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« It's Like They Are Begging Me To Make a Joke About This Show Choking | Main | Port Charmless »

July 06, 2009

Too Much Monkey Business

"That," I declared dramatically two minutes into today's episode of All My Children, "is a TERRIBLE idea that makes not one bit of sense." I had barely finished scoffing at the first scene of the show when all of a sudden, there was ANOTHER bizarre, under-written and woefully ill-advised plot. And then ANOTHER.

And then all of a sudden it took Jesse three minutes to get from Pine Valley to Washington D.C. and I realized...the writers totally write scripts on napkins, on the fly, don't they? Because I've given up even entertaining the idea that this group of writers gives their plot-driven messes masquerading as "soap opera storylines" anything more than one moment's thought, and that thought is usually, "so this is going to happen and it will be awesome. How will it happen? Not my problem." I also imagine that they call each other "bro" all the time.


Henry North: intriguing new character; played by an actor who outshines 90% of the cast; has potential to be a long-term villain or the subject of a rehabilitation.

NATURALLY they made him an almost-rapist and then killed him off, setting up what is certain to be a terrible story about coverups and family secrets that will only lead to Frankie whining again, some more. "Can't wait"! At least Kieran Campion and his amazing name are now freed up to do work in a higher quality production such as Barney or street performance art.

Randi panicking over leaving her earring in North's hotel room was amusing because it's not like that's the only link to her in there, since her fingerprints will be on the killer bookend. Along with Madison's. But maybe Madison doesn't have fingerprints, since she is obviously some sort of extraterrestrial who can be in Pine Valley, then jet to DC to kill her husband, and then immediately be back in Pine Valley to make vague hints about killing her husband to Zach.


Kendall goes through the trouble of running away, and then climbing up the fire escape to see Ryan (!!!), who she "needs" (I prefer to read that scene as her saying "I need you" with "...to die" implied at the end, but that's just me), and Ryan, the greatest man who ever lived, promises to keep her secret by...screaming her name the second Erica left the penthouse? She was barely two steps away from the door! Way to go Ryan! You fail at secrets.

(BTW, Erica and Ryan's growing closeness is the most terrible idea in a long line of terrible ideas that I just...I can't talk about it yet. My reaction is something like this


mixed with revulsion)


Adam's new security system, complete with sullen, burly security guards, doesn't seem to be doing a whole lot of good, since people still come in and out as they please and can also refuse to leave the premises if they don't want to (I mean, it is perfectly in character for Erica to ignore their demands, but still). I mean, Kendall is going to trial for Stuart's murder, and she, of all people, waltzes in? Come on, Adam, you're better than that! ...or is he? His faith in Annie is worrisome to me.

Actually, this whole story is worrisome to me, especially since Stuart's murder has pretty much become little more than a new venue for the show to play its time-honored Ryan/Kendall/Zach/Annie foursome. Adam gets a few lines here and there about Stuart being his heart and missing him, but don't you think we are overdue some long David Canary soliloquies about it? I do! And shouldn't more people be searching for Stuart's killer? Ryan and Zach only care about pinning the murder on Annie so that Kendall is off the hook...they don't seem to be at all concerned with bringing Stuart's murderer to justice. Can't JR and Scott do some investigative work? That would be more than a little awesome, which is probably why it won't happen.


My continuing horror at the massive amount of stupidity involved in the "Pillow Pregnancy/Fake Dead Baby" story is old news at this point, but I have to share: lately, whenever I attempt to type the name Liza, I wind up typing Lita, which naturally makes me think of Lita Ford and "Kiss Me Deadly", perhaps the sleaziest song of all time, which makes it the perfect theme song for this version of Liza. I may begin to refer to her as Lita at all times, both to underscore the inherent skankitude in this version of Ms. Colby, and because it will save me the effort of deleting the "t" and substituting the "z". Yes, it takes all of two seconds, but that's like, three times the amount of effort the writers exert, and I don't feel like I should have to work harder than they do!


You are NOT alone, it is NOT just you, I also do the "fortune cookie add on" with that sentence. I need Ryan to die too. In or out of bed, I don't care as long as he is totally dead.

Here is how I feel about Erica + Ryan= Eryan. Uchhh+Evil. The only relief is that they CANNOT reproduce. But since this is AMC I am not sure they won't go there. I mean if Erica can have aborted fetus babies, maybe Pratt still thinks she is fertile.

Totally agree with your perspective...Loved the Office emoticon...but, just one minute detail of error....Zach isn't interested in pinning the Stuart murder on Annie-Zach finds Annie irrelevant....its more like Eyan/Erica/Kendall interested in Annie....

Anytime you use anything from the Office it makes me happy. :)

AMC is just out of control bad right now. I'm not sure exactly when the little bit of control there was slipped away but I think it was somewhere shortly after Stuart's murder.

