Catching up on Days . . . and Naps

So I just caught up on the last month of Days, and, well, traditional sentences fail me.  I feel the need to express myself through the use of Internet Art. 

I know what you're thinking, but yes, this occasion truly did call for a word cloud. 

Why is this show soooo boring?  What is the excuse for wasting a likable cast and strong history?   Why does a show that dominated the supercouple genre now have virtually no likable couples?  How was even the return of Stefano not that exciting?  Can they really expect one good thing -- Hope and Bo's vow renewal -- to make up for weeks of endless repetitive boredom?  Also, what is wrong with Chris Matthews' hair, and is it just me or was he drunk throughout most of MSNBC's DNC coverage? 

Er, sorry, sometimes I get my TV-related questions intermingled.

Back to the truly puzzling:  Days of Our Barely-Awake Lives.  Let's quickly review the current couples and potential couples, and how I don't really care about any of them.  That should be fun for the whole family!

• Max and Stephanie: They were in jail for almost the entire month's worth of episodes, so it's hard to say, but I think "blah" pretty much sums them up.  (And also "related.")
• John and Marlena:  I had forgotten how HORRIFYING their sex scenes are.  My god.  I am blind.  And have donated my reproductive organs to someone who may one day have the urge to use them, since I will not.
• Roman and Marlena:  The writers don't actually think we'd believe these two are a possibility, do they?
• Daniel and Chelsea: I finally have something good to say about these two:  "They broke up."
• Daniel and Kate: Ew.  But then again, they make for easy fast-forwarding.
• Phillip and Morgan:  Meh.  I have yet to find any aspect of this pairing engaging.  Actually, I have yet -- or, I take that back, I have since maybe the first month she was on the show -- to find any aspect of Morgan engaging.  And Phillip's in quite a rut himself.
• Lucas and Sami:  I just hope they're broken up for good this time.  Who out there actually wants to watch "Will Lucas and Sami make their way back to each other?" for the 400th time?
• Lucas and Chloe:  These two don't really annoy me.  It helps that the two actors are roughly on par with each other, so neither outshines the other, as has been the case in the past.  You may take that however you choose.
• EJ and Sami:  I think I like them best when they're resisting each other.
• EJ and Nicole: I could become a fangirl of these two.
• Tony and Anna:  I think I might be starting to love them.  I already adore Anna.
• Bo and Hope:  Lovely.
• Steve and Kayla:  So good together, but, let's face it, pretty boring. 

Note that the current writers cannot take credit for those last few couples.  In fact, no writing regime since the 80s can.  The actors have risen above crap for so long, I'm not sure what they'd do if they ever got truly good soapy scripts again.

So basically, this soap is falling down on the genre's most basic responsibility -- creating interesting romantic pairings.  But unlike my other show, GH, it hasn't totally abandoned every other aspect of the genre, so I don't feel the need to go all profanity-laden ranty-post on the writers.  I will instead whip out the time-honored, foolproof bad vs. good model of criticism.

