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« The Young and the Recappy | Main | Not Gonna Lie: I Totally Cried »

June 08, 2009

It's Just The Same Old Song...Except Even More Off Key

Today, I started to wonder if, perhaps, I am too critical about General Hospital's tendency to repeat itself, especially when it has become clear to me that I am quite nearly as guilty as GH in doing the same thing over and over (and over). It became obvious to me today when I went to Starbucks and the barista said, "Hey there! Venti iced vanilla latte, coming up!" before I had even opened my mouth to order because I've gotten it everyday for an embarrassingly long span of time. And there was that time that I listened to "Sabotage" by the Beastie Boys for an entire weekend, much to the annoyance of everyone within earshot. And I often watch favorite TV show episodes so often that I know them from start to finish and, if asked, could probably do a dramatic one-woman reenactment of Slap Bet. And there's also the fact that, you know, I repeatedly complain about GH's repetition, which makes me a repetitive hypocrite.

But after watching today's episode, I've decided to let my hypocrite flag fly high, because this kind of creative bankruptcy can't go unmentioned.


First, a pressing issue that many have commented and emailed about: Laura Wright's new hair (can I just say that I love the fact that people associate me with General Hospital hairstyles? Because I do). The people I've heard from seem to be evenly split about whether it's a good look.

 What say you?



I am probably not a fair judge, as a recent recipient of a haircut a good four inches shorter than I had asked for, because I keep looking longingly at long hair, which must really creepy, and part of me is like, "But you had such amazing long hair! Why would you cut it?!". But LW has such glorious hair at any length, and the short cut looks healthy and adorable.

SPOILER: Negativity follows! Laura Wright's hair is the show's sole highlight. 

Remember when Natalia Livingston left, and the writers decided to kill off Emily, and everybody was a little put off by the fact that an important legacy character was being brutally murdered, and Bob Guza went from soap mag to soap mag all, "Don't worry, we have an awesome story planned for if/when Natalia Livingston comes back" as if we were mourning the loss of the actress and not her beloved character? And how he assured us that it was a brilliant, amazing story we'd all look forward to?

I don't think Guza remembers any of that, because the whole "Rebecca is Emily's TWIN! Who was SOLD! And is now BAD!" story reeks of last minute desperation. It's like he was flipping the channels and landed on All My Children and saw this exact scenario playing out with Babe's heretofore unknown twin sister Marissa being sold at birth. "I can do that! But let's raise the stakes a little. Since Emily was so good..what would happen if her twin was BAD? Awesome!"

Of course, Rebecca is bad only in that she talks with a husky voice occasionally, snaps her gum, cakes on eyeliner and sneers like Billy Idol. How sassy and entertaining! I'm so glad we lost Emily for this!

And then it turns out that on top of those failings, she's kind of dim, as she immediately let the random mumbly con artist she just met in on her plan, as we learned in a series of "jaw-dropping" and "charming" flashbacks.


Rebecca: Blue gin fizz, please.

Ethan: A drink to match your eyes.

Rebecca: Oh, smooth line. Except my eyes are brown.

Ethan: So they are. You know, I would have pegged you for more of a gibson girl myself.

Rebecca: Ah. Wrong again. You're really batting a thousand.

Ethan: You know, believe it or not, my instincts are actually usually spot-on.

Rebecca: Oh. Maybe i'm just not as easy as most of the women you meet.

I will say that there is a secret silver lining to this friendship: we can quickly fast forward their scenes without worrying that we're missing anything aside from unintelligible monologues from Nathan Parsons and a disturbing amount of closeups on Natalia Livingston's cleavage. So there's that, at least.

Alexis:You are deliberately trying to miss the point. Hank and Paige Bowen were very young when they gave birth to their twins. They couldn't afford to keep both children, so they kept Emily, and they gave Rebecca up for adoption. Let me make that clear. They sold her. Which would explain why Paige didn't tell anyone, even Emily, that this other little girl even existed.

Poor Paige Bowen. Part of such a great storyline in the 90s and then all of a sudden turned into a Krystal Careyesque baby-seller.

