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« Primetime Suds: Two Weeks, Four Shows, Two Bloggers With Overworked TiVos | Main | Serial Drama Second Anniversary Celebration: Most Commented-On Posts »

September 30, 2008

The Sun Rising in the East is Less Predictable Than This Show

Gosh, what a typically soapy afternoon on General Hospital yesterday. 


There was a big black-tie wedding, attended by half the town, capping off an allegedly great romance between the show's leading man and his latest true love forever.  The gowns were fancy, the hair was high, the resentments and jealousies were varied and widespread.  A good soapy time was about to be had by all.

And then a hollow-point bullet tore through the torso and couture gown of the bride.


These things happen! 

If you were surprised by this turn of events, might I suggest that you occasionally leave the house?  Or wish you the best of luck with that 50 First Dates-esque memory problem in which you retain no information for longer than 24 hours?  Because if you've done the whole "watched GH even semi-regularly" thing before, you found this development as surprising as Clay Aiken coming out.

I hate this show.

So anyway, back to the SHOCKING! event.  Kate went and got herself shot for the second time in six months. 

Diane:  Yeah, well, Kate should have gotten far away from Sonny the first time she got shot.

RIght.  Not only is this a repeat of a thousand GH stories before it, it's a repeat of a story that JUST HAPPENED to this EXACT CHARACTER.  (There is also the small point that Sonny and Jason, not Kate, should be blamed for her getting shot, but Kate has been pissing me off like whoa lately so I'm going to let that one go.)

Remember those couple of blissful months during the writers' strike, when GH was basically watchable and there seemed to be people who actually gave a shit about the quality of this television show, providing lines to the talented cast that actually, like, made sense and were inoffensive and were not entirely mob-adjacent?  Good times, those.  Did Bob Guza even watch the show during his time off?  He really should have!  Not just for helpful tips on how to do his job better, but so that he could keep with his usual routine of repeating the same stories with the same characters only once a year or so, instead of this embarrassing mishap.

Anyway, once again, back to the "soap."  Do not even get me started on the fact that, yet again, this shooting was set to a swelling musical score.  What is this bizarre fascination these hacks have with making violence seem artistic and beautiful?  Sick.  Sicksicksick.  You know, at the time I loved Clink-Boom, but given all that it has spawned, I have even grown to hate that historic piece of soapiness.  I feel like it is responsible for part of my misery. 

Oh!  And ALSO don't get me started on effing Carly having to provide medical care to Kate.  CARLY?!  It says a lot about this show -- formerly known as General HOSPITAL -- that 1) there was a huge wedding without a single medical professional in attendance, and 2) truly, there is not a single scene in which Carly cannot be front and center.  (And, for those of you who are new, what it says is that it sucks.)

To say that the people who run this show are creatively bankrupt and utterly out of ideas seems too generous.  I am increasingly convinced they are not inept, but rather are intentionally set on destroying this soap.  There is just no other explanation for the relentless, pointless, soul-draining violence that masquerades as a daytime drama.  And please don't misunderstand my frustration as surprise.  I could hardly expect anything better than yesterday's episode from the head writer who thinks that having a 12-year-old shot in the head as retribution for bad behavior is totally acceptable.  It's just...when will this finally end?  How horrible does this show have to get before someone steps in and stops the madness?  Will it be before I need anger management therapy and/or Botox for my scowl-induced wrinkles?  I need to plan!

So to sum up, I hate this show.  I don't feel the need to be more creative or original than that.  I'm following the lead of the GH writing team.  In return for my brilliance, I expect plaudits and statuettes.  Thanks.

Screencaps courtesy of LaurieLuvsLiason.


Hey Becca did you also notice that from where Kate was standing and from where the bullet came from, for her to be shot in the center of her stomach the bullet would have had to have gone through SONNY first. Like you, I hate this show.

I actually watched in real time yesterday. Which, sadly means that I gave this awful dreck some ratings. I don't know what I was thinking. It kills me that everytime something violent like this happens, they roll Monica Q out to tell Sonny off, have him make a face that looks like it's getting through, then five seconds later swear revenge (usually on the wrong person). Just the worst, unoriginal poo.

Yes, when will it end? When will someone from ABC step in and stop the madness? You can visit ANY messageboard and see that fans are unhappy with this violent mess of a show. So, what do TIIC do? They give us more violence, sex and mob. If ABC doesn't want to do anything, it deserves to go off the air. Just put the show (and us) out of it's misery.

I'm going back now to watch OldGH on youtube. You know, when the show was actually good.

i applaud everything you said. this show sux. i only watch for alexis maxie and scrubs. now that maxie is mixed up with spinelli there is not much to watch for. lather rinse repeat about the kate shooting

Yes, the violence has become boring and repetitive. But what got me was the total sloppiness of the writing. The bullet obviously went through Kate but then disappeared since Sonny was standing facing her and never got hurt. Then there was the question from someone looking down at the bloody dress and asking "Is there an exit wound?" Does there people just not care anymore?

