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« I Would Say More, But I Can't Stop Cringing | Main | Night Shift Episode 7: Listen to my Heart »

September 03, 2008

There's Only One Real Trial Here And That's General Hospital Vs. My Patience

Accurately depicting the American legal system ranks high on a list of Things Bob Guza Cannot Do (also on that list: "respect a show's 45 year history", "write a story without eighty gaping plot holes", "get his head out of his ass", etc.). And yet, instead of hiring a consultant or, I don't know, taking half a second to go to effing Wikipedia or TIVOing one of the episodes of the various Law & Order series that are aired pretty much around the freaking clock on every single channel known to man to find out what the hell goes on in a criminal trial, he repeatedly writes these absurd trials that are so far removed from the way the real world works that he might as well just have a scroll at the bottom of the channel that says "Dear Audience, I think you're a bunch of morons and I kind of hate you all. Sincerely, Bob Guza"

I've been watching soap operas for years and I am pretty good about suspending my disbelief and rolling with things like Satanic possession and Aliens and Virtual Gardens of Eden. I even refer to The Hills as a reality show and WITHOUT sarcastic air quotes. But I can only put up with so much.  Because, seriously:

  • Why is the murder victim's father acting as the prosecutor?
  • Why is Edward on the jury after specifically saying to the prosecutor, defense attorney and judge "It's your duty to protect your client from potential landmines like me, and it's impossible for me to be objective about this young thug"?
  • Would any lawyer in the world just sit back after hearing a potential juror say the above words and pretty much tell his client, "Eh, it's cool"? Even Lionel Hutz would be alarmed by that development! What the hell, Ric?
  • In what world does the judge just say "Oh, BTW, it's a capital murder case. Surprise! The death penalty is on the table"?
  • Is it so hard to do a quick google search to see if New York even has the death penalty?

I just...really need to get a job that I can do really badly for years without getting fired.


As a matter of fact why would Edward who's STEP GRANDDAUGHTER DATES THE DEFENDANT even have to say that? All a even barely comptent law school drop out would have to say is "Quatermaine? Those Quatermaines? Related by marraige to the defendant's girlfriend? Objection."

Then again the last "murder trial" they had was Jason's and that was about as suspenseful as watchign paint dry. So are we really surprised? I'm fully expecting this one to go down teh same way Jason's did....aka a much more through examination of Johnny's sex life than having anything to do with the murder of Logan Hayes.

If you ever had any doubts that Johnny Zaccarra will be the next coming of Jason Morgan...here is your proof ladies and gentlemen....he's getting the Jason Morgan trial treatment.

the only thing i have enjoyed about this storyline is JMB and GF. the acting by these two ladies has been phenomenal, everything else, sucks.

I am back on GH (only b/c of Laura) but am getting through the eps really quickly thanks to FF!! But this is redonkulous.

But I came on to post about something completely different. DID I JUST SEE MAC SCORPIO ON GH:NS. EEEEEEE!

the details to the trial are ridicilously stupid. as if scott could actually testify, it's so unrealistic that it's just going to be absurd to watch. my focus has been on the Laura/Lulu storyline and it really has been a treat. Julie Marie Bermand and Genie Francis are magic together. They really have shined this last week and a half.

This stuff insults our intelligence, darn straight. it's ridonkulous and stupid. To say I'm frustrated is as obvious as saying guz is evil.

and about that scrolling message he has for us at the bottom of our screens - I disagree...I think he'd scroll "suck it folks, I'm the head writer. *insert evil cackle here*"

It is so stupid. Nothing else to say, the writing is just horrific. Scottie as prosecutor? Edward as Jury?

And I agree that JMB and GF have been the only saving grace. So amazing. Im cheering JMB on for that emmy, she is truly amazing.

The only good thing, Logan is gone! One less character who gets physical and violent with women.

After the judge announced w/out any pretrial motions or hearings that this was now a capital murder case w/ the death penalty option I half expected her to rise out of her chair and sing announcing that they also had cupcakes for all!!!! Face it, that is just as likely to happen during a Guza GH trial as anything else he has come up with.

On a positive note, you have to be excited about the new couple..... Ric & Scotty = Ricotty....... **sigh** love that they will be on screen and not just wall paper in other characters story-lines.

Plus you got to love the snarky commentary and power suits that will be gracing our screens over the next few weeks..... and just the thought of Johnny being sentence to death makes me giddy.

this could go on for weeks???! and if Johnny get the death penalty we'll have weeks of LuLu whining about it and possibly hallucinations of both Johnny and Logan telling her it is her fault but couldn't she just do like that guy from a Beautiful Mind and ignore them?

Word to ALL of that.

Ridiculous indeed.

Here's my question... since when do they interview potential jurors for a murder trial in front of one another???

So freaking ridiculous. its just so insulting to the viewer. But i agree with everyone on the acting from GF and JMB, they are so good! Lulu/Laura and Scrubs are all i am watching these days. I def think JMB will get an emmy nomination at least for in this storyline. Her acting trumps Guza's horrible writing

i know it was like last year when the witnesses were watching the trial on a closed circuit tv in chambers!!! guza is a miserable bas5ard. meanwhile scrubs got like 1 minute of screen time yesterday and it was a stupid vblog again. i ff through yesterday in no time flat.