And HOW FREAKING DUMB is Nikolas? I don't care what kind of deep, spiritual connection you have with the woman who looks exactly like the dead love of your life, and if you love her for all of the great qualities she has that have yet to appear onscreen. You should have some reaction to the fact that she's Emily's twin besides "(Shrug) That doesn't change anything. It's not at all weird that she wound up in Port Charles. Nope. Not at all. Please stop judging her". Any and all bad things that happen to him now because of Rebecca are mostly his fault.

And what was with them trying to build suspense about Nikolas finding Rebecca and Ethan together? Uh, he's shown himself to be relentlessly dim these days, so they could just say, "What are we doing together? Nothing at all! Certainly nothing suspicious!" and he'd say "Okey-dokey" and leave.


I have to admit that Drew Garrett (Michael) and Lexi Ainsworth (Kristina) are both very talented.

That being said, enough with the angry Michael and overly sexual, scheming Kristina. WE GET IT. They are angry and scheming, respectively. We do not need to see them being that way in every scene and explaining to other characters that they are that way. I really resent having my intelligence insulted by the GH writers, of all people.

At least Michael decided to spread his hatred around a little. While he was still insanely angry towards Carly, he did snap at Jason.

Michael: I thought you were someone I could trust. But you're just like the rest of them.

And Kristina got in some digs about St. Jason herself:

Kristina: I hate how Jason acts. Like he's in charge, and nothing the rest of us say matters.

Kristina: Look, I honestly thought I was helping michael. Maybe I was wrong. The point is, Jason was mean and rude. He also happens to kill people for a living, which is pretty unsettling.

Which was unfortunately negated by the over-the-top way she came on to Jason while in her underwear.


That, Kristina, is the very definition of pretty unsettling!


I think Becca described the Claudia/Carly fall down the stairs story the best:

Your originality is groundbreakingFor real.  (And hey, "funny" twist that the two women are 1) the character to whom this exact thing has already happened, and 2) the actress who was playing the character at the time.  Tee hee!  Wink wink nudge!  You have truly earned that Emmy nod.)



Who doesn't love pregnant women in distress and the threat of miscarriages, right? Let's sit back and watch the ratings go through the roof!

This show is an asshole.


"This show is an asshole."

I love that this (totally correct) statement can be taken several ways.

I will say that cheering a "friendship" or a "pairing" on just becuase you can fast forward through a scene and not miss much due to unintelligable mumbling and disturbing imagry is how we ended up with the monstosity that was Sonny/Emily. Or at least that's what I blame it on.

NuKristina digs at St.Jaysus were immediately redacted since she was all coming on to him. Eww nasty gross.

*glares at Serial Drama*

I was doing my level best NOT to ever see Kristina in her underwear in front of Jason. You should have warned us on that one.

That ish is just vile & rank. I don't care WTF Kristina EVER says about Jason now. It's obviously meaningless--as we should know is the truth about basically every female in Port Charles if only Jason would give himself to them. *rme*

Oh. I was really hoping that we'd find out Rebecca was stolen and sold by some evil baby doctor who told Paige her other twin had died. At least that would've made this just a crappy story, instead of a crappy story that shreds yet more history.

I really should've known better.


i agree this show (gh) is an asshole.

I think Guza and Pratt are trying to one up each other with this stupid baby selling storyline. It's like they are in a competition of who can write it best. Even Tyler said, a few months ago, that neither Natalia nor the writers had any clue who Rebecca really was. This is just another thing they pulled out of their a**es(sort of like the Diego is really the serial killer storyline). They really should have either made her undead Emily or never brought Natalia back. With all the airtime given to Rebecca and Ethan I usually wind up fast forwarding through most of the show. I think it's time for some new writers with fresh ideas instead of recycling the same crappy storylines. There are tons of talented fan fic writers that could do a much better job than the current hacks on the show.

Love Laura's new do. She looks great with either short or long hair.

Your titles are always entertaining ladies. But the closer tag line on this post was both brilliant and accurate beyond measure. This show is indeed an asshole!!!!!

Remember when we were all guessing how dim Lucky was gonna get a la Guza? Now it is a competition between Lucky and Nikolas to see who becomes a total idiot first. What is the prize for the brother who ends up drooling and mumbling incoherently in a padded cell at Shadybrooke first? Did Patrick accidentally gave Nikky a labotomy during his "Emily" tumor extraction? Why else would be be such a stupid needy pollyanna? If he was really so paranoid for Spencer that he sent the kid to unkown locations all alone evidently , wouldn't he be more protective of his family's safety a la mysterious Eye Shadow Emily?

