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« The Melrose Revamp Ill-Advisedly Continues | Main | I've Never Been So Happy For My TV To Go On The Fritz! »

April 06, 2009

Our Long Hoped-for Drinks Session with Kelly Monaco Will Now Be Very Awkward

Okay you guys.  I knew from the initial description that Kelly Monaco's Vegas venture would not be the best career move ever.  I believe it was described as a classy topless burlesque act.  I feel the need to bust out the Sam McCall airquotes for that one.


"Classy" topless Vegas show.  Uh-huh.

But no matter what you thought about the idea in theory, in execution . . . have mercy. (Link has no nudity but is probably not safe for work, unless you work in a strip club, in which case you're going to take issue with this entire post so you might as well just not click and skip ahead to the comments section where you berate me for being a prude.  Thanks.)

I sent that link to Mallory yesterday and we both sat, awestruck (on the "horror" end of the awe spectrum, as opposed to the "amazed and delighted" one), pondering how this horrible thing befell the lovely Kelly Monaco.

Mallory:  HOLY CRAP.  How did anyone let her do this?! I feel like she needs an intervention in a major way.
Becca:  Like, seriously, are drugs involved?  I worry.
Mallory:  They must be. I honestly don't understand what kind of people she is friends with if they all let her do that. What kind of a manager does she have?!?!
Becca:  I get that you don't get rich doing soaps, and there's not a lot of job security, but she has way more national exposure than most soap stars, plus I think even if GH dumped her she would get picked up in a heartbeat by another show.  She seems to have a strong fanbase.  So why this?  And why with Scary Spice?  The whole thing is like something some overgrown frat boy sketched on a cocktail napkin while drunk.
Mallory:  I feel like most soap stars don't have great job security but SHE does. Frons loves her and bent over backward to get her to re-sign. I feel like this is just...tacky. And weird! I don't know what she's hoping to get out of something like this, I really don't.

I seriously need help understanding this.  I also need to erase those stick-on-bra and rhinestone g-string images from my mind, so I'm going to reach back into Expression Hall of Fame history and bust out with one of my favorite Kelly Monaco moments ever:  Very Drunk Sam!

Come to think of it, maybe the reason those scenes made us want to do happy hour with Kelly Monaco is that she seems to be so very comfortable holding that martini glass.  Perhaps real-life imbibing is what led to this whole Vegas thing?  If that is the case, as Mal says, Kelly needs new friends.  Because even if we were well and truly sauced, if a good friend of mine proposed a "classy" Vegas strip-tease gig, my reaction would have been, how can I put this politely . . .


bitch, please.  If that friend were Kelly Monaco, I would have said "bitch, please" and then demanded her workout tips.  But you get what I mean:  Friends don't let friends do topless acts in Vegas.  So clearly, Kelly Monaco needs new friends. 

But I'm probably being too Type-A and judge-y about this.  What say you?


I am a big live and let live person, but I don't see how Kelly benefits career wise from participating in this show. She is going backwards, reminding people of her Playboy layout. Kelly should be going after prime time roles not half-naked strip shows in Vegas. Worse of all, she is not a good dancer.

I am so going to Vegas to see Peep Show. It looks to be the ultimate in cheesy, get your drink on in the casino beforehand entertainment.

With soap ratings sinking like a stone branching out into other venues is a good career move. So what if you have a strong soap fan base if we're all going to be stuck watching the only two or three soaps left on the air by 2010?

Hey ladies!

I normally agree with you and think you're fab, but I do think you need to lighten up. Vegas is known for its... sex appeal. And I think this project is going to help propel Kelly Monaco away from the shit that is General Hospital. Anything that gets her away from that show is well worth the effort.

I think the other obvious observation is how badly did she want to get out from the cesspool that is GH that THIS was the alternative....she was basically leaving the show to do this after all. and Frons did do backflips to let her do both. (Side note...did Disney have to sign off on this idea as well? And could I have been in that meeting so maybe I could understand the mentality that goes on over there? thanks!)

