How To Lose Friends and Alienate Viewers

At the end of today's episode of All My Children, I let out this huge, audible sigh of complete and utter depression. It's the same sigh I make after I sit through a marathon of Law & Order: SVU and realize that I just watched eight hours about rape, murder, child murder, murderous children and overwrought Mariska Hargitay line readings. Complete and utter depression!

Let's look at today's episode, for instance: an adorable dork being shot down by a brat; a marriage completely imploding in the nastiest of ways; schemers pushing people off the wagon and getting other people addicted to drugs; potential child abandonment; nasty Babe propping.

I almost want to do a study to see how many AMC viewers have turned to hard drugs in order to deal with the crippling sadness they feel while watching this show. My educated guess is, like, 76%.

Tad and Krystal's marriage was a total sham, and ill-conceived on every front, and they used to get me frothing with irritation about the myriad ways in which Adam was shafted, but once I got past my bitterness and once I realized that Kathy wasn't actually going to go full-on demon spawn and torture her stepmother, I was too bored to even pay full attention to any of their scenes. I don't remember the last time I even watched them together without, like, singing a song in my head or focusing really intently on the scenery in the background.

Because of this boredom, I was unprepared for just how vicious the disintegration of their marriage is going to be.

Tad: Well, I can't say I'm surprised. After all, you slept with me when you were married to Adam.

Krystal: You remember why? Greg Madden was dead. You thought you weren't going to be able to find Kathy, and you were dealing with the unimaginable. Your daughter was gone. That kind of stuff makes you do things you don't ordinarily do.

Tad: Well, I'm sorry I missed the point. You -- you gave me mercy sex, so that makes it all right to wrap your legs around David? How could you be so naive that you honestly think for one solitary second this is about him "understanding you," about David Hayward helping you?

Tad: And I don't? Well, maybe that's because every time I tried, every time that I begged you to help me and understand, you pushed me away. So what does this mean? Does it mean every single time you disappeared, and you took off, and I was worried that something had happened to you, that you were, what, in the sheets over at Wildwind?

Krystal: That's -- that's not true, Tad. Nothing happened until you --

Tad: Until I left town? Huh. Huh. So, I guess this is -- this is the part where you blame the drugs, right? I mean, you -- you claimed you got married to Adam when you were high on moonshine. I guess now you're telling me that you slept with David because he was feeding you pills.

Krystal: I never meant to hurt you.

Tad: Well, it certainly worked out that way. And we were so close, so close. A safe, stable, loving home. That's what we both wanted, wasn't it? That's what both of us were in for, and not just for the girls, for you, so you would feel protected because you still had feelings for Adam, and you couldn't --

Krystal: I never slept with Adam after we were married, Tad.

Tad: But you wanted to, didn't you? Anyway. It doesn't matter now. It's David. After all the times you looked me in the eye and promised me that this was enough, this home, this family, this life. What the hell is wrong with you? Why? Why would you give up all of this? You know what they're like. You know who they are. Why on earth would you chase after men like Adam or David?

Krystal: Because they make me feel alive!

DAMN!

Brutal as it was, it was also quite educational:

• Krystal admitted that she is a whore when others are sad
• Tad rightly called their encounter mercy sex
• Krystal can't stay faithful if her significant other leaves town
• Tad is tremendously boring and lame

This was seriously the most bearable these two have been together since, I don't know, EVER. If only the writers knew at the outset that the only thing that makes these two click is pure unbridled hatred and verbal abuse, we could have been saved months of boredom!

David and Amanda pushing JR to drink is really awful and just...I don't understand David's grand plan to get Little A. It makes no sense. It's a vintage Carly from GH plan because of how ludicrous and stupid it is. I know that David is diabolical, but he usually a little wiser in terms of scheming. And what was with him pulling a gun on Tad? Was that just a shoutout from Charles Pratt to Bob Guza?

The fact that JR is drinking again is also awful because it led to (a) Tad telling the man he claims to love like a son to drive home,even though he was obviously drunk (!!! But Adam is the bad father? Seriously?) and (b) more of JR's blubbering over Babe.

NEWSFLASH JR: BABE RUINED YOUR LIFE AND THE LIVES OF MANY OTHER PEOPLE. SHE WAS A SKANK, A LIAR, A GOLD-DIGGER, A BABYNAPPER AND A SOCIOPATH. STOP MOURNING HER AND MOVE THE EFF ON, SERIOUSLY

Remember how great Reese is? She's totally great, she's always doing great things in a great manner just because of how great she is.

