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« Our Latest Soap Opera Digest Column | Main | Another One Bites the Dust »

April 01, 2009

I Need You Guys to Keep Me Apprised of Things Like This

One Life to Live viewers, we need to talk.  Last year, Mallory and I did not completely lose our minds and start indiscriminately swearing or punching passers-by when it seemed like every third comment on our predictably whiny and bitchy GH posts was some variation on "Hey dumbasses, you should watch OLTL instead!"  We heard about how Ron Carlivati hung the moon and slid down a rainbow, how the show was the best thing to happen to soaps since chest waxing, and how OLTL's ratings were clearly the result of viewers shunning goodness and light.  Throughout all that, we mocked you...hardly at all!  And yet now, when I needed you to be there for me in return, you failed me.

You are, in case you were not aware, contractually required as our loyal readers to notify me when something as significant as this occurs:


Scott Clifton got super hot!  He is almost, dare I say, looking a bit Ryan Reynolds-esque.  Not one of you people could have dropped me an email?  A screencap would have sufficed; I don't require that everything be accompanied by unnecessary editorializing.

For real, thumbs up to Scott, because he looks fantastic.  Not that I didn't before, because I am not just about shallow things (zip it!), but now I really want him to come back to General Hospital.  No wait, that wasn't an insult!  I would love to see him and Kirsten Storms work together again, except this time instead of hating his hair, Maxie can fall for her dead sister's ex-husband.  Soapy!

But back to OLTL for a sec: The sisterly duo of Stacy and Gigi?  Mother of deity-of-your-choice, make the lambs stop screaming.  Why did none of you bitches tell me about that horror show either?!  I swear, I cannot rely on you for anything.

(This seems like the appropriate time to mention that for our next Soap Opera Digest column, Mallory and I each watched two new-to-us soaps for a week.  Mallory's critique of Guiding Light isn't even on the stands yet and the damned show is already practically canceled.  Wait to go, Mal.  Jeez.)


oooooh, i would loooooooooove to read your take on OLTL!!!

its really the only television show (& not just daytime) that i *really* follow.

As a guy who has gone through various body types and various levels of shame in showing it off, I can tell you that rocking a v-neck white t-shirt is not. easy. at. all.

Mr. Clifton is really doing it here.

For some reason, I feel like a proud gay papa.

Which sound much dirtier and less sweet than I meant it.

He really did shoot up the hot meter when he toned down that hair. Go Scott indeed. And go whoever convinced you to bring it back down to Earth!

aww you poor gals. catching a stacey/gigi storyline. someone get farrah fath into an acting class, STAT!!

i'm glad you guys are watching OLTL. I'm a little excited!

I just started watching Guiding Light, so of course it will be canceled. But I have to say, they are rocking the Olivia/Natalia storyline. I'd forgotten how much I adore Crystal Chappell.

Stacy and Gigi are the worst thing about the show, trufax. But when you compare it to the steaming pile of dung, garnished with a mint leaf that Guza serves up, then I'll take those banshees.

Oh and Scott Clifton could get it any time he wants.

No doubt, Scott Clifton has rocketed up the hotness meter. Did no one send you the screen caps of his recent shirtlessness on OLTL as well? The truly unfortunate thing about his character is that he shares a past with Stacy, for whom my boundaries of hate are unlimited.

Oh well, this is what happens when you mock OLTL fans -- you get squeezed out of the loop. Live and learn.

I apologize profusely for not informing you of the hotness that is Scott Clifton now. My only excuse is that I thought you both were very tired of hearing OLTL related news.

I recognize that FF is not the greatest actress in the world but I still like Gigi, especially with Rex.

