General Hospital Week in Review

Yes, the Week in Review is back.  I didn't think it was fair to continue to punish a perfectly useful blogging device just because the subject of said device is a horrible, miserable, depressing excuse for a soap opera.  And plus, with Robin and Patrick having a baby and Laura's brief return, General Hospital has decided to harsh my "I hate this entire show and everything about it and it sucks and is fat and ugly and mean and I want it to die" buzz a bit, so I needed something else to keep me going.

As you can tell, my positive attitude and generosity of spirit have returned along with the Week in Review.  Rejoice.

At the risk of oversharing, I feel the need to share a bit of background on a particular issue.  Here's the deal:  I do not especially want to have children.  If I meet the right guy and he wants to, I might, but I don't have that biological imperative thing going that many women do.  I don't hate kids, but I don't crave being around them, you know?  Mostly I think they're kind of perpetually sticky, and also sometimes dirty and stinky.  They also don't have a lot of use for personal space boundaries, which is a biiiig thing with me.  A few months ago while standing in line, a small girl mistook my legs for those of her mother and threw herself around me.  I nearly had a stroke, and then wondered whether dry cleaning my pants would be an overreaction.  Oooh, and the ones who fly around department stores on their little wheelie shoes?  I have been tempted to stick out a well-shod foot to teach them a lesson.  Judge me if you must, but you know those shoes -- and the parents who allow their rampant, indoor use -- are evil. 

ANYWAY, none of this is relevant, really, because before they develop into children, babies are adorable (unlike Robin Scherbatsky, I do not have a baby phobia).  I realize this is a controversial position, much like that puppies are cute, but I'm going to stick with it.  So I did not expect to be especially moved by the birth of Emma Grace Scorpio Drake because 1) she is fictional, and 2) she is a TV baby so she's going to be at the extra-cute end of the baby attractiveness spectrum.  And she was as precious as I expected.

That is a cute-ass baby, folks.

What I did not count on, however, and what has caused my knees to turn into a gelatinous goo on at least two occasions now, is this:  Patrick Drake is, in the regular course of the storyline, required to hold Emma.  And so it happened that these images:

...have caused me to call into question many of my existing theories about children.  My god, they truly do have the power to make even already exceedingly hot men hotter!  And I have never been one to buy into that cliché about men holding babies being sexy.  I rebuke that cliché!  But somehow, in spite of myself . . . gooey.  Gooey knees!  My ovaries might even have twitched.  But I don't want to sound like an overly emotional woman, so let me break this down logically:

[Jason Thompson's hotness]
+
[adorableness of baby playing Emma]
+
[Jason Thompson hotly holding adorable baby playing Emma]
=
[Jason Thompson's hotness]^{10 (or maybe infinity)}

Who said math isn't sexy?

Not one to stop at just hotly reproducing, Patrick did other things hotly last week.  He:

...was hotly calming (when Robin was worried about Emma being HIV-positive)

...was hotly comforting (when Robin was in labor)

...was hotly in awe (when Emma was born)

...was hotly elated (at seeing Emma up close for the first time)

...hotly rescusitated

...was hotly worried (about Robin's odd blood clotting disorder which somehow didn't come up when she was shot and then sewn up with fishing line at the Metro Court last year but I don't want to bring that up now because it's messing with my hotly theme)

...even hotly departed.

Jason Thompson, you are a hot god among less-hot men. 

It is also worth noting that both Jason Thompson and Kimberly McCullough have been even more stellar than usual over these last couple of weeks, and if they don't get nominated for Emmys next year, there is even less justice involved in those things than I already thought there was, which hardly seems possible.

Kimberly McCullough is so good, in fact, that she even makes the people around her better when she's playing unconscious.  

Was this not the most likable Jason has been in months?  Sure, Steve Burton and Becky Herbst still spark like crazy, but since the Jason-Liz coupling appears to be dead in the water, don't let that one charming scene at Liz's loft make you forget what a heel Jason is virtually all the rest of the time.  Except when he's with Robin, when he borders on . . . dreamy.  Yeah, I said it. 

But back to more universally acceptable opinions, how freaking adorable were Mac and Maxie with Emma?  Scorpio/Jones family interaction is downright delightful.

 

Maxie on her own is a delight, too.  She's making me tolerate Spinelli for long stretches, for god's sake.  Kirsten Storms, I bow down to you. 

