General Hospital Couple of Weeks in Review: Stupidity Is the Only Winner

Do you sometimes wonder whether General Hospital is some kind of social experiment, in which we as viewers are being tested as to how much horribly crappy un-soapiness we can be subjected without going postal and storming the studio?  It seems like a risky strategy, but it makes far more sense than the alternative possibility, which is that there are people putting this show on the air who actually think it's good.  I've exhausted so many adjectives describing GH in recent years, but my thesaurus is now empty.  I'm just exhausted by the stupidity.

I want to go rescue all the actors from this awful writing.  We could have a giant happy hour with a drinking contest about who was subjected to the stupidest storyline:  "I got shot in the uterus!"  "I had to act like Sonny was still sexy!"  "I had a blog war with my neurosurgeon boyfriend!"  "I called sexual assault adultery!"  "I had 27 different life stories and I still never asked who my father is!"  "I was a wisecracking ghost in tracksuit!"  "I had to pretend being married to Carly was a good thing!"  "I had to act like Australian and British are the same!"  "I was simultaneously a hitman AND the hero of the show!"  "I miscarried a pillow!"  "I was a tumor!"  "I had to seem like I wasn't attracted to Lucky!"

Who would win?!  Oh, dear readers, let's get real:  This is General Hospital.  There are no winners here. 

The best thing to happen in weeks was a rerun yesterday because of Memorial Day, in that no new offensive or stupid material could be foisted on the viewing public.  Happy holiday weekend, America.

My god, the saga of Michael and The Really, Really, Reeeaaaallly Long Goodbye just about did me in.  There were some good performances, but I swear there were about eight consecutive episodes of people sitting by Michael's bedside, grieving him and cursing the mob.  You'd think the latter point would perk me up, but 1) it is impossible to be perked up in the midst of a story about a 12-year-old in a permanent vegetative state after getting shot in the head, and 2) I know damned well there will be no long-term anti-mob consequences from all this, because I'm not new.

Anyway, Carly and Jason said goodbye to Michael.

Laura Wright and Steve Burton were really good in those scenes.

Bobbie said goodbye to Michael.

Jackie Zeman was good (if a bit immobile) in that scene.

Sonny said goodbye to Michael.

Maurice Benard was . . . there. 

And after Carly and Sonny transported their adolescent son to a long-term care facility where he will spend the rest of his life (or the few months until he is miraculously cured and SORAS'd), they did what any two reasonable adults in horrible pain with loving significant others at home waiting for them would do.

I have to put this after the jump, you guys, because I wouldn't want some innocent 'net-surfing person to happen upon these photos without intending to land there.  It's just not fair.

Anyway, yes, that's right, Carly and Sonny reacted by having The Most Awkward Limousine-Based Sex in the History of the World, and Yes, That Includes Every Prom Night and Academy Awards Ceremony Ever.

If you were fortunate enough not to see it in motion, please know that these screencaps cannot capture the awfulness of the scene.  There was underwear removal, and zipper lowering.  Seriously.  I'm still trying to erase the images from my mind. 

And I am not stupid, I know it was SUPPOSED to be awkward, that it was supposed to be two people just needing to feel anything other than grief, or whatever soap cliché the writers were relying on for Sonny and Carly's 157th reconciliation, but I don't care:  It was ICKY.  (I told you my thesaurus was empty.  Soon I'll be reduced to internet speak:  "DO NOT WANT!!1!11!!!")

And to make matters worse, Carly went from the icky limo sex with Sonny, to a shower, to sex with Jax. 

I swear to you right now, if this is yet ANOTHER Who's the Daddy setup for Carly (let alone this show), I will go completely batshit crazy.  My hate will not be contained.  My insults and bitterness will be indiscriminate.  Even more so than usual, I mean.

Anyway, Carly was apparently distraught by her evening of too much sex, but fortunately she has her true love Jason to console her. 

What about me?  I don't have a good-looking hitman on whose black-leather-ensconced shoulder I can snottily sob.  I have to deal in solitary hell with a week of unsexiness rivaled in my soap-viewing experience only by the week on Days late last year that included the Belle/Phillip "fantasy" sequences, Belle and Shawn's cop/prisoner role-playing, and the Sami/Lucas AngryCouchSex.

