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« Yeah, "Eden" Is Not the Word I Am Thinking Of | Main | Night Shift Episode 11: Love/Hate »

October 05, 2008

Primetime Suds: In Which Gossip Girl Has Some Competition for the Title of Best Show Ever

This week, primetime brought us Fashion Week craziness


the anticlimactic end of an era


the return of the Oceanside Wellness Centre


and the dirty, sexy Darling family.


Our thoughts on all of this after the jump!


5 Things We Loved About "The Serena Also Rises"

1. Dan's smackdown by his kind of mentor was more satisfying than we imagine even owning Serena's handbag collection would be. Yeah. That satisfying.


2. Chuck Bass just...existing. From sneering upon spotting Dan in his suite (and what the hell, Dan? Who just goes into the home of their ex-girlfriend who they ended things with in a cruel fashion, unannounced and uninvited to talk to her stepbrother? The freaking Humphreys, man) with the delicious "I don't think of you" to gradually borderline tolerating Dan's presence while at the same time viewing him with unveiled contempt, it was just fantastic, as is the fact that they are developing Chuck's character in general.


We fervently hope, though, that the character development doesn't conflict with his innate Chuckness.

Dan: ...and how do you know so many twins?
Chuck: Twins find me.

Ed Westwick is the only person who comes close to Leighton Meester's brilliance with one liners.

3. A Kirsten Dunst slam? Be still our cold, black hearts. That pretty much solidified our devotion for all of eternity.

4. Serena and Blair's huge fight. We don't love that they're fighting, of course, and love them best as best friends who would do anything for each other, but this tension has potential to be awesome and also came about in a truly organic way. You could see why both of them reacted the way that they did.


5. More screen time for Lily. All too often, the parents on teen shows are boring, annoying or a combination of the two. But Ms. Van der Woodsen-Bass is all sorts of fabulous, and we're fans of Kelly Rutherford from way back.  (One of us who is, ahem, a bit older, since Generations, and the other who is, ahem, a crazed Melrose Place fan, since she played that glorious show's hooker with a heart of gold.)


...And 5 Things We Didn't

1. Effing Jenny Humphrey. She is just so hateable, in every single way. That finale dress was an ugly 80s prom rip-off


and the fact that she was wearing a toddler-length otherwise cute dress that barely covered her hoo-ha did not help.  Are we honestly supposed to believe she's some fashion prodigy?  Particularly when prodigies are supposed to be, like, under 40?


And her conversation with Rufus, in which she managed to display a staggering amount of brattiness coupled with an epic lack of understanding of how the world really works had us practically speechless.

2. Blair being a total, certifiable lunatic. We love Blair beyond reason, but it was squirm inducing to see her spiral into such a headcase. Usually when she sets out to create mischief and leaves a number of ruined lives in her wake, her plans make sense. But her insane plans to ruin Eleanor's show had none of her trademark cunning.  They were like something that, say, Jenny would do.  The horror.

3. The Gossip Girl wardobe and makeup department decisions. 98% of the time, these people are too genius to describe. But after seeing Jessica Szhor's Self editorial, we have to ask what the hell is wrong with them. She is stunning. Her body is insane, her hair is gorgeous and there is no earthly reason why someone who looks like that should be so...questionable looking on the show.

4.  Dan's lameness appearing not to be temporary.  Penn Badgely is too hot to play such a patience-trying loser.  Though we do prefer this variation on Dan's general mediocrity, in which outsiders make a point of calling him...mediocre.

5.  Chace Crawford and his prettiness was almost wholly absent.  At least have someone hold up Nate's yearbook photo in every other scene or something.  We are simple people.

But please do not let the equal numbers of likes and dislikes throw you:  We love this freaking show.  The highs are so, so much better than the lows are bad.  Plus, there are pretty clothes and hot guys. 


Not to totally live in the past or whatever, but the sixth episode of the original 90210 featured Drunken Jackie Taylor ruining the mother/daughter beauty pageant. The sixth episode of the new 90210 featured nothing so awesome.

Okay, Dixon administering a beatdown to the sleazy photographer who was feeling up Silver (and asked Aunt Becky who Dixon's "baby daddy" is!) was awesome. Especially because he so politely said "Excuse me" to his mother before he did it.