And even if I didn't already adore Maxie for her feistiness and bitchiness and humor and fun hair and great clothes, I would love her for this bitchface alone.

Sniffle.  Little Maximista is all grown up. 

I think it was a super great idea for the powers-that-be to use the same set for We Are Lazy as Hell and Can't Be Bothered To Write a Layered Character So We Went With Jerry as a Totally Irredeemable Sociopath Who Tries To Murder His Girlfriend's Daughter in Cold Blood storyline as they did for the Irina Beats the Crap Out of Jax and Then Forces Him To Have Sex at Gunpoint but it's Totally Not Sexual Assault Just in Case You Were Stupid and Thinking That, Okay Morons? one. 

Definitely want to stir up those good memories.  Finger on the pulse as always, GH.

I'm sort of reluctant to praise the latest return of Laura Spencer, because it gives credit to showrunners that will only let Genie Francis return for all-too-brief, contrived, rushed appearances while the rest of the show languishes in repetitive suckitude.

But, dude, Genie Francis is so freaking good, I can't not give her her due.  While it was ridiculous that they had to cram about two months' worth of story into two weeks (Laura wakes up, Scotty kidnaps her, Scotty tells Laura about Luke and Tracy being married, Luke and Tracy look for Laura and Scotty and then find her, Laura reunites with her children, etc.), Francis kicked butt in her limited screentime.  I especially loved snarky, pissed-off Laura.

The writers have a tendency to make Laura all Mother Earth-y and kind of an otherworldly angelic figure, so some understandable, negative emotion was a nice change of pace.  And it goes without saying that Tony Geary played Luke's reactions perfectly, and that he and Genie Francis raise each other's games to new levels.

Allow me a fangirly moment:  LUKE AND LAURA 4EVAH!  Squee!

I still like Luke and Tracy, though, and am glad they haven't totally torched that relationship for Laura's brief returns.

I also liked, despite the many moments of implausibility, Laura's kids all interacting -- without any mob involvement whatsoever! -- and working together to find their mom.

Perhaps due to her proximity to Nikolas and the extra-yummy Lucky, my Lulu hate even abated for a couple of days.  It was awesome.  And as for Nikolas, Tyler Christopher has stopped playing it like Nik is repulsed by Nadine, and Claire Coffee has been given much less Smurfy lines of late, so I also don't hate Nadine anymore.  What is happening to me?

Mobsters in Port Charles are ridiculously ineffective.  First of all, if you're going to stab someone and then throw their body in a river, shouldn't you 1) stab them somewhere, I don't know, important?  cause more than a flesh wound?, and 2) throw their body more than two feet off a pier in deeper than eight feet of water? 

 

But if that were the case then Carly couldn't have come to Sonny's rescue, and we can't have a day that goes by that doesn't glorify Carly's awesomeness (and improbable lung capacity)! 

I refuse to discuss Carly and Jax's ongoing merry-go-round-without-the-merriness relationship, or Carly and Sonny's please-believe-they're-meant-for-each-other-because-we-think-that's-soapy-angst-and-we're-about-to-pair-them-up-with-other-people-that-they-will-undoubtedly-cheat-on-with-each-other routine, because that means they actually do exist, and I like pretending that they don't.

I must, however, point out that even if I could forgive Carly for saving Sonny's miserable life again, I cannot forgive her flashing back to Limo Sex.

EW!  Why, why, WHY would anyone flash back to that?!  Why would this show subject its few remaining viewers to that?!  WHY CAN I NOT UN-SEE THAT?!

It's just very lucky for Carly that open-toed boots and Jenny Humphrey on Gossip Girl came along, or she would be my least favorite thing about this entire autumn.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot.  Sonny -- your leading man, soap fans! -- brutally murdered Karpov by shooting him multiple times at close range, even though as far as I can tell the only crimes that dude had committed that Jason and Sonny hadn't were having a terrible fake Russian accent and not ever having been good-looking.

So, you know, the usual.  Ugh.  I hate this show.

Screencaps courtesy of LaurieLuvsLiason.

Comments

Patrick went beyond "hotly" this past week or so. Like SCORCHINGLY. (Which is pretty good for a man who only, what, a year ago had his hotly revoked!) I'm pretty sure your math supports this. I think that's what the power of ten/infinity question is showing.

[karen b]

I have to say how pleasantly surprised I was that Emma actually appeared to be baby size. Not like on Desperate Housewives last season, when Susan gave birth to a toddler.