I did rebound a bit when Jax split town immediately after hooking up with Carly, leaving only a quick note.

Dearest Carly,

Don't worry about me.  I need to go away and figure out what comes next.  For me, and for us.  I love you.

Okay, first of all, Jax didn't know about Carly and Sonny yet, so what is he talking about?  That quick kiss with Kate?

That hardly seems worthy of high-tailing it to Rome to rendezvous with Brenda.  (Not that I am not adamantly in favor of said rendezvous, or nearly apoplectic at even the hint that Vanessa Marcil might come back.)

Second of all, doesn't GH's writing team get months of notice about Ingo's routine long vacations?  Is that really the best they could do for an exit?  Skillful as always, scribes! 

Also, while we're talking about Kate

Kate:  Sonny can't bear to lose another child.  I'm here to as you to drop your plans of taking Morgan away from his father.

1)  What the HELL is she wearing?!
2)  Do you know how horrible the writing on this show truly must be to make me side with effing Carly in an argument in which the other participant is a character who is a bitchy fashion-magazine editor played by the fabulous Megan Ward?  New depths of horrible.
3)  What the FUCK is she wearing?!
4)  I know I predicted from the get-go that Kate would become a mob apologist, so why is it still so disheartening?
5)  Seriously, what in the SAM HILL is that suit?!

Okay, at this rate Spencer is going to be driving by the fall.

Whatever, I am fine with this SORASing.  As I've said before, the older Spencer gets, the longer Courtney has been dead.  So woohoo, suddenly old and possibly Middle Eastern Spencer.  Have fun at the prom!

Anthony: ...Claudia is too delicate a flower to involve herself in business matters.

So, even with a whole new generation of mobsters, and a new family on the canvas to allegedly shape things up a bit, still no move away from the terribly misogynistic dialogue and storylines on a show whose target audience is women, huh?  Yay!  I hate change.

But more importantly, while we're on the top of that delicate flower, can we discuss the INSANE sequence of events involving Claudia's stabbing?  Cool.

1.  Jerry stabs Claudia on the pier in Port Charles.
2.  Claudia falls off the pier -- still in Port Charles.
3. Claudia FLOATS, unconscious, across the harbor to Spoon Island -- an island that from the horrible black and white ball fiasco we know is enormous enough to require a long trip on a power boat and far enough away that said boat can explode a mile offshore and not cause any damage to anytime on or near land.
4. Claudia somehow regains consciousness and climbs out of the harbor onto Spoon Island, where Nikolas happens to be taking a stroll (in a thunderstorm) and is therefore able to "rescue" her.
5.  The brutal, full-force stabbing from professional criminal/killer Jerry Jax that caused Claudia to black out and remain that way for the time it took to drift for miles in the water ended up causing only a "flesh wound" that does not require stitches.

This show makes Saved by the Bell look like a master class in sophisticated storytelling by comparison.

Anyway, much to my dismay, something halfway decent did come out of this awful storyline, which is that it turns out that Tyler Christopher and Sarah Brown have great chemistry.  Nikolas, who recently had major brain surgery and therefore has a large gauze pad taped to his . . . neck (this STUPID show), tending to Claudia and learning about her role in Michael's shooting turned out to be somewhat watchable.

In fact, I'd go so far as to say that this is the first I've really enjoyed Sarah Brown since she's been back.  She's downright charming when she's not putting on the Claudia the Ballbuster routine.

But as Mallory pointed out when we did that radio interview a while back, the shitty thing is that if Claudia and Nikolas get together, the Cassadines will get the shaft because the mob will win -- it always has to on this show -- and there is no way I can co-sign Helena Cassadine getting outwitted by the mafia that's eaten Port Charles.  No.  Nononono.  I'm going to start a full-on cheerleading campaign for Nikolas and Elizabeth, or Nikolas and Maxie, just to avoid such a blood-pressure-raising outcome.

Aaaanyway, back to where I started out, how thoroughly disturbing was Jerry nonchalantly stabbing Claudia?

