Previously on Night Shift: Saira overacted while telling Robin that she and Jagger kissed; Claire informed high school classmate Ryan that he has four kidneys, and he decides to keep two and sell the other two; “Leo” and Saira came to an understanding about the thing they’re doing; Robert hated the idea of a colostomy, but it turned out to be the only option they had to save his life.
In Robert’s room, Patrick is telling Robert that there is some good news: the cancer was confined to one part of Robert’s colon and all of it was removed, which makes Robert a pretty lucky man. He doesn’t look like he feels too lucky; “numb” is more like it. Patrick and Robin talk about the chemotherapy Robert is going to need, and he expresses skepticism over being pumped full of chemicals that will kill his healthy cells. Robin tells him, forcefully, that “we’re going to fight this. We’re going to beat this. You’re going to be fine.”
Perhaps sensing the need for some levity, Patrick adds, “That is, if you don’t pull a Houdini and hightail it out of here”. Robin threatens to handcuff Robert to the bed if she has to, and he scoffs at her, as if to say “Handcuffs? That’s the best you can do? I’m a mothereffing superspy” and laughs, which leads to a coughing fit. Patrick asks if he’s all right, and Robert tells him that he’s fine.
In Ryan The Hot Patient’s room, Claire is shocked that the eBay posting for his kidneys has attracted so much attention: it’s been online for three days, and they already have a high bid of $50,000. Kyle, ever the model student, is observing this and tells Claire that she could get in massive amounts of trouble for this. She isn’t concerned about that, and tells him that they can do a lot of good with the money they raise. Kyle counters that she’ll need to use that money to finance her unemployment, since she’s breaking all sorts of hospital policies. Claire and Ryan think this isn’t a big deal, since they’re not keeping the money, they’re giving it away.
Ryan tries to get Kyle to jump on board, asking if Kyle wants to help the whales. Kyle is dismissive of aiding mammals with blow holes and points out that such tricks don’t work on him: it’s not like he’s Claire or anything. Hee! Even funnier is the fact that Claire doesn’t even react.
Anyway, Ryan keeps trying to appeal to Kyle, saying that they can change the world, and Kyle can pick his cause, using the money to plant trees (only if they can get Marky Mark to take time out of his busy pants dropping schedule to help, I say) or work for marriage equality. The money is burning a hole in his pocket--or, as Claire points out in a line reading so creepily similar to Katherine Heigl that I wonder if Sri Rao and the producers had Carrie Southworth watch episodes of Grey’s Anatomy, in his back--and he has a hankering for some do-gooding, especially since $50,000 is the going rate for just one kidney and he has a whole other one to spare. Kyle points out that just because Ryan has extra kidneys doesn’t mean he needs to auction them off. Claire informs him that in just three days, there are already 100 bids. “Isn’t that beautiful?!” Kyle leaves, and Claire chases after him, trying to explain her rationale, and Kyle interrupts to talk about Ryan and not Ryan’s kidneys; he points out that Ryan is completely into Claire. She admits that he is super cute. They giggle.
“Leo” and Saira walk into the hospital with matching moony looks on their faces, talking dreamily about how it’s been 65 hours since they officially entered coupledom. “Leo” says it’s the longest date of his life, which Saira is unsurprised about, since “It gets pretty expensive when you’re paying by the hour”. …burn? “Leo” offers to meet her in the supply closet for a hookup, which is nixed for being too predictable, and suggests the MRI room as a possible liaison spot.
Saira: Just because I am your…whatever now doesn’t mean things are going to change here.
“Leo”: You’re my whatever?
Saira: I’m certainly not your girlfriend.
And, with a slap on his ass, she exits.