[Sarah]

The whole Patrick is hot to the tenth power, perfectly perfect Scrubs scenes, and Robin making even Sonny and Jason both likeable and dare I say it human and even dreamy I agree whole heartedly. Robin and Patrick // KMcC and JT are incredible characters // gifted actors.

Laura's few great moments however are brutally overshadowed by Guza insanity IMO. She has to be told about Jake's big secret paternity? Now even the unconscious in town know that big secret! She knows all about Aunt Raylene for eff's sake? Not to mention her adoration of Nadine and even worse her love and respect for MOBSTER JOHNNY?!?!?! Is she gonna perk up every other year for three weeks indefinitely? It's insulting. And Scotty and the whole truth about the dumb Ric murder in the first place was horrendous.

And that actor playing Karpov, he really is Russian! He is Russian in every film and TV role he has ever played.

Carly gets that super lung power form going braless. I HATE THIS EFFING SHOW!

[Becca]

Oh god, that's his real accent? That somehow make me like him even less.

"Finger on the pulse as always, GH."

Please, go be the head writer for GH. Please. I beg you.

[Sarah]

Becca, his name is Ilia Volok. If you check out his resume on IMDB all his character names read like the Moscow phone book, it's kinda funny.

Most sitcom fans know him best as the dry cleaner on FRIENDS who hated Joey and refused to put up his headshot on his dry cleaning shop wall. All due to a role Joey played where Joey, in character, killed Russians. Joey was so upset! Harrison Ford was on the wall, so Joey asks why since he was in Air Force One and killed a lot of evil Russians in that movie. The Soviet sensitive dry cleaner said he missed that one and goofy Joey said too bad, it was great! The dry cleaner then said at least Harrison Ford brings in a lot of clothes to be cleaned and Joey was a lousy customer.

Am I am reliving an old epi of Friends here?!?! And a "B" storyline at that? The writing on GH sucks so bad I am desperate for good writing even in recall. SAD.

[Becca]

Holy cow, I can't believe I didn't recognize him from that! Thanks for the info.

[Katie]

Oh Becca...

You had me at trippin kids with Wheelies and hating Jenny Humphrey.

[M]

I agree with the first post - JT is SO beyond Hotly at this point, probably well-past SCORCHINGLY too. OMG, I was melting during all of his scenes with little baby Emma! I didn't think it was possible for him to be any more beautiful!!
YUMMY :-)

[CHIgirl]

Holy Mother of God - Sonny isn't dead. Damn you Guza - DAMN YOU!!!!

On a different subject - I am in total agreement with you about not having a "biological" clock. A while back I went to the "plumbing DR" for my yearly "review" and the test came back abnormal. I simply told the Dr it was becuase I was born without a biological clock and that everythhing was in fact "normal" for me.

Anyone thinking of having a baby should have to watch back to back episodes of TLC's "A Baby Story" for 24 hours....

Patrick is uber hot. And he and Robin and even Anna all deserve daytime Emmy's - not withstanding that OG GH won last year - that was a load of crap.

[natty3]

OMG thank you for the patrick screen caps. he really raised his hotness factor to a point that it cant even be quantified. Emma is just the cutest tiny teent tiny baby ever. so realistic too, bc starr's baby is like a 6month old child instead of looking like a new born. the two weeks of the wedding and emma;s birth showcased gh's only real family consisting of the scorpio's.drakes/jones and it was amazing. i was shoched at all the great family scenes we were given with matt patrick maxie anna mac and robin. as i am typing this its back to buisness as usual and scrubs are non existent again for the mob but it was really wonderful while it lasted.

[Jennyp]

I was not initially a scrubs fan, but became one thru sheer force of that man's personality & hotitude. And I had to laugh when Aunt Raylene came up. THAT'S the first thing you tell your comatose mom about, of course! And they tell Laura about Jake, but don't bring Jake, Spencer, or Cameron to visit Grandma? Sheesh.

[V]

I have not watched this show since... maybe around last Christmas? I have to say I started watching it again this week with the Scrubs wedding and baby birth.

Awwww.... that baby was so cute. I melt at the sight of any baby, however, but she was an especially cute one.

Patrick is now the HOTTEST guy (sorry Lucky - you're still my fave - but not this one week). Thank you for one awesome screen cap after another of Patrick in all his hot glory.

Sonny = cold-blooded killer. I'm sure the mindless fan girls are swooning.