And how exponentially more disturbing was it that the writers thought we should almost immediately overlook that because Nancy Lee Grahn and Sebastian Roche have great chemistry?

Sorry, no.  Even absent the brutal stabbing, the Memorial Day (!) rerun yesterday was the episode in which Jerry nonchalantly, without provocation of any kind, shot Robin (a stranger) to show his hostages that "[he] mean[t] business," so I'm not really on board with this unredeemed psychopath hooking up with one of this show's few remaining decent female characters.  Call me crazy.

Do you think Nancy Lee Grahn sometimes looks back on those scripts full of witty banter between Mason and Julia and just openly weeps and/or creates voodoo dolls of her current employers?  No?  Just me then?

I sometimes find it difficult, amidst a sea of stupidity, to identify the single stupidest story on this show.  But I'm pretty sure Johnny and Lulu's storyline -- whatever the hell it is right now -- is the current title-holder.  They are faking not wanting to be together while sneaking around and actually both wanting to be together and being together, because his father is forcing her to pretend to want to be with him, but if his father finds out they actually want to be together and aren't just faking it, he will have Lucky killed and Luke sent to jail.  What???

Also, on a related note, I'm sorry to say this because I otherwise like the actors, but Brandon Barash and Julie Marie Berman have whatever the polar opposite of romantic chemistry is.  They appear to be physically repulsed by each other.  Which is, I assume, not exactly what they're going for?

Max: You can't be serious.
Alexis:  Oh, I'm not funny by nature.  Joking is a stretch for me.

That line, and everyone in this scene, is too good for this stupid effing show.

Lucky: Did Lulu tell you about our mother? 
Lulu: Yes I have.
Lucky:  She was a lot like Lulu:  Brave, smart, compassionate . . .

Oh, Lucky.  How can you be so gorgeous and yet SO WRONG all at once? 

But I can't hate Lucky, because Greg Vaughn is so very yummy.  I was going to try to come up with a list of things that were more appealing than him interacting with children

but I realized there is nothing -- really, nothing on this show, on TV, in existence -- more appealing.  It makes me want to put my ovaries to use for something other than the occasional excuse to be bitchy and eat chocolate.

Stuart Damon, what's your reaction to the fact that they have once again brought you back to be a sassy ghost in a tracksuit?

Yeah, me too.

Why, in such a terribly written, nonsensical storyline, must Steve Burton and Rebecca Herbst continue to taunt me with their irresistible chemistry?

It's unfair and is standing in the way of me hating everything to do with Jason.  I even hate the impending Sonny/Jason split, and I usually love a soapy breakup!

Sonny: [Morgan] won't be a target if I leave the organization.  I'm gonna get out.  And I'm gonna stay out.  And I'm gonna prove to you that I can keep Morgan safe.

To which Jason responded

"Holy shit, why didn't I think of that?!"

It's now completely evident that these writers don't even watch their own show, right?  Haven't we spent the last year hearing about how Jason can't be a father to Jake because it is utterly impossible for him to leave the mob?  But all it takes for Sonny is to have his lawyer draw up a contract (a legal contract, to transfer an illegal business, but whatevs, that's amateur-level stupidity by comparison) and bam, he's out? 

Is this story supposed to make me feel for Jason, that now he is even more unable to leave the mafia and raise his kid because of his added responsibilities as The Guy Who Orders People Killed, in addition to his preexisting role as The Guy Who Kills People?  Because . . . no.  All it's going to do is convince me that Jason is a hired killer because that's what he wants to be.  And since 98% of the town already knows he's Jake's father, becoming the big mob boss puts his kid even more in danger as a target, which we know from recent history means little Jake will probably take a bullet casing to the cranium before he learns to drive. 

This show is fucked up to a degree I didn't even think was possible.

The best things to happen on this show over the last two weeks were Kirsten Storms' adorable new haircut

and her fabulous dress.

That's no exaggeration:  the two best things.  By a mile.

So, Patrick and Coleman stood around while Anna beat up those guys at Jake's, with Patrick in particular looking like a hapless doofus.