But, seriously, did anyone think the photographer was actually legit? Hello, we've all seen Fame.

Of course, this is the same show that expects us to believe that Annie's star turn in the musical would make her almost universally beloved, to the point that people approach her as she walks down the hallway with her effing Trapper Keeper to tell her how awesome she is.


As. If.

And we're not sure if the constant tabloid discussion of Shenae Grimes's on-set bitchiness is coloring our perception of her, but god, can someone tell her that there is more to acting than raising your eyebrows?!



Other things that happened on 90210 this week (we're continuing last week's theme of not classifying anything as bad or good, because how can you have an opinion about something so boring?):

Naomi continued her bratty quest to reunite her parents, as though she's starring in some geriatric version of The Parent Trap.  (Note:  No offense to The Parent Trap, which is one of the more awesome things ever committed to film.)  Watch as she hurts her father's mistress's feelings!  See as she tries to trick her parents into falling in love again!  Laugh at the looks on the faces of her parents as they clearly ask themselves "We're playing this chick's PARENTS?"


James Patrick Stuart deserves better, if only for his All My Children/Andy Richter Controls The Universe/Desperado-loving boyfriend of Elaine on Seinfeld pedigree.

Adriana is still a druggie with an overbearing stage mom, and was once a promising child actress or whatever and wound up falling in with Daniel Romalotti, who is now a sketchy drug dealer and not a sketchy porn addict.


There was something approaching a smackdown between Kelly and Brenda over Dylan, but like all things on the new 90210, it was regrettably de-fanged. They hugged


Brenda deleted Dylan from her cell phone and then Kelly went to hash things out with Dylan--leaving Silver in charge of her house which, sister or not, we don't think is wise since Silver has shown the type of poor judgment that involves staying in a homeless shelter rather than open up to her sister--and Brenda hooked up with Ryan.


We will admit that it was awkwardly hilarious when Kelly tried to let Ryan down gently, and he passionately said he'd wait for her, and Kelly was all, "That's a very kind offer, but no thank you". Hee.  (Though if he did wait, by the time she comes back he might be of legal drinking age, which could make things less awkward.)


Last season, we exchanged many emails bemoaning the crappiness of Private Practice. We loved Kate Walsh on Grey's, and most of the actors in the ensemble are great, but as a whole, the show was absolutely terrible.

This season isn't exactly lighting up the world, but it does promise to be a bit better than last year. Which, yeah, is damning with a ton of faint praise. We totally mean it as a compliment, though!

But! Addison being less of a ditz and showcasing the whip smart side that everybody fell in love with was a welcome relief from the Ally McBeal impression last year. Charlotte is less grating than she was in the first season, and it's almost enough to make you forget that her name is KaDee. Almost.

Plus...let's be honest, the best part of the show is David Sutcliffe. Holy hotness. Between him being gorgeous, the writing being better and laughing at how short Taye Diggs is (When the three guys were walking along the water?  He's wee!), we're thinking that this season might shape up to be good. Or, at the very least, okay.


We won't be regularly discussing One Tree Hill because we have standards. (Oh, and, um, of course because we don't regularly watch One Tree Hill.)  We don't have many, and the ones we do have are certainly not very high, but OTH violates even those low, meager ones.

However, if you have not yet seen the last few minutes of last Monday's episode, you simply must. It was terrible, crazy and campy in the bad way and probably more ridiculous than anything that has ever been televised and seriously, what the hell?

It included a child running through corn fields that came out of nowhere


being chased by a hypodermic-wielding stalker nanny


who was then felled by a bottle of champagne


but only momentarily, because she then grabbed an axe


and was promptly shot by the show's old villain who she had been keeping hostage (John Sears from Original Recipe 90210!), who was wearing a hospital gown, which doesn't have anything to do with anything but lends to the supreme air of ???????? that permeates the entire experience


All of this amidst dialogue gems that included "Guess there's more than one crazy nanny in this town."  (Because she's a grandmother -- a nickname for which is Nanny -- and the homicidal one is an actual nanny who takes care of children, GET IT?!) and "God I hate the woods." as the post-fatal-shot quip from the hospital-gown wearing dude who is standing at the edge of the corn fields -- er, "woods."