Dear Bianca. Not so long ago, we were dreaming about our future, a life of family, friends, peace, and love. And somehow, it's all gone wrong, and I don't know how to make it right. All I do know is that I hate causing you pain, and so, I'm going back to Paris. Your happiness is all that I want, even if I can't be a part of it. Je t'aime. Reese

Yes, she is so great that, after a fight with her girlfriend, she decides to just up and leave the country. Without her TWO DAUGHTERS.

And then! After getting this letter where Reese states her plan to run away from her problems AND HER FAMILY, Bianca is all atwitter with guilt about ever doubting Reese and immediately runs to apologize and tell her that she loves and trusts her and doesn't even say, "By the way, were you seriously planning to abandon your freaking children? SERIOUSLY?"

Comments

[anonymous]

It's amazing that there is almost as much Babe propping now that she's dead as when she was alive.

And Bianca had every right to smack Reese for nearly taking off without her kids on an impulse. Are we supposed to think Reese deserved that apology?

[Carl]

Remember when AMC used to tell stories about the lives destroyed by drunk driving? Now they advocate it.

I still see some fans cheering the writing for David and saying this is the "real David". I don't buy it. David has been thoroughly destroyed.

The show is perverse, sick, sadistic trash.

[Spike]

I like Michael E Knight, but fer chrissakes, GET A FUCKING HAIRCUT ALREADY.

Something short and age appropriate would be nice.

[Jennifer]

um when did Tad become so boring that I no longer like him.

[Dia]

I love Tad. Being with Krystal just sucks everything good out of him. They can't break up quickly enough for me.

[anonymous]

Tad and Krystal? They are barely watchable. I was hoping David would point the gun at me and put me out of my misery.

As far as Reese is concerned, I am a hardcore addict! I truly believe everything she says and does is wonderful. The writer's have finally successful completed a mission!

[kazou]

Until Tad owns up to torturing and burying a man alive, he has no moral high horse to climb up on. Since Pratt has already gone into giddy rhapsodies in the press about how much he LOVES writing for Tad, I guess there's no chance he'll ever be held accountable for past sins. Let's see, murderer as moral arbiter for the show? Check. Oh Pratt, we can take the boy out of the mob(murder)-centric show but we can't take it out of the boy. Please someone take it off my tv screen.

[buddz]

Tad and Krystal bearable? Only if self-righteous indignation, combined with pathetic whining is within your tolerance zone. I found both of them to be regrettably unwatchable. And, I really really thought I'd enjoy Krystal's downward spiral a lot more - so far all I've got is a small snerk at her short list of excuses: "drugs, holidays, girls, Africa, uhm...."

And for your quotes list, you must add Tad's smirky little assessment of David: "You're more a knife-in-the-back kinda guy." And, what about you, Tad? You're definitely a put-him-in-a-box and bury-him-in-the-park kind of dude.

One good thing about today's drek: David played the piano. Nice.

[Mike]

Although I don't watch anything but GH on occasion (and even then, when I can ff through most of it), I do love reading all the posts here. And I have to say, something that is clear across the board is that writers today don't pay attention to detail. They just don't. It's all about the broad strokes - which is why you can have a scene where Reese plans to leave town without mentioning the kids; which is why characters can be in the hospital and none of their family - even the ones who are supposed to be on canvas but are rarely seen - ever come to see them; which is why characters don't have best friends or actual careers anymore because really, it's a 'small' detail and what would be the point? Back in the day, ATWT used to be one of those shows that excelled at the details - weddings brought back old characters, if even for a day or two. The cast - the WHOLE cast would go to large parties; characters in the hospital would be visited by all family members, in town, off the canvas, wherever. It is those details - often those small moments - that added texture and substance to a soap. It's too bad today's writers can't be bothered with the details.

[Jennyp]

Well, I offer this lame defense of AMC: 1.at least the awfulness of Krystal/Tad is finally over, and 2.Reese did moan and weep so much about leaving the children that she made the baby playing Gaby howl, and 3. I still find it ever so slightly more watchable than GH, which I have been boycotting 2 weeks because of its awfulness.

[becky]

I still like Tad - WAY more than I'll ever like Adam, which is not to say that I don't love David Canary and his portrayal of Adam - but Adam is most definitely a RICHARD of the highest order.

I have never liked Krystal. Not for one day, one episode, one scene, one second. She is boring, useless and stupid. I don't care if she is with Adam or David or Reese for that matter, I just don't want to see her.

I don't watch Reese. At all. Or Bianca. I've disliked Bianca for years and this story did not change my mind. I fast forward right through them and anyone else they share screen time with. This show has gotten really bad, really fast.

