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« Self-Centeredness, Thy Name Is Victor | Main | All He Needs Is A Handlebar Mustache To Twirl »

March 12, 2009

General Haterade

Yesterday was a terrible day on every conceivable level. I stabbed myself in the eye when I was putting mascara on, I spilled a jar of expensive moisturizer and couldn't salvage any of it, I was given a Vanilla Latte instead of a Cinnamon Dolce, I am apparently the only person in the world who understands the concept of right of way at four-way stop signs, I am stressed in general, Tuesday's American Idol inspired every radio station to play Michael Jackson and the Jackson 5 nonstop and it was like my day of hell had its own Satan approved soundtrack or something.

My woes were too petty to justify popping open a vein, so I decided to do the next most painful thing: watch General Hospital.

When people tell me that I am too negative and I should stop watching GH if I hate everything about it, I always point out that I don't hate everything. I love Liz, and Patrick, and Robin, and Tracy, and Maxie...or at least I DID, because after yesterday's episode, it's glaringly obvious that the show won't even let me have that (except Liz. Liz is still on my good side. As is Carly. By default, Carly is now my second favorite character andohmigodwhatishappeningtotheworld?)

I will let national treasure Stephen Colbert sum up my feelings: ON NOTICE. THE WHOLE LOT OF THEM.



These writers couldn't be trusted to do a good job telling the story of the old lady who swallowed a fly, so I am not sure why anybody thought they could be trusted to tell a genuine, realistic PPD story. Why would they do that when they could just have the same conversation over and over ("There's something wrong with you/No there's not, how can you say that?"), with Robin occasionally leaving Emma in strange places to break up the monotony.

Her digs are a bit better these days, and I have to say, she didn't look too sad to be abandoned in Kelly's.


She's just chilling. She knows Bobbie will have her back. Just kidding, Bobbie doesn't actually exist anymore.

Robin: That's great. That's just great. We have a big fight, and then he decides to tell everybody about it.

If Robin is this upset about Patrick discussing her with his brother, how will she feel when she finds out that his concerns have been broadcast to Sam and Carly, among others? (Note: she will not feel slighted when she learns that he discussed this with Jason because, well, that's what we do when we need guidance. We discuss it with our deity of choice)

Patrick: What if something is wrong with Robin? You just went and made it worse. Thank you very much for that.

Who would trust this man to operate on their brain?

Was it Matt's place to say something to Robin? Normally, I would say no, but someone has to say something. The woman put her child in a tree and everybody was all, "Hey, it happens".

And also...Patrick is convinced 90% of the time that there is something wrong with Robin. His so-called solution to this problem is to talk about it with all of Port Charles and...leave the woman whose mental health he is worried about alone with his daughter. Brilliant.



Now they are just being mean.


Maxie: I guess this means Spinelli is ok, but what if he's doing something illegal and then he gets arrested? Between that and the hacking, he's going to end up spending therest of his life in prison.

Yes, Maxie, he is. That's what happens when you work for a criminal organization. Why is this always breaking news when it comes to Spinelli? "He's just threatening national security! He's soooo nice, you can't send him to prison!"



Luke: Payday is Saturday. You want money before then, you're going to have to come with some creative way to generate it.

I...do not feel comfortable with that line.

Nor did I feel comfortable with the entirety of the Luke/Lucky dilemma of the day. I HATE how Luke has become such a loser in the past few years and I HATE that Tony Geary thinks that this is a brilliant character development. I know he only works eight days a year, but maybe those eight days would be better spent doing something besides ruining one of the best characters in daytime history? Just a crazy theory of mine. I think outside the box, you know?

But don't mind me, I'm also the type of person who thinks that being a cop is a better career goal than being a drifter, or a hired killer.



I hate you and your hair and...just shut it.


When the writers even manage to make Tracy irritating, well...they are obviously doing it on purpose, you know?


The woman is usually 60% awesome, 10% bitchy, 15% sassy and 15% voice of reason, which makes it especially disappointing that she joined the Lucky hate brigade.

Tracy: Well, did it ever occur to you, if you'd been a better son, he might have been a better father?

Cameron says...



AMEN! Cameron speaks for me as well.

Preach it, Cameron!

Tracy said what?!?
My opinion of GV notwithstanding (and seriously...just LOOK at him - does it even matter?!?), Lucky Spencer is one of the best characters GH has ever ruined. I freakin' HATE this show. And I couldn't agree more - TG needs to go the way of GF because if he thinks that hammed up heart attacks followed by a very special episode of Stairway to Heaven is good writing, then clearly he has lost his mind.

And that coat just needs to be burned.

"Liz is still on my good side. As is Carly. By default, Carly is now my second favorite character andohmigodwhatishappeningtotheworld?"

