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« How Many Lives To Live Again? | Main | In Which We Turn To Mad Libs To Make Sense Of This Show »

September 14, 2009

Generally Unhospitable

Is it just me, or is EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD irritating today? Maybe it's because a cat decided to entertain the neighborhood last night with an odd mixture of howling, screeching and what sounded like weeping, which led to very few moments of sleep and very many moments fantasizing about pulling a Betty Draper, but I have spent the better part of the day in a constant state of aggravation. This means that I've been doing a lot of pouting and eyerolling about everything, including, but not limited to: Kanye West, the inexplicable media coverage of the Gosselins, the person at the mall who took up two parking spaces, Mike Isabella from Top Chef: Las Vegas (he's even more irksome in repeats), the fifth season premiere of How I Met Your Mother being next week and not tonight like I had originally thought and the cost of gas.

I tried very hard to focus on the positive: it's the beginning of autumn, which always makes me happy, most likely due to the necessity for both cardigans and fall flavored hot lattes! And it almost worked, too, except that I turned on General Hospital and, within minutes, was confronted with something that makes me feel dirty and ashamed.

Nikolas: Perhaps Ethan feels you should stay here at the hospital with Edward.
Ethan: That happens to be true. But Ethan can speak for himself.

I actually rooted for Ethan in a situation. Yes, it was half-hearted rooting, since Nikolas is awful these days, but I rooted for him nonetheless. Please don't shun me!

That was an omen of things to come. OBNOXIOUS things to come.




My love for Liz is well-documented, but it is so hard sometimes to watch her without actively wishing for someone, even a nameless extra, to walk onscreen and throttle her, shouting "Are you for real, woman? What the hell is wrong with you?" and exiting, hopefully having knocked some sense into her.  

Elizabeth: Yeah, i know. It's a problem. But the love, the insanely romantic, swept away by passion kind of love just isn't... It's not there anymore. But it is for him. And I just want him to be happy, so maybe I should marry him.

I cannot believe that she had such a ridiculous idea, decided to verbalize it and then made it through the sentence without choking on her words or bursting into laughter at how patently insane it is. 

Look, I am a people pleaser (I know that is shocking, considering my often sour disposition, but it's true!), and I realize that it's easy to just do things to make someone else happy, but marriage is not one of those things!

And it's especially maddening that Lucky asked her, point-blank, how she felt.

Lucky: Elizabeth, you know how I feel about you. Unless you don't feel the same way about me. Elizabeth, if you don't love me, just...I just need to hear you say it.

She didn't even awkwardly change the subject or feign a coughing fit to get out of the conversation! No, she said:

Elizabeth: Lucky... Never question my love for you. You're my first love, my kids' father. You have been my anchor since we were teenagers. My life doesn't make sense without you in it.


And yes, if Lucky were at all perceptive, he would realize that her darting eyes and panicked face and the way she kept grasping at past transgressions to prove why this is a terrible idea meant that she wasn't on board with this, but...it's Lucky "I'm Bob Guza's lobotomized whipping boy" Spencer, here! He's not so good with subtext. He sometimes needs to be spoken to slowly, with short words.  

Elizabeth: Ok, Lucky. I am so honored that you want to marry me, and I want to give your proposal the thoughtful consideration it deserves.

"And I'm going to do that at Wyndemere. With Nikolas. Naked".



Nikolas: I absolutely need to hear you say it. We need to be honest with each other, if with no one else.

(Yes, GOD FORBID you be honest with anyone else, like YOUR BROTHER.)

Elizabeth: All right, fine. It's you. I don't know how this happened, I don't know how our friendship turned into something more, but ever since that first night you kissed me in Jake's, I have thought about being with you.
Nikolas: Thought about it? Or wanted it?
Elizabeth: This is wrong.
Nikolas: Don't you think I know that? Don't you think i've fought it every bit as hard as you have? I can't do it anymore. I want you

Just...ugh. Between this and his bizarre revenge on Rebecca ("I'm going to shower her with nice treatment and make her feel like Emily, and then she'll be hurt when she realizes she's not Emily! Mwahahah! I'm diabolical". Leave the plotting to the Cassadines who aren't halfwits, dude), and the constant neglect of Spencer (at least when Spencer was played by a middle-aged actor, you could make the argument that he's self sufficient and had learned to deal with having a physically and emotionally distant father, but he's a child again!), I'm more over Nikolas than I've been in a long time.


