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« Another One Bites the Dust | Main | Positive Feelings About General Hospital? This is Completely Foreign to Me »

July 09, 2008

The Day's Most Awesome Dialogue: Introduction of the Go-Back and Re-Do

There is something you should know about me.  I can rationalize virtually anything.  (Especially purchases.  I rationalize buying another pair of black heels, when I have 20 at home already.  I justify buying additional handbags even though I don't even have enough space to store the ones I have.  My abilities even extend to other people's shopping; I have friends who will call me, knowing I will make them feel better about an otherwise seemingly insane consumer decision.  I believe a 60" flat screen TV is the current winner, at least in terms of dollar amounts.)  But even I have never rationalized infidelity.  I must therefore admire Ms. Carly Benson Quartermaine Corinthos Corinthos Corinthos Alcazar Corinthos Jacks' ability to justify screwing her ex-husband and characterizing that as perfectly acceptable while berating her current husband for briefly kissing another woman.  I bow down to the master.

Carly's side of this conversation was truly awesome because it went so far into hideously, heinously, horrendously hypocritical that it went through some kind of vortex and came out as hilarious perfection.  Because obviously, the writers have realized how awful a character Carly has become, and that she's lost all shades of gray and is perma-set on "judgmental harpy," and they're just sending one big wink in our direction.

Carly:  Jax kissing Kate of his own free will is the problem.  And he didn't expect me to find out, and now that I have, he's trying to tell me it's all my fault.
Jason:  How?
Carly: 'Cause he felt hurt and shut out, or something.  No excuse at all.
Jason: That was the night you and Sonny took Michael to the institute.
Carly: So?
Jason:  So that -- that was the night you and Sonny had sex!
Carly:  That doesn't count!  Sonny was a go-back.  Like a re-do. [I'm totally stealing this.]
Jason:  Are you serious?
Carly: Sonny and I were in an emotional place, that we fell onto something familiar.  [Well, you did.]  It was wrong, but nothing we hadn't done before.  Jax kissed Kate for the first time.  Which means he totally meant it.  Which means he was totally unfaithful.
Jason: ::awesome, Expression Hall of Fame-worthy WTF expression, complete with actual head-scratching, that I will upload as soon as I find a screencap::
- commercial break -
Jason:  If you had sex with Sonny while you were married to Jax, that's cheating.
Carly:  Well yeah, if you want to get technical.  [!!!!!]  But Jax and Kate kissing is far worse.
Jason:  How?   
Carly: Jax kissing Kate is a new thing -- that's messing with our future.  But Sonny, you know, we just happen sometimes, Jason.
Jason:  H-h-happens?  You didn't mean to have sex with him?  [Steve Burton's delivery throughout this who convo was brill.]
Carly: We had just went [sic] through the worst night of our lives.  [Worse than when he shot you in your head while you were in labor?  Damn.]  I mean, we regretted it two seconds after it was over.  But that's just who we are.  It doesn't mean we're getting back together.  But Jax and Kate kissing -- she's after him, he knows it, and he kept the whole thing a secret.
Jason:  Oh, okay, so did you tell Jax that you slept with Sonny?
Carly:  No, I did not.
Jason:  ::another ridiculously awesome exasperated expression::

See, if that scene had been written by a team that routinely demonstrates an inability to see Carly -- no matter how awful her behavior -- as anything other than a plucky heroine, or that makes a concerted effort not to have Carly ever have to pay for any of the terrible things she does to people she purportedly loves, I might have been nauseated and excessively pissy after watching it.  Because then they might not have intended the whole conversation to make clear what a terrible wife and person Carly is, and they might actually think Carly's argument is reasonable.  But since -

Oh.  Oooooooh. 

I have to go throw some stuff and curse now.


Poor Laura Wright...Holy jumped-up-jeezus-palamino. Do you think she has to be in therapy and take loads of Xanax to get her through those scenes? You know she must be livid every time she gets a script.

I understand all about "characters you love to hate." Alexis Carrington (I'm dating myself here), Dorian Lord, Edward Quarteramine (in the old days when you actually saw him), etc.

In ALL of those characters, however, there is a shred of decency. Deep down, there is a heart, even if it isn't seen much in the course of normal life. You truly DO love to hate them, and, in spite of yourself, find that you actually love them in some twisted but fun way.

Carly I just hate - period. I haven't been able to force myself to fast forward through the scenes yet because it's like watching a train wreck. You know it's going to be horrible, but you can't stop yourself from looking. Could the Three Stooges actually have Carly say something even more ridiculous, senseless and inane today? Yep. They did it all right.

Even Steve Burton looks completely flustered with having to do these vapid scenes.


P.S. - My point above is that they have written Carly as a selfish, horrid, screaming shrew with absolutely no redeeming qualities. I didn't even believe she cared that much that her son was shot in the HEAD! There is no "love to hate" here - just hate.

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