The creation of the completely horrid Stacy is one of the bigger missteps I think RC has made as HW. There is literally not one single redeeming quality about this character, which even for a bad girl is not acceptable. Want proof? Stacy used to date Schuyler (played by newly hottie Scott Clifton) & she let him go. Now after running into him again, she's still not into him, even though she's currently crashing at his place.

oh so very ryan renolds-esque - i am going to start watching OLTL asap

it's not like it can be WORSE than GH and plus I heard Greg Vaughn was leaving so, eh, what's the point

Sorry to be the lone person on this boat, but I actually like Gigi. It's Stacy I can't stomach. She's like a walking ad for herpes. And I think the Shane-has-cancer storyline would have been fine if they hadn't thrown in the crap that is Stacy. She's just awful. I liken her to Babe. Yes, that Babe.

Maybe we have been a little too ready to praise OLTL, but it really has been turning into the anti-GH under RC, so for those of us who at one time watched both shows it's like *somebody* is listening to us. For one thing, not only are most of the 40+ characters given screentime, but they still have romantic and sexual escapades! And the show's focus is not limited to two or three characters!

I swear, I think RC is trying to boost the show by trying to woo away AMC and GH's audiences.

First you really need to read this article here:

Zarathelawyer at Soaps By Remote covered the transition of becoming an OLTL fan really well. Again, don't expect perfection - it's a soap. The thing is - it's a well done soap and in the myriad badly done soaps right now - that's saying something. You basically only have - from what I've heard - Y&R and OLTL left to helm true soapy goodness in the black hole of bad writing. Everything else is trying desperately to be canceled.

Me? From the 70s I watched Days of our Lives and GH and then Santa Barbara. When Santa Barbara went off the air I was sporadically watching GH and Days - then Marlena was possessed. I then only watched GH. And then I had kids. So only recently I watched GH when Kimberly McCullough came back to the show. I then stopped watching GH around when Georgie was killed. It then became so incredibly stupid that even Greg Vaughn couldn't keep me glued to the set.

So last year I started watching OLTL. I think that's where you need to start watching to figure out what is going on now. Right around when Starr (Todd's 16-yr-old daughter) had sex with Cole because it affected Todd Manning's psyche - since no matter how many gaga fans he has - he's still a sociopath that needs psychological help. And that's why I love his character with RC at the helm. Whoever was writing this show before happened to forget Todd's APD problems. It was weird. Todd became a freakin' family man. Now we have the best sociopath on daytime smiling at the screen and he's fun to watch. Trevor St. John has so many layers to his personality and no apologists going around telling us differently than what we are seeing on the screen (unlike Sonny). And so it's enjoyable to watch him be evil, and yet realizing he really does love his children - no one else - but he does love his kids.

He is the anti-thesis of John McBain, OLTL's version of Batman. I like to call them "Batman and the Joker." (Todd is funny. John has no sense of humor.)

John swings on a rope into Todd's penthouse to save Marty "the Martyr" Saybrooke. Shoots people without repercussions. All good stuff. Michael Easton is so HOT however, I don't care. He's not meant to be a good guy, but an anti-hero. He's an anti-hero who finally needs to grow up and I have hope for this with his marriage to Blair Cramer - but I'll get to that later.

There are so many layers to this show, so many umbrella stories kicked off, people are not killed senselessly, so much humor with Tuc Watkins and Dorian, and Addy and the Cramer women, hot guys like Ray, the Vega's, John, Todd, Rex, David Vickers, Scott Clifton, and strong women like Tea, Blair, Nora, Langston, Dorian, Viki, Talia, and on and on. PI's and cops are good guys, and bad guys are bad guys. It's so weird. And characters with such depth - no one is truly bad and no one is truly evil. Except for Stacy - she's just a psycho, evil bitch that's delusional. I think we're all hoping the "stabby guy" takes her next.

When kids are hurt on the show it's because of a real situation of morality and ethics. It wasn't just a blind shot in the head because "he deserved it." Cole takes drugs - drives - and then drives with a kid that is as close to him as his brother - and gets in an accident. They aren't wearing seatbelts and the boy is thrown from the car, and is paralyzed. Cole has to face the repercussions. Parents have to face what happens now. No one is left standing around and all relationships are taken into consideration after something so devastating.