These things happen indeed Becca!

Hey I remember fondly the weeks of the writers strike. Even sadder? Those strike wrtiers were members of Guza's own team WHO STILL WRITE FOR THIS SHOW!!! It's totally true! Garin Wolf and Michael Conforti are still there!!!!! And what a difference they made in such a short time.

give me Gossip Girl any day!

THIS is exactly what kills me like a Quartermaine. Turning a famous soap opera called "General Hospital" into a "Sopranos" knock-off is one thing, but then Guza ends up doing it VERY, VERY BADLY. He has a show where characters are routinely killed off and belong to dangerous, supposedly exciting occupations and yet it still manages to be less suspenseful and surprising than "Dora the Explorer." It's like he literally can't think of any plot template other than the three ("Loved one of Sonny and/or Jason is killed/placed in danger because of their career", "A big dangerous event happens that places half the cast in mortal danger and one person has the secret that might save people", "A mysterious person with possible mafia ties/new mob boss comes to town and challenges Jason and/or Sonny") he typically cycles through every few months.

So I really can't see why even people who would want a "Sopranos"-esque soap can like this. Even without the mafia focus, Guza's writing is sloppy and awful by pretty much any objective standard.

LOL at "kills me like a Quartermaine." Couldn't have said it better myself.

I think the only time I will approve of violence ruining another event will be the whacking of Sonny. No, he won't pull through. No, he won't be back from the dead. He'll be gone gone gone! Let's cross our fingers.

Oh Becca, what would we poor used-to-be GH viewers do without your brilliance? Seriously, this entire post was spot-on accurate. I am so sick of the violence on this show, and I am so sick of it always being the same story over and over again. When will Guza and Co. stop holding Sonny and Jason up as these great men of honor, when the reality is they are nothing but criminals? Why does this show have nothing to do with an actual hospital or the core families that used to make it so wonderful? Nobody on this show can seem to escape the mob vortex or not be mob-adjacent, which is just sad. I am still trying to hold out hope that the show we all once knew and loved will someday return, but my hope is beginning to fade...

"Kills me like a Quatermaine"....well played Chad..well played indeed! That might become the new most awesome catch phrase ever!

"Kills me like a Quatermaine"
LOL!!!! Love It!!

I hate this fucking show.

"Kills me like a Quartermaine" almost made me choke on my water. Copyright that sucker now, Chad. Awesome.

I really hate how shows don't portray reality well. The location of Kate's bullet would have killed her instantly having torn through her heart and spine. Also, if she was shot from the front that location would be impossible since Sonny is standing in the way. If she was shot from behind, it would have been a through and through and would have hit Sonny as well, esp. since I can confidently assume that the bullet came from a sniper rifle and sniper bullets do not stop halfway through a thin person. Same thing with the court drama, most of that could not legally happen.
these writers, i mean writer, clearly have not heard of google.

LOL to "Kill me like a Quartermaine!" And I agree with the poster that the only violence I'm looking forward to is the death of Sonny Corinthos. You can add Jason to the list as well.

Nothing says "Love in the afternoon" like blood on a wedding dress!

Has there ever been a Sonny wedding where the bride wasn't shot?

I heart Becca & Mallory and most of the posters on this blog!

Any old Dynasty fans here? I'm 36 and have been watching soaps forever, a gift from Mom.

Well, there was a cliffhanger once on Dynasty that took place at a wedding in Moldovia or some other such nonsense. Gotta love a good soapy Quasi Country with handsome royals looking for love in our soap hometowns. Every single character on the show was in attendance for the big event. The last scenes of the season finale were a literal bloodbath just before the "I Do's". Everyone in attendance was sprawled out on the floor after the barrage of bullets. It looked like every single character died.

That was my hope/nightmare for this wedding. For the whole town and entire show to be put out of it's misery. One final violence fest for Guza and then no more...ever.

Sad, this show sux.

So, after she was shot, I was thinking, "Why don't any of the doctors or nurses come to her aid." Then, my brain had to process the fact that this show has so completely disregarded its roots that a major event like this includes not one single character who works for it's namesake. Even the nod to Robin and Sonny's relationship pissed me off, because she was only visiting him to give a lame-ass excuse (exactly how long does a consult take???) about not being able to attend the wedding, which she never would have done if they were being true to this relationship.

What. The. Hell?!?!

Guza has created the Frankenstein of daytime.

You know...I frequently find myself just posting "I hate this show" now in place of real critiques. Ergo I fully respect your doing so as well. When something is as horrid as GH is these days it takes too much time & gets FAR too repetitive to say why it's horrid every day. It's not like they ever change anything anyway.

Robin didn't bother to come to this wedding because she knows that Sonny will be marrying his next True Love Forever within six months. Olivia, perhaps? Yet another dark, exotic woman has been cast I see.

Yes, the Moldovia Dynasty wedding would have been better, and it was the Cheeziest Thing Ever.