Actually, Spinelli and Jason had one of the more touching moments of the episode, when Jason admitted to Spinelli that he couldn't live with himself if Spinelli got killed:

Jason: No, you can't object. You almost died tonight, from what, delivering paperwork? Are you serious? How could i even live with myself? I depend on having you around. Ok? Not because of all the stuff you do or the tech stuff. You're my friend. You're like a brother to me. Ok? I try to protect my family, not put them in the line of fire. This has to end tonight. Are we clear?


If only there were some way Jason could be sure his family would never be in danger! What could it be, what could it be? Yes, the fact that Jason's problem is entirely of his own making makes it slightly less sweet, but I am grasping at straws for something positive about this show, okay?

But the Spinelli speak is killing me. Johnny is dying, Claudia and Jason are nervous wrecks, and he STILL uses the cumbersome nicknames. I thought he spoke English when he's agitated?



Claudia: Why are you just standing there telling me this? If Johnny dies, I have nothing, do you hear me? I have nothing. And this entire town will feel my pain.

OMFG, enough with your empty threats, you stupid cow. This is me quaking in my boots at your 95th vow of revenge this year, a vow of revenge that will blow up in your face like every other half-baked plan you have ever had


There WERE a handful of non-obnoxious moments. But only a small handful.

  • Johnny would like Spinelli to tell Olivia that he loves her!


I hope that having a hot boy in love with her makes Olivia wise up and realize that she doesn't need to moon over Sonny. The fact that this show is General Hospital and not a show with good writing makes that unlikely, but still, I can dream!

  • Lucky's facial expression upon finding Ethan at his door


He was in no mood! I wouldn't be, either, if my hated half-brother showed up wearing that hair don't. 

  • Foreigner once mused that they want to know what love is and requested that they be shown the answer. Well, here it is, Foreigner! Here is love!




Love is Bruce Weitz chewing scenery like he's been told he'll be set on fire if he doesn't give the hammiest performance in the history of television! He's completely ridiculous in such an epic manner that it makes me completely gleeful. It's like he's the only person in on the joke that is GH.

Screencaps courtesy of LaurieLuvsLiason


Sweetheart, I know you love Liz, but in my world, she has always been obnoxious

Anthony Zacchara always knows how to put a smile on my face :)

Mallory... thank you. You perfectly encapsulated all that I find distressing, obnoxious, aggravating, infuriating, disgusting, and just plain stupid about this Nikolas/Liz/Lucky debacle. Liz is being a complete moron. I don't understand why she, for all her preaching about "being honest" with Lucky and "learning from her mistakes," keeps doing the same freaking thing to Lucky. She clearly doesn't want to marry him, so why does she keep pretending like she does? Because she doesn't want to hurt Lucky? Granted, that reason is only slightly better than my favorite, "because Lucky will go back to popping pain pills if I don't," but this logic makes no sense. Isn't Lucky going to be just as upset and devastated when he realizes, yet again, that Liz married him out of obligation and not because she really wanted to? Or when he finds out that after proposing to her, she went and had sex with Nikolas? If there's one thing that bugs me about Guza's writing (and believe me, there is a long list of things), it is that his characters never learn from their mistakes. They just keep making them. Over. And over. Again. Kind of like Guza himself, but I digress.

As far as Nikolas, I have liked Nikolas for years now. I wavered somewhat in the summer/fall of 2005, when being a total tool seemed to be the popular consensus for all GH men not named Lucky Spencer, but he redeemed himself. But this... this is killing my love for him all over again. Theoretically, I understand how this lusting after his brother's girl thing could be considered "soapy," but that would require either some sort of buildup of a relationship between Liz and Nikolas, or some sort of argument or bad blood between Nikolas and Lucky that would have doing this out of revenge (and that revenge would also make slightly more sense than his current plot to get revenge on Rebecca. Don't even get me started on that). Except... there's been none of that. Drunken kisses and "lustful" glances between Nik and Liz does not constitute buildup - that would require dialogue and actual plot development, something the GH creative team seems completely inept at. Nikolas is just willingly and eagerly shitting all over his brother just for a roll in the hay with Liz, and it sickens me. Lucky does not deserve this, no matter how dense the writing staff tries to make him out to be. It is my theory that Guza is somehow threatened by Lucky Spencer, realizes that he, despite being a fictional character, is a far better human being than Guza himself could ever be, and therefore does everything he can to make him look like a fool. Well, not this time. The only ones who will end up looking foolish in all of this are Liz and Nik, and they will deserve every last drop of comeuppance they receive. I have no sympathy for either one of them.

