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« That'll Do, Pig. That'll Do. | Main | These People Must Be Stopped »

October 28, 2008

This Show Really Makes Me Inquisitive

I feel like a toddler sometimes when I watch General Hospital, and not solely because early childhood television programming shares GH's fondness for simplistic dialogue and repetition. Granted, that is a large part of it, but...have you ever spent time with a toddler who is just filled with wonder and asks all sorts of questions about what things are, why they are that way, and how they came to be? That is me during General Hospital. "But...why? How did that...what is...????"

I have either regressed to the mentality of a nursery schooler (possible), or suffered a traumatic brain injury from when I walked into a branch (more likely; hey, it was a really big branch), or nothing about General Hospital makes any sense at all (most likely).

Jane Elliot and Tony Geary have, like, 147 Emmys between the two of them and THIS is the kind of story you write for them? For Luke Spencer and Tracy Quartermaine? Really?


Really? The word "hack" doesn't do it justice.

How many scenes can Olivia possibly be in for no real reason?

I hesitate to even ask that question, because I am sure that someone on the GH writing staff would be all too willing to take that as a challenge and we'd be treated to scenes of Olivia hanging out with Edward and Monica at the Quartermaine mansion*, or chatting with Scott and Laura. I know that the writers get excited when they have a shiny new toy to play with and that they'll probably get sick of her soon, at which point she will get killed off, but come on.

*Just kidding! Edward and Monica have already exceeded their maximum airtime for the rest of the year

Are they writing Sonny like a cranky child on purpose, or do they think that this is what leading men are made of?

Sonny: You think I don't know that? Why are you telling me something I know?

He was, like, two seconds away from a full-on, "You don't know me! I do what I want!" temper tantrum.


Sonny: Ok, you've got to understand something. Whatever I decide to do is for the protection of everybody. Yes, I don't trust the Zaccharas, but I may find out what makes them tick. You don't want to help me, so I'm going to handle it the way i handle it and you're going to handle it the way you handle it. And at the end, if we're on opposite sides, so be it.

What...the hell does that even mean?

Have you ever been typing, and your fingers are on the wrong key, but you don't notice until you've typed a few sentences and you look up at the computer screen and it is just gibberish? That's how I feel sometimes during Sonny/Jason scenes. I kind of zone out and then when I start paying attention again, none of the words they are saying make any sense. It's like what I imagine happens when one has a stroke.

Did Becky Herbst sell her soul to the devil to be so pretty?


No judgment on my end if she did. Because it was worth it.

Is Bruce Weitz for real?




I can only hope that he's in on the joke. You think he is, right? He's doing this on purpose? So we can laugh with him? I really hope so.

Are they fucking kidding me with this?

I offer the following with no commentary. Because words fail me. They FAIL ME.

Scott: I know that was an accident, but there was another accident that happened to you. Rick, your stepfather, was having an affair with a nurse at the hospital. You walked in on him and she was very mad at him, and she was yelling at him and she was hitting him. And you tried to protect Rick and you accidentally killed that woman...Rick stuck a needle in your arm. He tried to sedate you to help you forget. And then he forced me to take that body, dig a hole, and bury it. And I knew that you being on probation for David Hamilton, if this came out, you would go to prison. Laura, I loved you way too much for that to ever happen.

Scott: Laura, you didn't know this, but Rick, he turned out to be a very, very bad guy. He -- he blackmailed me over the woman's body that we buried. The -- the night before you were going to get married, he called me up and he said, meet him in the attic. He said there was a problem. I got over there and he had a syringe in his hand and he was coming after you. He was trying to sedate you against your will. You were fighting with him, desperately. I just picked up the first thing that I could get my hands on and I hit him. And -- and then I heard Luke coming up the stairs. And I figured it was best to take off. He -- that -- you know, you didn't need to see us at each other's throats there.

There are literally, like, 34 things in those two paragraphs that are absolutely insane, starting with Scott reminding Laura that Rick was her stepfather. But I am not going to go there. Because...because we don't have the bandwith for it, really.


On the plus side, the scenes about Robin and Patrick's wedding have been a new brand of cute, and that gets its own post at the end of the week. God bless Awesome Writer, seriously.

Screencaps courtesy of LizNJase


You've hit upon the only way to make this pap palatable -- treat it like a curious toddler with a zwee-biscuit! Taste a nibble to investigate it, spit it out, slobber all over it, spit it out again, wipe it around on the table-top and ultimately throw it against the wall in glee. It's the only way to make it entertaining. Of course, that also describes the way Guza *writes* this pap (spitting on us, regurgitating the same dialogue and stories, throwing everything against the wall to see what sticks and then ultimately slopping us all onto the floor when his attention span drifts to something else).

I'm ALMOST willing to try actually timing what parts of the show I actually hear if I mute the television during any time a mob related character is on. I was intrigued today by about a ten minute test (I heard, oh, maybe a minute and a half of conversation between Robin and her mother), and then I realized I did not even come close to having the requisite amount of patience for timing an entire episode on mute.