And I have found great giggling in the fact the early press for this all cited her DWTS win other than her continuing stint on the show allegedly called GH.

Reinactment of me looking at the pictures:

"Well, these aren't that big a deal. It's just lingerie. The girls are kind of overreacting. I don't see what the.....OH MY GOD!".

I don't get the big deal. I mean its Vegas. What did you expect her to wear a turtle neck or a nun's habit. And then you imply that she is on drugs? Thats insane. This is print you realize you can be sued for Libel. I mean come on people. Get out of the 20's. Only people in the US have issues with nudity, and she isn't even nude. I think its fine. Whats the big deal. I don't see the point of judging her.

I really think you have crossed a line here.

This is a production show by a high powered Broadway Director, etc. It's not some sleeze show that you make it out to be.

Here's a thought. GO SEE THE SHOW before you judge someone so harshly.

I usually agree with you but today is where I draw the line. I don't see the need to slander anyone. If Kelly wants to strip down naked and shake her body on Sunset Blvd then thats her right. I am no better then her. Hell if I had the body and someone wanted me to dance in a Vegas show i'd be up there in a minute. There is nothing wrong with what she is doing. Its her decision. There does not have to be any substance abuse involved to make that decision. Its a choice. It might not be your choice. But that doesn't make the choice wrong.

The most time you have given Kelly Monaco on your blog in a long time. Think this gig is working for her just fine. You should check out the people invovled with the show before you consider it to be a bad career move. Better than hawking juice for $40 a pop at fan events. Let's see you blog about those "classy" GH actor "career" moves.

Okay, first of all, if you think we're seriously implying drug use is responsible for this career move, then you probably don't read our blog very often. Second, we like Kelly Monaco and have said that repeatedly, but I really don't want to live in a soap-mocking world in which a big daytime star opening a strip show in Vegas is beyond the realm of things we can poke fun at. It is absolutely her choice, and more power to her, but just because I support her right to choose to do it doesn't mean I can't think it's funny. Or awkward. Because mostly it looks a bit awkward...

Finally, and most importantly, I totally forgot to mention that I think her shoes are Louboutins and I love them. And also that I think this show could be vastly improved if she could make out with Greg Vaughn during it.

I was shocked, but then I have never been to Las Vegas, I just hope Kelly Monaco has a break after this. She is such a lovely young lady. Good luck.

I've never been one to have ANY desire to see a strip show but this one I want to see. Like somebody above said, this is not your ordinary strip show, this is a 12 million dollar production with a first rate Broadway producer. Kelly and Mel are getting the publicity because they are the headliners but there are several other good actresses in it as well.

Good Luck to Kelly, I hope it has a long run. I just wish I could see it.

I think it's fine to make fun of it. It definitely made my day, looking at those photos.

In my view, it does look a bit awkward, and that stick-on bra is horrible.

As for career-wise, there are a bunch of high-up-there people involved, so I think it's perfect for her to get contacts and get people talking about her being dedicated to her work. I dont think it's a particularly SMART move since she's tried to distance herself from her Playboy days ... HOWEVER, who knows how she envisions her future career. Maybe she's not interested in making movies. I mean, I have no clue. If she's more interested in doing live shows, not just in Vegas, rather than movies, then this is a great learning experience.

Or maybe she's just a Spice Girls fan.

At the end of the day, I think it's great that she's doing something else besides looking cold in her jacket as she does on GH.

I peronally wouldn't call the act classy, no matter WHO is producing it, but it's burlesque ... it's not really meant to be classy.

I applaud Kelly in being willing to step out of her comfort zone.

I don't think you ladies crossed a line at all. There are PLENTY of blogs out there right now poking fun at this show and implying a lot worse than imaginary drug use. This is a humor blog where all things should be taken with a grain of salt. Hilarious post as always ladies. As for the show, it's a bit shocking but nothing about Vegas really shocks me.

I'm not bothered by Kelly wanting to do something different and take career chances up to and including doing a 'burlesque' style show.