But yet somehow, that was not even close to the stupidest thing Patrick and Robin were involved with last week.  Why?  Because of the EFFING BLOG WAR.  Yes, these two hyper-intelligent doctors -- one an actual brain surgeon! -- are involved in a web-based pissing contest that is just the newest geographical location of the same argument they have been having since 2006.  That storyline is getting its own post because there are so many levels to the ridiculousness that I need time to construct a proper argument and further hone my criticism.  By both of which I mean, "drink heavily."

Screencaps courtesy of LaurieLuvsLiason.

Comments

[Beth]

Once again you nail this show...and it reaffirms my decision about not watching this show!

[Kat]

Thank you for your upcoming post on the "blog war". It was the straw that got me turning off GH. It strange that with all of the horrificness (is that a word?) that is GH, the blog war would do it. However, I have come to the conclusion that while I can stand to have my only reason for watching GH act stupid 50% of the time, I can't stand it 100% of the time.

Guza is the spawn of Satan. And yes, you know that there is a "whose the daddy" storyline coming with Carly, or why on earth would they have her sleeping with both Jax and Sonny? Once again, we have death or major medical calamity acting as aphrodisiac. Barf.

[Beth R.]

I'm with you Becca..I never had sympathy for Jason in this whole "he can't raise Jake" saga for the exact reasons you just cited. He's a killer because he wants to be and he just went and painted a target on JAke's back. (Of course I realize this being GH that somehow when when of the four people on the show who don't know find out and Jake is shot in the head for nine million goodbye scenes...that it will be made to be the fault of Liz or Lucky or someone else so that it's all about Jason's pain)

Yup nothing in life is better than Greg Vaughan and children....I'll offer up my ovaries anytime....and I'll forgive Lucky that errounous Lulu statement because pretty covers a lot of fault with me.

I agree that suddenly elementary school Spencer does mean Courtney is dead dead dead tons longer than she really has been...but seriously the kid is creeping me out. When Nadine yelled at Nik about missing Spencer growing up I had no clue she meant "AT THIS VERY SECOND!"

[katiya]

agreed 1000%. I mean I'd rather watch cartoons than this mess!

[cilla]

Let me reaffirm my repulsion of all things GH. Just can't watch the vile treatment of vets and women but love to keep up through this column. Has anyone realized there are no happily married couples? Not one! All single, divorced and/or widows: Maxie, Spinelli, Lucky, Liz, Mike, Alexis, Diane, Sonny, Lulu, Claudia, Johnny, Max, Mac, Robin, Patrick, Monica, Bobbie, Kate, Ric and his father, Anthony Z., Scott, Anna, Robert Scorpio, Noah Drake. Sure there's Carly and Jax but happy? That nasty grief sex in a limo? Doesn't everyone have a burst of sexuality after placing their permanently comatose son in a facility? Luke and Tracy? Never bought them for a second and will never accept the revisionist writing of the character of Laura as being a boring and frumpy hausfrau and that now Luke has found "real" mature love with Tracy. Luke's so-called marriage where he's gone most of the year? Please. So this is the gutter that is GH.
Just when it seems Guza and Phelps Farren have hit bottom, a deeper place in hell is found. Screw them.

[Sandra]

I agree, Steve Burton and Laura Wright were terrific in those scenes. And I have to admit I am intrigued by Nik/Claudia, its good to see her smiling and the bantering was good. I disagree on Johnny/Lulu as they are my favorite couple to watch right now, I love the chemistry between the two actors. I love Maxie's hair, so cute, and GV looked hot!

[Tooley]

"Luke and Tracy? Never bought them for a second and will never accept the revisionist writing of the character of Laura as being a boring and frumpy hausfrau and that now Luke has found "real" mature love with Tracy. Luke's so-called marriage where he's gone most of the year? Please."

You have to give them A for effort though, don't you? I mean, talk about determination - they're now digging out old Luke and Laura scripts, scratching out Laura's name, and writing Tracy's in there instead. How else to explain Luke and Tracy going "on the run"?

All that was missing was a blonde wig and a carpet bag.

