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« I Guess Unintentional Entertainment Is Better Than No Entertainment... | Main | Daddies and Daughters and Drama, Oh My »

February 15, 2009

Equal Opportunity Offenders

Friday's episode of All My Children was pretty inspiring, no? What a stand the producers took, affirming their commitment to equality and noting that lesbians, too, can have poorly written, doomed marriages! I got goosebumps.

Yes, daytime's first lesbian wedding happened on Friday the 13th (!!!) and lucky audiences got to see a legacy character marry a chick who, hours before the wedding, made out with her bride-to-be's brother-in-law and dreamed about marrying said bride-to-be's brother-in-law. It was about as romantic and life-affirming as, well, Friday the 13th.

Remember when Julie Hanan Carruthers complained about the stupid audience misinterpreting her show's great romance, saying, "[Reese] is not considering [leaving Bianca for a man]. That’s the audience rewriting what’s there. It’s not being written that way at all. Reese has never wavered in what she wants"?

Please watch the start of Friday's episode, starting at 0:47.

Either JHC doesn't watch the show, or she's a lying liar who lies, although it's possible that she's both. While I have many theories, the only hard fact I have gleaned from this is that JHC is a liar who liberally uses condescending bitchiness.

I am, as is my wont, completely disappointed with AMC. Because I loved Bianca for a long time and wanted her to be happy and marry an amazing woman. But then she had to go ahead and have Zach's baby, betraying a handful of people in the process, and marry Reese, who is about as amazing as a broken bone. I also would have liked, you know, the first lesbian wedding on daytime to not be a complete fucking joke, so my wishes are just being shot down left and right.

Bianca, unsurprisingly, looked amazing, and her vows were so sweet, if overlong, especially if you try your best to forget that they were directed at Reese.

Bianca: It may not have Cupid's arrow that brought us together, but the day Miranda's ball hit you in the head, my heart changed forever. I found a woman of strength, passion, and beauty. I look into your eyes and I see my soulmate. I see tomorrow and the day after that and all the days to come. I see passion and joy for each other, our life together, our family, our future, wherever we are and whatever it brings. You make me feel safe and loved, like anything's possible. And with you, it is. I promise to always put my hand in yours so that we can face what's ahead together. You're my strength. No matter how dark some days may be, I know that I can survive anything wrapped in your arms, your love, our family. I promise to be your partner, your home, your wife, for eternity.

Beautiful, right? Savor your eight minutes of happiness, Binks!

What was with her earlier in the episode, bitching about Kendall, though?

Bianca: No, no, no. We're not delaying anything. I'm getting married today. And if Kendall doesn't want to be a part of it, then so be it.

Didn't she beg Kendall to go to the wedding the day before? A girl could get whiplash from all of these plot contrivances.

And also...why is everybody getting irritated at Kendall, like she's just this total drag? The woman just woke up from a months long coma! She had a heart transplant! A bunch of people changed her life behind her back and she just found out about those changes. It's not like she's complaining about a broken nail.


Miranda: I'm not a vision. I'm the flower girl.



Ryan, the alleged greatest hero to ever live who is not named Jason Morgan, is kind of a shitty friend. Are we supposed to be proud of him that he contemplated telling Bianca about Zach and Reese making out? Like the thought crossed his mind, so we should give him a cookie. I don't think so, Ry-Ry.

Ryan: Hey, Bianca? Be happy, ok?

"It will be hard when you find out that your wife kissed a man right before your wedding, but for me, just be happy"

And while I agreed with him that sharing a wedding with an obviously doomed couple doesn't spell good things for his future with Greenlee (a) double weddings suck on principle (b) the fact that he and Greenlee were both married to other people when they got engaged is equally ominous.


Ryan: Hey, excuse me. Have you seen my bride?

Man: She was just here and headed for her motorcycle.

I swear, I started to pray for death.



There is so much wrong with this plot twist, because Greenlee, Rebecca Budig and the audience all deserve better, but what I most want to know is...WHY DIDN'T SHE CHANGE?! Why did she take off to confront Zach in her full wedding look, veil and all?! She wasn't getting married! The wedding was already postponed! I know it makes for a good visual, bride on a motorcycle (by "good", I obviously mean "laughable"), but it makes zero sense, which is I guess par for the course with the show.

UGH. This show is UGH.


Mallory? Can I marry you and worship the ground you walk on forever? Hell, you can walk on me so your feet never have to touch the earth!!!

This show is bullshit. Reese is one of the most hated characters on daytime TV and she's dragging Bianca, my once favorite, down with her.

I hope one day, ER wakes the hell up and decides to quit taking the abuse AMC is dishing out. It's like an abusive relationship with her and them. The beat the shit out of her and her character, she leaves, the promise her the world, she comes back convinced this time it will be different, and they kick in the parts they hadn't touched the last time.

Time to break the fucking cycle, Eden. Only you can do it.

"UGH. This show is UGH."

Perfectly, brilliantly put, Mallory.

It's as if Pratt decides exactly what the audience might want to see, and does the opposite. Just for shits and giggles.And then JHC tells them, "You're wrong. You didn't just see what I KNOW you just saw.You're imagining things."