I'm still bitter about Henry. You get a good actor with an intriguing character? Why yes, kill him. Hell he even had the potential to make RANDI interesting. If she could act.

And they'll probably rush off Madison soon and its the same thing. Can act. Interesting.

I'm still bitter about Henry. You get a good actor with an intriguing character? Why yes, kill him. Hell he even had the potential to make RANDI interesting. If she could act.

And they'll probably rush off Madison soon and its the same thing. Can act. Interesting.

I can't believe that DA North was killed off. Kieran Campion was awesome. In a few short weeks, he gave his character some legitimate layers ... more layers than the writers intended, I suspect. I agree that he would have made a great gray villain or even something more. Sad.

lol at the Michael Scott. That was my reaction when Sonny and Michael were comparing Alexis's parenting skills and character to Sonny's and Carly's "parenting" skills.

I LOVE your take on things. Just one thing though . . . I don't think Zach is looking to pin the murder on Annie . . . Ryan is obsessed with it . . . and not to get Kendall off either . . . just to get her out of HIS life.

I don't know how I am supposed to root for Zach and Kendall (which I do) when Kendall is constantly telling the IDIOT that she needs him. WHY??!!

I NEED to see Kendall focus on Zach and turn to Zach for help . . . not the freakin' savior of PV!!

Perhaps everyone in Pine Valley takes the Chinatown bus to DC, which I know zips down the highway lickety-split, cutting hours of travel time! I watched this episode yesterday with my mouth hanging open. I have no idea why Randi couldn't just have told Jesse that North was bugging her, giving him ammunition against him. But that would have made sense. The last thing this show needs is another ill-conceived murder mystery.

So sick of this Ryan not so merry-go-round-why is it at any given time,(usually the former)love of his life is either suspected of,accused of,or accusing someone, on trial for, or dead by MOIDAH??!!!! Kendall Annie,Gillian,Greenlee-did I miss anyone? Maybe Liza-but didn't she and Lord God Ryan have a one night stand,(which is SUCH a comedown from Adam,in every way I can think of)and she got pregnant,tripped over her clodhoppers and lost the baby?
And for me to think that even JL's NOTLIZA is too good for Ryass is sad,as is the fact that he's been with what seems is practically every woman on the show-I'm waiting for Binx the idiot to return and bang the fool,because once again,with her brain dead logic, she decides that her kids need a another sibling with ties to her and her sister's kids,and she also wants to see what the attraction is,and if she's been missing something and/or maybe then Reese gets in on the action. Anyway,if it winds up that if he has a romance with Erica,forget Zach,this storyline makes this judgemental,hypocritical,fickle jerkwad of a character the equivalent of PV's leading man. Or a manwhore. Or both.

I knew the character of Henry North for all of about 5 minutes, but due to the awesome portrayal by KC, I don't for one second believe he would force himself on Randi. It was a last minute plot point to justify that he should die. I could really see that Henry loved Randi (her being vapid and all).

I'm sorry but Randi took me completely out of the moment with her ridiculously heavy breathing. Denise Vasi does realize she was supposed to act in that scene, doesn't she? As painful as it is to watch her recite her lines, my immediate love for Henry had me wishing she loved Henry too and kicked Frankie the Whiner to the curb. I just can't take this crap anymore.

I totally heard Kendall say "...to die" after she told Ryan she needed him, too. If that makes me insane, I fully embrace the insanity. Then, maybe I could find a rich older man to latch onto, who will cast aside all his friends and family for me, just like Annie. Please Adam, please be the one pulling the strings in this game!

The stupidity of killing off North so quickly is just so epic.

First off, I thought we were all supposed to be worked up over who killed Stuart - you know, the LEGACY character everyone LOVED who died not even six weeks ago. And whose murder was going to 'change everything'.

Dollars to donuts that we never hear about Stuart again - and all of a sudden everyone is consumed with the murder of North, a new character no one knows and no one really liked - except the audience, that is, who all seemed pretty excited about a new guy who could go toe-to-toe with Zach and Kendall.

Heck, I LOVE Zach and Kendall and was thrilled that someone was taking them on. Especially because I got the feeling that North wanted to, er, have his way with Kendall and he and Alicia Minshew were kind of smokin' in an intensely odd way when she was hitting on him and trying to figure him out, with zach's full approval...

Ah, well. More proof that Charles Pratt is truly awful at his job, and we're silly to watch hoping things will get better, I guess.

I have absolutely no interest in seeing The Pine Valley Whinner and Hypocrite(Ryan) hook up with The Surgically Enhanced Most Married Pine Valley Hypocrite (Erica). Getting new batteries for my remote, feel a lot of fast forwarding coming on!

Evidently AMC has adopted a new Open Door Policy: Open the door once, you're in Pine Valley, PA. Open the door twice, you're in Washington DC.

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