The Day's Most Awesome Dialogue: Introduction of the Go-Back and Re-Do

There is something you should know about me.  I can rationalize virtually anything.  (Especially purchases.  I rationalize buying another pair of black heels, when I have 20 at home already.  I justify buying additional handbags even though I don't even have enough space to store the ones I have.  My abilities even extend to other people's shopping; I have friends who will call me, knowing I will make them feel better about an otherwise seemingly insane consumer decision.  I believe a 60" flat screen TV is the current winner, at least in terms of dollar amounts.)  But even I have never rationalized infidelity.  I must therefore admire Ms. Carly Benson Quartermaine Corinthos Corinthos Corinthos Alcazar Corinthos Jacks' ability to justify screwing her ex-husband and characterizing that as perfectly acceptable while berating her current husband for briefly kissing another woman.  I bow down to the master.

Carly's side of this conversation was truly awesome because it went so far into hideously, heinously, horrendously hypocritical that it went through some kind of vortex and came out as hilarious perfection.  Because obviously, the writers have realized how awful a character Carly has become, and that she's lost all shades of gray and is perma-set on "judgmental harpy," and they're just sending one big wink in our direction.

Carly:  Jax kissing Kate of his own free will is the problem.  And he didn't expect me to find out, and now that I have, he's trying to tell me it's all my fault.
Jason:  How?
Carly: 'Cause he felt hurt and shut out, or something.  No excuse at all.
Jason: That was the night you and Sonny took Michael to the institute.
Carly: So?
Jason:  So that -- that was the night you and Sonny had sex!
Carly:  That doesn't count!  Sonny was a go-back.  Like a re-do. [I'm totally stealing this.]
Jason:  Are you serious?
Carly: Sonny and I were in an emotional place, that we fell onto something familiar.  [Well, you did.]  It was wrong, but nothing we hadn't done before.  Jax kissed Kate for the first time.  Which means he totally meant it.  Which means he was totally unfaithful.
Jason: ::awesome, Expression Hall of Fame-worthy WTF expression, complete with actual head-scratching, that I will upload as soon as I find a screencap::
- commercial break -
Jason:  If you had sex with Sonny while you were married to Jax, that's cheating.
Carly:  Well yeah, if you want to get technical.  [!!!!!]  But Jax and Kate kissing is far worse.
Jason:  How?   
Carly: Jax kissing Kate is a new thing -- that's messing with our future.  But Sonny, you know, we just happen sometimes, Jason.
Jason:  H-h-happens?  You didn't mean to have sex with him?  [Steve Burton's delivery throughout this who convo was brill.]
Carly: We had just went [sic] through the worst night of our lives.  [Worse than when he shot you in your head while you were in labor?  Damn.]  I mean, we regretted it two seconds after it was over.  But that's just who we are.  It doesn't mean we're getting back together.  But Jax and Kate kissing -- she's after him, he knows it, and he kept the whole thing a secret.
Jason:  Oh, okay, so did you tell Jax that you slept with Sonny?
Carly:  No, I did not.
Jason:  ::another ridiculously awesome exasperated expression::

See, if that scene had been written by a team that routinely demonstrates an inability to see Carly -- no matter how awful her behavior -- as anything other than a plucky heroine, or that makes a concerted effort not to have Carly ever have to pay for any of the terrible things she does to people she purportedly loves, I might have been nauseated and excessively pissy after watching it.  Because then they might not have intended the whole conversation to make clear what a terrible wife and person Carly is, and they might actually think Carly's argument is reasonable.  But since -

Oh.  Oooooooh. 

I have to go throw some stuff and curse now.

Comments

[Beth R.]

I have to join you because this conversation just made me not only do facial expressions like Jason but once again made me AGREE WITH HIM!!! Which is like SERIOUSLY not good for my mental health people!!! And under NO circumstances should I ever say the phrase Jason is right! It violates my very nature and makes me feel like I drank the Kool Aid. And now the show has had me do it TWICE...TWICE.....

My therapy bill is going right to Guza.

[zarathelawyer]

See now you've gone and made me actually want to watch this just so I can laugh and laugh, perhaps in a maniacal way that makes my neighbours wonder what's going on in my apartment, and once again note that exasperated Jason is by far my favourite kind.

[kld0096]

I have both thrown things and cursed a lot and called that she-beast every name I can think of and yet I still keep drifting off into lovely fantasy worlds in which I have the power to fire and berate ALL of the a-holes who write and produce this show. Heck I even want to punish the cameraman who agreed to shoot that scene! On the other hand he or she has probably already suffered enough.

