2009 Is Off To a Great Start For One Port Charles Resident

Lucky Spencer, especially in the Guza regime, experiences joy so seldom that, on the rare occasions that he isn't being written as a slow-witted foil for the "true" "heroes" of the show, I have to re-watch those scenes to understand what actually happened, since on first viewing, I can't focus because of how new and special the occasion is.

And today was pretty much the pinnacle of good times for Lucky!

Lulu: Really? And I bet you didn't even investigate this did you? Right? You just took this Pervis guy for his word, because you think throwing Johnny into prison is going to make me forget about him. But trust me, I'll forget about you first.

!!!

Take her up on this offer, Lucky! Run and cut all ties forever! Your blood pressure, mental stability and hearing ability will thank you for it!

Related: Lulu is a vile shrew.

The rest of today's episode can be summed up, as so many General Hospital related things can, with a combination of swearing, eyerolling and the phrase DO NOT WANT.

Resisting Spinelli is absolutely futile, because he's here to stay and be a more integral part of the show than the Quartermaines, Spencers and Scorpios combined, and I am not okay with that, but I won't rage or whine about it...or at least I won't rage or whine about it on a daily basis.

But I am not so graceful in defeat that I will blindlly accept a girl Spinelli.

I have a very low tolerance for pain and I have gotten used to Spinelli's tortured syntax and random allusions only because I was forced to (and because Bradford Anderson has a certain charm to him), and hearing TWO PEOPLE have a belabored, incomprehensible conversation almost made me cry because it hurt so much. Between the cringing and the eyerolling and the ever-present ennui that comes with watching General Hospital, I was in physical pain.

Winifred: I was never so arrogant as to think that I would be touched by greatness, but people like me don't draw people like you into their orbits. So, when I saw you, my circuits overloaded and they fried. I couldn't get you out of my mind.

Winifred: Saga changed the entire landscape of cyber-games. It immediately made Goth's God Revenge and Magic and Myths irrelevant and obsolete.

Spinelli: The Jackal is blown away that you would rank my modest first attempt at online gaming on a par with Goth Gods, I mean --

Winifred: Please, please, you'd have to get to level 10 of Goth before you can even come close to the rush that you get on level one of Saga. I mean, you have made all those other cyber gaming geeks eat your dust and beg for mercy.

I'm not going to lie: I prayed for death.

A story involving a simpleton, a prince and a plow patent sounds like the start of a really bad joke, doesn't it? But, as ever, the only joke here is the elaborate one being played on the audience.

Who thinks to themselves, "You know what the daytime landscape is just screaming for? Intrigue over farm equipment. Oh, yeah. Eat your heart out, Carlivati, this year's Emmy writing is mine!"? And then tops that moment of brilliance with this line:

Mr. Corday: Interfere and you'll be the ones inconvenienced when you find yourselves classified as enemies of the state.

ENEMIES OF THE STATE. I LOLed, both because it's the most inane line of dialogue uttered on any soap thus far in 2009 and also because it seems like being an enemy of the state would be more than a mere inconvenience...

Carly: I hate that you slept with her. It's the only time I felt like you deliberately set out to hurt me, and I know you did it just to pay me back.

Jax: Do you really want to go there?

Carly: Yeah. I have tried to get past this, but I can't. I mean, I want to know what you were thinking when you slept with her and I want to know if you regret it.

Poor Carly, unable to get past the fact that Jax slept with Kate! Especially since it happened multiple times over the course of their relationship, and at one point Jax even went so far as to marry her as a favor when Carly went out of the country! Oh, wait, that is not what happened at all, is it?

I feel like getting all shouty about glass houses, stones and self righteous bitches...

Also, Laura Wright, I feel like I have already asked you politely not to do this

My patience is running out!

The annual Sonny Corinthos Rehabilitation Tour made its way to the Scrubs wing of the show today and we got to hear some of our favorite mantras all at once: Sonny is a good man! Sonny is a good father! Violence can happen to anyone, darn it, Sonny is just a regular guy!

Sonny: Well, let's face it. The odds of the same thing happening to you are small. You are a brilliant, upstanding doctor. Nice, clean life, right? Untouched by violence [except for that time that Robin was being held hostage in the Metro Court, shot, and operated on with office supplies but who remembers anything that happened that long ago? Certainly not the writers!--Ed.]. You've already done more for your kid than I've --

Patrick: Sonny, violence can strike anyone at any time.

Sonny: Yeah.

Patrick: And as far as I'm seeing, you love your kids. You're trying to be the best father you can be, like every other father.

SIGH.

If only Sonny weren't being forced to be a part of the mob! If only he had experienced a tragic loss at the hands of mafia violence, such as his wife getting blown up in the mid-90s, to reaffirm how dangerous the mob is! Life would be so different!

Sonny: She is absolutely beautiful, just like your momma. Hey, you know what? You're a lucky little girl, because you've hit the jackpot with an amazing woman like your momma. I have known her for how many years? A long time. I know you're going to be loved and wanted, right? For a long time. I hope that you are never harmed.

The baby is going to be wanted for a long time? What? "I hope that you are never harmed"? Who says that?!