Good

• Phillip being shirtless.
• Rachel Melvin's new haircut.
• EJ being angsty about the possibility of Stefano waking up.
• Bo and Hope 80s flashbacks!  (Collectively they have more hair than the entire state of South Dakota.)
• Actual outdoor scenes.
• James Scott in a suit.
• Bo and Hope renewing their vows, especially that Bo planned it all as a surprise.
• Hope's insane wedding gown and headpiece in the flashback to their original wedding.
• Bo wearing his dad's wedding ring.
• Stefano waking up!
• Marlena getting poisoned!
• James Scott in a rumpled suit.
• Drake Hogestyn's continued use of the mean Muppet voice as John.
• Stefano locking everyone in the hospital!  (At least as a concept. How was I to know it would go on for two weeks?)
• EJ and Sami getting trapped and talking, then making out a little bit.  (Though the weird blocking to hide Ali Sweeney's pregnancy has begun.  When she was leaning against him, face-down?  Weird.)
• Nicole vacuuming in her black and white daydream.  (That did not seem like an action that came terribly naturally to Ariane Zucker. Bless her heart.)
• The Salem PD finally getting to solve a crime!  Sure, it was in Nicole's daydream, but still.  (BTW, Josh Taylor should always wear a hat.)
• Melanie.  She could be interesting.  At the very least, she's bringing Nick back onto my screen more regularly, so that doesn't suck.
• James Scott with a slight beard.
• The baby playing Joe, who is ridiculously cute.
• Drake Hogestyn as old John Black, who was annoying in large doses but tolerable in small.  Plus his hair, unlike NewJohn, was not totally insane.  (After, like, 1996.)
• James Scott in black and white.
• Nicole.  Pretty much across the board.  I adore her.  This is particularly impressive considering I hated her last time around. 
• James Scott around toddlers.
• Steve opening a PI agency!
• Chelsea finding out that her skeezy boyfriend slept with her grandma!
• James Scott in a long-sleeved t-shirt.
• Jan Brady as Marlena's patient!  How long before she figures out that it is all about Marlena?  Marlena Marlena Marlena!
• That NewJohn, who is supposed to be so brilliant, looked all over the entire hospital and practically called out police dogs to look for Marlena before finding her . . . in her office.  Oh, NewJohn, I love your dumb ass so.

Bad

• Rachel Melvin's refusal to get rid of those hideous streaks.
• Ava being gone -- she grew on me!
• The hue of Thaao Penghlis' skin.
• Kristian Alfonso's shoulder blades, clavicle bone, and shoulders in her vow renewal gown.  Sweet Fancy Faced Moses!
• Pink poisoned gas.  PINK.  POISONED.  GAS.
• Steve and others not closing the air vents with the shut-off lever.  (Lucas and Chloe, sure, those two have never been among the sharpest knives in the drawer.  But Steve?)
• The return of Chloe's disfiguring scar, even if only a hallucination.
• Nicole's black-and-white, bad-film-noir-ish daydream, complete with terrible accents and performances.  Seriously, Ali Sweeney, what the fucking fuck? (Exception:  It allowed James Scott to be shirtless, and in black and white.  Jay Kenneth Johnson also looked yummy.)
• Two Marlenas!  Eeeep!  (Well, Marlena and her dead sister Samantha, but whatever.  That was terrifying.)
• The return of Santo's enormous mustache and James Scott's awful Italian accent.  I don't appreciate it when the pretty is disturbed.
• That thing on Kevin Dobson's head.
• Joe Johnson's brief and uneventful kidnapping, unless there's some payoff down the road related to that weird marking on his wrist.  Because otherwise, honestly, what was the point of that?  I know Mary Beth Evans is really good with crying and Stephen Nichols is really good protraying desperation and anger; I've watched this show before.
• Chelsea seducing Daniel, just before she saw the text message from Kate.  I half expected Chris Hansen to pop up and do a PSA.
• Marlena telling John:  "I have loved you over half of my life."  Um, they got together in what, 1985?  So...keep that dream alive, Marlena.  65 is the new 40!
• Morgan's stupid-ass Disney movie "fantasy."  What the hell went wrong with this character?  She was so promising, and now I start snoring every time she enters my screen.
• Tony and Anna moving into the DiMera mansion.
• The return of Deidre Hall's gasping and moaning.  The semi-coma was preferable by a mile.

I'm sure there is the tiniest possibility that I am being overly critical.  Please feel free to disagree in the comments.  Or, as always, you could just link to assorted photos of James Scott.

Comments

[bringbackeugene]

Wow. You and I are definitely on the same page when it comes to Marlena! And Nicole. Although...let's see....I did kinda like the film noir. I can tolerate Phorgan. And EJ looks good in multiple shirts. And Philip looks good minus multiple shirts.
I cringed the minute I heard Marlena say "oooh, John". I knew my "gag-inducing sex" freedom was done........
But, Eve Plumb was awesome. And looks good for her age and looks her age with class.