[Mary]

I can't tell you how disgusted I was by Carly's actions this past week. She is one of my favorites and it was absolutely disgusting that she went in a couple hours from sex with Sonny to Jax. Sleaze is not romantic GH! I dont' understand what they found appealing in that. And i don't understand why Jax ran away because of one kiss, if he found out about the one night then yeah, but the kiss, makes no sense. I actually am enjoying Lulu and Johnny, yeah the angst gets to much but for me JMB and BB click. Jolu and Scrubs are my reason for watching right now since they ruined Carjax. and GV continues to look good!

[Sarah]

This may be your finest use of screencaps ever! Definitely in the original "bitch please" category.

Bobbie's excessive tragic emotion robbing plastic surgery.....she should be on nip/tuck. Poor thing.

Sonny/MB is so exhausted by his own repulsive idiotic "duh face" that he can't make it anymore without resting his greasy haired head on his palm for support. He looks like he is on a thorazine drip in that screencap...brilliant.

Sonny and Carly's limo sex finally replaced his former most nauseating sex scene ever....him and Emily unzipping each other's pants while backlit. VOMIT * 2!!! ICK is right. It was vile in every way.

Carly doing both of them within an hour, very classy. Like Sam during the fire! Which one will cause her to abort this unknown baby daddy fetus this time? Will the Q manse staircase be brought out of hiding for the event? Or will they have Robin once again blow the secret to smithereens? Gross.

You know, since Guza and the gang write this whole show about the mob except for "Dr. Blog Wars" once a week for two minutes, shouldn't at least some of this be mob accurate? Insert me doing that Jason Morgan/McCauley Culkin Home Alone WTF face here! Claudia's float to safety and miraculous stab wound recovery is more realisitic than how they write any aspect of moblife. My head hurts just thinking about it. Maybe Screech is Guza's inspiration?

Nik and Claudia...please god no!!! She is still repugnant. Why are you falling for her BS redemption ala Guza? No good can come from this. Please don't fall for this 180 degree personality switch BS. Focus on her nostril flaring and every other scene she has ever been in. (fingers crossed)

I like dufus Patrick. He has no business getting into bar fights, his hands. Plus he looks sillier fighting than observing it. He's a lover....And as much as I hate the blog stupidity, his line about the love being the bond, the quicksand, and the baby being the love really got to me. And I always love me some Coleman!

Maxie can kick Kate's ass in every way, inlcuding personal style! Love her. GV as daddy, my uterus is twitching! And Stuart Damon should place a flaming bag of poo in Guza's office then quit. He deserves so much better, they all do!

Bravo on your cast quitting drinking party contest, hysterical.

[CHIgirl2112]

Serial Drama - I again bow to you for putting your mind through this insane crap.

The past few weeks I have gotten home and thought to myself - "pull weeds" or "watch GH". Pulling weeds has won hands down without even a flicker of hope for GH. THAT is how bad it things have gotten.

Sigh.......

[Hillary]

Wow...I knew GH was in the shitter, but when you lay it all out like that, it is just staggering how much crap is on this effing show. I am so repulsed by Sonny/Carly limo sex. I didn't actually witness it (thank God) but the screen caps are terrible.

I'm on the fence about Nik/Claudia. I have begrudgingly come to accept the fact that TPTB will pair Nikolas with someone soon, even though they should let him grieve for Emily for a while without her appearing to him. Having said that, I do like how Claudia is more mature than the alternative (Nadine) and that SB and TC have some chemistry. Claudia seems to respect Nikolas's love for Emily, which is more than I can say for Nadine. On the other hand, she's Claudia Zacharra, who from the moment she came onto the show has been nothing but a skanky creep. This entire storyline further emphasizes the point that you have to be involved in the mob to have screen time. Nikolas and the Cassadines are interesting and compelling characters in their own right, but we never get to see them unless they're involved in a mob storyline, and that's just sad because it drags them down into the same staggering levels or horrible that the rest of this show festers in daily.

[horselover]

I love your column! I can see that giving up GH 2 years ago (after watching for 25+ years) has been a good thing. I'm glad I didn't have to see the limo sex scene. Just when I think GH has it bottom, it just gets lower and lower. Amazing.