Comments

[Beth R.]

Yes Lucky...PLEASE take that unfaithful whore of a sister up on that offer....

Oh wait..I'm supposed to condeem him for doing his job when someone presses charges against someone and he's supposed to arrest them right?

Opps failed that trainign class.

Oh Patrick...propping Sonny? Did we use hotly one too many times for Guza's liking? Is that it?

[Hillary]

I feel so terrible for Lucky. His former wife left him for a mobster after he was written into a corner of drugs and infidelity, his current girlfriend is running around playing super mobsters with her ex (coincidentally the same one his ex-wife left him for), and his sister is choosing a mobster over him. Can the poor guy not catch a break? He could by telling his sister and Sam to shove it. Lulu is such a shrew, but the fact that Lucky is being made out to be the bad guy is even worse. The way Guza treats the son of Luke and Laura is just shameful.

Speaking of other things that are shameful, the Nikolas-Nadine-government farm equipment thing is so stupid, it's astounding. I just... WHAT THE HELL??? It just makes no sense, and Nadine is such a freakishly immature woman that watching those scenes is just pure torture. I can't help but feel that every time Nikolas looks as Nadine with that bemused, "WTF?" look on his face as she prattles on, Tyler Christopher is secretly asking himself "Why does God hate me?" He seriously needs to be rescued from this crap ASAP.

[sweetgjb]

seriously, what does that thing called a Head Writer have 2 do 2 get his ass fired? it pisses me off when he writes women specificly dark haired women as either a woman who is looking sad and pitiful by chasing a thug killer for hire or what he makes out to be the town "Hero" or by making them self hate themselves, man but today making Patrick pimp off sonny really pissed me off. I mean I don't even mind sonny when he's around robin but having robin and patrick say how great a father he is is just plain wrong. and I really feel bad for KMc cause u know that dick is going to really screw her character over with this PPD story line. If GH and the people in charge of this "show" want to fix it they need to get rid of the head evil factor and his gang of idiot writers (except Karren Harris). if not this show will be off the air soon. Man I really hate the Head writer of this show and most of all the other writers. THIS SHOW SUCKS!!!

[Sarah]

This episode was beyond crap. Every scene was offensive, inane, ridiculous, false, backward, poorly written, insulting, and heartbreaking but not in the good way. This episode was like Guza and his evil team of morons physically and emotionally abusing me for being a long time fan and loyal viewer.

I need a support group or meds to get me off GH. This episode was abusive and I fear I will tune in again tomorrow. GH is my Ike Turner!

In my drunken depressed stupor that GH caused tonight I admit only this, Nadine as a Gitmo resident seems like a good idea. Why shouldn't the harmless annoying Smurf be thrown in an unjust prison for terrorists while the mob run free in PC?

[Tabby]

A plow patent? Really? I'm so glad I've been GH free lately.

[Izzi]

I knew you would point out the Sonny propping by Patrick. I mean when Carly says it, okay, we can actually believe that she thinks that, but Patrick, I mean really?!!! And this is coming from a Sonny fan.

Love the columns. keep up the good work, girls, and I LOVE when you include screencaps.

[V]

I knew it was coming. When Sonny snuck into the SCRUBS wedding to shake Patrick's hand with his mob blessing - that was it. I cry for the year. We all know Patrick will now be Sonny's whipping boy. I'm so glad I stopped watching this show almost a year ago after Georgie's death.

Lucky looks hot in that pic. He always looks so hot, and he's such a good big brother. When will they figure out Lulu is just plain... unlikable with her frumpy mobby bf?

Man, I hate this show. And I think Carlivati has cured a rare cancer - Guzasnoma. I had it last year and since watching OLTL I'm totally over it.

[Simone]

This show is just a mess. I couldn't believe how Patrick of all people would go along with Sonny visiting and spending time with Emma. Patrick told Robin not too long ago that he didn't want Jason near Emma because look what happened to Michael. Incredible!

I have loved Maxie forever. Yesterday, Guza succeeded in killing my love for Maxie. I'm done. I can't take one minute more her being wasted on Spinelli, when Jason Cook is on the show.

Guza will sacrifice any character on the altar of the Mobsters and their mob sidekicks. Revolting.

[bubbly1285]

Quote: Patrick told Robin not too long ago that he didn't want Jason near Emma because look what happened to Michael. Incredible!

I have loved Maxie forever. Yesterday, Guza succeeded in killing my love for Maxie. I'm done. I can't take one minute more her being wasted on Spinelli, when Jason Cook is on the show.

AGREED! On every flippin' point! When I saw Patrick and Sonny in ANOTHER scene together in less than a week, I sensed danger. The clouds were moving in, but I ignored it. Surely it couldn't...and then I heard, "You're such a good father," and I knew all hope was lost.

And Maxie is dead to me. That hurts to say. I've loved her since she called PodLiz on her bullshit. Even the pillow pregnancy was more believable than ANYTHING currently going on on this show. What are they doing to poor KS? First they starved her. Then they made her fake a pregnancy. Now she's jealous over a computer nerd because of Damien Spinelli...that hurt to write. It's not enough that he's now referred to as Uncle Spinelli for Emma? No? That wasn't ENOUGH?