Sorry for the super long and super ranty post. This has just been driving me nuts, and I needed to vent. Thanks, as always, for the humorous and enjoyable post, and for continuing to take one for the team.

What I can't figure out is what they want from us with this Liz/Nik thing. First of all, no one's "fought it" because it came from out of nowhere. Also, it's gross. Also, her alternative is the hottest man alive. Also, it's nothing new since Nik has always wanted other men's women (so right now he's juggling his half-brother's woman with his half-brother's half-brother's woman). Also, she's looking weird lately -- puffier with pointy eyebrows and it makes her look like EvilLiz. Evilabeth? Oh whatever, I'm bad at the name stuff. I have loved her for over a decade and this is the last straw. And Nikolas had an affair and child with Courtney (COURTNEY!!) and left his wife b/c she didn't want to get busy a month after being raped by his doppelganger, so he's not relevant as far as character assassination.

The two good things today were Bruce Weitz and also Olivia actually acknowledging it wouldn't be the end of the world if Sonny went to prison since he brought it on himself.

"It's like he's the only person in on the joke that is GH." PERFECT! GH is a joke!

In my rage I guess I never really finished my point about what's expected of us with this Liz/Nik thing. If they're trying to sicken/anger us, if they WANT us to be deeply opposed to this, then this is stellar writing. But I find that hard to believe. Even a fourth-grader would know that to get someone behind this "forbidden" couple, some effort has to have been made on the part of the participants. One of them can't publicly be running a scam on another woman (that the forbidden-fruit gal KNOWS about, and that involves regular sex). Trying not to HURT someone else who you no longer love is why people usually have affairs. Not while they're trying TO hurt someone else who you no longer love. I mean... huh?


Liz/Nik.......no words........something that never happens to me! All in all the show is ok........for me, Loving JaSam/Stelly. Love in the afternoon with a side of hotness!

thank you Hillary and louise for pointing out the HUGE GAPING HOLES in this entire Nik/Liz thing. There was no build up. Heck even today's dialogue was a retcon beacause after said kiss in Jake's...Liz immediately freaked out that Lucky almost slept wiht Rebecca because he saw her with Nik and Nik immediately went to making out with Rebecca and almost sleeping with her. Yeah I saw them "longing" and "fighting" this out of nowhere attraction. And really...given the blowback that hit the show when they went with "Ethan is God and Lucky is poo on the bottom of you shoe" route....that EVERY magazine and blog commented on....THIS is the route they decided to go with? THE EXACT SAME THING THEY DID TO HIM WIHT JASON? (that didn't work and actually grew his fanbase because people eventually DID see through that crappy attempted AJ-ificiation?)

plus can someone explain what the crickey fuck is Nik's grand dark Cassadine plan...it seems to be date and dump her....look maybe if a majority of MY exes ended up in the cemetary I would think it's wonderful plan as well....but huh? He's going to "expose her"? TO WHO? His family runs the hospital. The Qs know. He knows. His family knows. Who is he going to expose her to? Spinelli?

I'm ready for someone to wake up so we can find out that the last 5 (or 10!) years have been a bad dream...then we could go back to stories about people we care about and that honor the history of the show...oh what am I saying....this crapfest will continue until they finally get the show cancelled. Liz & Nik..it is just disgusting.

Beth R., you read my mind -- I was JUST thinking, "Gosh, so all my ex-boyfriends were all scamming me? They dated me and treated me well and then stopped treating me well and dumped me to EXPOSE me? Wow! That explains so much!"

I hated what Liz did to Lucky last time around, but her reasoning made more sense. Liz and the idea of the baby were basically giving him a reason to live and stay off drugs (and he'd been at rock bottom for a while and really on the edge of death). It doesn't justify what she did, but at least you could find it plausible. Now she and Lucky aren't married, aren't even seriously dating yet, and he's SO far from rock bottom.