[missingmonty]

I have never bought Tracy and Luke either. That pairing has done nothing but weaken both characters. Tony and Jane would play adversaries so much better. There is only one love of Luke's life, and that is Genie Francis' Laura.
I have now officially given up on GH. The mob, inverted morality, and general unhappiness and darkness pushed me to the edge. However, the final straw? By having Lulu, Nikolas and Lucky completely trash Laura and the legacy of Luke and Laura's love story, GH is not only spitting on their history(as usual), but the are also deconstructing the iconic couple who still, 26+ years later, give them mainstream attention.
It is a slap in the face to Genie Francis and Tony Geary; and it is a disrespect to longtime, loyal fans of GH and Luke and Laura.
I HATE Guza and Phelps with the heat of a thousand suns!

[M]

"So woohoo, suddenly old and possibly Middle Eastern Spencer. Have fun at the prom!"

Becca, utter BRILLANCE! My husband is looking at me like I'm a lunatic (possible) because I'm laughing so hard! More later, after I can finish reading your post, but I couldn't resist commenting on Spencer :-)

[Becky]

Terrific post as usual, Becca!

One minor disagreement on this, "must Steve Burton and Rebecca Herbst continue to taunt me with their irresistible chemistry?" I don't see it. I don't feel it. There is no need to resist that which does not exist to me. But I feel your pain. It is lovely to be able to despise Jason without reservation.

"This show is fucked up to a degree I didn't even think was possible." This cannot be said enough.

Thanks for watching so I don't have to.

[Roxiebell]

First off LMAO & Mega Dittos at your usual "right on-right on" satire of this crap of a show. TIIC's really need to be on late night cable to really reach a larger audience, you know like the drooling "criminally insane". They could re-name the show "25" with the terrorist Jerry Jacks as the main character. (RME)

As a Nikolas fan only on this show I think Nikolas will survive, if not thrive, being part of the mob. Nikolas's "growing like a weed" son Spencer is related to Sonny and Nikolas has the Emily connection to keep Jason Moron (no typo) at bay. I see the writing on the mob wall for this POJ show so I say "GO FOR IT" Nikky "tenderize" that hardened mob bitchmeat Claw-dia. It has to be alot more interesting & maybe "less" dangerous then his years on Emily's "never ending" tour of duty. Believe me I watched every mind numbing NEM scene of this GH-Grand romance and Nikolas would probably in less peril hooking up with Claudia so as a Nikolas fan I'm all for it.

[Sarah]

For a second I thought TIIC were SORASing Spencer so he too could make a play for Lulu. Then I remembered she is his Aunt. So I really hope that is not the plan. Ditto with Michael, he's sort of related too. This show has warped my mind!

[V]

Perfect!

I have not seen this show in almost a month and I'm thankful I missed the limo sex, Alexis and Jerry, the Claudia stabbing, BLOG WARS? Hahaha, are they serious?... and so much more. I loved reading your recap.

I agree that Maxie is awesomeness!

I'm glad you also see zero chemistry with Lulu and Johnny. I think maybe it's because Johnny, who shot Sonny point blank, is seen as a hot guy (which I deem Jason 2.0), and Lulu is now all things that are opposite her mother, Laura. They are so unlikable separately that as a couple they become unbearable. I want to see Logan run from the Zacharra home and find someone else, pronto - even a newbie.

I'm okay with Liz and Jason; but just... "okay." I don't see overwhelming chemistry, since I dislike the character assassinations it took to simply put them together. I'd just prefer them with other people. And the secret pain has gotta' end. Jason has just gotten on my last nerve; although he hasn't sunk to Sonny levels of hate, but I still dislike him greatly.

Anyway, I'm glad I missed nothing on this show. I just couldn't take watching it any longer. I can't believe you have to sit through these shows to write these posts. You poor things. I feel sorry for you.

[Vicki]

"Holy shit, why didn't I think of that?!"

I'm still laughing over that picture of Jason...

And I agree with your entire post, especially the awkward s-e-x b/w Carly and Sonny. Gross! I even yelled "Oh my GAWD she just took off her panties! She unzipped his pants!"

Ugh. Just....ugh.

[Vicki]

And pretty soon Spencer will be bigger than Nikolas...

[kld0096]

You lost me at the Jiz stuff. But really everything else was sheer brilliance.

