Top 25 Passions WTF? Lines of Dialogue, or, Lines You Won't Hear on As the World Turns

Part of what made classic Passions like crack was the fear of missing the latest “I-must-be-hallucinating; I-couldn’t-possibly-have-just-heard-that” howler of a line of dialogue if you missed an episode. I’ve assembled twenty-five of the most prime examples. Enjoy!

25. SHERIDAN: I feel a connection to this footprint!

24. TC: But Eve, you’re a woman of science!

23. PILAR: At first, Grace thought it must be Noah who was in danger, but the Angel Girl said no.

22. IVY: I'm going to find that bloody bird statue if it's the last thing I do!

21. LUIS: It’s not my hand that hurts…it’s my heart!

20. EVE: I can’t believe you, Liz, my own sister, would say such a thing!

19. JESSICA: It's so brave of Miguel to go back in the closet!

18. ETHAN: Just wait till you see me chomp on that noodle!

17. LIZ: I’ve carried this suitcase with me everywhere I’ve gone for the past twenty years!

16. ETHAN: Not only was that plane carrying passengers and luggage, but my hopes and dreams as well!

15. SHERIDAN: Our noodle broke!

14. LIZ: This should make TC drop his inhibitions…and his pants!

13. BETH: Thank God for the lesbians!

12. SAM: I don't mean to alarm you, but I found TC outside choking a statue.

11. THERESA: Ethan is the air that I breathe and I'll die without him!

10. LIZ: They booed Mama!

9. CHARITY: It was you!  You were the panther!  You're the evil that's trying to destroy me and Miguel and all of Harmony!

8. KAY: No! Siren can’t make love to Miguel! She’s a mermaid! And the mermaid’s curse specifies that once a mermaid makes love to a mortal, he can never be with another woman ever again!

7. WHITNEY: Repent now before God smites you, Theresa!  Get out of here before God sends his fiery messenger to take you to hell!

6. PILAR: What would Jesus do, Theresa? Would Jesus take the Crane money? Would He?

5. KAY: Oh my God, Zombie Charity! Not only are you a lying slut, but now you’re a succubus as well!

4. PILAR: How can this be? We saw your corpse after the tsunami when your coffin washed into my living room!

3. EVIL CHARITY: I’m picking mushrooms to destroy goodness!

2. PILAR: Those storm clouds came out of nowhere. Like the trouble in Sam and Grace’s marriage.

And the all-time WTF? champ:

1. TABITHA: I wonder what kind of hell my special potpourri will unleash on Sheridan?

Comments

[midnight_tiptoes]

Oh this was hilarious!! But only 1 Tabitha quote? And no Juilian??

I've wacthed PASSIONS on and off for years and these crazy storylines are what kept me glued. The slow pace, however, made me tune out.

[lascuba]

I've never watched more than 10 minutes of Passions, but I'm loving reading about it. Those lines are hilarious--#8's my favorite.

[Beth R.]

My personal favorite....

Ethan: "Damn skippy"

I may have rewound the tape at least a zillion times just to make sure I heard that correctly.

Or the hysterical Chad/Ethan discussion in a bar where Ethan was going "Chad, you like to have sex with men. That means your gay." and Chad was "no. No I'm not." Or as The Soup viewers know it as..."Not Gay Chad clip"

[Snooks]

"4. PILAR: How can this be? We saw your corpse after the tsunami when your coffin washed into my living room!"

This has to be my favorite line. R.I.P. Passions: You took over the top to a whole new level.

[Robyn]

I think you have ruined pasta for me. I won't be able to look at a noodle the same way again.

[junie]

People are going to start complaining about me at work. I was just laughing so loud. These quotes are too good to just choose one.

Thanks for doing this!

[Heather]

You're missing: "I could NEVER forget THE SHED."

[kadie]

Excellent! Thank you for posting this!

Unfortunately, I had to start watching passions every other week because i had reached my personal limit of hearing the phrase ".... leaked Ethan's true paternity to the tabloids". I mean, can't you find a few different ways to say the same thing? It made me crazy!!!

[Shawn]

LOL!
25 is so hilarious!!!

Too damn funny.

[Nicole]

Oh Passions. You will be missed.

[Carolyn]

I'm crying. Those are priceless. There will never be another Passions... well, here's hoping, anyways! :)

[Colin]

Oh my God, I am dying... These are all wonderful, but I think #4 and #2 tie for my favorite. Ohhhh, Pilar Lopez-Fitzgerald.

I love #20, too, because one of my favorite things about Passions was how they would constantly assume people were watching it for the very first time that day, so it was never, "where's Luis?" but instead "Theresa, where's your brother Luis?"