To sum up: Die Carly die & Free Jax!!

[Mel]

Ohmygod. My head just exploded. This is why I typically just mute the Carly scenes. I just can't afford the therapy bills. And Night Shift 2 is coming...I need to start saving up.

[jd]

I too, laughed during those scenes thinking that since Jason said them, they must be true. But now I feel sad. I hate hate hate to advertise anything but Antonio Sabato Jr. is in the finals of Celebrity Circus.

[Tania]

I haven't even read it yet, but THANK YOU for posting about it! I swear tht it made me laugh to the ends of the earth, and the part of my soul and mind that isn't completely gone sat there wondering how in the hell she could justify sleeping with Sonny being 'not as bad' as Jax kissing Kate, oh but I should have realized it was a do-over not new so therefore it doesn't count, silly me! My ears obviously decieved me during Jax and Carly's vows, I totally forgot the part about 'do overs' being ok and 'something new' not. But what kills me is that even Jason, the brain damaged mobster thought she was crazy, I think we don't give Jason's brain enough credit sometimes, obviously it can sense when something is 100% psycho.

[Tania]

And now I read it and your are even more awesome, if possible. To add to my other post: Jax should screw Brenda and see where Carly's logic is then. I'm sure she'll totally understand it meant nothing that he was sleeping with an ex, whats gonna be her excuse then? "Brenda and Jax were over for too long so it's like new" or some other wonderful explaination that will mistify us all to Carly's oh wise-and-wonderful self.

[Sarah]

When the brain damaged hitman who runs a half way house for idiot teenagers, and kidnaps his nephew but refuses to raise his own kid, is your life long BFF, full time apologist, and your personal saviour/cleaner upper thinks you've flipped your damn lid and should go back to Shadybrooke or one of the other asylums you used to call home maybe it's time for Carly to WAKE THE FUCK UP to REALITY!!!!

Guza painting her as a lovable complex heroine is twisted and vile. If he's married, I hope his wife pulls Carlylike crap all the time.

[Sarah]

A far as Carly approved "do overs" go there should have been one more on todays episode. After Lulu stabbed Logan she should have yelled out "do over"! She meant to kill him w/ the wrench a few months back but the knife was an accident today. So she isn't to blame or be found responsible in any way.

[Eleonora]

honestly, the only thing i could do while watching this monstrosity is alternately open y mouth in disbelief or laugh uncontrollably at the logic that is Carly. You know, i'm tryin to think back to when the other actresses played Carly and I don't think they were this crazy!! Was there a different writer back then? Can we get him back? Enough of this Carly-centric GH!!

[Mal]

Wow. Just...wow. Free Jax, y'all.

This is probably stupid, but I do take comfort in the fact that Jason apparently thinks Carly is a nutty nut girl. I have no idea which character is supposed to be more always right, all the time these days, but I always kind of figured that Jason is the one the viewers are supposed to look to when they need to know what they're supposed to approve and disapprove of. He IS the man, after all. So if Jason is all WTF, it's a good sign. Maybe. I don't know.

[amiejayne]

You know, I get so outraged when I watch Carly acting as if somehow Jax kissing Kate is worse than her sleeping with Sonny, but then I remind myself that I shouldn't be. Because after all, the last time she slept wih Sonny, that was far less grievous an error than Jax having "cheated" on her by getting raped by a murderous psychopath. But somehow, I'm not any less pissed off.

[Alice]

I have to give Laura Wright some credit. She played those scenes so over the top that I think there was an underlying acknowledgment that Carly was being comically ridiculous. You just can't say those words with a totally straight face, can you?

[Jennifer]

Oh, so does this mean that Jax can go sleep with Brenda now??? HOORAY!!!! I think Jax deserves a go-back/re-do for putting up with Carho's shit.

[~Cyber]

My thing is the Carly vagina monologues

weeks of this so I sit waiting as a Jason/Elizabeth fan while he is dealing with this? This has played out before (for years) the same cah/cah warmed over. Jason/Carly conversations are always they same she rants, she demands/manipulates/controls, he acquiesces nothing new here, no drama.

My rant is I am not seeing anything of "quality" on my screen (re: Jason segments) that warrant not gettting my love story. I am seeing a vignette of plot points that have been playing out for years without getting to the "main Point".

This is a "mob lord" who is suppose to head one of the most powerful organizations in the country; the best hit man in the business. But I see him in these scenes with Carly and it reduces him to no more than a cartoon character.