Carly and Sonny rekindling something - although, fortunately she's been telling a h*ll of a lot of truthiness and self-awareness concerning her link to Sonny lately. I'm appreciating that. And Olivia and her truthiness... it's all rather frightening. I'm sure that reality will be gone soon enough, and we're already seeing GH hasn't changed at all.

Mostly because of this latest tease for sweeps, promoting the Russian Mob is HERE:

Sam runs into Jason's SUV (when did he become a soccer mom?) and yells, "The Russians have Jake!" LOL "The Russians are coming!" Wasn't that an old 60s comedy?

Okay, that leads me to believe all the Scrubs hotness and Maxie, Mac and puppies on clouds, and all that is good in the world will come to an end. Laura already left the canvas today, so I may go back to being a GH non-watcher again until possibly next year.

Sheesh, and where were those grandkids? Granny is gone.

[JL]

First, I have a kid, and still, if you start tripping kids in the wheelie shoes? I've got your back. I loathe kids wheeling around in crowded stores on those things.

Second, who the hell is Aunt Raylene??

[1986]

Hello! What about the hotness that was Matt and Patrick bonding? Sigh.....

[BarbE]

I loved all of the genuine family concern/support of the Scorpio family which is growing. Little Robin Scorpio is a MOM! Get out. It was a beautiful thing and I was so glad for this fictional character. The Scorpio name lives on! It was great to see 3 generations of the Devane women. But with all the attention to Patrick's pov it is strange that the writers do not have Patrick mentioning his Mom who was very important to him. Maybe later, it would have been good to have a Robert is a grandfather mention, or Noah. Robin/KMc looks too young to have a baby. Robin, Patric & baby were all beautiful.

[Chad]

Kind of not related, but I think I cackled for fifteen minutes when I saw a GH ad where OH NOES LUCKY THINKS THERE'S GOING TO BE ANOTHER MOB WAR!!!1!!

Asking if the main story arcs on GH are something not "mob war" related is like asking if G.I. Joe is going to fight an enemy other than COBRA this time.

[Tabby]

Would the Laura Spencer from a decade ago, approve of her daughter being with a mobster?

Laura wanted to settle in, wanted the house with the pickett fence. She didn't want more on the run adventures and tussles with mobsters.

Suddenly she's very approving of Johnny Zachara? lol

I suppose I enjoyed some of her scenes. I really love her, but it's hard to allow myself to care knowing she's going to be here and gone in a matter of weeks.

Loved all the family scenes with scrubs baby.

[Mar]

Jason Thompson.... *speechless*

The best thing about the Sonny getting stabbed and thrown in the water storyline (once I came to my senses and realized Guza would never kill his golden gangster) was the all-too-brief flashbacks (Brenda! Stone! Little Robin!) and the chance to sing, "Suuper Carly!" every time Carly comes onto screen now...

[tanya]

I so wanted sonny to be dead - DEAD.

JT is hot doing anything - even holding a baby!

[Spike]

All of that, plus:

Let it be said, Genie Francis looks

F
A
B
U
L
O
U
S.

[Tania]

Ummmm... sorry, after the Scrubs part I zoned out b/c well... the Patrick hotness got to me AGAIN!! Seriously, hottest guy ever! I want a Patrick Drake! I want a Jason Thompson!! I also want an adorable baby who is just like Emma b/c OMG that baby can TOTALLY pass for Patrick and Robin's child(she's a little SCENE stealer just like them!! And did you see her little tounge?! She is SO Patrick's child <3).

Le sigh... I love Scrubs, even more than usual!! They were just amazing and the rest of the show ceased to exist when Patrick, Robin, and Emma were on screen. Best family EVER!! Seriously, as long as they are on a reasonable amount of time I will watch live and, while I may zone out non-Scrubbie Family scenes, I would LOVE GH again(and I mean the WHOLE show not just the Scrubs scenes as usual) just for them, b/c to be honest Scrubs is the only thing saving the show for me.

Awesome recap :D

[Jes]

I've missed Luke and Laura so much that just looking at screencaps makes me all happy and sad at once. Even in pictures, they ooze chemistry.

[Kels]

"Hotly" no longer sufficiently describes JT. He transcends mere hotness.

Maxie does rule but even she can't always make Spin tolerable. She helps but even she has limits on her power.