Now, Shane, is Rex and Gigi's son and has Leukemia. That s/l could have been done at a different time, IMO. I think they overdid it by bringing on the leukemia story during the Matthew is paralyzed because his "sorta" big brother was driving all drugged up.

But, again, the "Who is Rex's daddy?" story is being played out since Shane needs bone marrow.

Am I losing you yet?

And then Blair Cramer is my favorite strong female character of all time. I've just figured that out watching the show. And John McBain has never been married. She happened to be stabbed by the "stabby guy" and so she was incapacitated and Todd made his move to take the kids away from her.

In steps John "rockin' hot dude" McBain to help her. He felt responsible leaving her alone the night she was stabbied. And so, for his first marriage it's a marriage of convenience with his old Friend-with-benefits partner, Blair. I want them to stay together, but too bad Martyr is there being a "dim"sel-in-distress again. John wants to be a white knight - despite him always being dressed in black and looking more like Batman - and so he wants to save Martyr ALL the time. Despite having the coolest woman in Llanview - Blair Cramer hot and ready for him.

So, John and Blair are screwed.

Okay, I can go on. Do you want me to email? ^^

Gigi is a horrible human being. It was only last year she was berating her young son to "SHUT UP" when he was upset about the man she had made him believe was his father (Brody) being in trouble. She then forced him to accept a man he hated as his father (Rex), because her games had helped lead to Brody going crazy and accidentally shooting Rex. The writers then forced the viewers into seeing Gigi and Rex as a true love soulmate couple, with lame gimmick after gimmick, like Stacy, designed to prop them up.

I just hope if you recap you can get through the travesty that is McBain and Todd, two users, two dead-eyed sociopaths, both touted as hunky leading men by OLTL.

I forgot about how hot Brody is also. He is always shirtless.

I wouldn't say Gigi is a horrible human being Carl. She's just a wuss and not very bright. Hah. When given the choice of A being best, or B being worst, she usually goes for C.

I still like Gigi and Rex. (FF cannot cry fake tears for anything.) I'd prefer Brody with Jess... until she goes crazy, which we all know will happen.

The cancellation of Guiding Light was announced today.

I agree V, Brody is a hot piece of ass even if he clocks in at 5'5". Great summary of the show thus far, too!

two things i want to say...

OLTL is out of whack at the moment; one reason we KNOW is Frons' doing, the other we SUSPECT is Frons' doing.

the one we know: all these kids in trouble stories were supposed to be staggered a bit more, not all at once. they were suppsoed to be balanced with a romantic VIKI & CHARLIE story, that would be a ray of light to balance the dark.

Frons nixed it, & the rumor is that VIKI & CHARLIE have been cut to that mystical "recurring but not recurring" contract status that we've been hearing about.

the other Frons meddling (we SUSPECT) is the creation of the character SKANKY uh i mean STACEY who has come out of NOWHERE & EATEN THE SHOW.
think of a blonde Kelly Monaco with even less humor.

but characters like ROXY (my favorite!!!), DORIAN, TÉA, BLAIR, STARR & ADDIE make it worthwhile!

this is the only show left where women can still outsmart the men!

"this is the only show left where women can still outsmart the men!"

Are you sure about that? Days of Our Lives, IMO, still holds the record for dumbest men in daytime.

Maybe n69n doesn't mean the outsmarting is by default. ^^

Thanks for your observations audrey and n69n. I thought maybe Frons had something to do with how it suddenly got a little wonky and weird. That guy's an idiot. RC was pacing the show perfectly and then suddenly it got off-balance. Thanks for the heads up. I was worried he'd start meddling. He's like a kid with a gun in a dark alley. Hmm....

I still remember when I first saw SC as Dillon on GH. I was so used to model-not-actors that I wondered why they hired the odd-looking kid. Then he opened his mouth, and proceeded to out-act a good 75% of the GH cast, and I was like, OH! They actually hired an actor! So instead of learning to act, he learned hotness!