You have to wonder just what the actors are thinking while they try to make sense of it all.

Watching TV shouldn't be this painful. It just shouldn't.

If only tiic would/could read all the stuff everywhere that I'm reading! I think they all live in a vacuum- or Oakhaven. The lesbian wedding was the biggest joke on the gay community & well- all of us- than anything in recent memory.
As for JHC- maybe if she would try giving us sub-titles, we might be able to keep up.
This couple, instead of doing a ground-breaking s/l, have instead just decimated the best couple on the show. Whoopee AMC!

UGH is right.

I still cannot let go of Bianca's desire to have another Cambias heir. She claimed it was so the new baby would be related to Miranda?

YOUR MIRANDA'S BIOMOM YOU IDIOT! The baby would have your recently stupid DNA. Is that not enough?

On what planet do women search out biological relatives of their rapists to conceive more kids? I don't care that Zach is amazing. And he is, I love him, honestly, and he is not responsible for his dead evil family members. But Binks... He is your rapists brother for starters, and he is also your sister's husband. EWWW and BETRAYAL.

Jason Morgan and Sonny Corinthos need to watch this dreck to learn what real betrayal is!

Friday's episode felt like a skit on SNL. Greenlee in motorcycle jacket and wedding dress; Ryan bug-eyed scared because Annie is in the back seat; Reese being her usually insipid, pathetic self; and Bianca proving that stupid is enduring. What a total waste!!

Even if I hadn't been watching the show since 1970, I would have still laughed at the lunacy of Greenlee hurtling toward WHATEVER with her veil blowing in the mind. Was that supposed to be symbolic or just plain bad directing/editing? Can this show get any worse? Don't answer that; I already know that it will.

I have to say I'm impressed with this show, and I don't even watch it. I find it amazing how it can induce mass hallucinations of Reese and Zach kissing, etc., since according to JHC, that didn't happen. Fascinating stuff.

Maybe JHC can work her magic on Days, too... you know, to convince us it's still worth watching.

Of course Reese is lusting after Zach. Because everyone KNOWS that all a lesbian needs is one hot man to set her straight! Literally!

Way to go AMC. That's some groundbreaking tv right there.

So the luckiest person in all this is Rebecca Budig. Even though her exit was craptastic and the last few months majority of her scenes were spent talking to Ryan(gag) at least she finally escaped this show.

Ok... and also, how is Kendall able even to be at this wedding, let alone drive? Forget the coma, girlfriend just had a heart transplant!

I kinda liked Reese's dress. There, I said it!

Brava, Mallory, just brava! And ditto to everything you said. This show is the biggest piece of shit I've seen in a long time and since I'm a really long-time viewer, that's saying something. What it says is, WTF am I still watching this crap? Oh yeah, I forgot, it's so I can hallucinate about what I am and am not seeing, that's it!

As a raving het female I am absolutely incensed by this tee-total BULLshit! JHC, Pratt, and Frons all need to be boiled in oil, tarred and feathered and ridden out of town on a rail! AARRRGGGHHHH!!!

Sorry. Just had to get that out of my system.

Stands up and starts the slow clap. Well said, Mallory!

I think Pratt, JHC and the rest of their crew need to be schooled on the definition of gay. Here's a hint, it's not when a woman says she's gay, but then spends all her time lusting after a man. Do they really think the audience is that stupid?

Seriously though, I am offended that ABC touted this story as a gay storyline when they really had no intent on telling one. I have gay friends and many of them are also disappointed at what is clearly a cop out, a refusal to tell a real, issue oriented gay story. And it irks me even more that AMC is getting any kind of accolades for this because it's also based on lies. I get it if AMC just didn't have the guts to tell a gay story, but to blantantly lie to their audience and pretend like they are doing something for the greater social good deserves no praise.

Oh wait, excuse me, I shouldn't be offended....JHC tells us we are rewriting things, so it must all be in my head. Yeah right. Shame on you AMC!

I can't get over how JHC is blaming the audience for what is really TPTB's inability to tell the story they said they were going to. After nearly a decade since Binks came out they still don't have the guts to tell a same-sex story without diluting it or trying to blatantly pander to the homophobes. Why bother doing the first legal same-sex wedding if you are not going to at least attempt to do the story right?

I saw Guiding Light today for the first time in forever. There is a storyline there that piqued my interest right away.

There are two historically straight women friends who are housemates. At least one of them (the Crystal Chappell character, Olivia) is, or at least is wondering if she is, developing romantic feelings for the other.

I saw more chemistry and "realness" in the few scenes between those characters today than I have seen in the entire Bianca and Reese storyline.

I'm intrigued, but torn; I swore that I'd never again invest in a storyline on GL when last year they totally effed up the one storyline in ages that had the message boards buzzing – well, the first that wasn’t in an I-thought-this-show-reached-bottom-long-ago-but-boy-was-I-wrong sort of way.


I've been watching GL since Grant Aleksander came back, after watching General Hospital for years. I had this strange feeling that I couldn't quite place my finger on while watching it, but I've finally figured it out.

The absence of gut churning rage. I actually enjoy what I'm watching.

Am I the only one who thinks Guza and Pratt call each other nightly to see who is writing the more nonsensical story?

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