I'm unable to really praise the return of Laura. Genie is amazing to be sure. I did love her pissed off Laura. However, what they have done with L&L combined with the obvious favoritism involving her 'daughter' over her sons....I just can't really enjoy more than a few moments. Never mind all the bitter for how little she is around while we endure ridiculous amounts of crap.

See I told you. GH ruined most of Laura's return for me.

[Ashley Samantha]

"Mostly I think they're kind of perpetually sticky, and also sometimes dirty and stinky. They also don't have a lot of use for personal space boundaries, which is a biiiig thing with me. A few months ago while standing in line, a small girl mistook my legs for those of her mother and threw herself around me. I nearly had a stroke, and then wondered whether dry cleaning my pants would be an overreaction. Oooh, and the ones who fly around department stores on their little wheelie shoes? I have been tempted to stick out a well-shod foot to teach them a lesson."

OH.EM.GEE. My thoughts, VERBATIM! I don't *hate* kids, I've just never particularly wanted any.

I started watching again just for Laura. I love her, I love that she (& Luke) is an icon of sorts & I love that Deidre Hall can not TOUCH Genie Francis in the soap opera archetype category. The only thing I don't love is that she's not sticking around. =(
I've always (God knows) liked Nadine, & was cute seeing her interact with Laura but um. I do wish they would introduce her to her grandkids. Or something.

Genie Francis looks AMAZING, what is this woman's secret cause I know GH Hair & Makeup don't just have skills like that.
I can't believe Sonny killed Karpov you know. For real. I wasn't watching the day he did it so there, GH did surprise my with that one, and you just KNOW he's gonna' get away with it.
Sigh. Sonny & his baby mamas. Rinse. Repeat.
I could watch Laura drink her coffee for hours.

I hope your mention of Little J means Primetime Suds is coming soon! It's one of my fave columns here, even though I have a strange love for Jenny Humphrey.

[cillann]

Tuned in for Genie..she is perfection...she's gone so now time to tune out as GH returns to more explosions..mob. Be careful Scrubs fans...this is Guzaland and we all know he can't leave couples together a year without deconstructing them. Don't get too emotionally involved and connected for your own sanity.

[Val]

TPTB using the same set for 2 of the storylines! ROTFL! It's a wonder that there is any sucktitude anywhere else, as the mighty powers of sucktitude seem to be concentrated in GH. I'm hoping the Scorpio/Drakes (and especially Robert's upcoming scenes) escape the character killing power of Guza-led sucktitude.

[Jennifer]

I hear ya, Ashley. Just put Laura, Lucky, Brenda, and Patrick all in a room together drinking coffee and reading the paper. PURE HEAVEN. Of course, I'm gonna need Lucky and Patrick to rotate getting up and walking around every 5 mins or so.

LOVED, LOVED, LOVED everything Scrubs and everyone in the Scrubs orbit. That was vintage GH of yesterdecade and it was f*cking FANTASTIC!!!! Cue the 90's GH Faces of the Heart intro. Awe....YES. Thank you Dave Koz.

Sonny not dying and Jenny Humphrey getting too much damn air time. Ugh!!! This is so unfair.

[Beth]

OMG, the Wheelie Shoes are of the devil. And so are the kids who wear them and the parents who buy them and let them wear them. I'm totally your character witness if you have to go to court over a tripping incident.

Oh, and Genie Francis rules. Rules all, in fact. I'm actually kind of glad yesterday was her last day so I don't have to watch the rest of that nonsense anymore, but I actually experienced TRUE HUMAN EMOTIONS (well, other than laughing hysterically or throwing food at my TV) in her scenes yesterday. Imagine that!

But why keep Genie and Laura around?? We've got Aunt Raylene to look forward to! No, that is not a typo. Aunt Raylene is coming.

[Tooley]

So apparently Laura wakes up. Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't this the same Laura that Luke is always waxing poetic about? The same Laura that he says owns his heart completely and always will? The same Laura that he said, "without you, I have no soul"? The same Laura that he says is his heart, his soul and his humanity? That he can't breathe without her?

So she wakes up but instead of Luke displaying overwhelming JOY that his soulmate is alive and well, he's looking around for some kind of coin to flip? Heads, Laura wins. Tails, she loses? [oops, sorry Laura. Looks like it's tails. And Luke isn't too keen on going for 2 out of 3]

Then Laura gets on a plane to fly out of his life forever, and he's obviously thinking, "Mmm, I wonder what Alice is cooking for dinner..."???

Umkay. Whatever you say, Guza. What.ever.you.say.