I also had to laugh at the "half my life" comment Marlena gave. So, let's see...that would have meant they met in the 70's, which they did not. Do the math, Marlena.

Could you tolerate more boredom more frequently for our entertainment? Please?

[Nolebucgrl]

Well it's about time! Damn I've missed your Days snark. Please don't make us wait like 2 months again!

Ok, things I agree with, Chelsea's hair, cute cute, horrible streaks. James Scott, being hot, all the time. JKJ, also hot, especially shirtless. Bope flashbacks. Chelsea/Daniel breaking up. (BEST NEWS EVER). EJ/Nicole and EJ/Sami. I waffle. Nicole is awesome now (hated her the first time around also). Stephanie/Max are boring. I think Melanie is great so far and I love her with Nick. Love seeing Nick period. Love Stefano being back. John and Marlena sex should be outlawed. I watched that episode with Tripp and we were talking via IM and all we could say were a bunch of OMG! and NOOOOO! and My Eyes! But, the cheesiness of John's shouting stupendous and nearly pounding on his fur, I mean hairy chest, was kinda hilarious.

Disagree with you on the noir, loved it, though I agree Sami's voice was terrible. But the black and white even made Lucas look good to me. So that was appreciated. I am fine with Daniel/Kate. In fact, Kate is my personal hero for breaking up the couple that royally sucked. I'm kind of glad Tony and Anna are in DiMansion now. It should be interesting. I love the EJ/Tony dynamic. But, is Tony sounding more like Andre all of a sudden?

Jan Brady should totally stay on the show, and I was very disappointed that she did not complain about having a sister that steals all her thunder. What, they couldn't have thrown that in there with her thankless husband and snarly kids? Come on!

[Colleen]

Can't they just give Steve and Kayla a decent storyline? What about Bo and Hope? What is wrong with TPTB? Seriously...it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure this entire game out!!

[lska]

^^Or if not a storyline, at least a scene of substance? Together? With more than twenty words? Where "help, help," "our baby, our baby" and hyperventilating do not count?

The black and white stuff was fun, though, and different. On this show, different is good. I encourage different.

[Tripp]

I have waited for a long time for you guys to post, I'm sorry we don't really agree. I admit the show was boring there for a long time, but I think the last 3-4 weeks have been really good. I'm not saying I enjoyed everything on my screen, but I've not been bored. I'm disappointed a bit on the granny sex reveal was so underwhelming but Chan is done so I can't complain. As nolebucgrl stated we were horrified at the jarlena sex scene but it gave us plenty to snark on.

We've had naked EJ, we've had a Steve/Trent scene. Nick is getting some story with the new girl Melanie who is a hoot (and done the one thing I not thought possible, Stax was watchable).

I would still like more S/K, Nicole, Trent, Nick and Victor scenes. Philip with anyone is fine now as long as he is on. I actually really like Dan/Kate so I'm gonna actually watch their scenes and see how they can overcome Dan dating her granddaughter first and I'm hoping that they turn little Theo into the next Michael Myers who winds up killing off the annoying people of Salem starting with Marlena (I probably won't get that last part).

[Nolebucgrl]

Tripp...Marlena first? I would have thought you'd go Dan first! I mean, I know we're on board with him and Kate but I can't say I'd really miss him if he were gone. Maybe he could kill them both at the same time? :)

[Nolebucgrl]

Oh yeah, and how could you guys not blog on Elevator sex? We had 2 solid days of naked EJ and really hot scenes!

[Tripp]

Honestly I can let Dan live now since I know they are going for Date (thanks Corday). I really do like them and think it can be a good story (which of course it won't be).

[angmc]

I think the show has been awful since May. They had one good week with the hospital lockdown and the dreaded purple gas and that was only good because they were trying to make an impact with the Olympics.