And I wish I could follow that up with JUST TELL HIM. But I just want this whole thing to not be true b/c she and Nik are so gross together.

Only on GH would a guy as hot and sweet as Lucky be second fiddle so much. Especially to the overly bloated Nik and Jason. Sure he's not very smart at times, but LOOK AT HIM!

In the same vein, Johnny is clearly not as hot as Lucky, but he's sweet, smart and often acts on his threats. Which puts him one up over Sonny. Why would Olivia even consider Sonny in this equation?

Now, now...we must give points to Claudia for smacking the crap out of Spinelli. I didn't dream it, did I?

If the writers would have actually taken the TIME to write a believable story for this Liz/Nik mess, it may have been acceptable. This "microwave" romance is just unbelievable.

Liz had the chance today to lay it on the line for Lucky, but she chose to sugarcoat it instead. Liz looks stupid and Nik just looks like a traitor to his brother. They both have reached to the level of whorish behaviour that you expect from Sonny and Carly.

I know we probably won't get it, but I would love for the writers to give Lucky some awesome dialogue when this mess comes out. He don't have to play it over the top, just set these two straight and move on with his life. He deserves that much.

I admit I kinda want to smack Spinelli, but I wouldn't actually do it! And I KNOW I am a fan and Spinelli is just an annoying character played by a great actor. HOWEVER. I loathe the times when Sonny threatens and shoves Spinelli around, talk about plain old wrong. Beating up a kid? SICKO!!!! SO when Claudia slapped him today I wanted to beat the crap out of her, no shit. We get it Guza, mobbies are big strong and in charge & Spinelli is your goofy sidekick you like to see kicked. Gross.

Plus Claudia lecturing and threatening her father, LOOK IN A MIRROR YOU CRAZY USELESS EVIL BITCH. I cannot stomach her at all. At least he doesn't specifically target revenge on children like you do Claudia! OMG, she's more evil than he is, and yet Guza thinks this makes us love and want even more of her?

But by far the worst thing today on GH was Dante. I knew it was coming, I warned everyone not to get too attached to good cop Dante.... Today was the beginning of the end for the Dante I could have loved. His admitted softening to Sonny and his whole tribe just turned my stomach. If it ended here it would be fine, but we know in Guzaland that Dante will eventually leave the force to be a mobster just like Daddy. Another mob apologist, what a shock, NOT.

OMG! Loved the Betty Draper reference. How unreal yet real was that birth? Mad Men is fantastic.

Oh man I love this blog. Mainly because you never fail to post about Bruce Weitz when I'm in need of a good hearty laugh :)

I am a big, big Liz fan but I can't even begin to defend this crap with Liz and Nikolas. Every time I see Lucky declaring his undying love for her I swear I am throwing pillows at the TV and yelling RUN FOREST RUN!!! I hate this freaking show.

I agree with you up to the point that Nik and Liz should not be together. Because if they are not paired...then who would be her pairing? Lucky? That is the worst kind of death to her character.

Besides, the two brothers in love with the same woman story line is the best kind of soapy goodness EVER!

One thing you did not mention is the fact that Claudia hauled off and slapped Spinelli. I was really really NOT happy about that and wished that would have been Jason's entrance so he could catch her arm before the hit landed its mark and then gave his most lethal Stone Cold stare and told her "I don't care that you are Sonny's wife...I will kill you if you ever lay a hand on someone under my protection"

And Johnny practically telling Jason that his sister is a huge threat...I so fell in love with Johnny Zacharra all over again. Not for the I love Olivia thing cause really...has he not come off as a big puss lately just accepting that she's caught all over Sonny so often? So yeah...either he needs to find those cahoneys and man up, telling Olivia "me or him but no waffling back and forth" or he needs paired with someone else.

Ethan and his hair....ugh...

Bruce Weitz...so much love I can't contain it. GH put that man back on contract and quick!!!