Guza "kind of" hates the viewers? I think we went beyond "kind of" loooooooooooong ago, Mallory. He holds us in nothing but contempt and scorn; he shows it by his product.

Your awesome title for this entry says it all.

the soap rags really need to crucify guza for this so-called 'trial'..it's beyond ridiculous..and today..when edward pronounced to the court that he already believed johnny was guilty, and the judge just scolded him was the camel that broke the back..that was grounds for a mistrial..i've decided i'm not watching it any longer since guza thinks the audience are idiots..

On top of all the other utterly ridiculous developments that have gone on with this trial, one of the most idiotic to me is how quickly the trial has even started. Johnny was arrested -- what -- less than two weeks ago? There is NO way in hell that any trial would take place that fast, let alone a capital murder trial. I understand that soaps live in an alternate universe as far as compression of time, but this is beyond stupid.

At this rate, Johnny will be found guilty and strapped onto a gurney ready for the lethal injection by next week.

I have enjoyed two things about this storyline:

Seeing Ric!! I love that i actually get to see Rick Hearst again

And Lulu/Laura! GF and JMB are amazing actresses and very poignant scenes.

Today's trial scenes were even more redunkulous!! Edward isn't a juror, he's the human form of one of the old puppet muppets who used to sit in the balcony and complain about everything sucking so bad!!!!! He made several loud outbursts about Johnny being a guilty thug and Claudia being a filthy mob princess. Guza might see I'm right and fire John Ingle and replace him w/ a muppet... more $ for CGI right Guza?

The whole ordeal is just painful. Johnny was arrested last week, spent the entire time in a non-bugged interview room visitng the entire town (after having taken a "hostage" and escaped from said interview room.
Now this week he's on trial. Please. YEARS people - years it takes to get a case like that to trial. Why the big rush? I could even suspend disbelief in order to enjoy Edward Q. onscreen (even though his conflict of interest would have him booted immediately). But what's the big hurry? How about slowing down and I don't know...telling a story!
Scott eager to avenge his son's death, guilt ridden by his failures as a father. Wants to prosecute, the judge & Alexis want him off due to the conflict. So Scott and Alexis have to work together w/ Scott manipulating behind the scenes and Alexis struggling to wage a fair trial / find the truth. And in court against ex Rick!
Johnny stonewalling to protect Lulu, her wanting to confess to protect him. Maxie on the sidelines worrying about how to cover her ass. EQ and Epiphany battling about legalitites on the jury.
This has actual story potential. If developed. And if focused on characters and their relationships and motivations - you know like a SOAP should.

Instead we get a bum's rush of absurdity, throwing a bone to Q. fans and Laura fans, and keeping Lulu front & center chewing the scenary as always. Okay okay we'll sort of give the people what they want but on OUR terms so be sure to hurry up and get it over as soon as possible. Center it around the new mob family too!

But it's obvious the story is a rush job so we can quickly get back to mob business as usual.

On a side note about the mob - I am loving the return of Cody Paul. Nice to see Jason get his own rigth hand man. How about some dawning self awareness on Jason's part as he orders Cody to do all the dirty work Sonny used to shove off on him?

It's also ridiculous that they're identifying the jurors by name in front of the defendant. Especially in a MOB TRIAL. I was on a homicide jury four years ago; they did the voir dire survey in the courtroom so we could see the defendant and attest to the fact that we didn't know him; the interview was done in chambers and the defendant was not present. They then called us by number to let us know whether we'd been selected.

Don't forget Nadine and her "horse pucky."

I think Ric needs to just stand there without a shirt on. I wouldn't FF through that!

What, you're not RIVETED by the travails of Johnny, aka Sonny Jr., as he is repeatedly brought down by The Man??? Will he be cleared of these heinous charges??? Will this travesty of justice be allowed to continue??? Will the Qs have to go back in their cages for another six months when this is over??? Will Lulu start to make noises that only dogs can hear??? Will Nadine's idiotic teenage crush for Nikolas continue to be a jailable offense that is apparently deadly important to this case??? Will GH continue to try to convince me that they actually care about Laura and Genie Francis by showing lots of commercials for her, then only giving her five minutes of airtime inbetween shots of Sonny's manboobs???

And last, of course, will I continue to watch GH after watching for two weeks specifically for Laura??? Uhm, not no, but HELL no. I love Genie, but even she can't polish this turd any longer.

As a prosecutor, I have to say you have hit all the big problems. I am unable to watch a court proceeding on GH because it just makes me cringe. I watched Jason's trial on mute and when I saw that Scott was prosecuting the man accused of murdering his son, well I knew my fast forward button was going to get a workout. That or I scream 'MISTRIAL' at my television every two minutes until I make myself sick.

It's just sad. Hire a LEGAL CONSULTANT to at least attempt to make it somewhat realistic or stop putting trials and other court hearings in the storylines!

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