I gave up trying to understand this show years ago....i embrace the shallow. Which basically consists of me watching You Tube on mute to stare at Greg Vaughan's prettiness. Bless you Greg...bless you.

I'm so glad I'm not watching anymore. If I had sat through another scene completely rewriting and destroying Rick Webber's character yet again, I might have done violence to my very expensive TV.

Yea, Rick Webber was the first vet to be "guzafied" and I'm not even sure why he was "guzafied". It was such a lame plot device and still is. They couldn't think of anything else that would keep Rick Webber in character? Then again, this is Guza and he likes to DESTROY the Monty vets. I'm sure Gloria Monty just keeps rolling over and over in her grave.

I'm sorry.....there were other fictional people/characters who could step off, on this show?

I was blinded by Elizabeth Webber/Rebecca Herbst's beauty and didn't really clue in to anything else....

Also, regarding crAZ....he's just hilariously bad but also diabolical!!! :D

It took me coming to this blog (cause I love it) and reading this post to realize I don't watch this show anymore. The last time I saw it the hospital gang had sort of coerced Robin into a girl's night along with Patrick's
help, which was super cute. My GH viewing was sort of peripheral it's on when I get off @ night.But omg Bravo has given me the ironic genius that is NeNe Leakes and I'm like GH who?

Every conversation between Jason & Sonny comes off like a bickering married (divorced?) couple. My mind doesn't process words like "territory" & "enemy" anymore, all I see is some sorry jerk who forgot to take out the trash AGAIN.

It took me coming to this blog (cause I love it) and reading this post to realize I don't watch this show anymore. The last time I saw it the hospital gang had sort of coerced Robin into a girl's night along with Patrick's
help, which was super cute. My GH viewing was sort of peripheral it's on when I get off @ night.But omg Bravo has given me the ironic genius that is NeNe Leakes and I'm like GH who?

Every conversation between Jason & Sonny comes off like a bickering married (divorced?) couple. My mind doesn't process words like "territory" & "enemy" anymore, all I see is some sorry jerk who forgot to take out the trash AGAIN.

I agree with much of what you are saying and want to expand just a little.

First, you are absolutely right. Becky Herbst is absolutely beautiful, almost flawless and only improves more and more with age. She really is like Audrey Hepburn...timeless, classic, exquisite. Michael Saucedo sure is a lucky man and it's no wonder Steve Burton keeps going back to her. (I know it's really Jason going back to Liz but I get the feeling if Steve Burton didn't want a story, they wouldn't make him do it.)

Now, here's the issue's I wanted to expand on. Luke and Tracy and the Q's screentime and Scotty, Laura and the OLD storyline.

I have only watched for about 4 years now. I don't know who Luke, Laura, Tracy or Scotty are aside from the last 4 years. so here's my take.
First, I do not care what happened however many years ago with Laura's stepfather. However, this story is taking up too much of my screen time where I could see stuff I like.

Secondly, stupid stories just for comedy releif are not why I watch a soap. Sure I like some levity in the show from time to time and some good old fashion fun is certainly needed when the drama is being played out....right after a good cry because Michael was shot or Emily died, I need Spinelli and Maxie on my screen. However, it is not a story. It should not have a beginning, middle and an end...it should just be a scene for levity's sake. Yet with Tracy and Luke, their stories have only been about levity. Not good writing at all. And the rediculousness of everything the GH higher ups do to keep tony Geary around? I'm sorry, I think he's a good actor, etc...but I don't see it. What I do see is that he's always gone when his presence WOULD make a difference onscreen.

Then we have the Q's. They are quirky, full of all the drama a good soap family should have and have a presence or reason to be in almost every storyline. Alan should not be dead. He would be so good slightly stage left in the storyline of Patrick, Robin and the baby with the HIV stuff. (I youtubed and know he was her doctor years ago) Monica being Emily's mother and a doctor could be involved with Nik, the clinic, the drug storyline. She's also Jason's mother, Michael's grandmother etc...so that opens up interaction with Carly, Sonny and Jason not to mention Liz and Jake. Edward is a businessman so he could interact with all of the mob storylines because they all seem to want this waterfront property and territories that the Q's probably own anyway.

GH writers really need to step back and realize who and what viewers REALLY want to see. Oh and they could wathc Y&R for about a month to see how to weave all theplayers and storylines together so that every veiwer is pleased at the end of the day.

Finally, I agree that they ram new characters down our throats until we hate them. WHY?

It has reached the point for me where I INSTANTLY hit the FF button on my remote as soon as Sonny hits the screen. While it does get me to the end of the pain and madness quickly, watching Sonny's 2-year-old-temper-tantrum expressions go by at lightning speed makes them all the more horrid and irritating. How many more hours do we have to fill with the insipid Jason/Sonny/mob argument? WE GET IT ALREADY AND WE'RE OVER IT! STFU!