I love anything with EJ and Sami. Sami finally admitting feelings for EJ is due, so I think they are finally making progress. Plus I hope they write in Ali's pregnancy because I don't think I can take 5 months of Sami with huge diaper bags and standing in front of potted plants.

[Rakesh]

Ejami all the way!!!!!

[Amy Busby]

I am sorry I can not intelligently comment on your assesment of DOOL's recent episodes. Due to time constraints and a serious case of the stabbing head pain brought about by the little pokey part of Shawn Christian's hair being visible while discussing the sudden secret affair with Kate, I was forced to simply delete them from the Tivo without even fast forwarding.

Sad as I found that preferable even knowing I was taking a chance on missing some scenes of JKJ or James Scott looking all pretty. And Peter Reckell looking all yummy and age appropriate. (Hello, Daniel - are you listening?)

Zero interest in Max, Stephanie, Trent, Melanie, Daniel / Chelsea / Kate, Phillip / Morgan, or the endless back and forth of Sami & EJ. Sad when you only stop fast forwarding when you see Rolf.

Sad I missed Eve Plumb - that might have been mildly interesting. But worth it to have dodged the John / Marlena sex bullet.

[wndrwmn]

I'm sorry you were bored by it all, but I loved the good/bad recap. Thanks! Yeah- WTF pink gas and Noir Sami's voice- perhaps they were related.

[Juanita]

I love myself some EJ and Sami so I was pleasantly surprised by their interlude in the stair well. The emotional intimacy was great in a long overdue honest and open discussion between them. And their hot, physical passion when making out was wonderful too. More EJami like this one please! ;-)

[Mar]

I stopped watching after Tamara Braun left. The only other thing I really cared about was EJ and Nicole, and one couple does not a show make.

i can't believe how much i'm enjoying Nicole as well. she is so pretty, too and i flove her hair! and i'd rather see EJ with her than Sami. what the f*ck happened to Sami? she's lost all her edginess.

i am actually really liking Lucas/Chloe, but the down side is trading Phloe or awful Phorgan. Morgan is ultra annoying. i keep thinking that if she ditched the accent that i am assuming is fake, she would be a teentsy bit more tolerable.

i'm ready to see a different side of Chelsea than the hurt girlfriend. already over it.

the Steve and Kayla worrying about their child is getting old. i mean that baby has been in danger since conception. enough with the baby endangerment and subsequent freaking-out of the parents. i think Bell and Nichols are capable of much, much, much more.

i miss Ava, too!

i kinda like the Film Noir. great costumes. Marlena...ick. John's hair makes me laugh. he makes me laugh. his character is so cartoonish. lol.

[Michael]

Hilarious, as always, and (sadly) accurate. However:

I think you mean Kristian Alfonso's CLAVICAL bone, not CERVICAL bone!

[Valerie]

I started watching this show again ONLY because I would watch ANYTHING that Stephen Nichols did, no matter how crappy. (I even sat through "Witchboard" -- now THAT is a true fan, IMO.)

Why in the HELL did they get rid of the entire Johnson family upon Steve and Kayla's return. There was so much Steve/Jack/Adrienne stuff that could have been played out. And Matt Ashford is all kinds of awesome, unlike most of the rest of the remaining cast of this show.

And I expected so much more from Steve and Kayla's daughter. Instead, I get a romance with her UNCLE (ick -- this show is SO "Flowers In the Attic" it's disgusting) who suffers from one of the WORST cases of reverse-SORAS I've ever seen (next to Lucas on GH), given that Max was like TWELVE when Stephanie was born.

Oh, and I hate the DiMeras. Every last stinking one of them. The Alamains were so much better -- and they were actually the family responsible for Steve's 'death'.

Not that we want to pay attention to DETAILS and HISTORY or anything.