[M]

You know, for a minute, I thought I was watching a cheap porn, as I too said out loud, "Oh my GAWD, she just took off her panties. She unzipped his pants!." NASTY NASTY NASTY Carson sex - ugh, makes me shiver just thinking about it.

Robin and Patrick, even with the blog stuff (which I admit, is not as bad as I originally thought it would be) are still A-dorable. Much more so, though, when they are not fighting. Thank god for Jason Thompson and Kimberly McCullough - I just want to jump through my screen and smother them with hugs, they are so freakin' cute together.

The only reason I watch now is for Scrubs, SpinMax and Max/Diane. Everything else SUCKS, I find myself snoozing through the majority of the show.

Becca, thank you for your BRILLANT recaps (again, middle Eastern Spencer had me rolling!!!!!). I look forward to them, as they are one of the few brightspots on this crapfest I used to love called General Hospital.

[Jenn]

I've never commented on here but have been reading your page for a while and had to say you had me laughing out loud even more than usual with this post. My favourite was definitely Middle Eastern Spencer (seems like it was a lot of other people's as well!)

[A]

Thank you for this blog. Watched this show for 20+ years and it has never been this hopelessly awful - what a waste of acting talent. At least I can read your blog & laugh about it.

[jennhunt]

I have been reading your posts for about a month now. This is my first post. I was at work laughing my ass off. That "Sonny was just there" comment with the pic was classic. You made my day.

[Chad]

The summit of this mountain of dumb is that, after all these years and the perpetually repeating, just-replace-the-names "Being in the mob is bad for personal lives!" storylines, Guza apparently really does think viewers will still believe there's a chance Sonny and Jason will become enemies, or that Carly and Sonny will have a permanent falling-out, or that anyone in the mob will actually leave it for good (or at least pull a Victor Kiriakis).

For all the months and weeks and days this show is on, the basic status quo, at least as far as it concerns its "heroes", changes at a glacial pace. Even John Reilly was better at shaking things up once in a blue moon. (Now there's a post for ya'll: is what Guza doing to GH in recent years worse than what Reilly did to DAYS in the '90s?).

[Cate]

People that need to be smacked upside the head, hard:
1. whoever thought it was a good idea to reunite Sonny and Carly, again yawn!!
2. whoever picked out that disgusting pink suit and made the awesome Megan Ward wear it, seriously the only thing i've seen worse than that lately is the khaki jumpsuit Shelly Hening wore on Days
3. whoever keeps making the decision to not give Kelly Monaco and Greg Vaughan a good story worth their talent and hotness
4. anyone involved in shaping the character of Lulu into the hateful shrew that she has become
5. whoever thought it was a good idea to make Jerry Jax into a heartless, murderous psychopath...did these people watch the first time this character was on?
5. Guza...for anything i've missed, it's probably his fault in some way

[Desertrose]

Hands down...the best thing about GH is this column.

Seriously.

After watching since '63, I gave it up back last Nov and I have to say, reading your columns is SOOOO much better than watching the actual Guzacrapfest.

(...and really, I just feel so bad for all the talented actors who have hung in and/or haven't been rudely fired.)

Thank you, Becca. Laughing at GH is all we can do anymore...beats tears anyway.

[Elisabeth]

So my mom had brain surgery and her scar is on the base of her skull/top of her neck. So I guess it's all about where they need to cut open? Just a random observation that maybe Nik's scar makes some kind of sense, but I really don't think TIIC were thinking about it that way.
I can't stop giggling over the screencap of Sonny and "Maurice Bernard was... there" line. Love it.
Also, I'm gonna be honest and say that I totally dig Nik/Claudia. It may or may not have something to do with my girlcrush for Sarah Brown.

[Fernanda]

Great column and I could not agree with your views more, but I still don't like Nikolas and Claudia...they put me to sleep.

Lulu and Johnny are everything you stated and more!

And yes the people in the Luke Scene are just TOO GOOD for this show. The best part of it being Ric and Alexis for me, they still have it in any scene they are in together and this show sadly misuses them all the time. I still hope we get a real story for Ric and Alexis eventually on this show.