I've been saying the same thing for weeks! Seriously. When Carly is the second-most appealing female on this show, you know the bottom has just totally fallen out.

Oh Mallory, the sad thing is that the plaid coat was the only thing about this episode that I enjoyed, because I knew it would flush you out! And you would prove that writing doesn't always lead to boredom, confusion, apathy and a Cam wtf face, but can both EXPRESS AND GENERATE pathos, humor, anger, frustration, love, hate, sorrow, disbelief, and surprise. ACTUAL EMOTIONS.

The ship is sinking, and soon the RATS will be leaving, but too late to save the show or us.

It's futile, but I have to say it. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO IS PAIRED WITH WHOM.

********THE WRITING********************

Soaps are not dead. They've been stolen by primetime, and the good writers with them. How ironic that the ugly step-child has been successfully cloned. And the clone is having all the fun.

I hear that Greg Vaughn has been placed on recurring, too. There is no justice.

This effing show. They seem compelled to eff up Robin's PPD storyline and make it completely stereotypical and ridiculous, and I'm so pissed that TPTB are turning a serious problem into such a farce and using the caricature of PPD sufferers to make all those women who suffer from PPD appear to be horrible people. I am beyond pissed.

The treatment of Lucky Spencer also pisses me off to no end. He's the son of Luke and Laura, for Christ's sake. He deserves so much better than what he gets from this show. I can't believe all the characters who jumped on the Lucky-hate bandwagon yesterday, all in the name of an uber-annoying character with awful hair. I normally love Tracy being bitchy and snarky, but she went too far in what she said to Lucky. "If he'd been a better son...?" ARE YOU F***ING SERIOUS?! I just... hate. HATE.

I watch GH and Days and ANYTHING on GH is better than Days!

"I hear that Greg Vaughn has been placed on recurring, too. There is no justice."

What???!!! God, this show sucks. I stopped watching a couple weeks ago (after about 30 years of being a pretty much daily viewer) and I don't even miss it. I've stopped watching for brief periods before when my life has gotten busy or something else has interfered, but I always knew I'd go back to it. I'm not so sure this time. The few things I like about the show just aren't enough to cancel out all the things that suck.

To be fair...there are a LOT of names bandied out there in RUMORS that are supposedly heading for recurring in an effort to shore up ratings and save money. At this point it is still just a vicious ugly rumor.

That's what I am choosing to beleive and i'll curl into the fetal position and cry about the unfairness of it all and the insanity that would be to make legacy kids like Lucky and Liz recurring so we can see MORE of Jason/Sonny/Carly later....preferably when I have a large bottle of vodka nearby.

Lucky is essentially recurring right now. I have to say, when I look at Greg Vaughn I don't see Lucky. I think that might have been a casting mistake. I love Greg but he needed to be someone else. Someone without the emotional, adventurous history of Lucky.

As for Patrick and Robin (the only reason I watch the show,)the writers are trying to get rid of me also. The hostility between them is really off-putting. And the PPD story is depressing to the max. This is not exactly what I watch soaps for. Where's the romance--the sex, for God's sake! They didn't even have a honeymoon. I still remember a Steve/Kayla honeymoon from the 80's. How about something to remind us they love each other before we have to endure these troubles.

No I did NOT just read that GV is on recurring. Come on - serously? Let's take the number one next generation character from the glory days of our show who happens to be a decent actor (come on guys he is much improved - he can act when given something other than "duh") and the Webster's dictionary definition of HOT and just drift him away into babysitter oblivion?!??!?!

Oh that's right - he's not IN THE FREAKIN MOB!?!?

If I wanted to watch a poor man's Goodfellas I'd rent a straight to video knockoff.

Does anyone involved with this show have any knowledge or appreciation of the genre of soaps? I really don't think so.

I know we're all often preaching to the choir here on this site but are there really other fan contingencies out there screaming for Sonny and the mob and this Ethan one note caricature? Loving the adventures of Spinelli and Winifred? If so point me in that direction. I'd like to try to get inside and convince them to stop drinkng Guza's koolaid.

Maybe if we had writers who knew how to write nice, compelling, good and LIKABLE characters, this show wouldn't be in such a mess. It's a sad day when fans HATE characters that have been on this show for 3 decades.


Thank you for this post. It was what I needed after hearing about how awful yesterday's show was. Cameron can sing it loud and clear!

I love that Colbert pic!

Tonight at 11...a special report on the writings of Bob Guza, Jr. Watch "Port Charles, a city in crisis: day 1095".