And him sending away Spencer? The kid was SORAS'D 3 or 4 times then disappeared off screen only to be mentioned in passing twice in a year. Who sends a toddler to boarding school? If Guza can't kill a kid or make him/her a slit or rage monster he just makes them vanish. Is there a word for the child hatred like misogyny for anti women feelings. They should have just let the baby be Jax's and not retold that old Carly vs. Robin shit. Nikolas is as ruined as Luke now IMO.

If Guza throws a pregnant Carly down one more flight of stairs she better die!!!! I'm so done with this paticular vile plot device. I would miss LW hair though. It is marvelous, at any length. I would throw myself down a flight of stairs for hair that fantastic.

I was glad Michael found Kristina's hitting on Jason creepy. I hope that means that the writers will NEVER even THINK of trying to pair those two up just because they're not "biological" siblings. And Jason really did a lot of the old stare-and-blink today. Dull!

Mallory, I feel your hair pain, having had a slight difference of opinion with my hair sylist over the phrase "shoulder length". When she started to cut I thought, "am I feeling AIR on the back of my NECK?" Yes, yes I was.

Haven't seen the new LW/Carly hair on GH yet, but I will say that she had long, Andie McDowell hair on Guiding Light for many years, and when she cut it short, she looked faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabulous. (Was that too many a's?)

Based on this picture, it's equally FTW.

I'm so sick of that whole long flat hair look on everyone (especially ladies over, ahem, thirty five or so).

LW's hair and the smug on her face in that photo reminds me of Kate Gosselin. Not a good thing.

i'm sad that i don't even know what to say any more. except that when they blow up/burn/demolish the hospital year, maybe they could build it all on one level so pregnant women and babies won't fall down the stairs.

Love Laura Wright's new haircut! Everything she does with her hair seems to be amazing... the woman is blessed with great genes!

NuKristina's sexuality disturbs me. I want her dressed! And five again! She actually had me feeling bad for Jason.

Also there is absolutely no reason for those stairs at GH other than for pregnant women and babies to fall down them. Do they even go anywhere?

When I see that photo of Claudia and Carly taking a tumble I keep wanting to set it to the Benny Hill theme. This is close (from last year's Coronation Street, when David Platt pushed his mother down the stairs).


This is also amusing:


Luza just keeps finding new ways to crap all over GH's glorious past. Paige Bowen, the brave single mother who found a loving home for her daughter even in the face of death, is now a baby-seller? Why? Just to try to generate sympathy for this wretch? How many times will GH have to learn that you don't get success by destroying the past? Can they at least have Natalia appear as Tumily to urge Rebecca to kill herself?

So not only can Nathan Parsons not act or speak, he also looks like he's malnourished. No need for the shirt to go off, ever. Between this and Bradford Anderson, GH obviously cares nothing about people who want to see handsome or well-built men...and yet, their ratings in the male demos are awful. I'm glad straight men have good enough taste to avoid this ish.

Okay, I've regained my words. And I've realized from watching GH that gross and disgusting are the new sexy. Case in point:

Sexual tension between Claudia and Johnny for months.

Sex eyes between Luke and the boy who is less than half his age.... and maybe his son.

Luke encouraging his daughter to flirt with the boy he thinks is her brother.

And now, Kristina, who is barely a teenager, hitting on Jason and parading around in underwear in front of her brother.

So THIS is what they mean by "love in the afternoon." I'm glad I finally got the memo.

Throwing Paige Bowen under the bus is plain old classless Guza. I wouldn't be shocked if a gaggle of kids and grandkids spawn from an extra marital affair between Lila and some loser popped into town next month.

And back to Guza's old claim that he had some AMAZING way to bring NL back after he murdered off Emily, don't you wish he had written that idea down and sealed it in an envelope so he could prove it to us all now. What a effin liar. NL in an interview flat out said the backstory was brand new and she was shocked when she just recently taped those flashbacks.