These writers remind me of little boys playing Cops and Robbers, only in this case, it's Robbers, The Wombs that Carry their Offspring, and the Larrys at PCPD. In any case, like 6 year olds yelling Bang, Bang, I got you, Nahyadidnt! Bang, Bang for an hour straight, this show bears no resemblance to reality.

This show is so bad they had to shoot the same character twice to achieve the same ends. So basically the first time she was shot left her with ignored heart issues and you would of thought this shot would of killed her. TAAAS!!!
I had to stop watching recently for my sanity to return!!!

I love all of your comments and couldn't agree more. However, if you continue to watch it is never going to change.

That is the only way to get ABC's attention.

I stopped watching after 30 years! You can do it too.

I love all of your comments and couldn't agree more. However, if you continue to watch it is never going to change.

That is the only way to get ABC's attention.

I stopped watching after 30 years! You can do it too.

I won't be returning to GH until this sick twisted notion for violence that Guza keeps pumping into this show is brought to an end.

I only youtube scrubs now and watch NS2.

I've been AWOL from GH for about a month or so cause I moved cross-country. Well, last week I started tuning in again. I hadn't been reading spoilers and really wasn't keeping up with what was going on. So wow. I. Was. Shocked. That. Kate. Got. Shot. At. Her. Wedding. To. Sonny.

WTF is wrong with Guza? Seriously. He is one sick motherfucker, that man. He really needs therapy, because he is probably every shrink's wet dream.

But when reading some of the soap boards I lurk on, you have to wonder who is sicker -- Guza, or these crazy, masochistic women who find Sonny to be some sort of drool-worthy sex god. Because these people, seriously, and I can't be nice about this, are mentally deranged on levels that I didn't think were possible. I even read posts claiming that some offline Sonny fans were 'heartbroken' over the wedding and 'didn't expect' what happened to -- well, happen.

Really? Do these people not WATCH the show???? I haven't watched in over a month, read NO spoilers, and as soon as I saw the wedding coming, my FIRST THOUGHT was "Wonder who's gonna get shot at THIS one."

I thought that maybe, just maybe, after tuning out for a month, things *might* have improved. Then I saw Spinelli tell Sonny that he knows that Sonny "only kills people who truly deserve it."

I hate this show.

All of the "shock" of Kate getting shot aside (whatever...), what about the months and months of tortuous, screechy shrillness we had to endure from Kate over the "Wedding of the Century" being covered for the pages of Crimson? The constant barrage of orders to Maxie and the gang about flowers and invitations and dresses...having Sonny peruse over menus...I know that we never make it to the reception in these bullet and/or left-at-the altar-ended mob weddings, so I had no delusions about seeing the 45 foot custom-made wedding cake flown in from Paris, but not a SINGLE CAMERA was in attendance at the ceremony? Not a video camera? Not even a fucking Polaroid from the front row? I guess they had a sketch artist in the back.

I also love that Olivia applying pressure to Kate's wound wasn't good enough. We had to bring in CARLY and her one-failed year of nursing school to do the same job. Because it just wouldn't be a good day on GH unless Carly had blood on her.

As for the CSI: BULLSHIT! portion of the show, don't you all know that no matter what the trajectory of the bullet or how LOGICALLY it would stand to reason that Sonny should have been killed about 8700 times on this show, he has a Guza-induced forcefield around him? It's like Wonder Woman - bullets bounce right off his sheer awesomeness. Gag.

Why oh why, when Sonny was doing his usual poorly, POORLY-acted short bursts of screaming in the hospital - you know, the kind he does when he's having one of his 2-year-old tantrums - did Jason not shoot him in the face? I know he wants to! Come on, Jason, take a chance! Learn how to fly and be free!

The only reason I didn't drink a bottle of Drano after this episode was I followed it up with Night Shift. Anna at Robert's bedside was, in Robert's words, a "sight for sore eyes." Now THAT'S a soap scene!

Guza must have some killer blackmail on some very high ups at ABC. Nothing else computes to me as to why he's still writing for this show....

Wait a minute. You mean they had a formal affair with most of the cast in attendance, and violence ACTUALLY ensued???? What, what, what????? Quel shocked!

Actually, if there hadn't been violence, I would have been more concerned.

Unfortunately this stupidness is not about to end. I read somewhere, i think SID that they're working on something big for the end of November. Ala Metro Court hostage crisis yet something daytime has never seen before.

You guys, I beg of you. Stop watching!! (Except Becca and Mallory, to keep us up to date and all. Thanks for taking one for the team.)

Don't recall who said it, but it's true. As long as people continue to watch, we're going to suffer through this interminably.Make it stop!

Oh man. NS2 supplies all my needs for soapy soaps. I will sadly miss it when the finale comes. If they simply replaced OG GH with NS2 and got rid of the mob, I'd come back immediately. I agree with another poster, that scene with Robert and Anna was sweet.
These scenes are what reminds me of my old GH.

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