I just KNEW when Stephen and Mary Beth came back that it was gonna be nothing more than a ratings-ploy, and that eventually it'd be off to the backburner for them so that they could showcase the newer, less expensive, and less talented 'talent'.

I hate being right.

[Becca]

Whoops, Michael, thank you! Though I think I saw all seven of Kristian Alfonso's cervical bones too. The woman is gorgeous, but she seriously needs to eat a cupcake:
http://serialdrama.typepad.com/serial_drama/
2006/08/proposition.html

[Celine]

Feeding the awesomeness that is Serial Drama:

James Scott Wallpaper from SoapHunks

[Star]

Finally! I´ve missed your posts about Days. Now, I think you are right on the money when it comes to June/July, but I really enjoyed Days olympics storylines. I mean we have DiMeras back in the game! No more boring Stax, Trent, Nicole, Phorgan stuff, but good stuff. Not to mention we have EJ and Sami breathing the same air for change and more! Yay, go EJami!

I wish I could share your love for Nicole, but I really can´t. I hate that she is now the poor missunderstood girl. Where is the superficial, drunken, gold digging bitch? I want her back. I also want Nicole to stay away from EJ. My poor EJ.

Jarlena, eww. Film noir, I liked it. And oh my god the smoking!!!! So hot!!!

You wanted sexy pics of James?

http://z9.invisionfree.com/ejami_fans/index.php?

This is the heaven for James Scott lovers. You have to register, but it´s peace of cake.

[Bobbie]

EJami is the couple for me. Never will I want the hunk EJ to be with the hooker, Nicole.

[Paxton]

Thanks for updating; I've missed y'all! The appalling suckiness of Phorgan has kept me away from the show, and I truly resent having to miss the prettiness of JKJ because of an insipid actress with a bad accent. The rest of the show sucks too, with the shining exception of EJ and Nicole. Go away, Sami. . . far, far away.

Thanks for saving me time in having to read any more SD blogs. I can't believe you actually think Sami and Ej are best when they are resisting each other and that EJ and Nicole are remotely rootable? Ej and Sami are the only remotely hot pairing on this Boring soap. It's been fun. Cheers.

[Jes]

I watched the first day of the film noir garbage. One day was intriguing, two is too much. But I missed Roman in a hat, which is a shame.

I liked Nicole better the last time, before she went all whiny. Nicole is not a sniveling damsel in distress. The only time I enjoy her now is when she gives it back to Trent. Speaking of Trent, I adore his creepiness and will miss him when he's gone.

[Hollyann]

When I saw the very beginning of the John/Marlena getting together scene I litterally screamed bloody murder and quickly pounced on the remote to fast forward. It was horrifying.

[Patty Pitty]

Has anyone done the math? Chelsea was drinking wine in Daniel's room, so she is 21, if Billie had her at 18 and Kate had Billie at 18, Kate would be 57 years old, at the youngest.

[Lauren, the OG]

Ya know, I always delete my Days posts, because I read the blog entry and comments and think, "Eh, forget it."

[Eleonora]

Does anyone else think that Melanie looks a little bit like Chelsea?

[Nolebucgrl]

[quote]Has anyone done the math? Chelsea was drinking wine in Daniel's room, so she is 21, if Billie had her at 18 and Kate had Billie at 18, Kate would be 57 years old, at the youngest.[/quote]

You can't use normal math on Days. Chelsea is only supposed to be about 11 years old. EJ is about 12 or 13. Philip not much older. You can't take SORAS into account for the older actors ages. Kate is way closer in age to Dan than he is Chelsea. Date forever!

[Chad]

I can't believe that they're repeating the whole "Chelsea finds out her mother slept with her boyfriend" storyline, but this time with Chelsea's grandmother. Not only is it either lazy or shows that the writers are not bothering to remember stories that took place just a year ago, but it's creepy/funny-in-a-bad-way. I kept expecting Chelsea to say, "A close family member has slept with my boyfriend...again!", followed by a "waaah-waaah" sound.