But, Kelly sure doesn't look very happy in any of those pictures and that makes me sad.

Does this mean Greg Vaughn will be doing a guest starring role as a Chippendale dancer in Vegas soon? Because I could get super drunkity drunk drunk enough to really enjoy that hot mess! I would have to wear a disguise to the show and make the reservation under the name Sam McCall Cassidine, but it would so be worth it to see him jiggle his bits to the hits of the 80's.

OMG! These poor soap actors. If this is the best Kelly can do out there in this "soaps are dying and the economy sucks" era what is going to become of the lesser stars and bad actors of daytime? Yikes!

This was a hilarious post Becca. And kudos for bringing back some of the greatest screencaps ever. Super drunk Sam is a classic :-)

My understanding of "classy" burlesque involves old-fashioned frilly things and a lot of skilled maneuvering of fans. After a quick look, these photos look more like the Victoria's Secret fashion show. "Classy" burlesque is also usually performed in a very specific cultural context that's a lot more pro-feminist than Las Vegas, and has a certain camp sensibility (the difference between camp and kitsch is that camp is a hair more political... camp "queers" pop culture).

What this says to me is that the burlesque revival has more or less been mainstreamed and forfeited any subversive potential it may have had. This is usually the life-cycle of camp. Things can only remain camp so long before they're mainstreamed.

That said, I'm still generally a tad bit more down with the "don't bash Kelly" camp than I am with the "what is she thinking" one.

I don't know why I'm going all Queer & feminist theory on a humor-driven soap critic blog. Totally the wrong place for it.

Keep up the good work Becca and Mallory -- I don't even watch the shows you write about anymore (well... Y&R when I'm home, which is now never, so I've been missing all the goodness), but your blog is appointment reading.

P.S. I'd definitely pay to come the Greg Vaughan strip show, no alcohol, disguises or pseudonyms needed.

But I'd pay even more if they threw in a few more stars. For instance Don Diamont. I hear he could use the work.

(err... they hired him on B & B, didn't they? Pretend they didn't, so my comment will still be vaguely funnyish).

But, you guys! It's 12 million and from a Broadway director! Kinda like how GH just spent $3 million to go High Def and wins Emmys all the time.........

Gloria Monty is SPINNING in her grave. Hell, she's dancing the macarena.

I'm totally with Becca and Mallory on this one. She's lucky GH even bothered to consider hiring her when THIS was how she got her start:


And I don't give a crap if it's a $12 million strip show put on by some big Broadway producer. It's still a strip show, and after she worked to get people to forget she used to pose nude and to be taken seriously as an actress, WHY WOULD SHE DO THIS???

Oops. Try this link.


Well, if nothing else, Vegas is all about the drinking, too, so you can still hook up after the show to down a few Peepatinis or whatever.

Looks like Vegas to me. I've seen other write ups about it that focus far more on Mel B's involvement (it's apparently her show) and while I have a vague interest in it, I'd probably rather see Jubilee! or Zumanity if I want a nekkid Vegas show. Those shows are something. Bob Mackie rhinestone outfits or Cirque du Soleil nakedness with Chris March costumes? Choices... choices...

But, actually, I really want to see O the next time I go.

I say, shake your groove thing girl. I think she knew the flack she would get for it and she did it anyway. She has mentioned that performing in vegas was one of the things she always wanted to do, so she is going out and doing it. Go ahead on!!!

She mentioned she was ashamed about doing DWTS at first. I know it's not the same BUT she went out of her comfort zone and did it and it was a personal thing for her.

There are going to be many people who will judge her and not approve. Whether it will hurt or help her down the line, who knows. But I hope she moves on to do whatever it is she wants to do for herself in the future.

It is a free country and if people want to say it was a drug induced decision, that's wierd but whatever. I'm sure Kelly is crying all the way to the bank.