And with that, you could then release the wonderful, fabulous, talented Sarah Joy Brown from this horrid Claudia character. Not release as in let go...release as in do a wonderful storyline with her and Maurice Benard and Bruce Weitz and Brandon Barash to bring an awareness to the audience why she is the way she is. Have Sonny be the person wanting to help her while AZ is the one wanting the secrets kept. Let Claudia and Sonny really fall in love during this time. Let Sonny find out her secrets somehow (A secret child from Trevor Lansing? Incest and sex abuse? Father selling daughter for sexual favors to his powerful mobster allies?) And let Johnny be the go between who has his own side storyline trying to cope with the fact that he always knew something was wrong but never knew exactly what it was and his guilt even though he was too young for not being able to save and protect her. Maybe that could tie in with Michael and Kristina's storyline regarding Keifer. Just a thought.

That story...with those actors...if written properly (which I know is asking way too much) could bring the emmy in several categories. Lead actor, Lead actress, supporting actor, younger actor, writing, best show. Regardless...it could easily bring back the former GH viewers and their ratings.

But again...I strayed way off topic here. My final statement is this...Niz is okey dokey with me because I don't like my other options at this point.


Given that every time Liz beds someone other than Lucky she gets pregnant maybe diddling the Prince wasnt a good idea ... and this is such an annoying FASTFORWARDABLE rehash of Liz/Lucky's LAST marriage ... she slept w/Jason and then married Lucky and pretended the baby was his ... will the third time be the wedding that 'takes'? I dont think so.

So how long is it going to take for Liz to get pissed off at Nik for leaving the toilet seat up, or something, and storm up 2300 flights of stairs during a blizzard so she can tell Lucky she had "nowhere else to go?" Then how long is it going to take for her to try to pass the inevitable ONS baby off as Nik's when it's really Lucky's? Given the speed of this so-called love affair, I give it a week. Liz and Nik blow.

At any rate I think we can all agree that any storyline that causes me for one second to AGREE WITH JASON MORGAN and experience the same feelings as JASON MORGAN...who you all remember I hate....IS A BAD THING. VERY VERY BAD.

In fairness, this is actually nothing like Liz's first big indiscretion against Lucky. Liz had caught her husband having sex with his semi-cousin AGAIN, knowing that it had happened many, MANY times and he'd been lying to her repeatedly for months and was also using drugs around her son. So she had rebound/comfort sex with an old friend/flame (and he was basically doing the same thing) thinking her marriage was over (rightfully). And they used protection. What this *led* to is another story altogether, but the event itself -- well, it wasn't like this. She was hardly being a monster in that situation. That was human.

What she's doing NOW, however, there is absolutely no defense or justification for. It's inhuman. She's gross, Nik is gross, they're both gross gross gross. (And yes, the grossness is making me inarticulate.) They're just bad people. Bad, poorly-written people.

What Louise said.

And also, I love Becky Herbst. I think she's gorgeous and I have loved Liz for years. And I think she's made every pairing or relationship or ONS she's been in shine.

But not this time.

I do NOT love Tyler Christopher. For years now, I've found Nik just . . .ick (he was better his first time on the show. since he came back? not so much).

And at this point, he makes Liz just unwatchable for me.

Also also, I resent that they seem to expect me to be all "OMG SEXY YAY!" with respect to these stories. . . . when ultimately that means nothing to me if the characters and stories are written in big old WTF-ese.

Stupid, stupid show.

How many times do we have to watch Liz kick Lucky in the balls? I mean....SERIOUSLY.

Elizabeth and Nikolas used a condom, right...?

Whoa, way to much criticism of Nikolas & Elizabeth its like you protest too much.

In a town where siblings Kristina & Molly are "first cousins" as well and older sissy Sam actually slept with Mollys father and where 3 of Sonnys 4 kids are from different mothers, two of them he never married, and one kid that was stolen from AJ and Carly dragged Michael around from one daddy to the next, two of them brothers, while racking up more money as she climbed the paternity ladder! It seems petty to condemn Nikolas & Elizabeth because it appears there is definately something in the PC water! (RME)

Nik & Liz have a ton of chemistry, a ton of history and a ton of "sudden" lust & passion for each other and thats a hell of lot better then the normal dregs of this show and much more interesting than a L&L2 rerun or the "Scam vs Scam" thingy going on with Nikolas against Rebecca.

The Lucky angle is troubling but basically GH has already "replaced" Lucky as Lukes kid, so either way the Lucksters days are numbered and I'd rather it was Nikolas & Elizabeth that drives him away then Lukes newbie toothy son Ethan.

Until this POS show is cancelled, or TC leaves the show, I'm *IN* with NIZ.


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