Words fail us.


Dirty Sexy Money's second season premiere was so fantastic that...we have to resort to an unironic e-hug to convey our thoughts.

(((((everything about this show)))))

We are so giddy about the return of this fabulous soap after its terribly short strike-reduced first season, that we can't even organize our thoughts into anything other than a random list.

  • Peter Krause's Nick continues to be far more interesting (and sexy) than most good-guys-against-the-world characters end up being.  But now that we know that he is unapologetically in favor of the show becoming even soapier, we're pretty much totally in love.  Perhaps our overwhelming affection for Krause is clouding our judgment and is the reason we're finding Nick's wife Lisa to be such an annoying, crashing bore?  Making out with Jeremy in front of Nick was pretty soapy, but it's the most interesting thing she's ever done by a factor of like 25.  But back to Nick, and how he's interesting and sexy.  That scene with Nick and our in-the-running-for-favorite-character Karen, getting drunk and flirting with doing something really stupid?  Hottt.
  • Killing off Patrick's wife was especially soapy and genius, but we do worry that this may require Billy Baldwin to stretch his acting skills to their breaking point.  He is going to have to play someone who is not married.  While in real life he is married.  That seems like it might be beyond his very limited oeuvre. 
  • We barely even noticed Juliet's absence, and when we did, we sort of rejoiced a little about it. Samaire Armstrong was the show's weakest link for us (yes, even more so than Billy Baldwin), and now the show can give more airtime to the more awesome characters.
  • Seth Gabel is adorable, and hilarious, even whilst stalking.
  • Lucy Liu being back on TV without being subjected to Patricia's Field's "styling" is a sign that there is still goodness in the universe, all the political ads currently flooding the airwaves notwithstanding.
  • How awesome is Brian, and how anxiously are we waiting for him to get involved in some of Darling Enterprises' heretofore untold shadier business dealings?  Glenn Fitzgerald's delivery of each and every line, including throwaway ones like ordering Nick to fetch him a champagne refill, is genius. 
  • So does Karen know that Simon is playing her?  Does he know that she knows that he's playing her?  Does she know that he knows that she knows that he's playing her?  Does he know that she's playing him?  Does she know that he knows that she's playing him?  Does he know that she knows that he knows that she's playing him?  What is the meaning of the crystal swan?  What fossil-fuel substitute will Simon creepily lick on next week's episode?  These are the kinds of questions we never get to ask of our crappy daytime soaps! 
  • Leticia arrested for Dutch's murder?  This is the first murder-related twist on a soap that we haven't seen coming since General Hospital reanimated a corpse to make him a serial killer.  Ew, we just associated Dirty Sexy Money with General Hospital.  You have our sincerest apologies.  We just get all twirly and nonsensical when exposed to genuine, well-written soapiness!


Next week: Grey's Anatomy is back, Gossip Girl is a repeat (boo!) and 90210, Private Practice, and Dirty Sexy Money will continue doing what they do best (bore, disappoint and rule, respectively).

Screencaps courtesy of Gossip Girl Online, OTH-Caps and Home of the Nutty.


The only thing I watched of the above this week was DSM. The others bore me to tears. Which thank goodness that 90210 did that, now I can go back on my CW boycott.

Score! I am SO with you on the absolute awesomeness that is DSM. The season premiere kicked so much ass.

Only one qualm...how could you not mention the hawt back seat action between Jeremy & Lucy Liu's character? That was smokin. I love how SG can be totally adorable one moment and then super sexy the next. And lest we ever doubt his powers, he is the one who made Lisa the most interesting she's ever been. A part of me would like to see that continue for awhile.

I'm holding out hope for PP this year. I just love Kate/Addison too much for it to fail. Unless they are willing to move her back to Seattle Grace, of course.

Perhaps our overwhelming affection for Krause is clouding our judgment and is the reason we're finding Nick's wife Lisa to be such an annoying, crashing bore?

Nope, she just is an annoying, crashing bore. She can die next, I hope. Leave Nick free for an array of far more interesting women while juggling being drawn back to Karen. She's awesome.

Loved finding that Simon is playing her and I don't think she knows. So soapy and good!

Word to all the rest of your post, except OTH because I truly refuse to watch that. I did watch the clip though and wow...bad.