The dialog is old, tired and repetitive. The "Best Friend" chant, I got it; I got it! Please stop saying it every eppy.

His argument is illogical, his PH has been a revolving door are any of these characters concerned about their safety? A waste of airtime with these useless segments that are poorly scribed plot devices, anvils (I guess).

There's more
but
~This oughta do~

[Jennifer]

Oh, I need to add something....
FREE JAX!!!!!!

[cilla]

Viewers who continue to watch this crapfest of a show are nothing more than masochists.

[Trudi]

LMAO! I don't even watch GH, but I have to read your blog daily just to get your take, because I can't help laughing. Please start watching OLTL! You'll probably hate my favorite character, but you'll be funny in the process so that will make it ok. :D

[Trudi]

Forgot to add, I didn't intend to insult the GH fans with the pervasive OLTL gushing that seems to be the order of the day. I love my home soap right now, but it's not the renaissance of the soap glory days it's been cracked up to be. The ONLY reason I want you guys to watch is so you'll blog. Your blog is more entertaining than any soap.

[Brett]

People, people, people. What short memories we have.

Do you not think Carly's reverse equivalence last year of Jax' abuse by Irina vis-a-vis Carly's sleeping with Sonny after the hostage crisis worse than this? To me, that one wins, hands down. And I do believe Jason was wearing the same expressions yesterday as he wore when Carly was justifying that. Maybe SB went back and looked at the tape so he could duplicate.

Plus, I think I found Lulu's rationalizing at the end of yesterday's show what she did to Logan - no, not the murder, but everything else - so, so much more nauseating.

[Cece]

~Cyber~
Hear, hear!!!

[Vicki]

I swear the when I watched this conversation yesterday I almost threw something at the screen.

And the GH writers need to go back their English grammar books..."we had just went..."

Ugh! Like nails on a chalkboard!

[CHIgirl2112]

I got a little confused reading the recap because my mind was trying to rationalize Carly's rationalization and was a little slow. Anyway - to paraphrase:
Carly: "I mean, we regretted it two seconds after it was over"

or did she mean "we regretted it the entire two seconds it took"??? Because the latter seems a little more like it to me....

God I hate this show..... Even Patrick and Noah cannot save this miserable show for me..... Not even Patrick and Noah in the SAME SCENE.....

[V]

I'm in agreement with the OLTL viewer. I cannot watch GH any more, but I love OLTL - best soap right now.

Anyway, I love coming here to read what you write about GH. I look forward to the Jason screencap.

[Mermaid]

LOVED this!! Also Jason talling Carly she was giving him a headache. You are spot on with Carly just being in over the top mode. I ove to hate this show.

Carly is a disgusting pig. I know I should try and be more flowery and intelligent in my prose but seriously that is all I have got. There are no layers to this character anymore. There is no rootability. Carly blows through everyones lives, ruins them with her insanity then just blows on by. Carly has destroyed everyone she touches. Sonny was a complex, interesting character until he slept with Carly. Jason's role as Carly's bored, agitated therapist despite his funny expressions are a waste of ALOT of airtime. And lastly Carly has decimated Jax into an unrecognizable shell. I thought CoHo did a number on him but that was nothing in comparison of Carly's damage.

IMO after 4 recasts the character of Carly needs to have a fork stuck in her SHE. IS. DONE.

[Cate]

I can shorten Carly's entire dialogue during that scene into 6 simple words and it will come out completely the same, "I am a selfish irrational bitch!" see same message less talking.

Do you think Laura Wright(and the rest of the cast for that matter) just looks at the writers sometimes and goes, "really guys is this the best you can do"? I don't understand how anyone thinks this kind of writing is acceptable!!

[Beth R.]

ACtually the sad thing is many of them edit the scripts....Laura Wright has said she's had to take out the repeated referrences to Jason as "my best friend". She said at a PA she went to the writers and went "Don't the viewers know that by now?" Kelly Monacco said she and Greg have had to fight to get about a third of the mentions to JAson and Liz out of Lucky/Sam dialogue arguing if Lucky and Sam are supposd to be a couple they shouldn't keep talking about their exes all the freakign time to each other....so scary as it is to think it...that was probably heavily edited down

[natty3]

can we really have sympathy for jax? he knew she was pig when he married her. lie dog with dogs as they say

[Jennifer]

Hey Beth. I think the Scrubs stuff needs some major editing as well.