Dear Kendall: The Hell Is Wrong With You?

It's not that I object to Kendall reacting to Liza kissing Zach, her co-winner of the Sexiest Couple at the Dance-A-Thon title, by becoming angry and hysterical; I was upset, too, although my distaste was more along the lines of "Stop trying to make Liza happen, writers" while Kendall's was a potent combination of rage, insecurity, jealousy and insanity possibly caused by cabin fever. So I understand why she wanted to haul ass to Fusion to do something to convey how angry and disgusted she was, I just don't understand why she did  it. I do have three theories ("a well-documented history of being territorial", "poor impulse control" and "she's currently being written by a staff of fools"), but none of those possibilities are quite enough to make those scenes anything but crack-addled fuckery.

So, okay, Kendall decides to bolt from her secret room--she did make sure to get neighbors to come and babysit for Ian, which is a plus, although I'm sure they would find it odd that "Rachel" ran out so fast and left Ian alone before they got over there--and rushes to Fusion, blithely ignoring the fact that she, Zach and Jesse could be in a world of hurt if this ridiculous plan was ever found out, hoping to avoid the cameras and hoping that none of the dancers or bystanders or staff or security would notice her. What if a news-channel watching crime buff was there and noticed her, and then caused mass hysteria by screaming, "It's Kendall Hart! Murderer! THERE WAS A JAILBREAK!!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!" 

(Luckily, none of those people actually DID notice her. I hadn't heard anything about the majority of Dance-A-Thon participants coming from a school for the blind, but that's the only explanation!)

...so that she could...confront Zach over his televised kiss? Yes, she got the chance to do this, but Zach was completely unamused, to say the least. Rhett Butler's saying to Scarlett, "I'll put my hands on each side of your head and I'll smash your skull between them like a walnut" came to mind

Bean Liza over the head with another heavy object? I totally understand the urge, and it was hilarious when she did it and I'd love to see it again, but we all know that, frustratingly, Liza is at their house often enough that there is going to be another opportunity soon to bludgeon her again.

Shout "I know I confessed to murder and am supposed to be in jail, but whatever, Liza Colby's a total skeezer!"?

There is NO explanation for this, aside from the aforementioned  "well-documented history of being territorial", "poor impulse control" and "she's currently being written by a staff of fools".  I would like to be able to sit through an episode of this show without (a) falling asleep or (b)wanting to throttle my favorite character. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?

Comments

[Maisie]

I love your column but have never commented before. But "crack-addled fuckery?" Brilliant!!!

[Sarah]

I have been off AMC for a while now. And as much as I love not being subjected to this horrible show, your last few blogs have me Youtubing a bit to see what this new/old horror is like.

And holy crap is it something awful :-( But the worst/most hilarious thing is indeed David dancing!!! Poor Vincent Irizarry, he has NO rhythm or sense of movement at all. Watching him try to "boogie" is like slapstick. Watching him has me wincing and giggling at the same time.

Then there was a preview on the clip for a kiss between Erica and that thong wearing google eyed douche. So, now I am off the Youtube AMC too. At least until your blogs make it too hard to resist taking a peek at the clusterfuck that is AMC ;-)

[Birdie]

Aww, Mallory, I love Kendall too and I had not problem seeing her rush to Fusion/ConFusion because I hoped she'd be able to stop in some way this Dull Marathon. If nothing else, maybe she'd whack Liza again and at this point, Zach deserves a few punches from Kendall as well. Interesting that you reference that Gone With the Wind scene because right after it, Rhett sweeps Scarlett up in his arms and takes her to bed where he ravishes her. Today, when Zach confronted Kendall, I got the same impression he wanted to do the same.