[annabel]

Whenever I come here and read a summary like this I am so glad I no longer watch this show. I quit last March, and even the return of David Hayward did not bring me back. I did watch the Myrtle episode (though my local station kept breaking in for weather updates) and recorded a few episodes over the holidays, but they took no time to watch, FF all the way.

[Curious]

Reese was so casual about writing that emotional goodbye letter to Bianca. Reese walked out on the "love of her life's" hospital room. Apparently, this woman she loves ever so much, means so much to her, was so overwhelmed by what she saw, be it correct or misinterpreted, that she crashed her car enough to land her in the hospital. If it was just a bump, she would not be unclothed and admitted, so maybe tests or something serious, unless of course PVH is the closest Hilton so Bianca can rest. Anyway, Reese leaves her to take care of herself. Add to that, she runs home or where ever and hastily writes a goodbye letter, because SHE is so hurt by Bianca's suspicions. It could not have taken more than 15 minutes to write the letter, because she left, wrote the letter, gave it to a courier, it was delivered in what amounts to about an half hour's time. She didn't go home and mull it over, she didn't think about the kids, she didn't even think how this might make and ailing girlfriend jump from her hospital bed to yet again jump into a car while distraught and hurriedly rush back to her possibly causing an even worse accident. And why send the letter to the hospital? Why not just pack, leave the letter at home and get out. Bianca could chase you down if she really wanted to, at least she would have been home when she found out. Next she goes home and THEN she realizes the babies are important and she doesn't want to leave, but who is it that she is confiding in? It is Zach. EVERY single time Reese is opening up about sensitive emotional feelings that she tries so hard to conceal from Bianca, the woman she loves and who doubts her because she is never really open and honest with her, she is sharing it with Zach. It is so annoying.

[Femina]

As always, you have spoken the truth about AMC. Pine Valley has become truly the most depressing, saddest place on earth. The same people who bring you the happiest place on earth (Disney) are not touting the land of drunks, killers, and torturers. I guess Pratt is taking his cues from the economic downturn. Gloom, despair, and agony are the words for the day. And you are absolutely right, BABE IS DEAD -- LET IT GO!

[lurk]

I can't decide whether to just call Reese Her Royal Awesomeness or Mary Sue. The fact that she's played by an actress I abhor doesn't make it any easier to decide.

[Trish]

Favorite moment of yesterday's show was Tad telling David that he was GIVING Krystal to him. ha! Can't stand any of three in that trio, but Tad tossing the skankiest of ho's aside was enough to warm my heart yesterday.

Oh and Colby is lame for not being instantly being in love with Pete - he is truly truly truly adorkable.

[KathyNYC]

I am still waiting for Bianca to apologize to Zach. She accuses Reese AND Zach of having a love relationship...and then she doesn't even seem to notice that she has insulted Zach as well as Reese. Zach is the man who is totally dedicated to his wife..who did Bianca a huge favor by allowing her to have another child, and this is the thanks he gets.

His wife is dying in a hospital and all Bianca and Reese can think about is herself and their spoiled wedding plans? Reese needs to go to a business meeting and Bianca is mad she didn't drop everything to go too? What is she..twelve years old?

Why they heck are they even planning a wedding for to begin with. I watched OLTL last week. Someone asked Natalie if she was planning her wedding and she said, no she could not think about it at this time, as he sister is in the hospital. Someone should probably let Bianca and Reese watch this episode. Perhaps it would make them put their own problems in some perspective.

[Carl]

"Zach is the man who is totally dedicated to his wife."

When he's not groping Reese or nuzzling her neck.

[Doritos are good]

I never thought about the fact that Reese is a marysue. What I think happened is that Pratt just needed Tamara Braun because she's so awesome times 2309482034. The only problem was that he needed a character for her to play. So after looking himself in the mirror and talking about how great he was, he just made this flat character. Reese doesn't sound real to me at all.

I am also sick of the Babe propping. How can people actually find this whore so great? Most characters that die aren't spoken about so much. Poor Myrtle, she is barely spoken of.

[n69n]

Tamara Braun was brought in as a bargaining chip; Minshew was told "either agree to this contract or Braun is the new KENDALL".

When Minshew agreed, they had to scramble to come up with a half-assed character & story for her.

BIANCA is just a prop.
Braun was gonna be hooked up with Thorsten Kaye either way.

[epdrama]

Someone asked Natalie if she was planning her wedding and she said, no she could not think about it at this time, as he sister is in the hospital.