Amy Busby]

Whoever is writing that crap should be taken out and soundly smacked around - who?1?! do they think talks like that?
Although I always appreciate a bit of Coleman sprinkled in - he's far too under-utilized in my opinion.
In fact that one thing GH has tried to always do well - sprinkle in strong, funny, well acted supporting actors who round out life in Port Charles, make it seem like a real place.
So I appreciated a little Coleman in my day and loved him flirting up gorgeous Robin...especially in light of FauxPatrick and then shamefully Real Patrick implying that a pregnant Robin is any less hot. Hello..this is Kim. McC. - a gorgeous woman by any standards and it's well known that men seem to get a bit randy for pregnant women, especially early on. Come on she's not sporting a rotund belly and waddling - they are barely showing a bump and intentionally showing some blossoming cleavage on her thankfully natural breasts. Haven't they heard of the pregnancy "glow?"
What a ridiculous story point to create and totally out of line and insulting to the MAIN DEMOGRAPHIC!!! Come on people - women, mostly young, many who have been or will be pregnant. It's not rocket science.

The acknowledgement of Robin feeling boring and settled compared to her globetrotting, man attractiing mom could have been played out in a cute, funny totally Scrubs way. But no, the writing team f-ed it up again.

Just watching the emily farwell from those days brought me to tears. The history, the chemistry, the story potential, the days of so much better hair. I was even able to overlook the whole pirate / costume thing. Great choice for the song - I downloaded Broken by Lifehouse in record time. What an assinine idea to viciously murder emily for a story that didn't ultimate drive any plot change or character development. And for what? to leave Tyler Christopher free to chat up bumpkin Nadine and ride his horses? huh? How that man was not nominated for an emmy i don't know. Nicholas could be as ass. Aside from the whole debacle of she whose name shall not be spoken he could on his own be quite a dick. By TC has made him complex, sweet, romantic, sexy, and has acted the hell out of his "brain tumor" and emily's death. And the metro court days and the angry outburst phase, etc etc. Shameful. I have always said the emmys exist to prop up the boring as hell CBS lineup. Vapid pretty models sitting around talking about inane things like senate races, business maneuvers, and the like. Boring. Even a story about porn addiction was made boring.
*Peter B. from Y&R you know this doesn't mean you. Why aren't you running for president?

[Anita]

Can I just ask why in the heck Marianne still calls herself a Scrubs fan?? I belong to the Scrubs board and AL SHE DOES, ALL DAY LONG is bash Patrick. I agree this week has been pretty freaking lame and with the things Patrick has said. Heck this whole year has been lame and Patrick has been a lame ass but give me a break. If you (yes Marianne I am calling out you)hate Patrick so much quit posting on the Scrubs board. It's tiresome and it is old and SCRUBS FANS are tired of reading it. You can hate Patrick all you want but still posting on a board that is dedicated to the couple when you OBVIOUSLY hate one half of it, is ridiculous.