Check out Michael Fairman's website. It's official, Pratt and Guza are competing by doing another same story line, cougar love. GH has Johnny and Olivia...... and AMC is going full steam ahead with Erica and Ryan!!!!!!! I can hear the dry heaves and the ewwwwws already.

I love Laura Wright's new do, but isn't it strange that no one on the show has said a word about it?

Unfortunately watching yesterday I found myself echoing Jason,

"... please don't make me listen to any more of this".

I hear ya Jason.

This show IS an asshole. It still boggles my mind that they put Rick Hearst on recurring so that they can focus on these annoying obnoxious angry kids, brought back NL to play a role she is not suited for in a s/l that gives new emphasis to the phrase "I don't give a damn" and threw in Ethan for "fun". Just think folks, we still have Dante and a SORAS'D Molly to look forward to this summer. Whoopie!

As much as I wish a house would land on top of Carly, there is no doubt that LW has fabulous hair! I love the long wavy style, but this short do is oh so cute and perfect for summer weather (although I guess it's pretty much summer weather year round in LA). Whatever, I love it!

You are so right - this show really insults my intelligence. I first thought it hurt my eyes, then thought that it gave me headaches, but really it assumes I am a moron who will believe ANYTHING or, alternatively, need to have the recent "plot twists" or "characterizations" repeated ad nauseum to convince me that they are, indeed, How Things Are Now.

As in Alexis's Kristina? Oh dear.

I've officially been not-watching long enough to not-know who about 1/3 of the characters are. Which kind of illustrates the Guza "Let's piss on legacy characters" mentality perfectly.

Memo to Guza: If you kill off or move to recurring roles all of the characters that I know and love (and/or love to hate) then I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO REASON TO START WATCHING AGAIN BECAUSE I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO EMOTIONAL INVESTMENT IN THESE PEOPLE.

Sorry about the all-caps. But...just...gawd.

Love love love LW's hair. Want to find a good picture and take it my stylist.

Speaking of retread, remember how when NuLuLu was first introduced how they had her being a badass, dad-hatin' spawn? Is that the M.O. of any new teenage female character when they first enter the GH landscape? I seem to remember during the Labine era, Liz began as a gum-smacking badass. Oh, except the show was actually written well then.

This show is an asshole.


WTF...They couldn't even make Rebecca Emily's look alike cousin, Paige does have a sister. These writers really know how to ruin every good thing that ever happened on this show.

"I will say that there is a secret silver lining to this friendship: we can quickly fast forward their scenes without worrying that we're missing anything aside from unintelligible monologues from Nathan Parsons and a disturbing amount of closeups on Natalia Livingston's cleavage. So there's that, at least."

You, like myself, try to make the best out of a bad situation. I said the same thing out loud to my tv last night.

I do have a bone to pick with you, though. Here I am all happy that while you expressing your views on Kristina, I was silently thanking you for not showing a screencap of a child in her underwear trying to come on to Jason. Then I scrolled down a quarter of an inch and there it was. Shame on you, Mallory! I thought I got away from that, but you know what? You mentioned Laura Wright's hair and this is okay with me. All is forgiven. Just drop a warning next time.

Speaking of Kristina, would it kill for her to have the same awesome qualities as her mother??? Having her turn out to be this wild child who blames Alexis for her father's suckiness just screams from the writers that nothing good will come of Sonny not being in a child's life. Here's hoping Molly is tapped with the awesomeness.

I can deal with Guza writing garbage and destroying the show as it is now, but going back and destroying the work of others is just wrong.

Love love Laura Wrights shorter hair for the summer. I think it's perfect.

As much as I don't hate nuKristina I still want little Kali Rodriguez back.

Just read that Lynn Herring, who used to play Lucy Coe on GH, is headed to As The World Turns. She said that GH never called her about returning as Lucy.

It hit me that GH COULD have Ms. Herring, Tristan Rogers, and Genie Francis back if they wanted, but they choose not to. That just blows my mind.

Carley's haircut is great. All women in their 40ies need a haircut. And isn't Ethan on GH the ugliest young man in Soaps? Who does he know to have scored that job?

The "aging "of Michael was bad enough but the "aging" of Kristina really dumb. Last month she was in Kdg.

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