I tune in so infrequently. Why do I always manage to catch the worst shows? Oh right. I try M-F.

[ThiThi]

I was appauled at Lulu's comment to Lucky. I could barely believe it. Forgeting your brother for your current boyfriend? Let's see if she forgets her current boyfriend when she finds out he put a hit out on a man, which tragically resulted in an irrevocable coma for her "dear cousins" son. Somehow, I imagine that will be easy enough to forget. Let's see, shall we? After witnessing with her own eyes, Johnny shoot Sonny, point blank, she says to Johnny "how am I supposed to forget that?" - and the answer is...wait a few days. Because a few days later, all was forgotten. See a pattern?

[Michael]

Never mind that Carly is a huge hypocrite, but at least Jax cares enough about Carly to sleep with someone to spite her. I mean, Carly cheats on Jax with Sonny and doesn't even consider Jax - he isn't even a factor for her. In her mind, he's supposed to be there for her no matter what she does and he's always, always supposed to understand. But he make a mistake, he sleep with someone else? The sad thing is, Carly has always been like this, but at least the stories used to be varied enough that we got this behavior occasionally. Now, Carly is one note because she seems to be in permanent hypocrite mode.

[horselover]

I was watching youtube the other day and I was reminded that I actually LIKED Sonny once upon a time. I absolutely cannot stand this soul-sucking excuse for a human being now. Get him, Jason, Carly, Lulu and every other mob worshipper off this show. Oops! That's everyone, isn't it? GUZA SUCKS!!

[Chad]

I could barely stand having Spinelli as the comic relief character. Now that he's apparently a major character with his own storylines and love interests...well, once more I'm just glad I'm not watching anymore.

Today I saw the ads for the upcoming story where apparently Jason is going to sell out Sonny just to save Spinelli from prison or something. Oh my God, Spinelli is really Guza's Mary Sue, isn't he?

[Beth R.]

His Mary Sue...his mouthpiece....his font for all things Jason-worship related. Spinelli is Guza for sure!

It's just wrong on so many levels that the word love interests PLURAL is used for Spinelli. HE gets women all fighting for him (granted one is an obvious FBI plant cause really....) and women about claw themselves to the death to LEAVE LUCKY SPENCER?

I'll let my inner Cameron speak it for me.

[Kels]

I need the real Lulu Spencer to escape from Helena's clutches and show up back in PC. Because that rhymes with witch who was on my screen yesterday cannot possibly be a real Spencer.

If female Spin frees Maxie from Spin's clutches, then I will put up with her forever. Mind you I'll be FFing a lot but I will look fondly at her as she whizzes by.

The plow story is stupid to be sure but honestly it offends me less than most of this show. Clearly my standards for GH are low...like lower than rock bottom low.

One day Jax will see her for the heinous hypocritical hosebeast that she is, right?

*sigh* It enrages me to my core that everyone has to participate in this sham that is pretending Sonny (or Jason or Carly) is a good person. Even when said individuals have previously had the good sense NOT to want mobsters around their child.

[Jennyp]

I couldn't believe that line about forgetting Lucky, the brother WHO HELPED RAISE HER WHEN HER MOM WAS CATATONIC (!) and her Dad couldn't bother. Why is it that the more morally reprehensible a character is, the more they are onscreen? But then, why do I still watch GH? It's all a mystery.

[Spike]

DO NOT WANT!

Yeah, that phrase applies, completely.

Instead of LOLcats I think we need to have LOLSoapCharacters, no? Like a little Cameron with "Bitch Please" superimposed.....

[niccola1]

I am reminded once again of what that look that she only reserves for Jax screams at me is the following.... "Who in the fuck do you think you are speaking to bitch! My name is Carly and I am the best woman your ass has EVER HAD and you are to treat ME AS SUCH!!!!" I hate this look on her face and every TIME she throws it Jax's way, I wish for a double-gauge shotgun at the ready. TAAS.

[kadie]

i found myself not hating spinelli as much recently. Then they recently re-brodcast the black and white ball where Emily was killed and Spinelli was SO awful. I think Bradford Anderson has really toned it down about 10 notches. He is still annoying but at least he doesn't scream nearly as much as he used to. I really can't stand it when LuLu is on anymore. She's a smug mini-carly. Johnny and Lulu are BORRRRRRRRINg. Johnny is insanely hot. I'd really like to see him with somebody else.

And what the hell alexys "the incoming administration" has more important things than the patent on a farm plow.....

DO NOT WANT!

[kadie]

i found myself not hating spinelli as much recently. Then they recently re-brodcast the black and white ball where Emily was killed and Spinelli was SO awful. I think Bradford Anderson has really toned it down about 10 notches. He is still annoying but at least he doesn't scream nearly as much as he used to. I really can't stand it when LuLu is on anymore. She's a smug mini-carly. Johnny and Lulu are BORRRRRRRRINg. Johnny is insanely hot. I'd really like to see him with somebody else.

And what the hell alexys "the incoming administration" has more important things than the patent on a farm plow.....

DO NOT WANT!