The Crap Heard Round the World

Yesterday, when Bianca stormed out of her hotel room to go confront Kendall about attending her sham wedding, Reese had this look of abject terror, pain and despair on her face that was kind of amazing:

Far be it from me to ever admit to having any sort of kinship with Reese the Great, but I have to say that her face is exactly what my soul looks like when I watch this show.

But in the spirit of the Valentine's season, I will say this for All My Children: it's very rarely boring these days.

Granted, this is because the writers have, for some reason, opted for gut-churningly bad, rather than run of the mill dull but, hey, a compliment's a compliment.

Three things happened in today's episode that were alarmingly hard for me to watch:

1.) Kendall's toast to Reese and Bianca

Kendall:Uh, I actually would like to make a toast as well. To my new sister-in-law, Reese. You have certainly made quite an impression on all of our lives. My sister, with whom I've always felt a very special bond, has been utterly transformed since she met you. So much so that I hardly even recognize her anymore. And my husband, Zach -- well, we all know how much you've captivated him, don't we? And even though you will be moving back to France with Bianca and your adorable new daughter, I have a feeling your presence will be felt around here for a long time to come. Weddings are supposed to be about beginnings. I suppose it is for you and Bianca. However, for the rest of us, it's about endings -- mainly that we won't be seeing you around here any longer. So, here's to a safe and swift journey home. Au revoir to the both of you.

My love of Kendall is borderline irrational--it's still borderline, right? I have not yet gone into the realm of crazy stalker type fans. I hope I haven't--so, naturally, I found this toast to be more than a little bit delicious, and so wonderfully worded. I loved the dismissive "I suppose it is, for you and Bianca", as if the feelings of a wedding's brides are secondary to those of the guests. And I honestly feel like Kendall is justified in giving a hate-filled rant to Reese. I actually feel like Kendall is justified in cutting people. Literally, angrily cutting people.

But I couldn't completely enjoy it, because holy shit, will this ever blow up in her face in a huge and epic way, and that is going to be painful to watch.

Bianca and Reese's dual expressions of shock

were amusing to me because (a)since when has Kendall ever thought first, acted later? and (b) Did they not see the look of absolute death she shot when Zach went to comfort Gabrielle in the chapel?! It was only a matter of time before she went after one or both of them, either verbally or physically.

If looks could kill, Kendall would be more lethal than poisoned pancakes.

I also feel like she almost, maybe, kind of regretted lashing out like that until Erica, Erica Kane applauded her for it:

Erica: Well, you certainly stirred the hornet's nest, but you had me smiling.

And then she just shrugged off any doubt and proudly stole the title for "Most Dramatic, Bitchy Toast" from Greenlee.

2.) The thing that happened.

If Charles Pratt's ultimate goal in life was to ruin things, by god, he has succeeded.

3.) Zach and Ryan's conversation.

Ryan: I saw you at the church. Has this been going on a while, or was it your first time? How can you do this to Kendall and to Bianca? Are you so screwed up about this child that you went to bed with --

Zach: Nothing happened, And you will not say anything like that ever again.

What the hell?! I know Zach is in a screwed up place right now, but honestly, you deal with Ryan like you deal with a child. You do not threaten him like that to get him to leave you alone, you say, "What's that, Ryan? Look, it's a cloud! See that round cloud up there, Ryan? What does that cloud look like? A marshmallow, doesn't it? Good boy" and run away once you distracted him. But expressly telling him not to say something is pretty much guaranteed to get him to jump up on that high horse of his and run smugly to Bianca and/or Kendall! Duh, Zach. DUH. 

But what do I expect from a show written by Pratt and produced by Julie Hanan Carruthers, who has given another self-congratulatory interview that is almost satirical in its complete ineptitude.

Some fans were upset when it appeared that Reese might consider leaving Bianca for a man.
She is not considering it. That’s the audience rewriting what’s there. It’s not being written that way at all. Reese has never wavered in what she wants.

Bitch, please. I barely have energy to give this show a second thought besides "HAAAAAATE" once it's over, please don't delude yourself into thinking that I am taking the time to rewrite the show in my head.

You do get why people would be upset if Reese left Bianca for a man?
I understand why they might be upset. As respectful and supportive as we are of the gay and lesbian community, the story is not just for them. The story is for a large audience. We are telling tantalizing soap stories.

Are you getting pushback from viewers?
A little bit of pushback, but we have strong ratings right now. People aren’t tuning out, because they are connected to the characters. I think the audience is more invested in the characters than the political statement, and quite frankly, that is how you open people’s eyes.

I am pretty tolerant of clueless people, but when cluelessness is mixed with a heavy dose of bitchiness, it makes me gag a little bit.

Comments

[Sue]

WTF? Pratt and JHC must have their heads up their butts. I guess they are not seeing what we see on our screens. Reese having feelings for Zach, Reese wishing Kendall never woke up, and now Zach and Reese kissing. And yet the show is nominated for a GLAAD award. I would love to know whose bright idea this storyline was.

I can't wait for the day Kendall gives Reese a smackdown for what she has done.

[Chad]

Portraying gay people as actual gay people is a "political statement"?

[anonymous]

(quote)I understand why they might be upset. As respectful and supportive as we are of the gay and lesbian community, the story is not just for them. The story is for a large audience. We are telling tantalizing soap stories.(quote)

There are plenty of straight people who want to see Bianca get a decent love story that does not involve sexual confusion and man as a third party. It's ignorant and dumb to imply otherwise. And from what can tell most of AMC's "large audience" have not exactly been enthralled by the story that is being told.

