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« Watch Out Victor: Vivian Is Back In Town | Main | It Can't All Be Praise »

July 28, 2009

All I Have Left Are My Lists

Oh...my god.

Claudia:  You think I deserve this, don’t you?
Johnny:  You know that’s not true.
Claudia:  No, you think that this is karma, because I’m responsible for Michael getting shot.
Johnny:  I’m just saying both situations were accidents.
Claudia:  No John, you’re saying this is justice, you’re saying that I’m getting what I deserve because I put the hit out on Sonny and Michael got shot instead.
Johnny:  You’re putting words in my mouth.
Claudia:  I don’t think I am.  I’m allowed to be angry, Johnny.
Johnny:  Not saying that you’re not.
Claudia:  I mean, when this night started, it doesn’t matter who was behind the wheel, Sonny and I had a baby and now we don’t.  Someone’s gonna pay for that.
Johnny:  Michael already paid, Claudia.  He paid with a year of his life because of what we did to him.  Now he’s gone and turned himself into the cops for running you off –
Claudia:  So what!  So what!  I’m supposed to feel sorry for Michael?  He killed my son.
Johnny:  Again, it was an accident.  And if you can’t find any compassion for Michael, just know that he has been punished enough already.
Claudia:  You never wanted me to have this baby to begin with.
Johnny:  I never wanted you to get hurt.  I never wanted you to marry a man who wasn’t going to love you genuinely.  And I’m not saying that everybody’s even now, but I am saying it’s over.  Your baby is gone.  And now the truth about that shooting is going to come out.  It’s bound to.  And there is nothing you can do to stop it.

Things I Find Less Disgusting Than Claudia Zacchara:

  • jumpsuits
  • Baconnaise
  • reality dating shows
  • Sonny
  • clear heels
  • some wars
  • Ed Hardy clothing
  • Limo Sex
  • what I had to scoop into a plastic bag in the park the day after my dog broke into the pantry and ate 14 protein bars

Feel free to add your own entries in the comments.  And though you'll be tempted, please don't add on threats of physical harm to the GH writers.  I'm pretty sure we're already on an FBI watch list thanks to our e-stalking of devotion to Jason Thompson and James Scott.


Oh, you listmakers are good! I've thoroughly enjoyed reading them. But I agree with Caitlin in that Luke cheating on Laura with Holly and creating Ethan is more disgusting than Claudia. That's saying a lot!

Since you listed Baconnaise I will have to amend that one of the grossest things I've ever seen Jon Stewart do on the Daily Show: a sausage wrapped in chocolate chip pancakes (on a stick) dipped into Baconnaise.

Bacon-flavored Vodka (see on The Tonight Show)

Bob Guza's hard-on for Jason

A Naked Spinelli

Maxie talking about how great Spinelli is in bed

I'm sure there are more but I do not wish to think about this anymore. I'm getting queasy enough already.

Things less disgusting than Claudia:

* Dog vomit, licked up by said dog
* The blood sex scene on "True Blood" Sunday
* Children with scuzzy hands
* The sweaty guy at the gym who refuses to wipe down the equipment after using it

I forgot to add Stacy Morasco and her demon spawn, but I think that might be as disgusting as Claudia, not less disgusting.

I'd like to add:

* The fourth hour of the today show
* The bloody tampon that was in the corner of the girl's locker room at my middle school and remained there for TWO WHOLE YEARS!
* Britney and K-Fed's reality show
* Jon Gosselin and his new girlfriend
* VH1 reality shows

James Woods is less disgusting that Claudia Z.

The big wide courderoy bellbottoms from the 1970's

Girls Gone Wild

Imagining Vince giving the "Shamwow" to some hooker.

Kids with glazed donut snot faces.

Discovering that Mr. Rooney from Ferris Bueller's Day Off is a pedophile in real life.



Guys who wear their hats sideways

Robert Pattinson's hair, which looks like the oil hasn't been changed in the last 10,000 miles

Ear wax

Please tell me you're about to write something saying what I'm thinking about Carly.

Michael confesses to causing Claudia's accident, or at the very least having a near collision and leaving the scene.
Carly, who we're supposed to believe is an intelligent, successful business woman, not only refuses to believe her confession because "Michael wouldn't do something like that" but then goes on to accuse Alexis - Michael's confession isn't enough to make him guilty, but just driving on the same road means Alexis is?! Thank God Jax said "and they're innocent?" after she rambled on about the PCPD "persecuting" Sonny and Jason because I was about ready to throw the television out the window!

The most frustrating thing is that of course she's going to be right and Michael will end up being innocent.

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