Even though Claudia is only mildly entertaining (and I mean that like watching a squirrel eat a nut in my backyard), I did almost find it - FUN - to watch her get all up in Kate's grill about marrying Sonny. Can you imagine this show has turned me to rooting for THAT?? I so loathe Kate now. Please just die of your injuries. Please? Maybe it will be contagious and you can take Olivia with you while she calls out "Connie" in her nasally voice all the way to the end. Yeesh.

Please tell me they are scrapping the "Olivia's son comes to town" story. I'm bored already. I envision some greasy-looking kid with a black suit and a nasally Olivia voice.

I know Jane and Tony are worthy of SO MUCH MORE, but I have to say, the plane ride from Mexico has been the most entertaining thing on GH this week. At least they can deliver the schlock in a funny way? Right?

Of course, any scenes with Robin, Anna or Patrick have been awesome - except the icky, gross, nasty, prostitution-laced scenes with Olivia and Patrick. They aren't going to play Billy Ocean's "Get Into My Car" today, are they? PLEASE NO??

Seeing Genie Francis on screen has been such a treat, even if the storyline that brought her there is so, SO poorly written. She looks great! Can't I just say that? Genie looks great!

Please, God, tell me that Luke's plane and Scotty's plane aren't going to collide in mid air and they end up hanging from some horridly produced CGI waterfall somewhere, right? Please tell me that?

Can you tell I'm paranoid about what GARBAGE I may see from one day to the next??

Yesterday's episode led me to this, it's SAT time....

GH is to the viewers as Claudia is to Anthony Z.

GH and Claudia are both so scene chewing awful, screechingly offensive, and profoundly sick that they cause bleeding in the brain!

WATCH GH AT YOUR OWN RISK! Knowing that in real life your neurosurgeon won't be Dr. Patrick Drake!

Word... and I can't wait for the post about my favorite wedding ever for my favorite couple ever <3

Seriously, Scrubs, to me at least, are in a league of their own. I ONLY atch GH for the awesomeness that is them. I have been MORE than happy with the way things are going with Scrubs(and their Muffin).

I'm tuned in this week for scrubs. Period. Olivia and Patrick scenes....do....not...want. Yuck. Why must she be thrust into Patrick's life?

I've been watching Ken Shriner and Genie Francis since I was a child, and all I could think about their storyline was WTF?

It's nice to see Genie still around. Love her. Always will. Gorgeous. Including Rebecca. She was breath taking in that church.

Every Robin, Anna, Uncle Mac, and Maxie scene has taken away the pain. I love you awesome writer.

Please kill off:

Olivia (and her son before he has a chance to get to PC)
The Zaccharas

Give little Morgan to Jax to raise, because he'd be a good father. Bring Jagger and Stone back to PC, and begin the Cates family soapy storyline. More family scenes with the Q's. Give Nikolas an unpredictable story, and send Nadine packing. Give Epiphany and Toussant a storyline. I already miss them.

I swear I could go on.

You know how monkeys in the zoo will start talking to each other and get really worked up and they start pounding their chests and then inevitably poo gets flung? I think about that every time I watch a scene with Sonny and Olivia.

And is it me, or is Olivia just another model in the long line of The Tedious, Annoying, "Feisty" Mob Chicks of PC that Bob Guza has created? I swear I think he's going to start selling these dolls on QVC with Joan Rivers.

I completely, COMPLETELY fast forwarded through every Sonny/Kate/Olivia scene yesterday. Completely. I used to scan through in case there was some important piece of info I might need for later on (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!), but now, pffffftttt....moving on.

With the advent of TIVO (which is the ONLY way I watch GH these days), some higher up SOMEWHERE in the world must know that people are fast-forwarding through particular scenes or ONLY taping the show, right? Which is horrible for advertising revenue, RIGHT?



Sorry for the double post yesterday! That's what I get for blog scanning when I should be paying attention in class.

I would also like to add that it's not fair for someone to be as pretty as Becky Herbst. Not only is she most definitely soul-less, she appears to be poreless as well. Sigh.

Let me just give you two props, because you would think at some point you guys would run out of creative, entertaining ways to say "GH is horrifying", but so far, you haven't.

Even the news that Scrubs are being written adorably is not enough to get me back to watching this show. Because we know, don't we, that Guza has some horrific plan to ruin them completely right around the corner. I just can't hang for that.

...but doesn't GENIE FRANCIS look fabulous?!??!

You are so on point. GH is all kinds of awful. It's a new low when I can't even sit through Luke, Tracey, Laura or Scott scenes but I can't. Honestly, the only thing worth a damn on this wreck of a show is Scrubs. The wedding has been pure joy to watch minus one seriously inappropriate non-phone call from Patrick. I can't wait for your recap! Kimberly McCullough and Jason Thompson are worth every penny GH is paying them and more.

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