Sorry, anybody who has actual issues with what Kelly is doing (and I'm not counting Becca's post in this - clearly for humor's sake!) really needs to get a life and worry about themselves. You don't HAVE to go see it! She has a SMOKIN' BOD (this from someone who is majorly jealous! LOL!), and she's not going topless on the strip for dollar bills in a G-string. It's a top-of-the-line production. If you think any nudity or shows of this kind or so immoral - don't see it. I find this a lot more acceptable than being a place for Guza to wipe his muddy shoes. Bleh.

That being said, Becca, the post was hilarious! I can read humorous subtext into a post. :) Any reason to show Kelly's air quotes and fantastic "drunk Sam" caps is a good enough reason for me!

I used to work in a store that sold dancewear and I can tell you right now, this show looks roughly INFINITELY more "classy" than regular strippers I saw on a daily basis. It's not a great career move, and I do wish she looked like she was having fun with it, but if she wants to have some fun in Vegas and get paid for it, there are worse things to do.

Also, I think it's funny that some people seem okay with Greg Vaughan stripping, but oh no, Kelly can't do it because it's sleazy and degrading? Just because a woman dances does not make her automatically a tragedy to the whole of womankind. Live and let live and let her enjoy her still-smokin' bod while she can.

I love Kelly and I wish her all the best.

I think people would be reminded of her playboy days regardless. Before there were any hints of this vegas show, in write ups about her, they more often than not mentioned playboy, even if it was more than 10 years ago. And I believe Kelly has said on several occasions she wasn't ashamed of her past or the choices she made. She pretty much shrugs it off and does what she wants.

It is what it is at the end of the day. For almost a year, Sam was running around in bikinis, hoping in hot tubs and all that jazz. Kelly is pretty much doing the same thing in this show since she isn't even topless. Aside from better music and hotter guys what's the difference between her playing Sam and her being on stage in her undies?

Yeah, I think people need to lighten up. I won't call anyone a prude but for real, there are more questionable GH stars out there. Somehow I repect Kelly more than those who ask fans to sell juice.

I don't think KeMo feels this is questionable at all. DWTS may have been outside her comfort zone but this isn't because she is extremely comfortable with her body. She's never been ashamed of her Playboy connection (she submitted her pics at 19 and was immediately chosen as Miss April) nor has she tried to hide it. To this day she still parties regularly with the Playboy girls (she's featured in gossip mags fairly regularly - sometimes every weekend - with them either at the mansion or in Vegas well before this show).

So for her this isn't a bad career move -- it's an extension of her lifestyle and even better, she's backed by some very important people in her chosen world.

Is it for me? Nope. Not at all. (Of course, if I had her body I might think otherwise!) But I think she will succeed in her chosen venue and this will open the sort of doors she's interested in. I think she probably realizes she'll never be Meryl Streep and more importantly, that her youth and sexuality has a limited shelf life so she's capitalizing on that. (She really just barely missed out capitalizing on her DWTS fame which might have taken her another direction -- but the writers strike really screwed with that.)

Of course, it completely grosses me out that Frons and Guza probably have front-row tickets reserved every weekend (and rehearsal tapes that they play slo-mo in and endless loop in their darkened offices). I don't mean that as a knock on her because I think she's quite good on GH -- but rather as a knock on them because they're such pigs (you know it's true!) The only downside is I think she's looking a lot harder lately and that partying is going to catch up to her. (Of course, she's still a rockin' 10 and better looking than I'll ever be.)

PS ... and having said all that ... Mock On, Ladies, Mock on! ;o)

First off, I think she looks gorgeous and as Rosie says, if I looked like her I'd be hanging out naked in the frozen foods section of the local supermarket! She may have absolutely no problem with her magazine past, and may actually think this is a good move for her careerwise. . . I personally don't see it, but maybe she's looking for something different than what I'd be looking for, from her career??

Anyway, I thought your analysis was very funny as usual and I don't think you crossed any lines. . .

What I'm really wondering about is what you thought about GH the last few days (especially yesterday). . .self recriminations galore by the "sonny set" and some funnies put in their either by the writers (unlikely) or the funny was played up by the actors, or both. I've actually. . . dare I say it. . .enjoyed it!

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