[Sarah]

That heinous retarded interview with Caruthers is as offensive and backwards and out of touch and horrifying as the interview where Guza stated Michael deserved to be shot in the head and rendered brain dead because he was a bad kid who played with a gun.

Lesbians don't want men.
Kids raised by mobsters and mob molls play with guns.

Caruthers and Guza MUST BE FIRED FOR THIS SHIT!!!!

[Birdie]

Mallory, may I worship you? Know you only take second place to my love of Kendall. I seriously could not believe that utterly ludicrous interview. AMC screwed up, Reese is a mess and they've trashed some popular characters because Pratt's got some weird obsession with Tamara Braun who's mediocre at best. But I love how it's OUR fault for misinterpeting Reese's actions. Yeah, I guess that Jan 30 episode of Reese weeping, yet again, about having feelings for Zach and asking him how he feels about her didn't happen. It's nice to see that there seems to be a consistent level of stupidity on AMC from the Head Writer Pratt to the Exec Producer Carruthers.

[zachfan01]

BF; JHC and CP are morons!! They have taken what was my favorite pass time and killed it. I no longer enjoy watching AMC. Not in the least. As a matter of fact, my stomach turns.

The one and only reason I continue to tune into this crapfest is because of the outstanding work of Thorsten Kaye. Lose him . . . Lose me. Descimate his character further . . . still lose me.

You know what, they just might lose my anyway. They don't give a fig about theirr fans or their viewers so why should I give a fig about their stupid show??

[feminafl]

Mallory,

Thanks for your candor and honesty about the madness that is AMC right now. Like you, I absolutely adore Kendall (always have) and I'm thrilled to see that "the bitch is back." Sadly, Kendall will be victimized yet again because someone at AMC decided that she must be the scapegoat for everyone: Ryan, Greenlee, Bianca, and now Reese.

Speaking of Reese, exactly what purpose does she serve on the show? Her "confusion" and unending neediness has sucked the life out of virtually everyone and everything she has touched. If Pratt had spent as much time focusing on the other characters as he has obviously spent on trying to make Reese "interesting", then the show might have higher ratings. Or at the very least, worth watching. I'm tired of Reese's tears, whines, quaking voice, and presence. And like Kendall, I'm hoping for "a SWIFT journey home" for Reese.

[SarahW]

JHC apparently suffers from the same overinflated ego that her headwriter, Chuck "no talent" Pratt does. Does she really believe that the garbage we've been suffering through for months now with this not so groundbreaking storyline is because the viewers are WRONG about what they're watching? How completely and totally arrogant. Then again, with a dolt like Brian Frons killing the ABC soaps, perhaps arrogance, not to mention stupidity, is a prerequisite to holding a position of authority for any of these shows.

I'm sick of Reese and Bianca. I'm tired of Zach being thrown under someone's redemption bus (choose one...there are plenty)just to shore up a completely shitty story. And yeah...as much as I've liked Kendall, this writing is doing her no favors at the moment, either. Bitch mode is one thing (hey, that's our plucky Kendall for ya), but outright cruelty doesn't look good on her.

[Cece]

Like many of you, my love for Kendall knows no bounds. She's been pretty tame since finding out her husband was a "donor" to her sister. She'd been keeping the wrath under wraps, only letting it seep out in increments. I now attribute that to the fact that she's had heart surgery and the normal Kendall rants aren't good for her new ticker. Because, my favorite character in the history of daytime was in rare form yesterday. Every word had a cutting edge. If words could kill, Reese would need tourniquets for every major artery. I heart Kendall Hart. I really, really do. That was the Kendall I've been waiting for ever since finding out about this ridiculous story where Bianca (of all people) didn't tell Kendall she was having her brother-in-law's baby. Bring more of that Kendall. We've missed her. Especially since Greenlee's been neutered and now jumping off of cliffs.

[Beth R.]

I haven't watched AMC in years outside of reading these posts often and even I know what Reese is considering in regards to Zach. "Rewriting what is shown"? WTH???????

But I agree that toast was vintage Kendall.

[oh susannah]

Exactilioso Mallory! When you have JHC doing this damage control, something is rotten in PV. And for JHC to have the gall to say the viewers are rewriting what's there??!!?? I'm stunned!! I knew from this crappy s/l & writing that there was a huge disconnect at AMC, but this takes it to a whole new level! That must be some great crack they have over there!
I think I see what I see because that is what I see! This sounds like doublespeak to me! This viewer is insulted & they need to fix this quickly or this viewer is going back to Y&R. JHC can you see this?

[Beth]

Mallory, I have to respectfully disagree with your Kendall love (I call her The Airhog Stick Figure with no Soul, but I digress), but I will gladly team up with you to smack the smug right off of The Male Airhog with no Soul, aka Ryan. This man can afford to self-righteous about marriage and commitment like I can afford to eat a whole chocolate cake in one sitting.

[Cate]

I don't think it's the audience that has been rewriting the show in their heads.

[Dandesun]

The audience is rewriting the Reese Pines for Zach thing? I guess we, as a collective, managed to sneak in the dream Reese had at the beginning of the show today where Biance gives HER away to marry Zach?

[Jessica Lovejoy]

OMG! I actually posted on the TWoP board that I hoped you guys would screencap Worthless Reese's face! And you've done so much more!