According to wikipedia (okay, consider the source, but I'm tired today, m'kay?) Guza took over again as head writer on March 16th, 2006. Monday will be 3 years of putting up with this turd being head writer. :(

I suggest we all wear black.

love this post Mallory!! i am soo glad you feel the same way as all of us do!!

oh, could you please tell me where you found that picture of Stephen Colbert. is that picture from an episode of his?? i would love to see it and just have a good laugh!!

I'd hate to add to your misery, Mallory, but recently I also read an interview with Sri Rao where he said he wouldn't become the head writer of GH even if asked because he's intimidated by the work schedule of a daytime soap writer.

It can't be Guza's schedule that Sri finds daunting. I mean, Guza just whips out a script from a year ago, changes a few details to make it "fresh" for this year, rubs one out to a picture of Jason or one of Sam being abused, and calls it a day.

Excuse me?! You are putting Robin & Patrick on the same list with Tracy & Ethan & Luke? I just do not think so. My couple can be on the "On Notice" list but the others should more than be on the "Dead to Me" list. (or whatever the worse one is. I'm blanking at the moment.)

And honestly I'm not even putting Robin & Patrick there because this really is all on Guza. HE started this PPD shyt & he is destroying them with it. I don't recognize anything about the Robin or Patrick I know in those impostors on my screen. (well, no longer on my screen b/c I am boycotting this bull.) It can be a cop out to blame the writer but I think in this case it's dead on.

Sweet little Cam needs to go around town giving that look to nearly everyone he sees.

OH MAN - WTH?! What the bloody hell?!

I didn't think it was possible for this show to get worse. I am... wow. I had even hoped to start watching this show again one day. But by the time Guza leaves, it will have been canceled as he runs it further and further into the ground.

Yes, Chaos, let's all wear black.

So much about Robin's PPD story makes me crazy. It started off well so I got my hopes up. I should know better. It has become so poorly written that I want to scream. The worse part is that Patrick refuses to take time off to help ease Robin's stress. He also complains about having to care for Emma when he is home. WTF? The spoiler for next week are even worse. I am beyond ticked off.

Oh yeah, Lucky's such an AWFUL son, with his sense of responsibility, and stable career in law enforcement, his adoption of fatherless children, and his constantly getting Luke out of jams. Oh yeah Tracy, why couldn't he have stayed hooked on drugs and been a womanizing kid-abandoning grifter like his old man?

Also: Guza hates Lucky like he hated A.J. He has turned Lucky into a loser so he could first prop up Jason and Teethan. Luke and Tracy were beyond pathetic yesterday.

Luke & Tracy are more than welcome to wander off into the neon light of some dive bar and never return. I'm done with both characters.

"Carly is now my second favorite character andohmigodwhatishappeningtotheworld?"

Of all the things I hate about this show right now the fact that I'm liking Carly has to be the worst. I deal with this by remembering how awesome Laura Wright is, and that Bob Guza is a hack who deserves no credit for the few bright spots in this show.

"Lucky is essentially recurring right now. I have to say, when I look at Greg Vaughn I don't see Lucky. I think that might have been a casting mistake. I love Greg but he needed to be someone else. Someone without the emotional, adventurous history of Lucky."

Lucky hasn't been emotional or adventurous since somewhere around 1999, and even that was more throwing tantrums and whining about his parents than genuine adventures.

Thanks for keeping me updated on this insanity. I have been tuned out for a fews weeks and will not be back until I know it's remotely safe to return.

I knew the hatchet job was coming for Robin and Patrick and took off running. I refuse to watch this horrible turn of events. I am hoping that this fall comes the announcement that I will be jumping for joy to hear, JT and KMc are leaving this crappy show.

Didn't see the episode, but Tracy really just sounded like an ignorant woman standing up for her ignorant man. I have never been able to figure out why she thinks she has such a "prize" with Luke. I pretty much ignore anything that comes out of Luke's mouth anyway.

I have a feeling the ratings are going to hit rock bottom this March. Next week your blog should be "really" popping. Thanks for watching for me (I can't take it anymore)!

Hey, Robin should just call Tracy and have her tell Patrick that if Emma wouldn't be such a rotten daughter to Robin, Robin would be a better mother.

WTF is wrong with the idiots who write this show? Next thing you know, they'll be saying it was Michael's fault he got shot. Oh, wait. They already did.

Eat a bag of ass, Bob Luza.

I think we should play a new game as long as Robin is not herself these days. This game is called.....drum roll please..... "WHERE'S EMMA AT NOW?" In the true spirit of "Where's Waldo?" we shall play this game until they put Robin in the new area of preference at 4151 Prospect Avenue called... "So, this is where the people whose character is now BAT-SHIT CRAZY for no apparent reason!" are now allowed to hang out at. Asswipes the lot of them.

I like the coat.

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