I hope PP can get better and did like Addison far better last episode than I had in the first season, so there is hope.

I end with: Chuck Bass is awesome. Because he is.

David Sutcliffe....HELL YEAH!!!!!

Gossip Girl!!

Oh how I love that show... Chuck is by FAR my favorite character. My mom saw Ed Westwick(they film where she works so unless she wants to get fired she can't get me an autograph or reveal her daughter is a bit stalkerish towards him) and HOLY MOLY she said he was even hotter in person *drools freely* I'll take me a Chuck anyday! But Blair is love too SO I'm thinking we need some more C/B scenes.

I'm not ashamed to say that I am a HUGE OTH lover, I just am and pretty much always have been. And that ummmm corn feild/crazy nanny thing while... weird(understatement) was truly AMAZING after watching all we have with this crazy chick. When Deb came out of nowwhere with the bottle it was truly a party in my room... and the corn feild, well to be frank, fits with this psycho chick.

As far as 90210 goes... I recently found out that they did 'Spring Awakening', only my FAVORITE Broadway show EVER, so I looked it up and watched and and... HELL NO! They did NOT just taint my beautful amazing show with that. And what scared me worse than ANYTHING was a poster where I saw it saying, and I quote, "They just put the Broadway stars to shame." Uhhhh, have you EVER seen the show b/c unless your blind, deaf, and oblivious to the world WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?! Seriously. Now I won't lie, the originals are who I fell in love with the show with,my heart and soul and the only SA cast I will ever truly love with my entire being b/c they are amazing and no one will beat them in my mind ever, they made that show all it was, but having seem the recasts they are also AMAZING. The recasts brought a little something else but I was craving the ones I fell in love with and what they brought but either way they were awesome. I wish 90210 would have left Spring Awakening alone... or at the very least learned the right moves and songs(FYI you don't do THAT *points to various differnet weird hand movements they did* and the song is "Bitch of Living" not "The Bitch of '''A''' Living").

DSM is so friggin awesome! I saw it for the first time during the recent SOAPnet marathon (Sadly, I don't even have the excuse of an appendectomy to justify my spending an entire day watching TV). I am absolutely hooked! I am so psyched that you ladies are now covering primetime soaps in your blog!

Chuck's inate Chuckness is so wholely awesome no words exsit to describe it perfectly. Although it's not going to stop any of us from trying. I personally love him taking Dan's shoes, kicking him out of the limo and making him walk home barefoot.

Here here to more Chuck/Blair scenes! Maybe while Serena and Blair are all fighting and Blair needs some assitance to regain her throne? I mean Jenny freaking "high school so isn't important" Humphry just pledged allegience to Team Blair. What's Jenny going to do to help? Bad fashion Serena to submitting?

The smackdown of the Humphry by the out of nowhere mentor was by far my favorite part of the episode. I may be emailing and writing to bring him back on a part time basis just so he can pop in occassionally and tell Dan he's not so great.

Just wanted to let you know that you made an error in your one tree hill review, which is understandable since you don't regularly watch the show. However, the grandmother actually was the kid's nanny. She moved in to watch the kid and be his nanny after the first one went crazy and was fired. Therefore, that one-liner makes perfect sense.

Is it just me or does it seem like more and more of the Gossip Girl characters are now wanting to go to Yale? It's always been Blair's lifelong dream, but then Serena, and now Dan? It is their senior year, is the show trying to tell me something?

Also, there are no words to adequately describe the hotness of David Sutcliffe. As there aren't to describe my appreciation of including a visual reminder in this post. Yummy.

I love me some DSM and GG last week was 18 different shades of crazy. 90210 finally got some teeth this week and if it can keep going and get better it'll be awesome, all the elements are there. I keep thinking of how boring the first year of Melrose was and how it didn't really take off until Heather Locklear came on and I think that 90210 needs to remember that and actually use Naomi in the capacity she's supposed to be used or bring on someone else that unites the girls in their collective bitchiness against while still having them loathe each other.
Plus? They need to use Navid more, Dixon/Silver are adorable and I want more and TABITHA is back. Plus the 20 year old bomb is waiting to explode. I want this show to be good so badly. I hope it gets itself together.

love gossips love gossip girls

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