Hey girls, we've been trying to tell ya to come on over to the OLTL side! Best soap around (next to Y&R)!! Still you treated us shabbily when all we wanted to do was bring you some soapy goodness. Now, that's what you get! LOL!

Seriously, come on over to One Life. You'll be glad you did!

Sorry, guys, I think I must have caught a bad week (last week) of OLTL. I wasn't very impressed. I think Stac[e?]y and Gigi are at least 70% responsible for that, though. Ugh. I was mostly spared McBain, so I didn't form much of an opinion about him. But even A Martinez, with that weird accent, disappointed me. Cruz can't disappoint me! It's unpossible!

Anyway, not to be all pimp-o-rama, but you can read all about it in our upcoming column and we'll also be doing some "Soap I Don't Watch" blog posts when the column comes out.

bloodbath @ OLTL today


...all canned.

So sorry, Becca, for not informing you about SC's stunning turn into hotness. It's the Valium they gave his hair, I think. And OLTL's lighting, make-up, and wardrobe are about a thousand times better than GH's, so that helps, too.

OLTL is far from perfect, and there is far too much Frons, but it really is the best ABC soap (damning with faint praise, I know) and seems to be towards the top of the overall soap heap (not that that's a huge heap) in terms of quality.

I just want to note in my defense that I did say "Plus, Scott Clifton is magic." over in the forums. And several of us mentioned Stacey (the new Fivehead) and her nightmare status.
I feel all excited that you ladies are going to give it a try. You will like it because instead of just hating your show you will be able to love and mock but mostly love it... Perfect fit!
Give it some time though because OLTL wasn't love at first sight for me but it grew on me and now I watch it and wonder why GH can't be more like it.

Oops. Sorry about that. Our bad. I watch OLTL occasionally. It's been pretty depressing, and I hate Gigi/Stacy almost as much as I hate Winnifred. But GH has become so unwatchable that I've officially broken up with it. So One Life is my only soap at the moment. Unfortunately, I think Frons has realized that it's the only decent one left on ABC and has decided to devote his full attention to it because I can definitely see his work. See Gigi/Rex/Stacy. As long as Dorian is Dorian and David Vickers shows up every once in awhile, then I'll probably stick around.

"Sorry, guys, I think I must have caught a bad week (last week) of OLTL. I wasn't very impressed. "

OLTL is up and down. It's not that great right now, but at least you didn't have to see the "Tarty" story. Turning gang rape into a love story!

Just make sure you really, really like whiny teenagers.

Bite your tongue you want him on GH. I demand an apology some sort of ritual to prevent any sort of jinxing of Scott Clifton to come back. You know when he does it's going to be because Monica got shot by a bullet meant for Jason.

The Gigi/Rex/Stacy mess does seem to be on every stinking day. I think yesterday was the first time in a couple of weeks we were spared them. Unfortunately, they REEK of Frons Intervention and that's never a good thing.

I think the problem right now is that there is a lot going on that reeks of Frons Intervention. You can see glimmers of promise but it's getting buried underneath "Sexy Blond Stripper Who is a Troublemaker!" "Marriage of Convenience to Add Angst to Angsty Not-Actually-A-Couple!" "Teen Girl Wants Her Teacher -- It's Hot!" "Serial Killer On the Prowl! More for John McBain to Do!"

There are good things about most of those stories (the only good thing about the Morasco Fiasco is that it gave us some shirtless Brody but they're also willing to make him shirtless outside of the Morasco Fiasco so that's not a selling point) but they are bogged down.

Although, Ron lost a lot of his shine with me for going through with the Rapemance in the first place so I have a distinct jaundiced eye these days. Still, you can smell a Frons plot a mile away.

But, yeah, Scott Clifton is quite hot these days. And ridonkulously charismatic as well.

you see a lotta MR J in this clip from Fridays episode!


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